


A SaiDa Fanfic: Blue

by minatosatang



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Jeon Somi - Freeform, Mental Health Issues, Minor Character Death, Minor Chou Tzuyu/Son Chaeyoung, Minor Hirai Momo/Myoui Mina, Minor Im Nayeon/Yoo Jeongyeon, park jihyo - Freeform, twice
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-18
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-11-23 21:25:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 101,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18157217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minatosatang/pseuds/minatosatang
Summary: A lot of people know and admire Kim Dahyun of TWICE, currently one of the biggest girl groups of Korea, in front of the camera, she is known as one of the most cheerful member.Kim Dahyun has a sunny disposition and a positive aura surrounding her whenever she’s in front of the spotlight, always working hard and putting her best foot forward. She has a lovely smile and a great personality that made their fans love and adore her.But it isn’t always as it is.When the lights and cameras are off and the curtains are drawn, this same girl battles with herself. She was used to fighting alone; she would even say she’s good at it. Until someone else in her life came to show her that this shouldn’t always be the case.





	1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER ONE - BEGINNING**

Dahyun stirred awake from her sleep when she heard their alarm blaring inside the room she shared with her two best friends. She did not open her eyes immediately, not until she felt someone poking her, she knew that it’s Chaeyoung trying to get her up.

Once out of bed, Dahyun lets out a deep sigh. _Here we go again_ , the young artist thought. It’s not that she wants to quit her job or anything, she just wanted a break. They just finished their tour and today they’re going to have a photoshoot for this magazine and go to the meeting for their new album. They’re at the peak of their career; it’s mental to stop now. But she’s just human. It gets overwhelming.

Truth is, Dahyun has been struggling; more so now than before. In the past years since debuting in TWICE, she had been able to enjoy, feel happiness and not think about this certain feeling that’s eating away at her. She has no idea why it’s coming back, she was better. Hell, she was her best self. But recently, she’s been feeling... nothing. She didn’t even recognize it, she thought it was just because of so much exhaustion from their constant work load. Not until her band mates pointed it out one day when they were relaxing inside the comfort of their own dorm that she just wasn’t herself the past weeks.

“Dahyun, what’s up?“ Jeongyeon asked one morning while the younger girl was eating her cereal.

”Huh?” Dahyun looked up from the kitchen stool.

“Are you okay? You’ve been spacing out a lot lately,“ the older girl pointed out. Dahyun doesn’t know what to say. Has she really?

There was just silence until Jeongyeon smiled at her warmly and bent down to drape an arm around her shoulders. “You know you can talk to us if something’s bothering you, right? I just wanted to tell you that. Go on and finish your breakfast, you’re the next one to shower after me,“ Jeongyeon informed her as she slightly rumpled her still messy hair before going inside the bathroom Mina just emerged from.

Dahyun let out another sigh from the memory. Since then, after Jeongyeon and the others pointed it out, it became more apparent for her — she started to notice it herself, but she always shrugged it off and continued to work. She maintained her bright disposition as much as she could, both when they’re TWICE and when they’re just in their own space, being regular friends. She doesn’t want it to interfere with her life anymore, her thoughts, they can be really dark sometimes and during those occurrences, she feels like drowning.

_There’s nothing wrong, everything is completely fine. It’s okay. She’s okay._

That’s what she keeps on telling herself but there’s this faint voice inside her head telling her that it’s not, that she isn’t.

Dahyun once again let out an exasperated sigh when her mind immediately wandered off to a certain Korean-Canadian girl who always made her feel better at times like this; when some days are just harder than others. But once again, she pushed the thoughts aside, reminding herself that it has been years since they were together. Maybe she just misses her and the sense of safety that she can make her feel.

Sometimes being in the center of the spotlight is not as extravagant as it is. There are times that it’s more draining and exhausting than fascinating. But she keeps on going, for her family, her best friends in the whole world who happens to be her band mates as well and her fans. She loves her fans more dearly than she can express and she wants to continue on being her best self and make them even more happy and proud of her.

So with one deep breath, she opened the door of their room to follow Tzuyu and Chaeyoung who went to the kitchen to have breakfast.

_It’s another day. And I’m okay._

She told herself as she greeted her best friends good morning.

—

“It’s time for the group shots, girls!“ Their photographer called.

It’s been 3 hours since they began the shoot, and this is the last of it since they started with the individual takes. They’re posing for a sports apparel brand, from shoes to shirts to helmets, they’re basically models right now. As Dahyun pursed her lips to emanate some kind of swag while showing the logo of her jersey, she felt two arms wrap around her waist and a kiss on her cheek as the camera flashes.

_Sana._

Dahyun looked at her for a moment and smiled at her before continuing her poses with as much appeal as she can conjure. They did a couple more until the photos satisfied them and it was a wrap. The girls changed to their normal clothes and all went to the van that will take them to the company.

Dahyun sat on the back by the window when they got in. She loves sitting by the window, she loves looking at everything their car passes by; the people going on their day, the establishments. It reminded the Korean about the bigger things that surrounds her. Sometimes she forgets that the world is a vast place when you’re so focused on your own and watching something as simple as these things makes her feel attached in her life.

From the window of the car, the Korean smiled softy and turned her head when she heard a familiar voice beside her.

“Dahyunnie,“ Sana called as she sat beside Dahyun.

“Good morning, Dahyunnie!“ Sana had always been like this, energetic and lively, a trait she could usually match.

“Good morning,“ she greeted back while giving her a goofy yet tired smile.

Sana frowned before she asked, “Why did you seem upset earlier during the shoot?“

If she didn’t know the Japanese, she would say that her eyes look innocent at the moment while looking at her.

“I did?“ Dahyun asked, raising her eyebrows in curiosity. She actually didn’t notice if she were.

“Yeah,“ Sana replied as her own eyebrows started to form a little crease, however her eyes remained as gentle. “When we were doing the solo shoots and we were teasing Nayeon that she looked like Judy Hopps, you were just sitting there having this look in your eyes. I don’t like that look,“ the older girl pointed out.

“Is there something wrong?“ The Japanese asked, voice laced with pure concern. Dahyun’s heart softened at Sana’s words and smiled at her.

True, Sana is a flirt with everyone, likes playing games a lot and making fun of the other members by being touchy. But when Sana is with Dahyun especially in similar moments like this when she thinks that Dahyun is hurt or sick or just simply that something is bothering her, a caring side of Sana comes out. Not that it’s exclusively saved for Dahyun, of course she cares a lot for the others as well, but with the Korean, they always had this protective bond with each other. Dahyun knows this and she’s grateful for having a friend and a member as attentive as Sana.

“M’just tired. I really wanted to rest.“ Dahyun gave her a simple answer, an answer she thinks is the truth and smiled at the Japanese.

Sana felt something odd is going on with Dahyun but decided to let it go. Even she can admit that their lifestyle can be really unhealthy sometimes, so she just resorted to putting her arm around Dahyun’s shoulders, pulling her closer, while using the other to guide her head to rest on her chest.

“Here, you can sleep for a while,“ she declared when they got in a comfortable position before the van started to move.

They have minutes to spare before the meeting and she wanted Dahyun well rested before it starts. The Korean mumbled a quiet ’thank you’ before closing her eyes. Sana smiled and leaned down to place a kiss on Dahyun’s forehead, looking out of the car window after the little gesture.

It didn’t take long until she noticed Dahyun started to breathe in regular patterns. _God, she must be really tired._ Sana thought, but felt her own eyelids getting heavy as well. She stroked Dahyun’s hair and placed those that covered her face behind her ear, giving the Korean one last kiss on the head; she decided to make good use of the travel and also took a nap.

—

Dahyun almost flinched when she felt a warm hand enclosing hers under the oak desk inside JYP’s meeting room, when she looked up, she noticed that everyone is staring at her but she has no idea why. She frowned a little bit when she saw Jihyo’s mouth forming a small ’o’ and Momo looking at her as if she’s a weird jokbal. She just doesn’t know why they were all looking at her. Then she shifted her attention to the person whose hand is still clasping hers and of course, it belonged to Sana.

Turning to look at the Japanese, Sana understood immediately and leaned forward to whisper in her ear. “They were asking if you wanted to help with the music production or writing the lyrics for the next album,“ Sana informed her helpfully.

“Uh, the production,“ she muttered as she turned her head to her band mates and the producers involved in the meeting. Their manager stared at her for no longer than three seconds, clearly wondering where the hell was her mind at, before turning again to the other members asking them the same thing.

It was such an important question and also a huge opportunity to be more involved in the processing of their next album, it means that they will have more of a say on what they wanted to show their fans and what they wanted to express and communicate through their music as artists.

Dahyun sighed; she’s tired of spacing out. How can she do that in the middle of an important meeting?

Clearly irritated with herself, she started breathing heavily. Why is she so unfocused today? Why do her thoughts keep on going blank? Why the hell is she so upset over nothing?

Before Dahyun can completely submerge herself with such negative thinking, she felt the warm hand again squeezing hers. As she looked up, she saw Sana smiling the way wherein she would close then open her eyes trying to be cute before pouting.

Dahyun sighed, her heart, warming more because of the subtle effort from the Japanese to make her feel better. Sana surely caught on her brewing foul mood. That act always made Dahyun smile whenever the Japanese does it, she’s not even trying to be cute because she already is. But if you ask her, cute is an understatement if she were to describe her friend.

Thankful, Dahyun returned the smile before intertwining their hands together under the table as they started to have a little staring contest. If it weren’t for the professional nature of this meeting, she knows that Sana would be all over her. The Japanese is just that touchy, to everyone, but somehow even more so with her.

When Sana started to be unbelievably affectionate, at first she was uncomfortable, always dodging her advances but it only made Sana more persistent. That girl lives for the teasing; kissing her out of nowhere during vlives, fan signings, practice breaks and events when they aren’t performing and when the cameras are not pointed at them, hugging her from behind all of a sudden, joking that she’s cheating on her or that she just doesn’t want to admit that she actually likes her. Dahyun got used to it all that one day, she found herself reciprocating her flirting; it became somehow comforting if you ask her. But that’s that. They’re affectionate friends.

Dahyun is well aware of the countless videos ONCEs have made of her and Sana together — shipping them in a romantic way — but honestly, she doesn’t think of Sana like that. She has fully functional senses, she knows that Sana is breathtaking in every way, and surely, whoever catches Sana’s heart would be lucky and blessed as hell, but really, they’re friends. Besides, admit it or not, Dahyun doesn’t trust the Japanese that much when it comes to relationships. She flirts with everything that moves and Dahyun is no more special than that.

_She isn’t special to anyone. She’s just simply not special._

Dahyun doesn’t believe in things like that anymore. She knows the reality that people can just drop you whenever they want to. It was torture the first time, unbearable the second. She promised herself that she won’t risk it again because she genuinely thinks that a heart can only be broken to such lengths until it gives up from too much pain. She barely got alive the second time; it would be death to go for a third. She’s not going to give her heart, not now and not ever. Heck, she doesn’t even think that she’s gotten over the second one. She is actually scared of her heartbreaks piling up until she just stops existing because the pain has taken over her.

But she wouldn’t let that happen. She wants to be better. She does. She is. And she will keep on doing just that.

With a new resolve to focus more on what’s happening in front of her and their upcoming schedules, Dahyun took one deep breath as she and Sana both looked away from each other to participate in the meeting once more.

_Dahyun tried. She really did._

 


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER TWO – THINK LESS, FEEL MORE**

It’s been a month since they started working on the album. But even then, they still had other obligations they had to attend to in between. A couple of shoots here and there, magazine interviews, and TV show guesting. Considering that they go straight to the studio afterwards to continue working on their music, they just can’t seem to have any downtime. Today is no exception. They had to get up really early to tape for a morning show, immediately when it ended, they all went straight to the studio.

Everyone has been working their butts off for this album, Dahyun can see that. Chaeyoung, Tzuyu and Sana on writing some lyrics; of course, Jihyo, Nayeon and Jeongyeon are testing different musical rhythms, playing out random vocal tones, acquiring different and better results each time; Momo and Mina are discussing possible dance steps for fun while somehow managing to pitch ideas to the other members. They are all working hard despite the lack of break. And here she is, still staring at her keyboard for the last three hours, unable to come up with anything decent.

Dahyun began to get annoyed, mainly because of herself. She feels useless and brainless. She is exerting as much effort as the others, but she comes up empty handed each time.

What is wrong with her? Why can’t she do anything right?

Pressing a few notes on the keyboard in front of her, she soon grew more irritated by the second and suddenly hit multiple keys at once, the instrument sounded loudly that shifted the attention of the others towards her. It’s a good thing that it’s only the nine of them in the studio today or else more people would realize how incompetent she is.

Does she still even deserve to be in this group?

Mina approached her because of this, putting a hand on her shoulder. ”Hey, are you okay?“ Dahyun knew the youngest Japanese is just worried when she asked, but something is terribly wrong with her today.

Unable to control herself, she bit off a cold, “Yeah.“

Dahyun shrugged the hand away from her shoulder, not taking her glance away from the keyboard. She can only imagine Mina’s face and wanted to apologize as soon as she felt the dancer step back, but her temper is taking the best of her right now.

_She isn’t like this. She’s not this._

“Dubu, relax.“ She frowned upon hearing Tzuyu not far away from her. Still, her gaze remained trained to the instrument in front of her.

For some reason, the attention she got from her two members caused Dahyun to grow more infuriated with everything. They need to stop talking because she really can’t hear herself right now. When she heard Nayeon making a joke, it was some sort of cue for her to snap. “Don’t push yourself, your keyboard will not go anywhere you know?“

Dahyun’s head slowly turned to face their oldest member. ”If you just mind your own damn business, then my keyboard and I might be getting somewhere now. Don’t you think?“ She spat back, anger laced in her voice. She recognized Jeongyeon frowning beside a shocked Nayeon, probably due to her cursing.

_She was never like this - ever._

Dahyun is surprised as well with her sudden blow and the way she’s acting, she wanted to slap herself right now, but it’s as if her body has a mind of its own completely separated from hers.

“Dude,” Chaeyoung chimed in.  “Can you please chill?“ It was a simple attempt of the main rapper to calm her down, but in her ears, it sounded provocative that made something inside her snap.

She got up from her seat with force that the swivel chair she was sitting on slid to the center of the room. She doesn’t know why but her body is reacting on its own, all she knows is that she sees black. She vaguely noticed the startled looks on her friends’ faces as she continued to make her way to Chaeyoung who’s looking at her as if she’s grown another head.

She heard a voice calling her name, maybe it’s Jihyo, but her mind is blank to even process it anymore. She just kept on walking towards Chaeyoung until she felt familiar arms enclosing her frame, and before she knew it, her head is buried on the crook of Sana’s neck.

Taking in Sana’s scent, it immediately released her from the kind of crazy trance she was in enough to realize that Sana is holding onto her hand that is forming a fist. Dahyun was instantly horrified when she regained back her normal senses.

_What the hell?_

She felt like she was being choked, she can’t breathe, so she stepped back from Sana before turning on her heels to leave.

“I’m going out,“ Dahyun announced. She kept her head down, not glancing back at anyone as she quickly retreated out of the room. Once outside, she released a deep breath she didn’t even know she was holding. The hallway is quiet and empty, the studio is a sound proofed room so if her members are talking about how pissed they are at her, she hasn’t a way of knowing.

Drowning with multitude of thoughts, she found herself making her way to the rooftop of the building, hoping to clear her head. The Korean sighed and looked at her palm, her fingernails almost created crescent-shaped cuts from how tight she must have been closing her fist.

_What was she thinking? Was she about to hit Chaeng?_

Dahyun suddenly felt really hot, she felt anger bubble up inside her chest faster than she can process and contain. And perhaps because of this — combined with regret and embarrassment of how she acted and hell, what she might’ve done in there if it weren’t for Sana stepping up — she found herself hitting the wall until she saw red and yet even with all the different emotions that made it impossible to breathe, part of her still doesn’t feel anything.

_Will she ever feel something again?_

Dahyun would have kept on hitting, maybe until her bones break, if it weren’t for the familiar arms pushing her away from the wall, she’s certain that she would have.

“Ya! What do you think you’re doing? Are you out of your mind!“ Sana yelled pointing at the bloody wall. Dahyun just stood there paralyzed, unable to look at the Japanese.

“Answer me!“ Sana shouted with anger. Dahyun flinched from the force of Sana’s voice, the whole time she’s known the Japanese, she has never seen her _this_ mad.

Sana is like a ball of sunshine and positivity, she’s best in controlling her emotions and stress out of all of them. When everyone’s mood is beginning to worsen, Sana has always been there to cheer them up. And to see her riled up because of her doing, Dahyun realized that she must really be an idiot.

 _Damn_ , now she can even feel the sting of her stupidity.

Dahyun winced as she felt her fist starting to throb, the pain becoming more apparent each second, but she chose to ignore it as she kept her sight on the ground she was standing on.

_I am an idiot._

A few seconds more with eyes fixed on the ground, she noticed a familiar shadow moving closer towards her. Not long after that, she felt a warm, gentle hand taking her now badly bruised one as the girl in front of her placed the gentlest kiss on her bleeding knuckles. Another hand, she felt on her face, slowly tilting her chin to look up.

Dahyun met Sana’s eyes that are filled with worry but is still looking at her tenderly. She doesn’t know how Sana does that, and for some reason, it made Dahyun’s heart ache. It feels as if there’s an invisible coil inside that’s holding her chest making it incapable of beating properly.

It’s hard to breathe but she has to.

She kept quiet all the while she continues to look at Sana, feeling a heavy force tugging at her inside out. She can feel it now. It’s so heavy but she wants to carry it all by herself. She doesn’t want to involve anyone; she doesn’t want to ask for help, she doesn’t want to find out that they never really cared.

But as she felt Sana’s thumb stroking her cheek lovingly, she looked at her one last time as Sana muttered a quiet, “It’s okay.“

She released it.

“I’m sorry,“ the Korean muttered. Before she can even control her emotions, she starts bursting into tears as she felt herself being enveloped in the comfort of Sana’s arms. “I’m so sorry,“ Dahyun repeated over and over, crying brokenly. “I’m really, really sorry, Sana.“

“I don’t know what’s happening. I’m not who’s in that room earlier. I’m not the person you saw a few minutes ago.“ Dahyun tried explaining in between sobs.

“Sshhh. It’s okay, Dahyunie,“ Sana whispered simply and lovingly. “I know.“

The Japanese tightened her arms around the Korean. This only made Dahyun cry a little bit harder, but despite the tears soaking Sana’s shirt and sobs all over the rooftop of one of Korea’s biggest entertainment agencies, Dahyun never felt more at ease in a long time.

—

Dahyun and Sana are on their way to a nearby restaurant. They had just gotten out of the hospital — courtesy of Sana dragging her because she’s worried of Dahyun’s knuckles.

JYP will surely get pissed.

Thankfully, the doctor provided her an antiseptic cream to be applied twice a day around the swollen area of her knuckles to minimize the swelling and avoid infection, and with that, the doctor assured her that it will get back to normal in no time.

Another reason to be thankful is that they aren’t scheduled for any more photo shoots so they can focus on their upcoming album; the only downside is that she also sprained her hand so it would be a little difficult for her to play the keyboard.

_A small price to pay for being stupid._

So far, Dahyun and Sana both think that there aren’t any paparazzi on their trail. She doesn’t need headlines talking about how they were spotted getting out of the hospital. They can always go to the company clinic, but it will go on record and Dahyun doesn’t want to attract further attention right now. She couldn’t even go back in the studio to face her members, not when she acted as a raging animal back there and not when she just cried her heart out to Sana minutes before. She knows that she will crack once she faces them. Sana was the only one to go inside and grab their necessary things before making their way to the closest hospital.

Dahyun settled on a booth in the nearly empty restaurant as Sana went to order the foods. It’s fairly calm today; perhaps the population of South Korea is busy with their own daily lives. Sometimes, Dahyun wonders what it feels like to be in a different body or to live as someone else.

Will she feel any different? Will she still think the way she does? Will her outlook change?

She darted her gaze on Sana’s back.

What does it feels like to be Sana? Maybe it feels as if she can shower the world with so much aegyo. She quietly laughed at the thought.

Or maybe she can feel her flirt hormones overflowing. Dahyun smiled before she shook her head slowly. As she once again trained her eyes at the Japanese ordering on the counter, she realized, it must feel great to be Sana with her head filled with pure, kind, and positive thoughts even during difficult days.

The Korean let out a loving sigh, she’s really lucky to have her. After breaking down in front of Sana a few hours ago, the Japanese told her that the others understood her reaction, although not completely, but they’re okay and that they’re not that upset but she still have to make up for it, so now they’re here buying jokbal, sausage stew and noodles for takeout to give the other members.

 _Sana’s just perfect, isn’t she?_ But apparently she never realized just how much, but after what happened earlier she couldn’t stop looking at the Japanese as if she’s the most amazing person she’s ever met. She almost frowned when her heart did a little dance.

_Minatozaki Sana._

The name echoed inside her head as her thoughts darted back to JYP’s rooftop.

“I’m really sorry for acting like that,“ Dahyun repeated for what felt like the hundredth time. They’re now sitting on the bench they didn’t even know existed as Dahyun continued to sniffle.

Dahyun felt Sana’s gaze focus solely on her making her close her eyes. “I feel really embarrassed,“ she admitted quietly.

“Hey, there’s no need to be. It’s only me up here with you. Can you look at me, Dahyunnie?“ Sana’s voice was nothing short of soothing that calmed the Korean. When she adhered to Sana’s request, she was met by the Japanese’s loving and gentle eyes before she heard her speak again. “Mind telling me what that was all about?“

_Silence._

It’s not that she doesn’t trust the Sana but Dahyun isn’t sure how to talk about something that she can’t understand herself.

”Just anything that’s bothering you, honestly. Your thoughts even if they’re not coherent,” Sana encouraged as if she had read her mind.

_Silence._

”I promise, I’m here.“ Dahyun blinked. She heard that before.

It suddenly brought out too much painful memories that she almost grunted, she became more unrelenting as a result. She was about to tell Sana that she doesn't want to talk about it but a reasonable part of her knows that she has to and a part of her wanted to let Sana in but the other part of Dahyun — the part that willed her to keep people out years ago — pushes her not to.

She can’t let her walls down.

_You’re going to get hurt._

_You’re going to be alone again._

_You’re going to get left behind._

Those are the words echoing inside her head making her unable to form a response until Sana took her good hand and placed them on her cheek.

 _Even Sana’s face is warm_ , Dahyun noted.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to, I understand.“ Sana spoke ever so softly as she continued to look directly at her eyes and only at her eyes, she settled in giving Dahyun a gentle yet bright smile, not pushing the Korean to open up. “Can we go treat your other hand now?“

Dahyun smiled, she recognized that this is a moment right here when Sana gave her hand a squeeze.

“Do you know that I love your smile?“ Sana suddenly asked. Here she goes again giving such remarks, despite being confused by the sudden shift, Dahyun laughed.

“I love it when your face lights up whenever you laugh,“ the Japanese continued. “Can I make a confession right now?“

Dahyun doesn’t know why, but her heart did a flip when she heard Sana’s words. What confession? She wondered so Dahyun proceeded by nodding her head, urging Sana to continue.

“That’s the reason why I always fool around more with you... because your face lights up when you’re happy,“ the Japanese pointed out. “And I don’t mean that because you’re really white,“ Sana chuckled before she continued.

“Somehow, it made me feel happy seeing you happy like that. Remember SIXTEEN? You were so serious back then, you almost never smiled unless performing. Your personality did a complete 360 degrees whenever you’re on the stage,“ the Japanese recalled.

“The first time I saw you, I thought, this girl looks like an ice princess - a princess, nonetheless, but a really cold one. I was always watching you from a distance — don’t give me that look, Dahyunie! I promise I wasn’t being creepy, just that my attention always trails back to you, okay? I couldn’t help it — then we became friends. I remember the first time I saw your smile, you were talking to Somi then,“ Dahyun’s heart raced at the mention of the girl’s name as Sana continued to talk unaware of the effect it has on her.

“When I saw it, I realized just how more beautiful you can be if you always wore it in your face. You’re smile makes wonders, you have no idea about how it brightens up the mood of the people around you or how it makes a room feel much lighter when you’re there.“ Dahyun is dumbfounded and moved at the same time. Nobody ever talked about her like this before.

“I’m actually aware of how playful and loud I can be. I actually hated it back then, but it was a long time ago. I wanted to be calm and collected, you know, like Mina,“ Sana chuckled, still holding onto her hand and looking at her eyes.

”But growing up, I realized that I love it when the people around me are happy, and even more so if it’s because of me. There’s a pleasing feeling that comes with it, and I just really love feeling that way that I wanted to spend my life doing it. But I never realized just how much until you.“ Dahyun is in awe.

How can Sana speak of something intimate like this so... freely. It was more than admirable.

“Why me?“ Dahyun asked meekly.

“I have no idea, too. But something tells me that there’s just something about you,“ the Japanese winked, making the Korean laugh. “I remember you were moping around that day. The Dahyun that was so energetic looks so drained and... sad. Somehow, it felt so wrong to see you like that. So I came up with an idea and asked you to help me prank Jeongyeon and draw on her face while she sleeps.“

_That day._

“We even filmed it, remember? Jeong was so exhausted she was snoring like a train. When she woke up, we heard her growling like a dog from her and Momo’s room. She chased us around the dorm with her flip flops after we showed the video of her snoring. She was so pissed, especially when the others kept on teasing her that she’s going to have Jihyo a run for her money because she sounded more of a convincing train than Thomas. But all throughout, I saw you laughing and smiling and the familiar brightness of your eyes came back. And it just happened, I started to always tease you and stuff, and I loved every second of it because I love it when I’m part of the reason why you’re happy,“ Sana admitted.

That moment, Dahyun felt as if they’re the only two people in the world to ever exist. That moment, she felt her walls crumbling down. That moment, she felt a familiar tug on her heart.

_That moment._

Dahyun swore she felt like melting, their song can describe the totality of what’s happening. However, Sana wasn’t finished trying to turn her into a pile of mush as the Japanese spoke up again.

“Seeing you like that, in the studio and up here... you don’t know how much I hated it,“ Sana finished, the Japanese let go of her hand and averted her gaze before she stood up. “Come on now, let’s get you treated.“

Dahyun reacted on reflex, her body worked faster than her mind and reached for Sana, stopping the Japanese on her tracks. She did not let herself overthink the situation anymore; she just did what she knows she wanted to.

“I just feel horrible, Sana,“ she began to admit. Sana is looking at her again, her and just her. ”I feel really, really horrible. It’s as if I’m not in control of my emotions anymore.“

“Lately, my mind is always going blank. Everything feels wrong. I’m feeling really angry with myself. I wasn’t like this, at least not anymore,“ Sana caught on Dahyun’s words, at least not anymore, it bothered her but she remained silent and let the girl who’s clutching her arm continue talking. “The worst part is, I feel nothing all the time even if I recognized all other emotions, I feel nothing.“

She really did put her walls down. Part of her regretted her actions, familiar dark cloud inside her head telling her she just made a terrible mistake; she was supposed to keep herself hidden so she can be safe. But it’s out there in the open now, absolutely no way of taking it back and the thing is: it felt great.

Dahyun was once again enveloped inside Sana’s arms. She never knew how much she needed Sana to embrace her until now when she realized she was trembling. “You know that you need to talk about these things more, right? And I promise you, you will never be alone.“

_You will never be alone._

_Never._

“I’m always here; you can always come to me when things start to feel out of control, Dahyunie. The girls too,“ Sana reminded her.

“It’s just really hard sometimes,“ Dahyun murmured, face still buried on Sana’s neck. “It’s so hard.“

“I know, but it’s going to be okay.“ Sana just made her feel the most vulnerable.

Dahyun doesn’t even want to believe it will, but she does. Sana is making her believe and it wanted to scare her, but she put those aside. She wanted to allow herself to feel. They stood in silence for a while, as she let Sana hold her close.

_Not think. Just feel._

However, maybe she should have held onto herself as well because the next words that came out of the Japanese’s mouth wanted to knock her over. “Can I kiss you?“

For a while there she thought she would stop breathing.

Dahyun snapped her head up and looked at Sana, she saw her smiling so widely that it can be seen by a person down the building.

“Here I am thinking you can remain pure,“ the Korean chuckled trying to mask the loud and deep beats of her heart. “Why would you ask that kind of thing, though?“

Genuinely curious, Dahyun stepped away from Sana to take the overall appearance of the girl.

“What? Do you prefer if I straight up kissed you?“ Sana’s eyes rounded with wonder.

One moment she’s soft, the next she’s pure, another she’s cute, and now she’s oblivious.

_Minatozaki only._

“No! I mean, why would you... want that? Kiss me, I mean.“ Dahyun almost whispered the last words, still astonished by the Japanese.

Sana scratched at her head. “Nothing, I just... wanted to.“

The Korean’s heart leapt by this other confession. She looked at Sana and she saw her cheeks tinged with pink as the Japanese avoided her eyes. It was really adorable.

_So even snakes blush, huh?_

“Besides, I just think it would be a great distraction for you whenever you know, it gets too much. I read that kissing reduces stress, that’s all,“ Sana informed her trying to be as casual as possible but her now red face and the way she said it speedily betrayed that.

Dahyun laughed so loud, in the corner of her eyes, she saw Sana starting to pout, face still red. “And I’m our rapper? If you said that in front of the others, they might agree if I suggested that you should replace Chae. You just put Strawberry Princess’ rapping skills to shame, unnie!“

“Ya! Stop it,“ the Korean continued laughing. Sana hit her arm, it didn’t hurt though, and she knows it wasn’t meant to, before the Japanese placed two hands to hide her face. “It’s stupid. I know. I take it back!“

“Awwww, is Sana unnie shy shy shy?“ Dahyun continued to tease, poking Sana’s red face repeatedly.

“Ya! Just forget I said anything!“ Sana exclaimed, face the reddest Dahyun had ever seen when the Korean removed her hands. Thing is, ever since Dahyun reciprocated Sana’s flirting, she got so better at it that she could make the Japanese feel flustered.

Sana turned around to walk away from the embarrassing situation they’re in, but Dahyun once again tugged her arm making Sana look at her again. Dahyun stepped closer and closer until their bodies are mashed together, she brought her perfectly functional hand up Sana’s cheek, mimicking its placement earlier, as she slowly inched her face forward.

“Okay,“ Dahyun breathes.

Sana’s face looks so surprised it almost made Dahyun laugh if she weren’t about to do what she thinks she’s about to. “You’re serious? It was a stupid question, you don’t really have to...“ Sana reminded her, and yet not making a move to stop her.

“Yes.“

_No._

Dahyun’s brain is in a state of total chaos but she remained oddly steady. For a fleeting moment she wanted to ask why Sana wanted to kiss her again. In the very, very far back of her mind, she knows that this would change things.

Dahyun doesn’t even know why she’s doing this. Her last kiss was with the person who almost broke her beyond repair. She had to pick up the pieces on her own, so she promised to shield herself from this kind of thing as much as she could. But here she is right now, about to do exactly what she shouldn’t with the person she’s most uncertain with. Maybe she’s truly gone mental.

Her brain is screaming at her: _This is wrong! What are you doing?_

For a brief second, she wanted to walk away. She knows she was about to play with fire, she was almost scared because in that moment it felt right, she almost dragged herself back because her consciousness is starting to regain control and is getting filled with lots of consequences she wouldn’t want to handle.

But this imperceptible sound in her heart was what she decided to follow: _Do it._

_Not think. Just feel._

“Sana?” Dahyun called softly, looking straight at the eyes of the girl in front of her, lips so close to each other she can feel Sana’s breathing. They’re so close and Sana is really beautiful. “Thank you for being in my life.“

Dahyun swore she saw sparks in Sana’s eyes before closing her own and smashing their lips together, kissing the Japanese with utmost sincerity, adoration, and tenderness.

_Sparks, the last thing she saw._

_Sparks, the last thing she felt._

Now they’re here inside this restaurant buying food after everything that happened. Sana must have felt her staring burning her back, so she whipped her head over her shoulders to look.

Was it wrong? _Yes it is._

Sana gave Dahyun a soft smile, somehow looking more vibrant than she did all those years ago they’ve known each other, as she turned away to refocus her attention to the crew preparing their takeout and computing their bill.

Did they commit a huge mistake? _Yes, they did._

But here they are. They’re okay and new and nothing bad has happened. Only time will tell if they really did do something stupid. Everything is so freaking weird, it’s starting to scare her again, but for as long as she could, she promised to hold herself firmly.

_Sparks._

It spread out to her whole body fast and unwavering; it made her feel as if she’s back on the ground, no longer floating in space.

_Sana._

Nothing could take that moment away, she’s sure of it. She wouldn’t let anyone, especially not herself. She wants to stay right here, inside of this comforting zone with only good things surrounding her.

_Not think._

She said she wouldn‘t let her walls down; she said she wouldn’t open her heart anymore, but Minatozaki Sana made her question every promise she made to herself. Minatozaki Sana is making her feel. And now she doesn’t want to stop.

_Just feel._

What happened with her and the Japanese, it awakened her.

But what if lightning comes back?

 


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER THREE – TEUDOONGIE**

Jeongyeon was the first to whip her head towards the door when it opened revealing Dahyun, the lead vocalist was the first one to see her member’s hand and it made her jaw drop. “What the hell, dubu!“

Others followed; it was Nayeon who exclaimed the next. “Kim Dahyun, what happened to you?“

“Where the hell is Sana!” Momo who seemed out it asked the first question that came to her mind. “Did she do this?“

Jihyo looked at their main dancer weirdly. “Why would Sana do that, are you okay?“

The room got filled with similar reactions from her friends. Dahyun expected to receive silent treatments from the girls or for them to distance themselves after her act a few hours ago, but when she came in, everyone immediately surrounded her and expressed their concern when they saw her messed-up hand. It really warms her heart, she doesn’t deserve these people.

“Are you crazy, Momoring? Why would I do that?“ Sana is frowning as she went inside the room, apparently catching on with what her best friend just said. “No jokbal for you, pabo-ya!“

“I just laid out possibilities! Don’t you dare take away the love of my life.“ Eyeing the dish brought by her best friend, Momo whined.

“We all know Minari is the love of your life, Momoring.“ Sana deadpanned, approaching the table to place the foods. Because Dahyun can’t really use her two hands, she had to carry all the foods they ordered. Well, aside from the noodles that the Korean insisted on bringing.

“Eh?“ Mina questioned over one side of the room.

“It’s true though. Don’t deny her, Minari. You’re going to hurt our pabo-ya.“ Sana made her way towards Momo while pouting, acting as if she’s heartbroken for her best friend. “We all know you like Momoring, anyway.“ Sana continued her teasing as she stroked Momo’s hair; the latter just frowned at her before making her way towards the jokbal.

“Sana unnie stop shipping and snaking challenge,“ Chaeyoung said beside an ever so collected Mina.

“Are you jealous of MiMo, Chae? Or are you jealous of Momo’s height?“ Sana teased, making the people inside the room burst into laughter, Nayeon being the loudest of them.

“Too much strawberry got in the way of your growth,“ Jeongyeon added in the middle of laughter.

Chaeyoung turned to Tzuyu and sat on her lap, putting one arm around the Taiwanese’s neck. “Stop attacking me, unnies! Chou Tzuyu, protect me!“

“Of course she’d ask help from the tallest. What a hobbit move,“ Momo said in the corner already chewing at her jokbal.

“And of course you’re the first to eat, pabo. Are you never not hungry?“ Sana made her way towards Dahyun, placing her chin on top of the other girl’s shoulder as she embraced her from behind. Dahyun then leaned onto Sana, the Japanese unaware of how much security the Korean felt being wrapped inside her arms.

“Can you you stop teasing each other for a while? You’re making me want to send you both back to Japan,“ Jihyo spoke with amusement before her attention shifted to Dahyun. Their leader smiled softly and asked with pure concern, “What happened to you, dubu?“

Dahyun sighed; _of course it would eventually come to this_. All the members’ attention focused on her in an instant - Momo even abandoned her food - she instantly felt uneasy and wanted to hide. But as if feeling all her troubles, Sana tightened her arms around her as a sign of support. This was enough to give her the push she needed. “I kind of got angry and lashed out at the wall. I was being stupid, I’m sorry.“

Dahyun averted her gaze, not able to look at her friends’ faces. She knows they would never judge her but she couldn’t help but feel embarrassed still, like whatever she did was completely unnecessary and her emotions at that moment cannot justify actions. Now that she’s thinking of it, she really was being stupid; she should have had more self-control.

What’s happening to her?

She slowly felt herself beginning to drift away again, back to that particular corner in her mind that’s all darkness and cold, she’s about to go down. But then she felt a soft kiss on the base of her neck — no one saw it because her hair is covering that part of her body and by now their members are so used to their skinship to even question how close they are — the action immediately reminded her of the conversation she and the Japanese had earlier as it echoed inside her head.

_I’m here and the girls too._

“What? You’re saying you did that to yourself?“ There was a thick worry in Momo’s voice as she spoke.

“That’s exactly what she just said, Momo,“ Nayeon answered for the rapper. “But why, dubu?“ Their oldest member asked, resembling the worry of the oldest Japanese.

Dahyun took the deepest breath possible before explaining everything to them, repeating her and Sana’s conversation, confessing about the feeling of emptiness and anger. It surprised her that she did because never in her life had she imagined herself speaking about these kinds of thoughts that loom inside her head.

She wanted to slap herself while speaking about something that she sealed away within the farthest place she could inside a long time ago, vowing to never let it out. She got used to the pain and learned how to live with it, she went on with her life carrying the weight of it all, as a result, it became part of her and soon it felt normal.

It’s an unspoken rule that Dahyun made for herself: _never speak of it._

She got so used to the feeling, she barely even notice its existence. When the thing with Somi happened to her a few years ago, it became apparent once more. But with TWICE and her job, she managed to push and burry it away. Besides, that’s the point right? As long as it doesn’t affect your life, then that means you’re okay.

For a long time it worked, she even thought it was gone. She kept on living, kept on experiencing the new life she has. She never imagined herself losing control until she did.

No one knew her like this, at least not anymore.

Somi was the only person who knew her deeply, she was the only one she trusted enough to show the dark parts of her soul. Somi is the person who knew her every thought, she was the only one who knew her more than she knew herself, more than her own family, and yet, Somi still left and ran away with her secrets.

She should have learned her lesson by now but here she is, spilling her guts out to the people who she considers her best friends, the people she knows she can trust, but it doesn’t make it easier, it doesn’t make the strong feeling of wanting to run away disappear.

She hates opening up. She knows she can trust them, but she doesn’t want to.

The voice inside her head that she knew for as long as she can remember is telling her that this is a huge mistake and it’s even much more convincing and deafening now than earlier. Sana is one person, but to open up to seven more, it felt like a punch in the gut — several punches in the gut. She would have ran away if it weren’t for Sana holding her steady, serving as her anchor through this strong current waiting for a chance to drown her.

But she never did.

 _Dahyun felt the first punch_. “I didn’t even notice it until you all pointed out that I was being off.“ _The second_. “So I tried really hard to go back to the way I was, the Dahyun you all knew.“ _The third_. “And it worked, right? I became Dubu again.“ _The fourth_. “Unfortunately, I think I just held it in and didn’t realize that it’s just a temporary and feeble solution.“ _And another_. “Until I couldn’t hold it in any longer and started to lose control.“ _And another_. “I’m so sorry for acting the way I did earlier, unnies.“ _And another_. “I’m so, so sorry, Chae. I really wasn’t thinking.“ _And another_.

Everyone kept quiet as they all allowed her to speak. All she can feel are the painful gut punches. She never had friends growing up, she never knew how to talk about these things to other people. And doing just that right now, she really wanted to run and hide, even puke. She knows that this is the right thing to do. But she doesn’t want it to be.

She really does have troubles with opening up.

Every word that came out of her mouth felt like a cut, it grated her skin until it feels like she is bleeding out dry. This is tormenting her, but she continues to speak nonetheless.

_I’m here and the girls too._

Excruciating gut punches but once it’s over; no one ever told her that it could feel this great.

“I’m really sorry again, unnies. I really feel so terrible, I feel so embarrassed,“ Dahyun finished with a shaky breath.

She held her head down the entire time she spoke. It really wasn’t easy but it feels so liberating. She feels so light right now, maybe because it felt like she exerted a lot of energy that she’s too drained, or perhaps because she surrendered her weight to the Japanese and just trusted her to keep on holding her.

Dahyun feels weak, she even feels like passing out but even with this unbelievable exhaustion, she heard Sana clearly when the Japanese whispered in her ear, ”I’m so proud of you.“

It was another moment today she felt that something tugging at her heart because of Sana and her words, she’s still scared but ironically, she wanted to keep feeling the sensation and she would have but got interrupted by everyone simultaneously saying, “Dubu, we love you!“

Dahyun lifted her face to look at each and every one of them. If she didn’t breakdown while explaining herself earlier, she wanted to right now. Looking at her members’ tearful eyes and proud smiles, she realized how to lucky she is having the best people in her life. They say that being loved is different from being understood, and right now, she feels both.

She never knew how much she needed this; to trust people more in catching her.

“We’re always here for you. I said that before, right?“ Jeongyeon repeated with a proud grin on her face.

She looked at her older member and nodded her head with a grateful smile on her lips, “Thank you, unnie.“

“Dude, we’re still DubChaeng and we always will be. And have you seen my biceps? I lift, dubs,“ Chaeyoung said with the softest smile she’s ever seen.

This made her laugh tearfully, “Thank you, Chae.“

“Don’t hesitate to come to any of us whenever you’re feeling like this, okay?“ Momo added.

She was about to thank her too but Sana who kept quiet the entire time spoke up all of a sudden, “I got that covered, pabo-ya.“

The atmosphere instantly feels much lighter. This made Dahyun laugh because Sana kept on teasing Momo since earlier; she’s a Japanese pain in the ass sometimes.

“I’m going to have you deported back to Japan, Sana.“ Momo shot her a pointed look, narrowing her eyes.

“Pabo, that’s Jihyo’s line. Such a pabo.“ Sana rolled her eyes and made a face in return.

“Ya! Stop it with the pabo and besides, I’m older than the both of you, I do what I want,“ Momo stated.

A playful smile then appeared on Sana’s lips. “So you’re doing our Minari, then?“

“Minatozaki Sana!“ Mina almost shouted, but she’s Mina so her reaction was limited with a bashful look on her face and reddened cheeks.

“I swear I’m going to skin you alive one of these days and sell it. Snakeskin is expensive, you know? Plus you’re not just any snake, you’re a freaking Cobra!“ Momo stuck her tongue out, everybody laughed because everybody knows it’s true.

“Sana is currently fried, spilled tea too hot!“ Nayeon teased.

“We see no lies,“ Chaeyoung joined.

Dahyun watched everyone laughing, their choice of words made her laugh too, maybe they’re spending too much time on social media

“After I bought you jokbal? Stop being ungrateful, Momoring!“ Sana stated, trying to guilt her way to victory against her best friend.

“ _I_ bought it, _you_ just carried it,“ Dahyun butted in. Chuckling softly she turned slightly to look at the Japanese behind her.

Sana groaned, cutely, and tightened her hold on Dahyun, “Stop exposing me.“

“So the foods are basically Dubu’s peace offering.“ Tzuyu caught on, looking over Chaengyoung’s shoulder who is still sitting on her lap.

“No matter how much I love the benefits of having a misunderstanding with Dahyun, I’d choose happy Dubu over jokbal any time,“ Momo said while looking at Dahyun before winking a few times.

Dahyun laughed when she heard Sana’s disgusted expression before she thanked Momo. “I’m sorry again. You’re all working hard and I’m here being problematic, I hope the foods make up for it.“

“It’s honestly okay, dubu. We understand, really. It’s all okay now. You’re not being problematic, you’re just being... human,“ Jihyo smiled.

“I’m sorry, still. I really didn’t mean any of it, especially to Nayeon unnie and Chaeng.“ Dahyun bowed her head slightly.

“Stop apologizing, okay? You bought us delicious foods, you can snap all you want,“ Nayeon joked. “Besides, I think I speak for everyone when I say I’m really happy that you let all that out in the open. That’s healthy. We all need to express our feelings to be able heal. You needed it, we all did. If anything, thank you. For letting us understand. So please, do this more often whenever it gets rough, okay?“ Nayeon said this with so much consideration and thought; Dahyun couldn’t say anything more and just nodded her head gratefully as everyone else gawked at their oldest member.

“Im Nayeon stop trying to be smart and serious challenge, you’re giving me the creeps,“ Jeongyeon made a face.

“I don’t give you creeps, Jeongyeonnie... you just don’t take a bath.“ Nayeon’s laughter filled the room followed by everyone else’s. Her friends just can’t stop teasing each other, can they?

“Since we already settled this,“ Chaeyoung chimed in as she stood up from Tzuyu’s lap. “Let’s eat all the food, shall we? I’m starving. But before that, let’s all hug our dubu first.“

Everyone went over to Dahyun and began enclosing her to their tight embrace, some even kissing her face.

However, when it’s Momo’s turn to hug her, Sana — who never released Dahyun from her arms the whole time — moved the Korean out of her best friend’s reach. Momo frowned before leaning in to give Dahyun a kiss instead, but before her lips can even touch any part of the Korean’s face, Sana brought her palm up to cover the main dancer’s mouth.

Dahyun and everyone who saw the exchange laughed. Sana really can’t stop teasing Momo today. “Stop being selfish, Satang and let go of dubu,“ Momo complained though she gave up reaching for Dahyun.

Dahyun felt Sana shake her head. The next words that came out of the Japanese’s mouth never left her mind the whole day. “Let her go? Nope. I would never.“

When they were given the signal to go home, everyone tiredly got up from their seats to collect their things. It truly was an exhausting day, physically for everyone but also emotionally and mentally for Dahyun.

Despite this, because of her friends, she found out that it wasn’t so draining after all. And with a certain Japanese by her side the whole time, the fatigue is barely noticeable. Sana suddenly made everything in her life bearable. Perhaps the Japanese always had, only now that she’s starting to see it.

_In a different light this time._

Sana remained beside her the whole day, she couldn’t really do anything because of the pain in her hands, but the Japanese made sure to keep her occupied. Sana helped Dahyun by writing her ideas for her, she even said she’d offer to play the keyboard for the rapper if she knew how to. Dahyun then promised to teach her as soon as her hands heal.

Dahyun couldn’t count the kindness the Japanese had done for her today and through the years they’ve known each other. It makes her really grateful to have met this beautiful person inside and out. _The world has something good in store sometimes_ , Dahyun reckons. _And Sana is one of them._

“Sana unnie?“ Dahyun called when everyone got out of the room and it was the two of them left inside. Sana turned away from her things to look at her.

“Hey, is everything okay? Do your hands hurt?“ Sana walked towards the Korean and held her hands gently. “I’ll fix your things for you. Don’t worry, just rest them.“

“Unnie?“ Dahyun called again, the moment their eyes had met, she felt the electric sensations again.

“What is it, Dahyunnie?“ Sana’s voice matches her touch; soft and tender.

“I haven’t thanked you yet, for everything, but most importantly for earlier. Holding me steady and keeping me safe, just... thank you. I owe you.“ Dahyun spoke with such sincerity that warmed Sana’s heart.

“You don’t need to thank me, you know? I’ll always be here for you. I hope you know that you’re important to me, Dahyunnie and being with you in times like this simply makes me happy I’m able to.“ Sana smiled; maybe it’s becoming Dahyun’s favorite sight.

“Still, I feel like I haven’t thanked you enough for all of it.“ Dahyun admitted before she felt Sana’s hand cupping her face.

Sana chuckled quietly. “Kiss me if you thank me.“

This earned a reaction from Dahyun, feeling her heart race from the dare; she tried to mask it with a laugh even though inside her head, all she could think of are the taste and feel of Sana’s lips on hers from earlier. “You said that back in Switzerland, unnie.“

Dahyun thought it was just a joke and Sana was just teasing until the Japanese spoke again in a serious manner. “I did and I just said it again.“

“Wait, you’re serious?“ Dahyun’s eyes rounded. Why is she being wanted to be kissed by this beautiful person in front of her?

“Do you think I’m joking?“ Sana replied sarcastically, but Dahyun knew that this was just a joke as well from when the Japanese got upset with her during pre-debut days and they got into an argument.

“Unnie!“ Dahyun whined, embarrassed by the memory and their situation.

“I’m just kidding, Dahyunie,“ Sana chuckled wholeheartedly. “But really, kiss me if you thank me. Only if you still want to, though.“

This made Dahyun frown. “Why should I be the one to kiss you?“ It’s not that she doesn’t admire that part of Sana that asks her first, but she wonders why the Japanese never did it straight up.

“Because they’re your lips,“ Sana’s smile is gentle and a little sad before she added a statement that made Dahyun frown. “I won’t mind.“

In hindsight, she understood why the Japanese feels like this but a part of her couldn’t accept. “And I would?“ The thought of Sana thinking that she would turn her away is beyond her, but for some reason this only sparked something inside the Korean.

“Maybe... well, do you?“ Sana questioned her carefully.

Dahyun stared at Sana’s eyes that are looking at her expressively before she asked the latter in same manner. “What do you think?“

“I think that I want to kiss you but only if you want to kiss me too,“ Sana answered sincerely as Dahyun felt her thumb caressing her cheek softly.

“You really want to kiss me, huh?“ Dahyun teased and chuckled, giving Sana a pointed and knowing look after. “Why do I feel like we’re about to do this a lot if I say yes?“

“If we do, would you still say yes?“ Dahyun started to hold her breath when she saw Sana inching closer slowly towards her. “Or is there a problem with that, Dahyunnie?“

“No, unnie...“ Dahyun said, biting her lower lip slightly before closing her eyes as she slowly inched closer as well. “I think it’s perfect.“

“You’re perfect.“

Maybe it’s an angel she heard or maybe it’s her heart beating so loud in her chest, she doesn’t know, because all sounds in the world got instantly muffled when Sana sealed everything away with a sweet kiss.

There’s only one thing the Japanese couldn’t make Dahyun not feel, and those are the sparks that she provides for the Korean that are just getting stronger and more apparent with every second, minute and hour they spend together.

—

There was a loud bang.

_It’s deafening._

_It made her ears hurt._

She wanted to cry, it can’t stop ringing in her ears, but she didn’t because someone was holding her arms.

She kept on holding to the person’s shirt.

_She’s so confused._

_Why is the person’s shirt sticky?_

_Why is her hand red?_

_Where is she?_

_Why is the person letting go of her arms?_

_Why are people chasing the men in front of her?_

_Why is the person falling down?_

_She can’t breathe._

_Everything is dark._

_She’s suffocating._

She can’t breathe, she’s covered in red, they’re so warm, she’s so scared.

_Not again. No, it’s not real._

“Wake up.“

_She’s choking. She’s drowning._

“Wake up.“

_She needs to get out of here. She can’t find air._

“Hey, wake up!“

_Why is everything black? Why are the sounds muffled?_

“Hey!“

_No._

_This isn’t real._

Why is the person she was holding onto being carried away?

_No, don’t go._

Why is nothing coming out of her mouth?

_Don’t leave me._

_Please, don’t leave me._

_Please, don’t leave._

_Please, don’t._

_Please..._

“Dahyun, wake up!“ Dahyun woke with a jolt, a loud mix of a sob and a gasp escaping from her mouth.

Everything is black but someone has their arms around her.

She can’t breathe, she just kept crying, her face buried on a pile of hair.

“God, you’re trembling,“ a voice said.

“Dahyun,“ the voice called. “I’m here. It’s Sana. I’m here. I’m okay. God.“

_Dear God._

_Don’t take her away._

Dahyun felt Sana loosen her arm around her but she clutched it as if her life depends of it, but it is. Right now, it is.

_Sana._

_Stay._

_Please._

“I’m not going anywhere, I’m here, Dahyun. Just let me—“ she heard her voice, “—there.“ She felt a body beside her. It’s warm.

_God, please don’t._

She began sobbing uncontrollably again.

“Hey, it’s just me. I’m beside you. You’re okay. We’re okay. Jesus, you’re trembling so much,“ she felt her arms tighten around her as the body shifted closer.

“I’m okay. I’m here now. You’re okay,“ she buried her face on her chest; familiar scent drowning her senses.

_Don’t go anywhere._

“Breathe. I’m not going anywhere,“ she calmed down.

_Don’t let go._

“Don’t worry. I’m never letting go,“ and she fell back to sleep.

Dahyun’s senses started to kick in again. She’s conscious, but her head hurts too much. And so does her eyes, she can’t open them. She felt a body next to her, slowly stroking her hair. She knows that body: _it’s Sana’s._

The Korean pretended to be asleep relishing herself in the moment. She heard Sana quietly singing a familiar song, she knows that song.

 _“I watch your troubled eyes as you rest,_  
_and I fall in love with every breath.“_

_I’m awake._

She felt Sana’s thumbs stroking her cheeks before she felt a finger tracing her lips so softly as if it might wake her up.

 _”Wonder if those eyes are really shut,_  
_and am I the one you're dreaming of?”_

_I’ll dream of you every day._

She felt Sana trace her eyelids before she felt a soft kiss being placed in her forehead, still, she kept her eyes closed.

 _“’Cause underneath the darkness_  
_there's a light that’s trying so hard to be seen.“_

_Is that what you think?_

She felt Sana tuck strands of her hair behind her ear, air can now freely hit her face, and it feels relaxing.

 _“And I know this, because I noticed,_  
_a little bit shining through the seams.“_

_I wish I can see myself the way you do._

Sana is now holding her in her arms again as she continued to quietly sing the song. Dahyun felt her heart beat faster than normal.

 _“And if this is what it takes,_  
_then let me be the one to bear the pain.“_

_You don’t deserve to._

Dahyun feels very at ease, the Japanese simply does wonders to her existence.

 _“If this is what it takes,_  
_I’ll break down these walls that are in our way,”_

_Are you my angel?_

It’s happening all too fast, maybe not, but it still does. She’s not sure about a lot of things in her life, but one thing she’s sure of is that she wants this.

_“If this is what is takes.“_

_I’m jumping and I’ll let you._

Sana almost whispered the words before she — the both of them — heard the door open and another voice spoke inside the room.

“Sana unnie, everyone is finished with their shower, you can use it,“ Tzuyu spoke quietly, careful not to wake a very awake Dahyun. “How is she?“

“Thank you, and I think she’s okay. I’ll try to wake her up later, I’m going to let her catch a few more minutes of sleep... uhm, does she have them a lot? The nightmares?“ Sana asked.

“Not as frequent as they used to. She has them a lot before but it died down through the years. We think it happens now due to exhaustion or stress, like Jeongyeon unnie when she has sleep paralysis or me when I sleep talk,“ Tzuyu informed as Sana’s worries eased up.

“Or like me when I sleep walk,“ the Japanese chuckles, Dahyun hears Tzuyu laughing a little too.

“Yep, Chae searched it before and these things frequently happen when you’re really tired then you immediately go to sleep. Do you want us to go on or do you want us to wait for you?“

“Wait for us, I want to make fun of Momoring more when she sits beside Mina.“ Dahyun smiled a little but kept her eyes closed.

“Okay, I’ll tell the unnies. Don’t take too long,“ Tzuyu reminded and the Korean can almost see the Taiwanese nodding her head before hearing the door closing again.

Dahyun was about to open her eyes when she heard Sana speaking. “Dahyunnie, there’s a lot of things going on inside that head of yours, isn’t it? I want to figure them all out with you.“

“Are you sure?“ Dahyun let out with a croak, finally opening her slightly swollen eyes.

“Good morning to you too, and yes, I’m sure...“ Sana smiled gently, giving Dahyun’s heart a flip. There was a certain atmosphere surrounding the Japanese, not exactly friendly and not exactly hostile either, but her next words made it disappear. “Can I?“

Dahyun grinned, the sensation that fills the room already changing. “Sana unnie, morning breath.“

“No... morning kiss, please?“ The Japanese whined.

“Toothbrush first,“ Dahyun declined making the Japanese pout.

“Bathroom, Dahyunnie?“ Sana wiggled her eyebrows at the insinuation; Dahyun just laughed and nodded her head. She can’t deny this beautiful girl her morning kiss after all.

“Let’s get up, then. We’re going to be late.“ Sana said in a hurry making the Korean laugh.

Sana gave Dahyun one last kiss on the forehead before dragging her outside, the Japanese never asked the Korean about her nightmares. And maybe that’s better, for now.

—

“This restaurant is expensive.“ The girls are now seated on a circular table as they all eyed their menus.

“And you’re the one to talk, Mitang? You can afford to buy all of this in one go, I bet you can also purchase the place itself.“ Momo shields herself when the youngest Japanese hit her in the arm shyly.

“Moguri, stop talking,“ Mina chastised still feeling embarrassed. She’s really uncomfortable when she’s being regarded as the rich friend.

“Don’t you want that though, Momoring? If Minari becomes your wife, you’ll have the Myoui fortune as well, you can buy yourself a lifetime supply of jokbal,“ Sana chimed in, not taking her eyes off the menu.

“Waiter, do you happen to cook a live snake? We have an exotic one here!“ Momo pointed at Sana and the table erupted into laughter.

“The waiter serves, it’s the chef that cooks, pabo!“ The Japanese frowned and turned to Dahyun who is looking and also laughing at her mockingly, “Dahyunnie, you’re supposed to be on my side.“

“I am on your side!“ Dahyun replied defensively but kept on laughing.

Sana narrowed her eyes on Dahyun before taking her hand under the table to play with it, “You’re betraying me.“

“I am not, it’s just funny.“ Dahyun said as her laughter began to die down.

“That’s mean, Dahyunnie.“ Sana said with a certain silence in her voice, making the both of them stares at each other smilingly, having a certain look in their eyes. Chaeyoung and Tzuyu cleared their throats at the same time making the two break contact.

The Korean blushed while the Japanese just kept smiling playfully. “Erm, please respect the food. Stop snaking around in front of the food. The food doesn't deserve this kind of disrespect,“ Momo said easily over the side giving Jihyo her order. “Who even would pay for this again? If this is the only source of food in the whole world, I’d honestly starve.“

“Oh, it charges to JYP’s account. He said that this is his treat for us having done well in our last tour, it’s kind of late but we were busy after that,“ Jihyo informed and Momo’s eyes suddenly lit up.

“Okay, give me the menu again; I’m going to add another order. Imagine if we don’t have JYP, I’d truly starve,“ Momo added scanning the item in her hands once more.

“Minari got your back, she can pay for your food since she can buy all of our lives,“ the people in the table laughed again as Mina just proceeded by covering her burning cheeks with her hands. They all gave their order and waited for their meal to arrive.

“Lemonade and lemon juice are basically the same thing, Jeong,“ the group turned their attention to the seemingly bickering couple with them.

“For once, Nabongs, listen to me. It’s not. They’re different,“ Jeongyeon replied stubbornly.

“No, they’re not because they’re both from lemons,“ their oldest member said easily.

“So how come they’re called differently then, huh? How would you explain that?“ Jeongyeon asked challengingly.

“Because, Yoo Jeongyeon, the other has sugar and the other is the juice directly squeezed out of the lemon,“ Nayeon rebutted, rolling her eyes.

“Now, do you admit that their different?“ Jeongyeon rolled her eyes at the older’s confusion. “Because you just said their difference! Im Nayeon, stop being stubborn.“ The short haired girl frowned, growing irritated with their discussion.

Or perhaps with the person she has an argument with.

“They, are, the, same.“ Nayeon retorted, slapping their table slightly with every word. “They are both made from lemons, Jeong! This is why you’re my least favorite member,“ their oldest member muttered with exasperation.

“They are basically not because they have different structures! We are talking about lemonade and lemon juice not about the actual fruit!“ Jeongyeon exclaimed. “I’m your least favorite because I’m the one who actually disagrees with you and you can’t take that,“ the lead singer pointed out clearly infuriated.

“Believe me I can, Jeong. But you just always see my mistakes and refuses to acknowledge where I went right!“

The mood around the table has become palpable; none of the other members knew what to say as they continue listening to their bickering friends.

“Because, Nayeon. You, are, clearly, wrong!  Do you expect me to just accept everything you throw at _my_ way and not say a piece of _my_ mind?“

The other members all looked at each other, witnessing the clear tension between both of their lead vocalist.

“And you kept on saying a piece of your mind without actually considering the piece of mine and where I’m coming from! That is so you, Yoo Jeongyeon.“

Sana eyed Dahyun beside her; the Korean exchanged the same look of uncertainty, drinking the glass of water on the table before giving the Japanese a shrug.

“What if, instead of dealing with things your way, you talk to me first before making anything happen? It would turn out with a much better outcome. You’re not always right, Im Nayeon.“

The pair stared at each other in silence but both with fury in their eyes the people in the table can sense.

“Is this still about the lemons?“ Mina asked meekly.

Jeongyeon and Nayeon looked at her at the same time and answered her in the same tone and manner. “Yes!“

Mina’s eyes rounded and leaned over Momo beside her who simply put an arm around her waist, resting her head on the youngest Japanese’s shoulder.

“Sorry!“ Realizing that their younger member was taken aback by their way of answering, the pair apologized quickly but to their surprise, still at the same time, tone and manner so the both of them went back to their staring contest, clearly annoyed with each other’s existence.

Mina felt Momo laughing in secret while hiding her mouth behind Mina’s shoulder, the ballerina elbowed her subtly, making the oldest Japanese press her lips on Mina’s bare shoulder to keep her mouth from moving further, making the ballerina chuckle quietly as well.

“Lemonade and lemon juice are in fact the same and different at the same time. They both are basically just lemons, but with different ingredients. Don’t fight me on this, I googled it,“ Chaeyoung butted in, disrupting the murderous looks both Jeongyeon and Nayeon are giving each other.

“The hobbit has spoken,“ Tzuyu added cooly.

“Wait, isn’t that supposed to be ’God has spoken’?“ Jihyo spoke in the corner.

“The God of hobbits has spoken,“ Dahyun jokingly joined and the table erupted in laughter once again, the awkwardness dying down.

“Aren’t you two supposed to be my best friends?“ The main rapper asked miserably, clearly done with the height jokes.

“Aren’t you supposed to be tall?“ Dahyun asked with a laugh.

“Shut up, we almost have the same height, you’re not so tall yourself!“ Chaeyoung slapped Dahyun’s arm earning chuckles from everyone.

The table got filled with light conversations once again, members teasing each other here and there, talking about the plans for TWICE, the new album and random things. They all needed this. Everyone felt normal at that moment - normal friends with jobs, hanging out during their free time, waiting for their food to be served.

It was good. For a while it was good.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER FOUR – TIME AND SPACE**

The concept of time has always been indefinite. It’s fascinating to think where it all began; it could be connected to the stars but who knows where it truly begins, and what happens when it ends. If time stops, will we turn into dust? No one knows.

Everyone follows a universal truth - time is the notion of a continuous progression of existence, of the cycle of events; the past, the present and the future. Its measurement determined by the use of a clock to identify the seconds turned to minutes and minutes to hours, then a calendar to measure the days that turns to weeks to months and eventually years.

But there are a lot of things that varies, Dahyun reckons. The good things can turn bad in a blink, that’s another concept this world has, the unpredictability of time in between. Time consists of moments, some much worse than others, some much better than most, and there are some that Dahyun wouldn’t trade for anything.

“Hey, you’re up early.“ Dahyun turned her head from the window of the car to face Sana who sat inside beside her.

“I couldn’t sleep,“ the Korean confessed.

“You didn’t sleep?“ Dahyun hinted concern on the Japanese’s voice before she nodded her head in affirmation.

“Dahyunnie, you know you need to rest.“

“I know, unnie. But sometimes I couldn’t sleep no matter what I do,“ Dahyun admitted.

“So what do you do? Stay up until morning?“ Sana questioned and when Dahyun nodded her head again and smiled apologetically, the Japanese couldn’t do anything more but sigh.

It’s too early in the morning to be frustrated with Dahyun’s sleeping habits, it concerns her especially knowing the stress the rapper was in, she just wish she could do something. “Did you eat breakfast, at least?“ When Dahyun didn’t answer, Sana frowned.

“Dahyunie, you’re skipping breakfast too?“ Sana’s frown deepened when Dahyun started to chuckle. “What’s funny?“

“You,“ Dahyun smiled.

“Me?“ Sana appeared more confused. “I wasn’t even joking.“

“Unnie, you’re too agitated this early in the morning. I was just kidding. I ate breakfast. Okay?“ Dahyun’s smile was calm and Sana couldn’t help but exhale heavily.

“I’m just concerned,“ Sana’s voice soothed Dahyun. She could listen to her all day.

The Japanese placed a hand on Dahyun’s cheek, holding it softly, as the Korean leaned closer to Sana’s touch. “I know, unnie. Thank you.“

“I hope you didn’t forget to apply the oitment.“ The moment Dahyun grinned at Sana, the Japanese immediately knew she did. “You really forgot to use it, did you?“

Shaking her head slowly, Sana reached for her back pocket to retrieve Dahyun’s ointment she got from the rapper’s room before going out. She didn’t actually foresee the Korean actually forgetting, but she brought it just in case, looks like she did the right call. “Sorry, unnie.“

Sana reached for Dahyun’s hand gently and quietly applied ointment, the Korean watched the way the Japanese handled her with carefulness. The way Sana moves her finger over Dahyun’s broken knuckles tells the Korean that the Japanese is cautious in hurting her.

 _She’s lovely_ , Dahyun thought.

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you from now on,“ Sana said as she fixed Dahyun’s gauze and splint with the same carefulness before looking at the Korean in her eyes.

“You always take care of me.“

“I’ll do better this time,“ Sana’s words caught Dahyun off guard, bearing a much heavier and deeper meaning she couldn’t seem to understand.

“What you do is enough, unnie.“ Dahyun assured, smiling gently.

Sana shook her head at this. “I know, but... just let me, Dahyunie. Okay?“ The way Sana looked at her; she couldn’t really resist that look not with those eyes, those beautiful pair of eyes.

“Okay, unnie.“ Dahyun replied, feeling the weight of a simple word.

Sana smiled at this before leaning in to kiss her on the forehead and suddenly it wasn’t so heavy anymore. Sana’s lips lingered there for a while before she spoke again. “And Dahyun?“

Sana backed away to look at Dahyun with playfulness, making the atmosphere much lighter, the Korean stared back, waiting for the next words. “Stop calling me unnie, would you?“

Dahyun couldn’t help the chuckle that came out of her mouth. “But you’re my unnie, Sana unnie.“

“I’m not,“ the Japanese replied.

“Yes you are, unnie,“ the Korean insisted.

Sana raised an eyebrow challenging a smirking Dahyun, ready to accept what it is to come. “Do your other unnies do what we do?“

“What do we do?“ Dahyun asked playfully.

“This,“ It was just a split second before the Korean felt Sana’s lips on hers, it was a swift kiss but it was enough to take Dahyun’s breath away. “Do your other unnies kiss you like that?“

Dahyun decided to tease. “Hmm, perhaps...“ After leaving her breathless? She has to get back at Sana one way or another.

But the Japanese’s reaction is something she didn’t expect. “Perhaps?! Whomst?!“ Sana asked almost frantically, making the Korean laugh in humor and adoration.

“Social media is rubbing off on you,“ Dahyun pointed out but Sana just scoffed.

“Don’t change the subject. Who of your other unnies kiss you?“ Sana questioned, squinting her eyes.

“I’m not telling,“ Dahyun shook her head.

“Dahyunnie!“ Sana demanded but Dahyun pretended to hear nothing as she turned her head to the other side, avoiding the look of the Japanese.

“Nope.“

Sana grunted and held the side of her face, forcing her to look at the annoyed Japanese, making the Korean laugh. “Is it Nayeon? Jeongyeon? No wait, she hates kisses. May be Jihyo, but she hates kisses too!“ Sana asked continuously but Dahyun just laughed and even more when she saw the Japanese’s annoyance.

“Still no.“

“Dahyunie, is it Momo? I’m right, am I? It’s Momo. Those times you two were so close, she kissed you too? I can’t believe that pabo!“ Sana exclaimed as Dahyun just kept on laughing, genuinely endeared by the Japanese who later on pouted tiredly. “That’s mean, Dahyunie. I’m not kissing you anymore.“

Dahyun’s laughter died down slowly at this, seeing Sana getting upset made her grin before turning serious. “I’m just joking, unnie.”

“Really, huh?“ Sana asked in a quiet voice.

“Yes... now, can you kiss me again, unnie?“ Dahyun asked, her eyes darting alternately over Sana’s lips then Sana’s eyes.

“What did you say, Dahyunie?“ Sana’s voice is low as the Japanese slowly leaned over the Korean.

“You can kiss me, unnie.“ Dahyun breathed, feeling her back hit the car’s door.

“I didn’t hear.“ Sana’s voice was soft even as Dahyun watched the Japanese lick her lower lip.

“Kiss me, Sana.“

Sana’s smile was so wide, it’s the last sight Dahyun saw before she closed her eyes as she felt Sana’s lips on hers, giving her the sweetest and most passionate kiss there is. Dahyun couldn’t think of a better feeling.

Time consists of moments. Right now, it feels as if time is theirs and no other people exist in the world but them. Time consists of moments, this is one of theirs.

“What are you two doing?“ Both the Japanese and the Korean flinched from the sudden sound behind them. The voice belonged to Nayeon who seemed clueless as they subtly yet hurriedly break off the kiss.

Sana slowly leaned away smirking, she whispered a quiet _’don’t worry, I got this’_ and winked at the Korean before facing their oldest member with confidence.

Dahyun trusted Sana to come up with a good excuse and it was good, but she couldn’t believe what she just heard as the words startled her. “Dahyunie’s making me remove her boogers, I needed to tilt her head to see them, she’s making me use my fingers.“

“What?“ Dahyun and Nayeon both exclaimed, looking at each other in confusion before the oldest reacted in disgust.

“Dubu, you know that I love you but tissues exist. That’s... that’s just... ew, dubu.“ Nayeon shook her head, weirded out by the world as she took a seat in front of her now bickering friends.

“That’s so wrong!“ Dahyun whispered in a yelling manner.

“But it worked!“ Sana replied in the same tone, careful not to be heard by Nayeon.

“Still, it’s wrong!“ Dahyun insisted as Jeongyeon and Momo arrived next.

“What’s going on here?“ The short-haired girl asked, taking a seat next to Nayeon.

“Dahyun made Sana remove her booger,“ Nayeon answered, making Jeongyeon gape and Momo stop on her tracks.

“I don’t even know how they came to that activity and I am not planning to,“ Jeongyeon said unbelievably. “But Sana? Don’t touch me today.“

Momo just stared, when Mina arrived, the ballerina exudes the same initial expression the main dancer and Jeongyeon had as she watched her best friend and Dahyun bicker in the back seat. “Moguri, what’s happening?“

“Satang removed Dahyun’s mucus,“ Momo answered, finally taking a seat besides Jeongyeon, making Sana look at her in disbelief.

“Mucus?“ It’s Mina and Sana’s turn to exclaim at the same time.

It’s funny how the ballerina looks lost. Dahyun would have laughed if she wasn’t embarrassed by the lie. “Mucus? The slippery, liquid secretion, green-yellow, mucus? That mucus?“ Mina asked, making the lead rapper to want to sink into her seat.

Momo nodded, pulling a confused Mina to sit beside her. “It’s a booger, Momoring, it’s not mucus,“ Sana corrected but Momo just shrugged her shoulders.

“It’s the same thing, the other is just dry. Therefore they are both... I don’t even know what to say,“ Momo said in surrender.

“Unnie, that’s so wrong,“ Dahyun huffed.

“I told you to stop calling me unnie,“ Sana said with a scowl.

Their other members arrived; Dahyun earned the same reactions from all of them before the car started when everyone got settled in.

“Unnie,“ Dahyun tried annoying Sana.

“Booger,“ Sana shot back, singing the word.

“Unnie,“ Dahyun pouted.

“Booger. Every time you call me unnie, I will call you booger,“ Sana said with a smile as Dahyun accepted her defeat. “So stop it with the unnie.“

“That’s still so wrong...“ Dahyun muttered making Sana chuckle before the Japanese wrapped both arms around the Korean’s waist, resting her head on the rapper’s chest, the whole ride getting filled with teasings and laughters.

—

Sana wasn’t lying when she said she’d take better care of Dahyun, the Japanese did more and better than how she did all those years they’ve known each other and it simply made Dahyun’s heart flutter every time.

Sana made sure she eats her meals. Sana made sure she doesn’t take anything that would hinder her sleep. Sana made sure she gets proper rest. Sana made sure to tend to her broken hand. Sana makes sure she’s comfortable. Sana makes sure she’s truly okay.

Every time Sana does this, the Korean is slowly finding herself getting more and more used to seeing and being with Sana that every little thing she accomplishes, small victories and tiny achievements, she immediately wanted to share with the Japanese.

Dahyun wants to share parts of her to Sana and it’s getting more apparent day by day. _Is that a good idea?_ “Shut up.“

The Korean is in front of her keyboard once again, wanting to play the keys but her splint wouldn’t allow her to. But her fingers are itching to do something and couldn’t help herself. “F it,“ Dahyun whispered.

The rapper took a deep breath before she squinted her eyes, as if not wanting to see what would happen once she undid her splint before slowly squeezing her hand into a fist. Dahyun’s eyes widened when she didn’t feel anything, the Korean expected pain, and to feel like her knuckles are actually back to normal made her grin from ear to ear in delight.

Dahyun immediately bolted up to find Sana who she saw sitting on a stool with her phone in her hands, the Korean walked over but the Japanese is too immersed in whatever she’s doing to even notice. “Sana,“ Dahyun called but the dancer just kept on typing.

“Sana...“ Dahyun tried again.

“Yes?“ Sana answered her distractedly.

“I want to show you something.“ Dahyun informed, her excitement dying down when Sana never once looked up.

“Maybe later, Dahyunnie.“

“Why?“

“I’m rather busy.“ Sana just kept on typing on her phone.

Dahyun pouted to herself, feeling stupid, Sana is just in front of her but it’s like she misses the Japanese. “Okay, unnie.“

Sana sighed, “Here we go again with the unnie part.“

This gave Dahyun an idea, she’s never been one to ask for attention but she just wanted the Japanese to look at her. “Unnie,“ Dahyun said, touching Sana’s phone screen.

Sana tried to move her phone away but Dahyun just repeated her action. “Unnie,“ the Korean reiterated but still the Japanese just kept on typing.

“Sana unnie, unnie, unnie, unnie, unnie,“ Dahyun repeated the words over and over again, touching the phone’s screen until the Japanese didn’t have much of a choice but to look.

“Booger.“ Sana whispered in feigned annoyance, but the truth is, she can never be irritated when the Korean is being this cute. “What is it that you wanted to show me so bad you interrupted what I was doing?“

“Look,“ she showed Sana her hands proudly. Dahyun watched the Japanese smiling, taking her hands gently. “It doesn’t hurt anymore. I can punch again.“

Despite Sana’s glad smile, the Japanese turned serious. “No more punching, Dahyunie.“

“Or what?“ Dahyun asked playfully.

“Or I’ll be the one to punch you,“ Dahyun couldn’t help but stare at Sana’s serious face before it turned into a smirk. “With my lips, because you’re adorable and pretty and cute, and I can’t resist cute people.“

“Yeah?“ Dahyun challenged, raising a brow even when her whole face is lighting up.

“Yeah,“ the Japanese answered. Dahyun then brought a fist up to Sana’s face, punching her slowly and lightly on the cheek.

“That’s bold,“ Sana grinned leaning closer to her as the Japanese whispered the next words. “I guess I have to punch you now.“

As soon as Dahyun’s eyes fluttered close, the Korean felt Sana’s lips on hers. The kiss is steady, their lips just lingered together, feeling each other before the Japanese pulled away. The kiss was tender and Dahyun couldn’t think of a better one. All of Sana’s kisses never fails to make her feel giddy — the soft ones, the sweet ones, the tender ones and even the passionate kisses, they all illicit one reaction.

“Do I punch well?“ Sana chuckled with her own question after they both opened their eyes.

“You do.“ Dahyun nodded, face heating up for basically admitting the Japanese is a good kisser so the Korean decided to change the subject. “What were you doing on your phone earlier? I’m sorry if I was an interruption. It seemed important.“

“I was talking to your doctor,“ Sana is smiling while pulling Dahyun closer to her by the waist. “I was asking when you would be able to take off the splint or what do I do if your hands are in pain.“

Dahyun’s heart swelled, Sana always makes her feel like an important person, someone who is worthy to be taken care of, but despite all of this, she couldn’t help but feel guilty about all the things the Japanese is doing for her. “I appreciate you, so much, I hope you know that. But Sana, you really don’t have to do all of these for me.“

_Careful or you’ll find yourself somewhere you really don’t want to be in._

Sana pulled Dahyun closer, placing both of the Korean’s hands gently on top of her shoulders. “I know that, but we already agreed that you’d let me take care of you, remember?“

“We did, but I can’t help but feel guilty you’re always here for me,“ Dahyun admitted.

_Guilty, huh? I said be careful. That’s dangerous, you’re exposing yourself again. You never learn._

“I do this not because I have to, but because I want to. Am I, perhaps, doing things I shouldn't?“ Sana questioned as Dahyun slowly shook her head no.

“But why, though? Why do this?“ Maybe Dahyun is a little bit than just curious.

_Looking for an answer... you’re fond of disappointments, aren’t you?_

“Is there supposed to be a reason?“ Sana asked.

In the very back of Dahyun’s mind, she just wanted an explanation to rationalize the situation — to know where to stand. But the Korean wanted to be selfish and not think, she just wants to keep all the feelings in without having to face anything, and that’s what she will do because if she doesn’t, she’s afraid that it will shift the story.

She doesn’t want the shift. She wants to stay here. With Sana.

“No... I guess not,“ Dahyun smiled. No need to think of things that doesn’t matter, she thought.

_Coward._

Random voices inside her head keeps on saying things she doesn’t want to listen to and they’re getting louder but seeing Sana’s bright smile, she had enough will power to shut them off and for once stop them with everything she got.

_Not today. You don’t get to ruin this day._

“Come here, let’s talk to your doctor.“ Sana gave her a kiss on the forehead, she spun her around and made her sit on her lap, the Japanese circled her arms around Dahyun’s body as they both directed their attentions towards the phone, the Korean immediately feeling comfortable as the voices completely died down.

There are moments much better than most, and Dahyun believes that this is one of those.

—

“I’m surprised your hand healed pretty quickly,“ the doctor said. “When you came here I doubted the splint would barely help with how bad the damage looked, I thought you’d be needing surgery. You must have taken a lot of care of your hands.“

Dahyun smiled to herself as the doctor continued to examine her hands; she turned her head to the side of where Sana is sitting to see the Japanese watching her doctor intently. “I have a great nurse.“

Sana’s and Dahyun’s eyes met, bashful and adoring smiles creeping up their faces. Dahyun swears she saw Sana about to lean forwards but stopped herself and resumed in watching her doctor.

“I think I know who that nurse is,“ the doctor smiled knowingly. “Is your nurse perhaps the person who is observing my every movement since you got here?“

Dahyun laughed in response, Sana shook her head with a bashful smile. “I guess you’re right, doc.“

“How can I not be when Sana practically bombarded my phone with messages for the past few weeks?“ Her doctor laughed, hearing from someone else how much the Japanese cares for her made her heart beat fast. “She knows I couldn’t discuss patient information so she insisted that they were situational, even though I knew they weren’t. Good thing this kid is my niece or I would have blocked her number long ago.“

“Oba,“ Sana whined while the doctor laughed wholeheartedly.

Dahyun’s eyes widened in surprise and amusement. “Wait, you two are related? But your surname is not Minatozaki.“

“You can say that. I’m her uncle’s wife, I use my maiden name at work... and there you go,“ the doctor finished attending to her hands. “Come back to me if you experience any kind of pain or discomfort especially at night.”

“Thank you,“ the Korean and the Japanese said in unison as they stood up from where they were sitting and turned to face the door. Sana guided Dahyun, her hand resting on the rapper’s lower back.

“Say hi to your best friends for me,“ the doctor said as they were nearing the door. “And Sana?“

Sana turned to face the doctor. “Yes, Oba?“ the Japanese watched her aunt look between her and the Korean before the doctor smiled dismissively.

“Never mind, perhaps I’m just quick in my assumptions,“ They watched as the doctor shake her head and dismissed them laughingly.

“Eh?“ Sana seemed clueless, but on the other hand, maybe... just maybe, Dahyun understands.

“Nothing,“ the doctor took a seat on her swivel chair. “Go on now with your lives, kids.“

“Thank you, Doctor Tanaka,“ Dahyun bowed.

“Miss Kim,“ the doctor calls before they can get out completely. “Call me Oba next time as well. See you around, Dahyun!“ the door closed.

Once out of earshot, Dahyun looked at Sana and asked, walking along the empty hallway of the hospital. “Oba?“

“It’s the Japanese term for _aunt_.“

“Your oba wants me to call her oba?“ Dahyun asked confused, somehow more to herself than to the Japanese.

“I guess so... is it weird?“ Sana questioned carefully.

“No,“ the Korean smiles. “Not at all.“

Stopping on her tracks, the Japanese took the Korean’s now healed hands gently, caressing Dahyun’s knuckles with her thumbs. “Your hand is all okay now.“ There was a hint of disappointment in Sana’s voice, making Dahyun confused.

“Why does it look like you’re not happy with that?“ Dahyun asked softly.

“Why wouldn’t I be happy you’re okay? Of course I am happy,“ Sana squeezed Dahyun’s hands gently. “But Dahyunie, please take better care of yourself from now on. That means no more punching when things get overwhelming. Please?“

It made Dahyun smile, if she’s being honest, she couldn’t think of a day she’s not smiling whenever she’s with Sana. “No more punching,“ the Korean said.

“Promise me?“ Sana asked with pleading eyes. Problem is, Dahyun doesn’t do promises and it took her a moment to formulate an answer, but the Japanese is impossible to resist.

“I promise,“ Dahyun nodded.

_You’re making promises now? That’s a huge leap, to the unknown, and you know that. We’re getting courageous, huh._

_Don’t start_ , Dahyun thought.

Sana smiled, more honestly this time. “I got so used to your splint I almost forgot how it feels to hold your hand.“ Dahyun watched the Japanese lift her hands to place small, soft kisses on her knuckles, filling her heart with tenderness.

“Do you know what else I realized?“ Sana asked. Dahyun thinks she would die if the Japanese says or does one more thing that would make her heart dance, but sometimes she keeps on forgetting that it’s Minatozaki Sana she’s with. “I haven’t kissed you yet, at least not with your hands healed.“

“Smooth,“ the Korean rolled her eyes playfully making the Japanese smirk.

“I am,“ the Japanese affirmed proudly.

“You know what _I_ realized?“ It’s Dahyun’s turn to ask. Two can play at this game.

“Huh?“ Sana became more confused when the Korean started to push by her torso until she realized her back is flat against the white wall of a quiet hospital hallway.

“I haven’t kissed you while being able to hold you.“ Dahyun’s hand caressed the back of Sana’s neck then using her other hand to trace her face going to her nose and finally her lips.

Dahyun knew she’s starting to affect the Japanese by the way Sana breathes, like they’re on water and the pressure makes it hard to find air, but Sana knows the game and apparently she plays very well. “Kiss me then.“

_Sana is the game._

“Stop being demanding, Miss Minatozaki.“ Dahyun’s voice is hoarse, she didn’t do that on purpose, but Sana’s effect is something beyond her control.

_Sana is beyond her control._

The Japanese’s voice is a lot huskier than hers and it wanted to make the Korean’s knees buckle. “Start kissing me then, Miss Kim.“

Before Dahyun could stop, she found herself kissing the Japanese in a way that made Sana gasp and run out of air making her withdrew to breathe but Dahyun used the hand she has on Sana’s nape to pull at her and deepen their kiss.

It was their first kiss and the Korean loved the way she’s able to hold onto the Japanese. Dahyun opened her eyes and gave Sana a peck before she leaned away completely.

“You definitely haven’t kissed me like that,“ the Korean smirked by how breathless the Japanese sounds. “Yes, you definitely haven’t.“

Before Dahyun could respond, she found herself trapped between Sana’s arms against the wall when the Japanese reversed their positions only to kiss her again.

“You know we’re in a hospital, right?“ Dahyun laughed as she panted after breaking contact. “Is this really an appropriate place for this? There are people grieving here, you know.“

“Yeah? Where did you expect me to kiss you, inside the company car?“ Sana nuzzled Dahyun’s cheek.

“At least that would make me feel guilt free,“ the Korean pointed out.

“Dahyunie, kissing along an empty hospital hallway is better than kissing inside the company car,“ the Japanese pulled her closer by the waist. “Know why?“

“Elaborate.“

Sana made a face. “Here, if someone sees us, they are more likely to give us the privacy. But if a company driver sees us, that would be a mess, that would start a rumor inside JYPE.“

“Rumor? What rumor?“

“That I’m snaking,“ Sana said in a straight face but frowned over Dahyun’s next words.

“It’s not rumor, it’s common sense.“

Sana gasped. “Rude!“

“No printer, just fax.“ Dahyun laughed, giving the Japanese a wink that made Sana smile by how the Korean did it.

“Now look who’s spending time on the internet.“

“I have to keep up now that I can use my hands properly again.“

There was silence with only their breathing to be heard before the Japanese spoke again. “Let’s see if you can keep up with me; if I’m a snake, then you’re my prey.“ Sana teasingly added, pulling her towards the exit stairwell.

Once outside, Sana locked the door and gave her many more kisses after that, they both laughed their hearts out and made out without a care in the world.

Dahyun wished it’s always like this.

—

Another month had passed and it truly felt like the bond she has with the girls is now stronger than ever, even more so with a certain Japanese. After her hand healed she has been able to contribute to their group a lot since.

Producing music is still as frustrating, she couldn’t just throw in anything she wants, she has to align it to a certain image and certain sound their group is trying to convey. However, a certain Japanese never stopped sprouting her encouragements and praises, inspiring her more to bring her ideas out in the open, and because of that, a lot of her works and suggestions got approved by the girls and their team.

It feels so rewarding.

She wanted to bask and keep the feeling for as long as she can, but of course, life still isn’t perfect. It had truly been better lately, better than what it felt like in ages, but the bad things she has to deal with never really disappeared.

Even with the existence of time and progression of existence, some things never change. Sometimes when it’s a lot to handle, time could stop and it could create a void, an empty space.

Dahyun jumped when she felt someone embracing her from behind but soon relaxed when she took in the identity of the person without even facing her. “What are you doing up, Sana? You scared me.“

The Japanese started swaying her softly with her head on Dahyun’s neck, engaging her in a mini slow dance inside the kitchen while she was facing the counter making ramen. It feels like everything is good.

_I can do this forever._

Dahyun knows that this is going all too fast, but she doesn’t want to think about that anymore. She doesn’t want to stop this. Who wouldn’t want something this perfect?

But perfect doesn’t exist.

“I suddenly woke up missing you, what are you doing up so early this time?“ Sana hummed, that made Dahyun smile, taking in the Japanese’s sweet and sleepy voice. She’s well aware that the Japanese had been continually turning her into a pile of mush and she doesn’t want that to stop either.

“I had a nightmare,“ she admitted.

“Again? Was it... bad?“ The Japanese asked carefully.

“No. Not bad, but you know I have troubles to get back to sleep when I wake up in the middle of the night.“

“Want to talk about it?“ Dahyun considered but decided against it in the end. “I hope it’s not about me.“

Her nightmare, it’s about one of the things that made her who she is and why she is the way she is today; parts of herself that she kept hidden for as long as she can remember. But Sana just had this effect on her, more so now after everything that happened and is still happening.

Sana makes her want to spill her deepest and darkest secrets, but it’s 4 am and the Japanese just woke up looking like the purest person alive. She doesn’t want to burden her. Dahyun doesn’t want her to carry over the weight of her this early in the morning. It’s simply not the best timing for drama.

“Maybe next time. And dreaming of you will never be a nightmare, you know?“ Dahyun felt Sana lift her head from her neck.

“Do you dream of me, Dahyunie?“ Sana asked sweetly, but she heard something else dripping from the Japanese’s voice.

“I do,“ the Korean admitted honestly.

“And in the morning? Do you think of me then?“ Sana’s mouth is so close to her ears, the warm breaths making the hairs on the back of her neck stand up.

 _Yes_. But the question seems so intense that the Korean wasn’t able to form an answer.

“Do you want some ramen?“ Dahyun turned to face Sana.

The Japanese gave her the most adorable sleepy grin, “Not really, can I have a little something other than ramen though?“

“Other food?“ Dahyun asked making Sana laugh.

“I knew you didn’t get it, but no, something much sweeter... much tender... much softer... and something I prefer more than food.“ Sana breathed before claiming Dahyun’s lips.

 _Of course_. Dahyun smirked against Sana.

Dahyun thought of the first kiss they shared, Sana’s reason still makes her smile until now but it’s true, she proved it to be true. Kissing really did reduce stress. Trust her when she says she hasn’t felt stressed in what seems like a really long time.

Sana’s hand settled on Dahyun’s jaw, making her tilt her head, the other on her waist. The tender kiss grew more passionate as they kept on locking lips. The Japanese move between her upper and lower lip alternately making her feel dizzy, before she settled on nibbling her lower lip and biting it lightly, making her suck in a lot of air.

Sana is literally taking her breath away.

Sensing the Korean’s breathlessness, Sana withdrew only to place kisses to her jaw to let her breathe but it only made her gasp softly. This made the rapper hold onto Sana, her other hand on the dancer’s shoulder and the other on the back of her head pushing Sana closer.

Sana started to suck subtly on her pulse point, it felt a little unsure but it didn’t make Dahyun feel less intoxicated from the sensation it gives her whole body. The Japanese then started trailing her kisses on the Korean’s neck, making Dahyun lean over the counter. If she wasn’t flexible, there’s a good chance she would have broken her back considering their position but even then, she doubts she would feel any pain for Sana’s lips and what they make her feel are the only thing in her mind.

Sana is definitely an amazing kisser, there’s no doubt to it. Dahyun is a living proof to confirm that, but the thought suddenly made her think about how many people the Japanese had kissed before. Sana is famous for a lot of things and being affectionate is one of them, she is always seen by the public involved in skinships, but the true nature of Sana in that area is relatively unknown to her but she’s guessing the Japanese has a lot of experience if she’s able to do these things.

The thought made a shift in Dahyun’s mood as the voices she’s been able to push away appeared one by one.

_She’s toying with you._

_No._

Dahyun felt Sana gently sucking her earlobe now, making her breathe heavily.

_You mean nothing to her and when she’s done with you, she’ll leave you too._

_She wouldn’t do that._

Dahyun felt Sana’s hands wandering on her sides before she felt them under her shirt, rubbing her soothingly, warm hands against a cold body.

It feels so good. She never did this before with me.

_I bet she can make someone else feel like this too: lightheaded, intoxicated. You know she can, she’s Minatozaki Sana. And you, who are you? A messed up Kim Dahyun._

_She wouldn’t hurt me like that. She’s not Somi, damn it!_

Sana started peppering kisses from her neck to her collarbone, she felt the Japanese suck and bite lightly on her skin but not too much to leave a mark, but enough to make her feel as if she wanted to leave a mark.

_How sure are you? How much do you know the girl? Look, she’s claiming you but in reality who are you to her? No one._

_I mean something to her! Can you just fuck off?_

_Oh, do you now? I’m inside your head. I know your thoughts because I am your thoughts. I know you know that you don’t. I tried warning you._

The thoughts are getting louder and louder that not even Sana’s kisses can muffle them off. How can she if it’s directed to her? Dahyun felt Sana’s arms moving upward until it came dangerously close to her chest.

_She’s using you. It doesn’t mean anything and you know that._

_You don’t know shit!_

_Exactly. We don’t know shit._

“Stop,“ the rapper breathed. She can’t handle the thoughts anymore but the Japanese seems to be in another state not being able to hear her so she gently pushed Sana away but not before placing a gentle peck on her lips, trying to remind herself and desperately wanting to feel that this girl would never hurt her.

Unfortunately, the thoughts won.

_Sana cares for you?_

_Sana is like that with everyone. What makes you different?_

Sana will hurt her eventually. When Sana’s done with her, Sana will leave her too. And she, will once again be more broken and by herself, alone to gather her pieces.

_She’ll leave._

_Just like everyone else did._

“Easy, I’m not going anywhere,“ the Korean joked to cover the fact that her chest suddenly felt heavy with the realization.

“Hmm, I’m sorry. But I did say I woke up missing you.“ Sana replied with gentleness in her voice. She looked at her eyes again before placing her head on Dahyun’s shoulder one more time and giving her a soft kiss on the neck, resuming the position of their embrace earlier.

It sort of became their thing, the staring, it makes Dahyun feel positive with everything but even that she lost. Every time Sana looks at her, she makes her feel like the only person she had laid her eyes at. Now she’s not so sure, maybe she was never sure. They say that the eyes are windows to the soul, but it’s impossible for someone with a broken soul to look at someone else’s soul and see what’s real and right now what Dahyun sees is what she trusts.

_You’re not as lovable as you think. You’re not even likable. And Minatozaki Sana thinks the same. You know that, Dahyun._

_I do know._

Dahyun wrapped her arms around Sana and rested her chin on top of the Japanese’s head. She was overwhelmed with the sudden feeling of wanting to claim Sana, to prove herself wrong, to be able to believe that the Japanese would not leave her in a snap, but the thing is: _she can, can’t she?_ Sana can do whatever she wants. That is reality, that is what’s real.

“Do you want some ramen now?“ Sana laughed and nodded her head this time, unaware of the Korean’s blank face and the faraway look in her eyes.

Sana let go of Dahyun to get her own bowl for the ramen and as if on cue, they heard the alarm go off from the room Sana shared with the others.

”Wait, let me go to the bathroom first to make it seem like I got up just now,“ Sana whispered, placing a swift kiss on her cheek before making her way out of the kitchen.

Dahyun watched Sana’s retreating form with her forehead in a crease.

_Is that even necessary?_

But Sana is not hers; therefore Sana can do whatever she wants. After all, there isn’t such thing as perfect.

—

Over the next weeks, they found their hands full again. Finishing up the music, recording the songs, choosing what to put in the album and of course identifying what would be the best single to release.

That’s why when Sana asks if she’s avoiding her, she has the perfect reason to say no and tell her she’s just busy; the Japanese would have no other choice but to agree because they’re in the same group after all, meaning that Sana is just as preoccupied as her. The kissing also stopped, making the ones in the kitchen the last.

She misses Sana, she doesn’t deny that, but whenever she sees her, thoughts of Sana kissing other people the way she kisses her or even more than that makes her sick. It reminds her of all the things she lacks. She can’t handle the idea of being so easily replaceable. She misses Sana, but she doesn’t want to feel that way. The thoughts, they suffocate her and whenever she tried to get close to Sana, it triggers everything and they wouldn’t let her breathe.

She’s spiraling. She can’t take it. She can’t take any more.

They just got out of a meeting with JYP, they are on their way back to the studio when Dahyun felt Sana trying to intertwine their fingers together. Dahyun pretended not to notice and brought her hand up to touch Chaeyoung’s forehead instead, “Chae, you look pale, are you okay?“

 _What an asshole move._ Dahyun almost winced; did she really use that as an excuse? But she really meant her concern, Chaeyoung looks like she’s about to throw up.

“Dude, I feel dizzy,“ Chaeyoung informed her weakly, making all of them stop on their tracks when their rapper sat down.

“Do you want to go back to the dorm?“ Jeongyeon, asked, she’s always been one of the most caring among everyone.

“I can arrange your schedule if you want to rest,“ Jihyo offered but Chaeyoung just shook her head.

“Thank you, unnies but I think it’s just because I lack sleep. We can just go back to the studio and I’ll rest there,“ Chaeyoung stood up and Mina immediately held her for support.

“You have to take better care of yourself, Chae, in that way you could grow more,“ Nayeon joked but handed her water to their younger member, earning a grunt from the rapper but taking a sip from the bottle nonetheless. Nayeon acts like one of the maknaes but she can honestly be one of the moms besides Jihyo and Jeongyeon at times like this.

Unbelievable, yes, but it’s true. At least sometimes it is.

“Let me carry your things,“ Tzuyu said taking her bag, not giving Chaeyoung a chance to decline.

“Tzuyu and Mina turn into the most caring person for Chaeyoung, don’t they?“

Nayeon laughed suddenly. “What you jealous, Momo?“

”Stop, I just noticed!“ the dancer whined, clearly done with the teasing. “You’re spending way too much time with Sana,“ Momo pointed out making all the attention turn to the other Japanese.

“Momoring, don’t make this about me. Listen to yourself being defensive,“ Sana shook her head slowly acting disappointed. “It’s not my fault that you’re obvious and Nayeon’s perceptive.“ Sana gave an amused smile.

“You’re just not used to being around genuine affection because you fling yourself to any human available,“ Momo shot back.

In the corner, Dahyun smiled sadly but no one saw because they’re too focused on the banter of the two Japanese. Hearing those words from Sana’s own best friend made everything more plausible. It will only hurt her in the end. She can’t take any more.

“And what does that have to do with your feelings for our ballerina, Hirai?“ Sana questioned.

“You mistaking Mina and I’s simple amiability for something else because you flirt with anything that breathes,“ Momo retorts with a proud smile.

However, it vanished when the other Japanese laughed aloud repeating the word amiability. “Okay Momo, keep spending time with Mina, you’re becoming smarter that way. Minari’s teaching you well, huh? And here I thought you’d be the one to do the teaching.“ Sana wiggled her eyebrows at the insinuation.

Momo’s eyes widening as Sana ran behind Dahyun to hide. “Yah, Satang! There are children here!“

Momo’s eyes widened more when she heard Nayeon whisper to Jihyo laughingly making their leader laugh as well, “She didn’t deny it.“

“I don’t want to hear this, anymore,“ Tzuyu chimed in turning her back on Momo to face Chaeyoung instead.

“Sana unnie, that statement made me sicker, you know?“ Chaeyoung said, laughing weakly, resting her head on Tzuyu’s shoulder.

Embarrassed with Sana’s teasing, Momo felt burning on her cheeks that she was unable to redeem herself so she turned her attention towards the youngest Japanese who is smiling in amusement to ask for help. “You two, always teasing each other lately. We all know you both love each other endlessly, anyway. Don’t tease Moguri so much, Satang if you don’t want this one to die stress-eating her jokbal,“ Mina laughed.

“And Chaeyoung doesn’t look so good, we better head back or she’ll be the first one to go before Momo’s jokbal induced death,“ Jeongyeon informed them with a worried smile.

As they all started walking back Dahyun, who remained silent the entire time to take in all of Momo’s words, felt a hand grabbing her wrist and before she knew it, she was being dragged in an empty corner of the hallway.

“Dahyunie,“ Sana dragged her words once they are unseen and threw her arms around Dahyun’s waist in a tight embrace before sighing contentedly.

“Sana, let’s go back... the others might wonder,“ the Korean sighed. How can she get a hold of herself if the Japanese won’t give her space? How can she prepare for when Sana leaves if Sana clings to her like this?

_What even is this?_

“Let them.“ Sana burrowed her face on the crook of the Korean’s neck just like how she always did. “Can we stay like this for a while?“ Sana asked almost pleadingly.

Dahyun’s heart constricted inside her chest but the Korean wouldn’t let it affect her, she doesn’t want to feel the feelings the Japanese withdraws from her. Dahyun tried to stop it, but instead she felt an almost painful coil around her throat which she tried to exhale away.

“We have a lot of things to do, Sana.“ She felt Sana’s arms loosen so she tried to walk away but Sana held her in place.

“But I miss you,“ the Japanese sighed.

“We’ve got a lot on our plate today, Sana,“ Dahyun repeated, annoyance apparent in her voice, that Sana caught on to causing the Japanese to lift her head from the Korean’s shoulder making them look from eye to eye.

“What?“ Dahyun asked the Japanese holding her by the waist.

“We’re okay, right?“ Sana’s face looks confused but hopeful.

“Right,“ Dahyun answered giving Sana the best smile she could despite her growing annoyance.

Why can’t Sana just let her go?

Why can’t Sana just let this go?

_It’s not real and Sana needs to let go._

“Then kiss me first,“ Sana demanded with a tone that Dahyun didn’t like. She made it sound like the Korean is entitled to her. It made things roll inside the rapper’s mind, it made her feel small, it made her feel helpless, like she won’t be able to control anything, like she’s the one controlled. It did things to her mind.

Then everything went blank.

Dahyun figured Sana wouldn’t let her go if she doesn’t and will probably keep on prodding, so she kissed her. Hard. The way she’s never kissed her before, the way to just make her shut up, the way its sloppiness makes it feel she like hates it. She felt Sana frowning as she continued to take dominance. Dahyun didn’t let the girl whose lips are mashing with hers breathe and when Sana tried to open her mouth to gasp for air, the Korean used her tongue to enter her mouth.

She felt the Japanese turn rigid from the roughness of her kiss and after, she did the unthinkable; one of the biggest mistakes she could have possibly ever committed. She grabbed Sana’s chest and started kneading it. It wasn’t harsh but it wasn’t gentle either, just enough to make the Japanese feel small. Dahyun felt Sana stiffen even more, her kisses coming to a slow as she registered what the rapper is doing, but she wouldn’t let Sana be the one to end it either.

_I’m in control. I’m in control. I’m in control._

So she held both of Sana’s wrists that are resting on her waist, a little too tight for the Japanese girl making her flinch before Dahyun pushed it away as if the touch disgusted her.

Sana is panting with her brows furrowed and face falling, engaged in a staring contest with Dahyun, the Korean on the other hand gave her a smile, one the Japanese has never seen before. It’s cold and fake and insulting, “Happy?“

Dahyun left without another word, leaving Sana perplexed, and disappointed, pained and mortified altogether.

Sana is not hers, just like she isn’t Sana’s.

Time seemed to stop, all those in motion ceased movements. It made everything more painful. Time stopped and it created a void, now there’s space in between them. It’s dark, vast, empty and dead.

The Japanese avoided her after that, and the next day, and the next, and the next, and the next, and the next... and honestly, she would avoid herself too.

—

“Who do you think is the prettiest among your group, Dahyun?“ the interviewer asked. They’re on a radio show and somehow, questions kept on getting thrown at her.

“Tzuyu!“ Dahyun answered without hesitation.

“And?“ Nayeon suddenly asked on the other side.

“Nayeon unnie,“ Dahyun added with a chuckle.

“Tzuyu is absolutely the prettiest, Dahyun is just scared Nayeon would suffocate her in her sleep if she doesn’t say her name,“ Jeongyeon said over the mic earning a laugh from everyone.

“Yah, if you don’t stop throwing lies, you’re the one I’m going to suffocate,“ Nayeon retorted.

“What about your two most responsible member?“ the interviewer asked another one.

“Jeongyeon unnie and Mina unnie,“ Dahyun smiled. “Jeongyeon unnie is like our mom, she likes cleaning—“

“Yah!“ Jeongyeon interrupted. “All of you always say that about me, stop it with the cleaning and say something else.“

“But you love being clean so much, you literally kick Momo unnie out of your room for being messy,“ Dahyun laughed.

“Stop exposing me, Dubu!“ Momo interjected.

“Momo is the messiest and rooming with her is like rooming with a rat, she’s so disorganized, she makes my head hurt.“ Jeonyeon made a face of distaste.

“ONCE don’t believe Jeong, she’s just exaggerating,“ Momo tried to regain honor but everyone expressed their disagreement. “But Nayeon is as messy as me and I don’t hear any of you complaining!“

“Ugh, let’s not get started with that one.“ Jeongyeon spoke over the mic. “Tzuyu tell them what happened inside the dance practice room.“

“Nayeon unnie ate a banana, she just placed the peel on the counter and I guess it fell and Chaengie here stepped on it and slipped,“ Tzuyu relayed. “Chaengie didn’t get to practice that day because her back hurt from the fall.“

“Hey, I’m keeping my mouth shut here.“ Nayeon let out a pout, still apologetic from of the incident.

“Then Mina unnie is the next neatest person in our group, whenever I go inside their room, I see her cleaning Nayeon unnie and Jihyo unnie’s mess,“ Dahyun said over the mic, eyes subtly darting over Sana across the table, trying to gauge her reaction for deliberately leaving her name but the Japanese remained emotionless, gaze trained on her microphone.

The Korean rapper feels like... shit, for the lack of a better word. What she did to Sana never left her mind, as much as she wants to approach the Japanese, she figured it’s better if they stay away from each other for a while. Nevertheless, it didn’t stop her from doing things that would hopefully catch Sana’s attention because she’s hopeful that they can go from there. She wanted to apologize so badly, but every time she tries to, humiliation from her actions gets in the way.

“Hey, I’m organized!“ Dahyun’s attention shifted to Jihyo who chimed in.

“As our leader, you are a very organized person, Jihyo unnie. But as someone we live with inside the dorm...“ Dahyun trailed.

“We can’t say the same,“ Chaeyoung finished for Dahyun earning bunch of agreements and teasing from the group, making Jihyo smile gently in defeat.

“And the sexiest or hottest one in your group?“ the interviewer asked.

“That’s easy: Momo unnie,“ Dahyun answered with confidence, other members agreeing with her without second thoughts.

“She’s sexiest when she dances,“ Mina said earning knowing looks from their friends, the youngest Japanese blushed. Dahyun felt everyone’s attention turn to Sana, expecting her to annoy her best friends, but that stopped too ever since the... incident. Sana appeared more drawn back, whilst the others noticed, they didn’t ponder so much about it because Sana kept on insisting she’s fine despite the obvious changes.

Nayeon was the other member who could match Sana when it comes to irritating the others; the oldest member seemed to fill in for the spot of teasing Momo and Mina when she was the one who spoke instead. “Mina is blushing,“ the oldest pointed out, Mina slapped Nayeon’s arm softly as the lead vocalist continued in her laughter.

“Thank you, Mitang,“ Momo said over her microphone making Mina’s face redder on how the dancer said it with utmost sincerity and appreciation.

“Now Mina is dying.“ Everyone bursts out laughing this time even the interviewer by Nayeon’s bluntness, but one. Dahyun looked across the table to find Sana looking at her best friends, only smiling at them before training her eyes on her microphone once more.

”Momo has the most beautiful body among all of us, especially her abs. I really admire her abs. I want her abs,“ Jihyo spoke over her microphone and everyone nodded their head in agreement. “But if you all see her workout routine, you all would understand why she has that body. She’s a hardworking person.“

“Thank you,“ Momo replied, even bowing her head to express her deep gratitude.

The next question of the radio host seemed to have caught Sana’s attention. “If you were a guy, who would you want to kiss or date among your members?“ Dahyun saw the Japanese lift her head to look at her from the corner of her eyes.

“I think we all know who that is,“ Chaeyoung said over her microphone playfully, the others chuckling in response.

Dahyun pretended to think over her answer, scanning the faces of the people inside the room. Her gaze darted to Sana for a split second before turning to the interviewer and spoke without a second thought, “Probably Jeongyeon unnie.“

“Huh?“ Everyone gave her a confused look; they were all expecting her to say the same answer she always says. Dahyun is consistent with her answer for that particular question and saying a different name kind of puzzled her friends looking between her and Sana who wore a smirk on her face but kept quiet still. Dahyun wanted to see more reaction from Sana, but she guesses that’s it.

“Why?“ Jeongyeon asked curiously.

“You’re beautiful Jeongyeon unnie. I think your style makes you stand out the most, you have gentle eyes, your features are really expressive and I really think you fit the girl crush concept but even when you change your style, you’re still really beautiful.“ Jeongyeon is truly in awe by Dahyun’s words, but it turned to a scowl when the lead rapper continued making the others laugh. “Plus your face looks really clean.“

“Here we are again to the clean part,“ Jeongyeon sighed. She’s truly done being regarded as someone who likes to and is really clean.

“Unnie, out of everything I said that’s your reaction?“ Dahyun grunted.

“Fine, thank you, dubu.“ Jeongyeon replied smilingly.

“But Jeongyeon unnie hates to be kissed, so I’d say Momo unnie. She’s also really stunning and caring and despite being the messiest, she’s also one of the most hardworking person that I know,“ Dahyun said truthfully. “She’s very loyal too.“

Her last words made Sana look at her for a short moment before once again settling to stare at her microphone.

“Also she eats well so I think she’ll be really fun to date,“ Dahyun chuckled earning the same reaction from the people inside the room but one.

“Thank you, Dahyunie.“ Momo once again thanked, their main dancer clearly humbled from the compliments she revealed.

“Okay, so first Mina, then Jihyo. Now what have you given to Dahyun to make her say all this Momo?“ Nayeon asked with amusement in her voice.

“What, you jealous, Nabongs?“ Momo laughed, everyone remembering their banter days ago.

“No. As long as Jeongyeon picks me to be the person she wants to date, I’m fine,“ Nayeon retorted with a confident smirk. “You pick me, don’t you, Jeong?“

Their lead vocalist made a face at Nayeon before answering, ”I’d rather die alone or even date JYP-nim than pick you.“ Once again everyone in the room laughed as Nayeon pouted.

“Why don’t I just kill you now?“ Nayeon retorted.

“You can’t. You love me, Nabongs,“ Jeongyeon answered smoothly, Nayeon earning different comments from the other members.

“It’s Nayeon’s turn to die now,“ Mina said with humor, getting back on Nayeon while the oldest member is clearly flustered.

“You girls are crazy,“ the interviewer laughed, obviously adored. “Last question for... Sana.“

Everyone’s attention, including Dahyun’s, turned to the Japanese who never spoke all this time unless being spoken to. Sana waited for the question patiently.

“Quote one of your member’s favorite saying.“

“Everyone’s favorite saying varies from time to time but I remember this one from Mina when we were just trainees: hate is not the opposite of love but indifference. I think it’s something very deep and something that you won’t fully understand unless you go through it. You still care when you hate someone, but when you feel nothing towards them, that’s how you can hurt them easily because they mean nothing to you. And another one that says: love is doing small things with great love. I think it’s very beautiful and something we can all agree on. It doesn’t matter how trivial, as long as you give your all and tried your hardest to make it work, then that’s all that matters.“

All of the members kept quiet and nodded their heads as they registered Sana’s answer, the Japanese’s words were truly meaningful and answered with so much certainty that made it sound like it was rehearsed.

Dahyun kept her gaze focused on Sana after that, but the Japanese never once looked up to meet her eyes again.

The radio host thanked the girls and the listeners and vice versa before the segment ended. The rest of the day went by a blur for all of the girls, the only thing evident was Sana’s silence. It felt like she’s missing from them, the absence of her free spirit clearly making a difference in the group.

—

“So whoever wins this game will be given a price courtesy of the show. Anything the winner wants, they’ll get,“ the host explained. Everyone cheered; all of them love friendly competitions.

“Our last game is non-other than: the pepero game,“ Dahyun and her friends groaned, they should have known. “Since there are nine of you, one should forfeit or if anyone who simply doesn’t want to join, raise your hand.“

Jihyo, Jeongyeon and Tzuyu’s hands immediately shot up to the air. Of course, it’s the trio who are allergic to closeness.

“There are six of you so you can now all choose your partner,“ the host informed.

Dahyun instantly pulled Momo, the Japanese half surprised but put her arms around her shoulders nonetheless.

Chaeyoung and Mina no matter how much she loves the both of them, gets shy easily so there’s a really big chance they’d bite down the pepero even before it comes to half. Nayeon might be a sure win but she’s too playful she would break the pepero because of her silly ways.

As for Sana, well she isn’t exactly on speaking terms with Sana or simply, Sana is not speaking to her. The Japanese avoiding her like the plague, she doesn’t blame her though, she’s knows that she’s an asshole. Despite knowing that she is, Dahyun refuses to apologize or talk to the Japanese. It may be because she’s still embarrassed or simply because she’s too tired of her own emotions to deal with them. Whatever the reason is, the Korean doesn’t want to think about it anymore.

Because the moment she starts thinking, she would begin to feel again. And honestly, feeling anything right now sucks. After the radio interview she found herself spiraling, Sana’s words replaying inside her head making her feel shittier than she already does.

So that leaves Momo. Momo is the best person available, she’s controlled and wants to win as much as Dahyun. She really wanted a massage chair ever since they’ve debuted, but for some reason they never got one.

When the game started Dahyun eyed Momo only to see her focused on the pepero, they inched closer and closer until their lips almost touched. On one side they heard the host saying Mina and Chaeyoung already bit their pepero so that leaves her and Momo, Nayeon and Sana.

Dahyun shifted her head sideways as Momo inched closer, making sure the pepero’s as little as possible, she looked at Momo and the Japanese wiggled her eyebrows signaling her to bite it down but before they could, they felt someone push their heads together. By the proximity of their faces, that little push made their lips touch fully. They heard laughter as they bit down the pepero in a hurry right after.

Dahyun turned to the people laughing at them, Jihyo and Tzuyu both laughingly pointed at Jeong who went to hide behind Mina and Chaeyoung who was laughing as well, while pointing out at a red faced Momo. So she was the culprit.

“Jeongyeon unnie!“ Dahyun groaned.

“Why does it always have to be me who’s pushed around? I’m quitting TWICE, you all hate me,“ Momo complained, hiding her face behind her hands, walking towards Mina to hide her face on the youngest Japanese’s neck instead before handing the host their pepero that apparently Momo had been holding.

The hosts laughed by how small their pepero is, clearly impressed. But Dahyun just watched Momo who kept on concealing her face on the crook of Mina’s neck, the ballerina still laughing at her embarrassment but holding onto her lovingly still. The scene in front of her is so awfully familiar it made the constrictions inside her chest resurface.

Dahyun turned her head to look at the opposite side of the room where Nayeon and Sana stood. Their oldest member now laughing at Jeongyeon who is being slapped by a still blushing Momo, while the girl that’s been making Dahyun’s chest heavy stood there in silence once more, smiling but with eyes void with emotions.

—

They’re now practicing the choreography for their new possible single. The theme is well, romantic and passionate. Dahyun is not used to this genre, she’s more comfortable with hip hop, but still, she wouldn’t be an artist if she can’t be diverse.

However, being partnered with Sana on a particular part messed up her system and kept on missing the step. Sana sighed when Dahyun’s moves were once again late. “Before the beat, that’s when you do the spin, Dahyun,“ her Japanese partner explained with clear weariness in her voice.

“Let’s do it one more time,“ Jihyo called in the corner. Their leader and the other members sitting on different parts of their dance room resting for a bit until she and Sana can work out their step.

Dahyun winced when she came in late again. They’ve been repeating this over and over and it’s clear that Sana’s growing tired of it already; the Korean just can’t seem to correct it.

And of course, accidents are bound to happen when a clumsy Korean and a frustrated Japanese gets partnered.

Sana’s already in position and they’re supposed to meet each other in the middle, but Dahyun found herself being a beat late again and because of this her right elbow hit Sana’s jaw with a loud thud making the Japanese stumble and grunt.

“What the hell, Dahyun!“ Sana grimaced holding her jaw, clearly in pain. That hit made her own elbow ache; she can just imagine the pain Sana is feeling right now.

“Sana are you okay?“ A worried Momo approached her best friend with Mina. Jihyo stopped the music to make her way towards Sana as well.

“Sana, it’s bruising,“ Mina pointed out, making a face as she gently let go of Sana’s face, sympathetic of the pain her best friend is feeling.

Dahyun was about to apologize when Sana passed between the two other Japanese to face her. “What is so hard with spinning before the beat, Dahyun?“

Sana is clearly irritated and for some reason this also made Dahyun’s blood boil, “I’m used to hip hop Sana, stop being a baby, it was an accident.“

“I’m the baby?“ Sana’s brows furrowed as she walked towards her, only stopping when she finally stood a feet away from the Korean. Both of them started hearing interjections from their members but Sana just simply held one hand up to make them stop.

“You’re the one who can’t follow a simple freaking instruction!“ Sana yelled making everyone’s eyes round in clear surprise. She’s never like this. She never yelled and she was always level headed. “You freaking spin before the freaking beat, then we freaking meet in the freaking middle and do the stupid freaking routine!“ Each word that comes out of the Japanese’s mouth is painfully spiteful.

Dahyun was unable to form a response, her angered resolve dissolving but not enough to offer an apology. Call it pride but she’s done feeling wrong even though she clearly is. Sana stared at Dahyun in a way that made her feel small. The usual tenderness she used to look at Dahyun with completely gone, replaced with pure exhaustion and something she couldn’t even name. The thought that it was her fault why Sana’s like this makes her want to puke, but she wants to be in control of her emotions now, not the other way around.

Momo put a hand on Sana’s shoulder to calm her down but the younger Japanese only shrugged it off. “Teach your member the steps, Momo,“ Sana coldly directed at the dancer as she walked away to collect her things.

“Where are you going, Sana?“ Jeongyeon called when the Japanese made her way straight to the door.

“Back to the dorm - I’m sorry, I can’t really do this right now, and my jaw really hurts. I’m going to ice it there. You can continue the practice, I promise I’ll catch up,“ the Japanese announced before letting herself out, not even sparing anyone a glance.

Dahyun remained glued on her spot, eyes never leaving the door Sana just walked through. The room is silent again, Sana is not here, it doesn’t feel right. A few seconds passed and no one dared to speak, letting Sana’s outburst sink in.

Was this what it felt like when Dahyun lost control in the studio months ago? She remembered how Sana found her that day; she remembered the company and the comfort. Guilt washes over her.

_No. You’ve got this._

Dahyun frowned; she doesn’t even know what she’s trying to prove here. Awkwardness in the air was palpable; it was almost painful to be inside that room suddenly, until Tzuyu cleared her throat and took the initiative to speak. “I think we should call this a day, unnies. It’s late anyway and we’re all worn out.“

Everybody nodded their head and started to fix their things.

“Hey, you okay?“ Chaeyoung caught Dahyun’s attention when her best friend approached.

“Yeah,“ Dahyun smiled weakly. They both walked to where their things were placed. Dahyun fished her phone inside her bag to look at the time but there was one message there that piqued her attention.

_20:29 (Kim Jisoo) - Dubs, we’re throwing a party before our album launch. Wondering if you wanted to come, you can invite the others too._

It’s only 11:05 maybe she could catch up.

It seemed to be a good idea at that time so with a made up mind, she typed a message to her old friend announcing that she’ll be coming.

_23:05 (Kim Dahyun) - Sure will. Just finished practice, but I’ll be there._

_23:05 (Kim Jisoo) - Woah, you sure? But great, we’ll be waiting for you. Jiwon and Seulgi will be here too._

_23:06 (Kim Dahyun) - Yep. Don’t end without me._

Dahyun placed her phone back inside her bag. She turned to her members and to announce her plans, “There’s a party at Jisoo’s, she’s asking if we want to come.“

“I really want to! But I think I’m going to pass. I’m exhausted,“ Nayeon sighed miserably, her eyes dropping. “I miss Jichu and Seulgi.“

“Same with me,“ Jeongyeon seconded.

“Jiwon would be there, I’m guessing Eunsuh and the others would be too. Seulgi came as well.“

“I miss them, but I’m terribly tired,“ Tzuyu declined with the same misery in her voice for missing the party.

“Mina, want to go?“ Momo asked, Dahyun’s brows shot up, expecting someone from her group to come.

“Not really a fan of parties. And even if I wanted to, I’m beat, Moguri. I want to sleep. I do miss them too, but I’m really tired,“ Mina yawned.

“We go home then,“ Momo chuckled at Mina who looked like she wanted to pass out.

“Wait, are you planning to go, Dubu?“ Chaeyoung asked in which Dahyun nodded her head to. “You sure it’s a good idea? Do you have a death wish or something?“ Chaeyoung looked at her incredulously, their new choreography clearly talking a toll on all of them and here she is, planning to party.

Dahyun laughed at her best friend’s protectiveness. “I’m just going to pass by to say hello, I haven’t seen them in a long time, I won’t be out too late and I won’t be drinking.“

“Here are my keys to the dorm, I’m guessing you left yours,“ Jihyo spoke smilingly, it seemed like she did the right thing. “Don’t be out too late, okay? We have another practice tomorrow.“

Dahyun smiled at their leader thankfully before everyone made their way out. She fished her phone again to find Jisoo’s message containing the address and offering someone to hitch her a ride.

With one final message to accept, Dahyun’s night started.


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER FIVE – OUTBURST**

After Dahyun said her hello, exchanged small talks and caught up with her friends, she immediately wanted to go back to their dorm, the exhaustion from their practice getting more evident as she yawned for the tenth time.

But coming back means facing Sana, and she doesn’t want to see Sana. She wants to get her head straight first.

Obviously, tequila shots are not the best way to do that. Here she is now in the VIP lounge overlooking the whole bar, a cup of vodka in her hands thinking about a certain Japanese with a hazy mind.

Dahyun snapped back to reality when she felt a hand on the small of her back, when she turned, she was greeted by a warm smile and familiar face. “Eunwoo?“

“Dahyunah. I knew it was you,“ the guy smiled settling beside her. “How long has it been?“ He asked, Dahyun has trouble focusing due to her alcohol consumption but she managed to look at him without tumbling down.

“Hmm, years.“

“Has it? Feels just like yesterday when I asked if I could take you out,“ the young man recalled with obvious teasing.

“Don’t tell me you haven’t gotten over me yet, oppa?“ Dahyun smiled at the familiar words.

“Not really. How could I when you never cease to be beautiful?“ Eunwoo winked playfully.

“Just because I had a few drinks doesn’t mean I’d get swayed by your words.“

“And here I thought I could have one more chance, you’re breaking my heart all over again, Dahyun-ah.“ Eunwoo placed his hand over his chest making Dahyun laugh.

She’s glad for the company; it provided her distraction from being distracted.

“How have you been honestly?“ Eunwoo asked.

“Good. TWICE is really hitting off right now, honestly I’m just really thankful for the ONCEs and all that. Been a bit stressed from some new preparations, but other than that I’m good.“

Aside from the fact that I’m getting swallowed by guilt and shame because I did something really freaking dumb but doesn’t want to accept it and apologize, I’m good.

“Really? Then why does it look like you’re carrying the world?“ When Eunwoo and her started to be friends, she noticed the guy’s extreme perception. She always admired him for seeing through someone.

“Just got out of work and went straight here, hotshot,“ Dahyun chuckled.

“Then that would usually mean that something is bothering you enough to make you choose a party over a bed,“ Eunwoo smiled softly.

Dahyun sometimes wonder what would have happened if she dated the artist long ago, but she knew there was no way. She was too devastated by Somi to even think about dating someone else after. Now is nothing different, she can never think of anyone else when Sana is all she could think about.

Sana is everything.

Dahyun sighed and gulped at her vodka. “I guess you can say that. Want to get out of here?“

”What?“ the Astro artist blinked.

Dahyun laughed softly at Eunwoo’s perplexed expression. ”I mean outside, it’s too loud in here.“

With a nod, Eunwoo guided her down the stairs, holding her weight in support for having a little too much alcohol. His touch is strong and steady; it’s not like how Sana held her, always soft and gentle. Dahyun sighed once more at the thought.

Once outside, they found a bench and sat there. “Are we going to make out here or something?“ Eunwoo ask, Dahyun hit him softly on the arm because of his bluntness.

_No more punching, Dahyunie. Promise me._

“I’m just trying to sober up a little, oppa,“ Dahyun sighed. It felt stupid but she really just has to take it out, with a made up mind she decided to just go through with it. “Can I tell you something, though?“

“Finally! I was wondering why you would drag me here if you didn’t plan on taking something off from your chest. But of course you can, what’s it about?“

“I think I hurt someone important to me,“ she admitted, closing her eyes. It felt good to voice it out.

“You think or you know but doesn’t want to accept you did?“ Eunwoo asked.

Dahyun opened her eyes to look at him; he managed to summarize everything in one question. Of course it’s still more than that, but Dahyun’s just glad someone saw the root of her emotions without her explaining everything.

“You can say that. But the thing is, I didn’t mean to. And that person hurt me first,“ Dahyun answered.

“Have you talked about this with that person?“

“No, said person and I kept on avoiding each other.“ Dahyun sighed, she wanted to, but she doesn’t know where to get courage. Initially, maybe she wanted to avoid the problem, but now she’s not so sure.

“Then that would be the first step, don’t you think? It’s either one of you lower your pride or keep on acting like this. The real question is whether one of you is willing to do so.“

“You’re right and I know that. But Eunwoo, I really did mess up. Now I have no idea how to approach the person because I feel like there’s nothing I could say or do that would make up for it and it feels like like... it’s better this way,“ the rapper admitted with a miserable deep breath.

The weights of her actions are starting to weigh down on her, that’s why she has trouble dealing with them. She already has enough on her plate; she just wants all of it to stop. But the world doesn’t come into a halt even when you’re on your knees so it’s better to accept things as early as it is, that doesn’t mean it’s any easier though. Sometimes dealing with your monsters kick you down more than bring back you up.

Eunwoo was silent for a minute. “But the said person is important to you, right? I have a feeling that you down really want to lose them no matter how badly you messed things up. No one is stopping you, really. No one but yourself,“ he added. “It’s just not fair for the both of you. I think you kept on hurting each other exactly for the reason that you both don’t know why and how you both do. It should be obvious but stop living in a guessing game, Dahyun-ah.“

“Thank you,“ Dahyun said with sincerity. “That meant a lot.”

The latter just smiled and stared. Eunwoo’s eyes are attractive and happy, but it’s not Sana’s. She caught herself comparing the guy to the Japanese and smiled softly when she realized there’s nothing to compare, there’s no one who could compare and measure up to Sana in her eyes.

“No problem, but if it doesn’t work out with that person, you can call me, you know?“ Eunwoo laughed.

“Answer me in honesty, haven’t you gotten over me yet?“ Dahyun asked in curiosity because in all honesty and all the years she had known him, she can say he’s a really good person and deserves happiness.

“I have, don’t worry. But when I see you, I can’t resist the urge to try again. I mean, no pressure or something, I just really want to. But it’s okay if you don’t,“ Eunwoo smiled softly.

“You’re a great guy, you know?“ She told him in honesty.

“Apparently not great enough for a girl like you, though.“ His voice isn’t sad or anything remotely close to that, just a simple fact.

“Hey, that’s not it!“ Dahyun nudged his shoulders gently. “But you see, it’s like we’re better off this way, being friends. Don’t you think?“

“Maybe, but don’t you ever wonder what could have been if you just agreed to date me years ago?“

“I do. But then our lives would turn out really differently, and honestly? I don’t want to change anything about mine,“ she replied, her thoughts darting to a certain Japanese who allowed her to feel things. A certain Japanese who she possibly hurt.

“But I want to change something about mine,“ Eunwoo stared at her before slowly leaning forward.

Dahyun’s attracted to Eunwoo, she is, ever since she first laid her eyes on him. Eunwoo is a good friend, a good person and a good artist. He is funny, hardworking, polite, honest, energetic and handsome. There’s nothing not to like. But she never saw herself dating him, if she’s being a hundred and one percent truthful. Dahyun sees him more as a brother and a close friend than someone she would share something romantic and intimate with. He deserves someone who can give him the love he deserves, not someone who just wants to find out about what would have happened.

“Don’t be mad at me, but can I kiss you?“ Eunwoo asked, still leaning towards Dahyun, cupping her cheek.

Dahyun instantly thought of Sana because of the question. She remembered the sparks that she felt on their first kiss, the soft kisses they shared after that, the way Sana made her feel free, the way she was able to talk and express herself more if Sana’s the one listening, the way the Japanese gives her encouragements whenever she feels really gloomy and everything is just a little bit harder. Sana is in their dorm right now probably in pain because of her jaw, she’s probably in pain in other places too, and she probably hates her too.

Her gut twisted in guilt. She has to apologize. Eunwoo’s right, she’s hurting her exactly for the reason she doesn’t know why or how. Sana’s in pain and here she is, gathering up courage using liquor instead of fixing things in a sober state of mind. Sana deserves that. She has no idea why she’s only realizing this now; it may be because the thoughts calm down with her in this state or because she’s now willing to accept her clear mistakes.

Dahyun looked at Eunwoo, his face an inch away from her lips. She closed her eyes and before his lips can touch hers, she leaned slightly just enough for him to miss and land on the side of her mouth instead.

“I guess you really don’t want to change anything in your life,“ Eunwoo chuckled.

“No. I really don’t,“ Dahyun smiled with the image of a one and only Minatozaki Sana inside her mind.

“Well, I’ll be leaving now, it’s really late. Are you?“ Eunwoo asked.

“Yes. Jihyo unnie would kill me if I stay out more. But she’s probably too nice and Godly for that so she would make Nayeon unnie do it. What time is it, by the way?“

“A little over four,“ Eunwoo answered looking at his watch.

“What? Jesus!“ Dahyun sighed, scratching her head. “Can you make time turn back enough for me to get home much earlier and get a small amount of sleep in my body? Perhaps, I’d date you then.“ Dahyun asked miserably, making her past suitor smile in adoration.

“Don’t tempt me or I might actually do it,“ Eunwoo chuckled. “But I can drop you to your dorm if you want?“

“Really? Oh, thank you!“ Dahyun bowed making the guy in front of her chuckle even more.

—

Eunwoo walked Dahyun in the front door of their dorm. “Thank you again for dropping me, I had a really nice night because of you.“

Eunwoo grinned, “No worries. I had a nice night too. Remember what I told you, call me if it doesn’t work out.“

Dahyun laughed, he’s so persistent without being troublesome. It was cute. She smiled; he would definitely be a catch. Just not hers to hold, because behind the door she’s standing against has the room that contains the person she cares about the most.

“Oh, I definitely will. Maybe I’ll kiss you then,“ she joked, unaware of the people on the other side of the door listening to their quiet conversation. Eunwoo laughed quietly before leaning down to press a friendly kiss on her cheek.

Both the Koreans jumped when they heard a voice, “Good morning to you two.“ They parted ways like two guilty teenagers and looked at the person, people, whose eyes are looking at Dahyun with mockery.

“Jihyo unnie, remember Eunwoo?“ Dahyun started kind of awkwardly.

“Of course. Hi, Eunwoo. It’s been a long time,“ the leader smiled.

“It has. I just dropped Dahyunah and I’ll be going. It’s nice to see you all again. I hope you’re all doing good, noona,“ the Korean bowed. “Bye, Dahyunah. Thank you for tonight.“

Dahyun simply smiled at him good-bye, so as her friends who caught them before the Korean made his way out and faded out of their views.

With him out of sight, Nayeon cleared her throat. “Young lady, what are you doing at 5 in the morning with that boy?“

“Nayeon unnie,“ Dahyun whined, embarrassed but smiling as she made her way inside.

“What are you doing kissing in front of our door, child?“ Jeonyeon chimed in, crossing her arms.

“We weren’t kissing, Jeongyeon unnie.“

“His lips on yours, that isn’t called kissing? We should try not kissing then, Mina,“ Momo teased an amused ballerina.

“And you wonder why they tease us,“ Mina shook her head slowly but a grin is plastered on her face.

“He kissed me on the cheek, it’s not that kind of kissing,“ Dahyun informed and placed her bag on the couch.

“Kissing or not, it’s 5 am and we have to leave,“ Chaeyoung sighed miserably.

“Is it time for us to go? Let me take a quick bath first,“ she announced. She’s dead tired but she still has an obligation.

But before she could move a muscle, Jihyo made her stop when their leader suddenly spoke up with a phone in her hands. “Wait, you can go sleep if you want,“ their leader spoke by the door. “JYP just gave us the day.“

The room got filled with cheers and Dahyun felt a weight on her shoulders getting lifted. She can sleep for the day, thank God, because even if she acts sober now, she actually has a headache. Her friends kept on exhaling sighs of relief and gratefulness, but as she scanned the room to lay eyes on the person who clouded her mind the entire time, she didn’t see even a trace of the Japanese’s hair.

“Where is Sana?“ Dahyun asked and everyone came to an abrupt stop.

“In their room - she wanted to stay in because her jaw still hurts,“ Tzuyu answered, as honest as ever.

“Oh,“ was all Dahyun managed to say.  
Talking to Eunwoo helped clear out her mind, but actually talking to Sana... well that would be another thing. She wanted to go in their room right now to just talk to her, apologize for everything and just tell her how much she misses her. But she’s drunk, she’s drunk and still the stupid girl she is. “Tell her I’m sorry.“

Dahyun went straight to their room and plopped herself on the bed. As soon as her back hit the soft mattress, her exhaustion and intoxication dawned on her, weighing her down until she passes out but not quick enough to not make the thoughts of Minatozaki Sana imprint in her brain.

—

Dahyun woke up in the middle of the day. She took a bath and wasted no time and started to search for the person she wanted to talk to so bad. Her friends were all situated in front of the TV watching some drama but the Japanese is nowhere to be found.

_She loves dramas._

“Where’s Sana?“ Her friends didn’t even spare her a glance.

“Room,“ she quickly thanked Mina who is too preoccupied with the scene in front of her to even notice.

Dahyun took a deep breath and knocked softly on the door of Sana’s room three times before letting herself in and closing the door behind her. She saw Sana lying down, phone in hand, not even sparing her a glance. The girl’s jaw is bruising and the sight quadrupled the Korean’s guilt.

“Hey,“ she called, standing by the door, but Sana just kept on scrolling at her phone. “Sana... can we talk?“

“No,“ Sana replied harshly.

She deserved that. But she needs to fix this. Every day it gets harder and harder not to try, it’s almost unbearable being away from Sana. She needs to fix this.

“Please?“

With that Sana looked up at her almost painfully, careful about her jaw, the Japanese sat up on her bed but made no invitation or whatsoever for her to join and sit down. She felt like a stranger – an intruder.

“I’m sorry for your jaw,“ Dahyun started.

Saying that she’s guilty is an understatement, she feels horrible now that she’s thought about it all.

“Save it. It’ll heal. Is that all? You can leave because I’m resting,“ Sana spoke with detachment in her voice and coldness in her eyes, she has never spoken or looked at Dahyun like this before. But no matter how much it pains her to receive this kind of treatment; she knows that she deserves it anyway.

“Can we just talk?“

“We are talking.“

“To _really_ talk, Sana.“

“I’m tired, Dahyun. Whatever you have to say, I don’t want to hear it, okay? So can you just leave?“ the Japanese is clearly exasperated.

“Why are you being like this? I’m trying here and I just want to talk to you to resolve whatever this is. Stop acting like a child!“ Dahyun’s voice got louder. She didn’t mean for it to sound like she’s dumping the blame on Sana, she’s just being persistent, but unfortunately the Japanese didn’t catch on that and even more so, she apparently pushed a button she shouldn’t have.

Sana laughed with sarcasm and stood up, she faced Dahyun and their position is a lot like yesterday when they also fought in the dance room. “Again? I’m the child? You can’t just do what you want as you please, Dahyun!“

 _But I’m just doing what you’re about to do eventually_. She thought but nothing came out of her mouth. Eunwoo’s right, they’ve been hurting each other for a reason that they don’t know. If only she talked about it.

She just allowed Sana’s frustrations to flow out. A screaming Sana is better than a silent Sana. Even with anger in her voice, the Korean can’t help but think about how much she missed it.

“I don’t want to talk to you, don’t you get that? At least I have the freaking balls to admit it! I don’t just go around my day pretending that we’re okay, saying that we’re fine yet making me feel like trash!“ the Japanese yelled and for a moment Dahyun thought of the girls outside the room, so she did nothing to provoke the anger of the person in front of her, she just stood there and said nothing.

_Feel like trash._

The words can’t stop replaying inside her head. She knows all too well how that feels and now hearing it first hand from the girl who did nothing but make her feel better, encourage her and support her that she made her feel this way, it’s making her hate herself more.

But she deserves it.

“You could have just told me to stop! You could have just said you’re feeling uncomfortable or that you’re starting to hate it.“ _It was the most comfortable I’ve ever been in my life. I loved every second of it._ “I would have understood that and I would have stopped! But you didn’t say anything, you just avoided me and when I approached you because damn it, I missed you but in turn you did... that,“ Sana’s voice got weaker at the mention of the last word.

_That._

Dahyun dreads herself, the humiliation from her actions made her unable to look at Sana. She doesn’t deserve to look at Sana after what she did. She doesn’t deserve Sana’s attention and Sana’s good heart. She doesn’t deserve Sana.

What she does deserve is this: Sana’s spite.

“You wanted to talk but now you’re just looking at your feet. What kind of game are you playing here? Because whatever it is, Dahyun, I don’t want a part in it.“ Sana laughed, her voice filled with malice and poison. Dahyun can’t speak, she just wants to hear everything Sana has to say, she needs to hear everything. She couldn’t speak and felt as if looking up would kill her. Maybe that would have been better.

“I don’t know what you think of me,“ _An angel, an angel that I don’t deserve._ “But I still have my dignity.“

She must have really made her feel worthless if she felt the need to get that across.

“I have no idea what to do with you. I don’t want to talk to you anymore, so if you need someone, call your boyfriend then.“ Dahyun finally looked up because of the statement.

 _What the hell is she talking about?_ It took everything within the Korean to muster up the courage to speak. She felt like it would hurt Sana even more to hear her voice, but she swallowed the thought. She needed to know what Sana meant.

“What?“ Dahyun meekly asked, Sana laughed in disbelief before fumbling with her phone. Seconds later Sana settled on what seems like a page and threw her phone on the bed, she didn’t even bother to give it to Dahyun as if the possibility of their skins touching would be something that would burn her.

_Sana really hates you now, good job._

“There. You should have just told me about it, but perhaps you desperately needed a fix and I was there. Maybe that’s it. But guess what? I’m not a fucking whore. I didn’t even fuck you,“ the Japanese whispered, she really does despise her. It made Dahyun’s eyes water but she held herself grounded.

“Now get out of my way,“ Sana said in a voice full of agony. Dahyun scrambled to walk away from the door expecting the Japanese to get out and go as far as possible away from her but before that, what Sana told her made her heart stop.

“You know what’s funny? Was that I was really scared of hurting you but you’re the one who ended up hurting me.“ Dahyun’s heart achingly constricted at the sound of pain that is evident in Sana’s voice. “I guess I really do like you a lot, but that doesn’t mean anything now, does it? You got that across real good.“

Sana slammed the door shut.

Dahyun immediately felt all sorts of pain when she was left alone. The Japanese’s last words playing in a loop inside her head, she just can’t believe it. Sana likes her? Jesus, Sana likes her. But no matter how her heart wanted to soar from the information, it’s too late. It’s over now. No turning back from what she did, Sana made that clear.

Dahyun was shocked by the cruelty of Sana’s words, she didn’t know Sana’s capable of saying that, but she doesn’t have one ounce in her body to get upset, she was the one who pushed a button she shouldn’t have after all. She was the one who disrespected the Japanese. If Sana doesn’t want to be near her anymore, she understands. Who would want to be close with a person like her anyway? She’s simply horrible. Sana was even afraid of hurting her, for Pete’s sakes.

Sana would never hurt her, yet she already hurt Sana instead.

Dahyun needed to find out what Sana was talking about, the full context still unknown to her. She managed to walk weakly towards the bed to retrieve Sana’s phone. In the screen flashes numerous articles about her and Eunwoo.

Apparently someone saw their almost kiss outside Jisoo’s party, now the media is making up stories about them “rekindling“ and other false assumptions.

JYP will probably get to the bottom of it, the rumors are spreading fast, and maybe that’s the reason why he gave them a day. Dahyun wonders why no one had told her this when she woke up. But honestly, she’s just too tired to even think about that anymore. The fight she just had with the Japanese and the words that came out of Sana’s mouth is pulling her under. She’s extremely tired, but apparently, that wouldn’t be enough for her to ignore the pain inside her chest.

Suddenly, Dahyun found herself gasping for air, a strong and loud sob threatening to spill out of her mouth so she bit her lip, hard, until she tasted blood.

Dahyun curled herself into a small ball on the floor, her back against Sana’s bed as she let the tears fall out of her eyes. She willed herself not to cry in front of Sana, she wanted for Sana to let it all go; the frustration, the anger — crying would just make the confrontation different, she wanted Sana to give her all her truths.

She really can’t help but hurt the people around her, can she? She can’t stop causing pain to the people important to her. Dahyun’s crying so hard, she started trembling. She’s horrible, she’s awful, and she’s hateful. God, she hurt Sana. She made her feel worthless.

There’s nothing in the world that she wanted to do now but to embrace the Japanese, being engulfed inside Sana’s arms always made wonders to her, but she doesn’t deserve it anymore. She doesn’t deserve Sana.

She never deserved Sana.

She cried heavily on the floor, clasping a hand against her mouth to muffle the sounds for what seems like an hour until she felt that there are no more tears left as the dehydration finally took over her body.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER SIX - MINATOZAKI SANA**

Days passed after the Korean and the Japanese’s confrontation. Dahyun felt miserable but never showed it, she acted like everything is normal. She figured she shouldn’t act hurt even if she is and gain sympathy if she clearly inflicts pain on others. She deserves the loneliness.

Sana on the other hand went by her days still ignoring Dahyun. After letting her feelings out, the Japanese returned to being chirpy. Not so much as she once were, but definitely a lot better than the silent Sana that even Mina and Tzuyu became louder compared to her.

The Eunwoo rumor is settled, JYP released a statement that it was only the angle of the photo that made it appears intimate. Eunwoo and Dahyun had different work fields and after seeing each other at that party, there weren’t any more interactions therefore making the buzz die down slowly but surely. Eunwoo is the kind of friend that would remain right where you left him even when a lot of time passes by, and Dahyun is just grateful to know someone like that.

Sana and Dahyun also found their footing in work, both of the girls realizing that they need to set aside their personal issues. But that’s it, as if in a snap, Sana turned into just Dahyun’s co-worker and nothing more than that. The Japanese had put up an invisible barrier between her and the Korean, disheartening Dahyun but of course, she understands.

She’s too tired to be upset anymore or think about it. She just felt more lonely and alone than ever. Also, the strong feeling of guilt and regret never went away, it wanted to swallow and drown her, but other than that, she just felt like floating; completely separate from the world she’s living in. The saddest part about it was that no one notices. She can’t blame them, though. She was good at acting and keeping up with her stable pretense.

She remembered the conversation she and the girls had months ago, the one the Japanese had supported her to go through. The girl who helped her to open up, the girl whose words are replaying inside her head like a broken tape saying she will never be alone again is the same girl she had hurt so much.

She wanted to tell her friends the hole inside her chest, the part of her that’s dying because it needs forgiveness and so much more feelings she couldn’t even put a name on, she wanted to tell all of those to her friends because she’s in so much anguish. She’s afraid. She’s afraid and she wants to reach out for help.

But again, she figures that she deserves it. Only a monster can hurt Minatozaki Sana, and putting her through so much pain that she even questioned her own worth, that makes her turn to something more sickening than a monster.

Dahyun snapped back from her thoughts when Jihyo called their attention. According to their leader they would perform their old song in the award show this coming friday, but the choreography will somehow be modified, a mix between the old steps and their new single’s. It’s something about foreshadowing their new era.

The routine she and Sana had to do for the song changed to Mina and Tzuyu replacing them, giving her no reason to be near the Japanese anymore. She misses her to such extent, she sometimes just stare at her while making sure no one sees. She doesn’t deserve Sana but she probably deserves the painful longing.

“I want to eat kimbap, unnies. I’m too hungry to go through one more,“ Tzuyu complained putting a hand on her stomach.

“I’m hungry too. We can just continue this later, Jihyo. Let’s grab something from that new restaurant nearby,“ Nayeon suggested, already walking towards her bag.

“Alright, I can’t deny that I’m also about to pass out from hunger.“ Jihyo grunted before she collected her own things and started to talk about what food would possibly be the best to consume, nothing too heavy that will mess up her diet.

As her friends began to walk out the door, Dahyun remained seated on the couch.

“Hey, dubu. Aren’t you coming?“ Chaeyoung asked making Dahyun turn her head to look at her friends who stopped on their tracks to wait for her. She caught Sana’s eyes for a moment before the Japanese made her way out of the room, not even waiting for her answer.

Dahyun’s face fell.

Dahyun shifted her eyes to her best friend who is patiently waiting for her answer, but it didn’t escape her attention when Mina and Momo followed the direction of Sana’s retreating form. Mina then whispered something to Momo, in which the oldest Japanese nodded her head to.

“No. I think I’ll stay here, catch up on the steps. I’m still having trouble, you see,“ Dahyun answered with a tired and shy smile.

“Would you be okay? Aren’t you hungry?“ Tzuyu asked with concern. Dahyun grinned; her school meal club is really thoughtful.

“I will, and no, not really,“ she answered unconvincingly as her stomach grumbled. She is hungry, but she just doesn’t have the appetite to ingest something; whatever that means.

“Lies,“ Chaeyoung laughed catching on, making her laugh as well. She’s really intuitive. “We’ll take out food for you.“

“Thanks, Chae. You’re the best,“ Dahyun said giving her best friend a couple of flying kisses, the main rapper making a face.

“We’ll get you ramen, okay?“ Tzuyu smiled. “You sure you’ll be okay here?“

Dahyun grinned, her friends’ concern touching her heart. She’s a monster but the people who surround her aren’t, she can’t help but think one day she’d hurt them too. “Yes, yoda. I’ll be okay.“

Tzuyu nodded and started turning to leave when Momo spoke. “I’ll stay too.“ Confused, Dahyun turned her head to her member who is smiling at her softly.

“You’re going to ignore food, Momo?“ A shocked Jeongyeon spoke, eyeing the main dancer with disbelief.

“Is there something you’re not telling us, Momo? Are you sick? Are you about to die? Momo, don’t leave just yet, you still owe me money for always bringing your food!“ Nayeon said in a hurry, making everyone laugh.

“Hey! I paid for those already and besides, Mitang will take out jokbal for me. I’ll help our baby dubu with the steps.“ Momo informed everyone before laughingly eyeing the lead rapper, “DahMo fighting.“

The girls said their good-bye not long after, asking again if the two members are sure if they won’t be coming, which both nodded their heads to. Going out, Dahyun watched Mina nudged Momo subtly, seeing the knowing looks from the two Japanese as everyone else cleared the room aside from the both of them.

“Thank you, Momo unnie.“ Dahyun exhaled once everyone got out.

“You wanted to date me, I’m just showing you how much of a catch I am.“ Momo joked, flexing her muscles making the Korean laugh. “Come on, now. Let’s not waste the sacrifice our grumbling stomachs made.“

“Wait, you heard?“

“We all did. I think you’re the most hungry among all of us,“ the Japanese pointed out. Dahyun saw something in Momo’s eyes before it quickly vanished, like Momo knows something she doesn’t but Dahyun ignored it. “Now tell me the part you’re having difficulties with.“

With that, they both stood up in front of the mirror. Momo showing her the right moves as she tried to execute it on her own. Momo is a great dancer, even the best one Dahyun had ever seen, it’s no wonder Momo is great at teaching too. And when Momo plugged the song as they both did the choreography along with the music, the Korean isn’t surprised that she can now follow all the steps without the possibility of accidentally bashing her face on the floor. Focusing on herself in the mirror, she saw that she and Momo are in sync now. When they got satisfied with the results, both of them plopped themselves on the couch, more hungry than ever.

“Mina texted me, she said they’re almost finished, they’ll be heading back soon.“

“Oh, thank Jesus sunbaenim.“ Dahyun breathing is heavy; she used her sweaty arms to cover her eyes. That was tiring.

“Thank Jesus, indeed. I feel like I could eat five servings of jokbal.“ Momo said, trying regaining her normal breathing.

“Thank you again, Momo unnie.“ Dahyun replied sincerely, turning to look at Momo.

“Oh, no worries. I’m glad I’m able to help. Now Satang can stop being a pain in our ass,“ the Japanese said nonchalantly, but it didn’t keep the Korean’s heartbeat from spiking up at the mention of the name.

“Why is she being a pain?“ Dahyun asked, genuinely curious but can’t ignore the tightness in her chest that came from thinking that maybe Sana really can’t stand her anymore.

Momo looked at Dahyun, smiling gently, weighing if she should go tell the Korean about what she and Mina had been noticing about her and Sana.

“She keeps on complaining about how much you’re messing up the steps even though there’s clearly nothing wrong,“ Momo admitted.

Momo figured that nothing’s wrong with what she’s doing — she’s simply just offering Dahyun an answer, or at least that’s what she’s telling herself — but inside her head, Momo’s slapping her face right now, already thinking about the scolding she might get from Mina if the ballerina finds something wrong with the informations she’s disclosing.

However, Momo just continued as if there isn’t an evil and angel versions of Myoui Mina on her shoulders fighting each other right now. “I can tell that she’s really pissed at you...“

“Oh.“ It was the only thing Dahyun managed to say, trying to ignore the lump in her throat and the pain in her chest making her take deep breaths in an attempt to calm herself down. “Have all of you heard... last week?“

“We have,“ Momo confessed making Dahyun’s guts churn.

“Oh.“ Dahyun really doesn’t know what to say anymore. Have they heard it all? The harsh words from Sana? Her broken cries after?

“Only up to the part when you told Sana she’s being a big baby, though. After that we maximized the volume of the drama, serving the both of you some privacy for the misunderstanding, whatever that is, and giving us a chance to understand what we were watching. We already figured some yelling would happen the moment you asked where the snake was.“ Momo’s laugh is too infectious and light, Dahyun couldn’t help but chuckle softly with her.

What’s with these Japanese best friends and their personalities? Is Japan full of awesome people?

“She has been more of a pain in the ass since then. She keeps on whining about your mess ups, but since she doesn’t want to talk to you, it means she also refuses to tell you where you went wrong therefore not giving you room to fix it.“ Momo continued, her words bearing a much deeper meaning as Dahyun kept on listening intently to their main dancer.

“You know what the funny thing is? Despite the fact you’re _pissing_ her off so much, she just kept on looking at you through every routine.“ Momo chuckled, quoting in the air with her hands.

Sana kept on looking at her.

Dahyun probably shouldn’t feel any satisfaction from that because the fact that she’s hurt Sana is still out there, but she can’t help but feel joyed over the fact that Sana doesn’t ignore her existence completely.

_Hate is not the opposite of love but indifference._

“Momo unnie, do you think she’ll talk to me again?“ Dahyun asked with a sad smile.

“If I’m being honest, I have never seen Sana this upset. The whole time we’ve known each other, she never once acted this way, ever.“ Momo admitted, Dahyun bowing her head.

“I really did mess up the steps, didn’t I? If she’s like this, then I probably did,“ the Korean says in defeat, making Momo want to chain the rapper and her best friend in one room to make up already. Because in Momo’s eyes, they both looked miserable without each other. Maybe there’s really something Momo knows that she doesn’t.

“Knowing Satang though, she eventually would. After all, that snake cares a lot about you, dubu.“

”I don’t think so. At least not anymore anyway, maybe I could just keep on practicing so I can make her less annoyed at me from now on,“ Dahyun smiled sadly. “What was she like? When you were younger.“

Momo laughed half-heartedly, glad for the change of subject but dismayed seeing her best friend and her close friend having this horrific misunderstanding, if only the both of them talked to each other.

“Still the same Sana she is now, the one we all knew before at least. As I said, she’s become a pain in the ass. But before, Sana was more free spirited with an equally mature and immature mind,“ Momo smiled softly upon remembering the days. “When we weren’t in training, Sana would drag Mina and I to different parts of the city we haven’t been to. She was so adventurous; we were almost scared we might get lost. But Sana, she has a way of making you feel safe whenever you’re with her, you know.“

She does. _All too well._ Dahyun nodded but kept quiet.

“I’m actually glad for her dragging us, no matter my complaints. We always find a new restaurant whenever we went to somewhere new. And the best part, at least on my end, is when she treats us.“ Momo chuckled at the memory, and also because of the point of view. “She’s so joyous; she rubs it off on you. Another is that she doesn’t forget where she belongs, even though we’re set in Korea, Sana still tries to find some sense of the Japanese culture no matter how small and random.“

“She’s a really great person, isn’t she?“ Dahyun asked; the reality of her and Sana’s situation momentarily forgotten as her heart got filled with such adoration and admiration for the Japanese.

“She is,“ Momo nodded.

“I’m sure the person she’d be with would be really, really lucky.“

“That person certainly will,“ the main dancer agreed once again.

“By any chance, Momo unnie... did she have any relationships before?“ Dahyun didn’t know where she got the courage to ask but she just did.

Momo’s eyebrows shot up, blush on the Korean’s face not escaping her attention. However, she chose not to ponder and just simply tell her some of the stories she can. Momo felt that maybe this is Dahyun’s personal way to feel close to her best friend, to get to know more things about the girl she couldn’t speak with. “She had one boyfriend in back in Japan,“ the main dancer shared.

“Only one?“ Dahyun asked with surprise.

“One. Sana has always had a lot of admirers even when she was still studying in Japan, but she turned them down because she has a boyfriend back then. There was a time when the three of us came to Japan for a visit; Sana took us to her home. On our way there however, Mina and I started to get really uncomfortable. We were just walking, we haven’t debuted then, and there were these girls staring like they wanted to jump at us and strangle us by the neck. It wasn’t friendly at all. When we asked Sana why those people were like that, she told us that they were her past admirers’ girlfriends,“ Momo recalled with amusement.

“She was kind of a big deal, the campus sweetheart. Back then lots of guys, sometimes girls, fling themselves at her, but she ignored them because she’s already committed to someone else. They only broke up when Sana decided to go to Korea but it was a clean break-up, they both agreed they were too young to make big compromises and the distance would eventually kill the relationship,“ the dancer continued with her story.

“Sana loves skinships so much, that’s no mystery to us, but she’s like that because she’s an only child. Being affectionate is her way of feeling closer to people. Sana grew up being surrounded by her elders, with no one else in the family to share it with; their attention was all directed towards her. She was showered with all the affection, and in turn, she wants the people around her to feel the same way she did.“ Dahyun just listened, never once interrupting the main dancer.

Momo is sharing with her a part of Sana she has no idea about, and the way she thought of Sana differently before this sickens her. How can she just assume awful things about Sana? How she did is simply unimaginable now.

“Sana can be and is such a huge flirt, but honestly, dubu? She’s a very loyal person,“ Momo smirked when she seemed to have remembered something. “Back during trainee days, Sana received a contact from another company ensuring everything in her career, she told only me and Mina. We both supported her, of course, that huge opportunity shouldn’t be wasted. Mina told her to accept it and I said we would even attend her signing if she does but she told us she’d think about it first. On the next day, she asked us to come with her to the company. We were really happy for her, our best friend will be able to fulfill her dreams with the two of us there to witness it, we were simply grateful and extremely proud of Satang.“

“Just imagine the surprise in our faces when Sana returned the contract. Mina and I were both confused; we kept on yelling at her. Can you imagine Mina, yelling? Yeah, I couldn’t too but that day, she did,“ Momo paused for a chuckle at the memory. “Even until we exited the building, we kept on bothering Sana why she didn’t sign and how insane she must be to pass up a huge opportunity like that. I even wanted to go to the company and ask for her contract back, myself. I thought it was because she isn’t eating well during that time on SIXTEEN that led her to do something so reckless. We kept on yapping at her all throughout, but she just kept on smiling. Mina simply thought she must be deranged, that’s the only explanation we can come up with.“

“But when we finally stopped with our scolding, Sana just laughed. Aloud, mind you. Mina and I looked at each other thinking the same thing: our best friend must have truly turned into a lunatic. But Sana then, threw her arms around the both of us and while we were walking she said: _that’s my chance to fulfill what I wanted, but my dream is to debut with the both of you. If I took that contract then I wouldn’t be with MiMo anymore. I’d rather pass up the chance of being an artist rather than pass up the chance of being able to do the same thing with my best friends._ “

Dahyun’s heart melted with the story; there are no words in the world right now to explain what she feels. To say that she adores Sana would be such an understatement. It wouldn’t do the deep pulsating of her heart any justice.

“Sana doesn’t look like it, I admit. But she is the most faithful person that I know when it comes to the people that she loves and who are important to her.“ Momo finished with a satisfied grin.

The dance practice room was suddenly too quiet but it was comfortable silence they are engulfed in, the Japanese knows that Dahyun is taking in all the informations she revealed. Momo smiled, delighted by the turn of events. She didn’t expect this kind of conversation, although she did expect something, but not Dahyun’s desire to know her best friend this much.

Apparently, Momo is thinking out loud when a question that’s supposed to be for herself came out in the open. “Would Mitang be proud of me?“ An all too familiar voice sounded behind her and in an instant, Momo stiffened in her seat.

It belongs to Mina who is holding a bag, probably containing her jokbal, the ballerina looked at her knowingly, as though sensing she just did something she isn’t supposed to. “What would I be proud of, Moguri?“

“Mitang, you’re back!“ Momo said almost nervously, smiling so wide her face hurts.

Mina just stared at her and shot one brow up. _Oops, she knows something was up._ Momo’s face eating grin slowly faded away only to be replaced with an almost terrified one.

“Follow me outside or no jokbal for you,“ Mina turned to leave but Momo made no move to stand.

_No jokbal? What jokbal? But there is jokbal. No jokbal... jokbal._

_Oh._

“Now, Momo!“ Mina prompted and Momo stood up so fast everyone turned their attention to her as she followed Mina outside, passing Sana who gave her similar knowing look that says: _you just did something and I want to strangle you._

—

Thoughts about Sana haunted Dahyun more after that, so much that she dreams of her every day and so much that she found herself dreaming of her even when she’s awake. She deserves to bear the guilt and the weight of it all, but Sana deserves so much more than someone who doesn’t try.

 _Sana doesn’t deserve someone who would allow her to think she’s not worth it._ Dahyun wouldn’t be that person. Not anymore. She did awful things and she doesn’t want those terrible mistakes to haunt Sana too.

Because of this, when Dahyun heard that Sana would be going to the restroom before their performance, she didn’t think twice before trailing the Japanese. They got inside the restroom and Sana still doesn’t notice her, until the Korean went inside the same stall as the Japanese and quickly locking the door behind.

Sana was surprised. After that fight, no one bothered the other again. After the things Dahyun did and the words Sana had said, it’s quite understandable why none of them would approach one another; fixing it would do more harm than good. Today however, it’s as if they both wanted to know where things would go if they stop avoiding the issue because Sana just stood there, waiting for whatever it is Dahyun was about to do or say.

“I know you don’t want to talk to me, but don’t push me away this once. After this I will never bother you again, be near you or mess up the steps.“ Dahyun’s smile is a sad one as she spoke softly; the Korean looked up at Sana only to see the Japanese staring back at her with utter boredom.

_She doesn’t care anymore. But I’m not doing this for me; I’m doing this for her. I’m doing this because she’s important to me. And I wouldn’t let the people that I care about get hurt because of me. Not anymore._

The realization gave the Korean courage to carry on. “I’m horrible. You’re probably tired of hearing that from me but I have to get that across, so you know that it’s purely my fault. I’m not going to try and explain my side. I won’t waste your time with my reasons and excuses anymore because none of them would make up for the mistake I made. But I really want you to know that I’m the one at fault, and you didn’t deserve the way I treated you. That was so, uhm, very low of me.“ Dahyun sighed as she fought the urge to look down at the thought of that kiss; the least she can do is make Sana feel her sincerity. She wanted nothing more but to wrap her hands around the Japanese but she’s disgusted with herself too.

“I’m sorry for that - for hurting you, most of all, because of my actions and words. You really don’t deserve any of it. And lastly, I just want you to know that you were quite the best thing in my life, you know?“ Dahyun chuckled nervously, filled with longing and mind wandering towards the secret, soft, slow kisses and those tight, secured, comfortable embraces.

“Being with you like that, I loved every second of it. I still do. You probably don’t believe me because I did nothing but make you feel otherwise, but it’s the truth. I had my reasons, my head being a mess and all that, but the means doesn’t justify the ends. So if I made you feel unworthy, please don’t look at yourself like that, because you’re perfect and beautiful. And so, so, so good, Sana. You’re worth all the love and respect in the world.“ Sana’s gaze softened a tad bit, she doesn’t look like she wants to kick Dahyun out of the stall anymore.

Dahyun sighed, she doesn’t deserve to feel better about this but Sana does, so she continued. “I’m not in the position to ask you for anything anymore but I want your smile to return.“

For a moment Dahyun contemplated not doing it, but after this she wouldn’t get the chance and she probably wouldn’t want one so the hell with it as she swallowed everything and lifted her point finger from both hands and drew it closer to the Japanese’s face. Sana looked at her wordlessly, silently questioning what she’s about to do but made no move to slap her hands away or back up, it was all the push Dahyun needed as she placed her fingers on different ends of Sana’s mouth, lifting them up to form a smile — just like how she did before.

“I, we missed that, your smile. You once told me you love seeing people happy, but people love to see you happy too. And your smile? It lights up the whole room more than mine does because yours do wonders, Sana. You don’t have to be good to me, but I hope you can go back to the way you were with the others. Most importantly with Momo unnie and Mina unnie, they love you so much.“ Dahyun took one last look at Sana’s face as if it’s the last time she’ll be seeing her smile even though she just made it up. Removing her hands away was painful, but she’d rather be the one to feel it rather than the Japanese.

_I don’t want to hurt you anymore._

“That’s it now. I’ll be going,“ the Korean finished.

Dahyun bowed her head a little before she made her way out. Sana never once interrupted Dahyun because she wanted to hear everything and when the rapper left, the Japanese felt a myriad of emotions going off inside her body at once inside the deserted restroom.

True to her words, never once did the Korean bother the Japanese. Dahyun remained casual and polite, but she never talked to Sana again. It does not even feel like Dahyun’s avoiding her, it’s more like an invisible wall that sets them apart from each other, like an unnamed territory of two very different person.

It does not feel uncomfortable but Sana felt incomplete. It was easier for Sana when she was the one doing the avoiding but when Dahyun adhered to her actions, she didn’t expect the void that followed it.

Sana also went back to the way she was before, not completely because it will never be the same without Dahyun, but you can see it in Momo’s and Mina’s eyes that they recognized their best friend again when one day the main dancer was feeding the ballerina her jokbal and Sana started to make comments about other things.

Despite all of this, Sana still feels that hole in her chest. And every passing day, it feels like it will keep on getting bigger and bigger until it takes up a certain part of her; a part she shared with the Korean rapper, a part that is only for Kim Dahyun.

Little does she know, they actually both feel the same way.

 


	7. Chapter 7

** CHAPTER SEVEN - HONESTY AND TRUTHS **

Dahyun is feeling a lot of things today, in turn, she wanted to lock herself in the studio and play something that will help her let things out. Problem is, she couldn’t find a song that can fit in her mood, each song that she thinks of is either not enough or too much.

Dahyun eyed the person sitting beside her who nudged her softly. “Aren’t you coming to the dance room? Japan line is having a vlive before we choose some more songs for the album, they’re calling us to join,“ Chaeyoung invited.

All the others already followed the Japanese friends to probably make fun of them during their vlive or make them do God knows what. It was always fun to be included in those kinds of moments; she misses whenever they’re just being a bunch of dorky 20 year olds.

_ But not today. _

“No. I think I’m good, I just want to be alone with Mr. Keyboard.“ Dahyun smiled; her attention to the black and white keys in front of her.

“Dubu, it doesn’t change anything with us, okay? I feel like I have to remind you that.“ Chaeyoung’s voice is gentle; the lead rapper looked at her best friend. Dahyun felt the main rapper’s her sympathy, exactly what she doesn’t want to receive.

_ Stop making people feel bad for you. You fucked up. Not the other way around. _

“What do you mean?“ Chaeyoung just sighed. Dahyun is always clueless nowadays, not because she really is, but because she’s trying to be sure. She doesn’t want to repeat her past mistakes, in order to do that, she needs to be sure.

“Please, you know what I mean; you just want me to say it. Come on,“ the younger Korean flicked her fingers on Dahyun’s forehead making the lead rapper chuckle in response.

She can’t help but choose to be stupid lately. Ignorance is bliss, they say. She’d rather float around oblivious to everything than exist only to hurt the ones she loves with what she thinks she understands.

“We all know about you and Sana.“ Chaeyoung didn’t bother to beat around the bush, perhaps spending time with Tzuyu does that, Dahyun suddenly looked up as if she’s been caught. “Your fight wasn’t really a secret and the two of you aren’t the most subtle people in the group. We know you’re avoiding each other because we can see, hear and feel it. Our senses are still intact, dude.“

Oh, she actually forgot that everyone heard their fight inside the room. She is quite relieved that this is the knowledge everyone knows, their fight, but not what happened before that. The sweet moments they shared seems to reduce to a faded memory, that’s all there is left to it now; a memory. It should stay that way.

Dahyun’s afraid that digging it back up will just make more of a mess than what she already created. She’s done being a painful burden to Sana.

“What I’m telling you is we’re still TWICE, dubu. Sana doesn’t distance herself from us and you shouldn’t either, maybe you need space, but you have your friends too. You have us.“ Chaeyoung placed her hand on top of Dahyun’s shoulder as a sign of support.

_ I’m here and the girls too. _ She already pushed Sana away; she doesn’t want the same thing happening between her and her friends.

“I did something really stupid, Chae. I messed up. And being close to her, I feel like I’m only going to hurt her more.“ Dahyun confessed to her best friend, closing her eyes when she felt the familiar tightness in her chest resurfaced.

“Frankly, you did. If you managed to make the extremely affectionate, unbelievably hyper, obnoxiously loud Sana unnie change into that Sana unnie... I guess you really did. But she’s doing well now, dubu and you should too. Whatever you did, you can’t keep on punishing yourself.“ _That hit home._ “If you’re doing this because you think you deserve it, stop. We might not know exactly the whole version of what happened, but we do know you and Sana unnie well enough to say that you wouldn’t have possibly hurt each other so much intentionally.“

Chaeyoung had always been one who gives the best insights, the things that she’s saying now makes the things inside Dahyun’s head go into frenzy.

“Everything is painful. Among the nine of us, it’s you who can attest to that the most,“ Chaeyoung gave Dahyun a pointed look. “But we can always do things to make it bearable, dude. One way is to start forgiving yourself.“

That’s the thing; _she can’t._

“Not now, Chae. I don’t think I can just yet.“ Dahyun admitted miserably but thankful for the words her best friend just said. It helps, more than she likes to admit.

Having someone as intuitive as Chaeyoung is one of the silver linings in Dahyun’s life and she can’t help but feel like she doesn’t deserve her as well. “I understand you. But at some point you have to, you need to. It’s okay to let go, dubu.“

“But, I think... I need her forgiveness first,“ Dahyun laughed as if what she’s sayings is worthy of humor before groaning. “I hate this.“

“Maybe; except you don’t have to be stuck. Even though that’s exactly the reason why you think she needs to. Maybe what I’m saying is that we all have a certain point in life we wanted to go back in; a time when everything was easier. A certain part we haven’t messed up royally. But the reality is that we can’t, so we have to make use of what we have right now. She might forgive you today or tomorrow or next week or next month or next year — we don’t know. We can just keep on waiting because only Sana unnie can determine when she’ll be ready to. But somehow start with yourself, at least. So when she finally does, it can be easier for you to do the same,“ the main rapper grinned before standing up.

“The last time I checked I’m older than you,“ the lead rapper said jokingly but clearly taken aback by her best friend’s wise words.

“That’s why you’re more stupid than me. Honestly, the older we get the more we look at things differently. I’m planning to seize my youth. Sometimes, you’re becoming as much as a grandma as the rest of the unnies especially Nayeon unnie.“ It could be Chaeyoung’s artistic skill that allows her to observe the world in a more profound manner and Dahyun is grateful her best friend is able to look at the good side of things.

If she can’t do the same, at least the people that surround her could.

“Do you really not want to come?“ Chaeyoung asked once more.

Dahyun smilingly shook her head; she just wants to be alone with her thoughts. Chaeyoung nodded in understanding before patting her head. Dahyun just watched her best friend make her way out of the door and once the main rapper is gone, she’s alone again.

Dahyun can’t help but reflect on the meaningful conversations she has had with Eunwoo, Momo and Chaeyoung. The three of them all unconsciously provided her with a much needed support, but at the end of the day, she’s still left to deal with herself. If only she could magically change her perspective in a snap, to be a better friend and a better person, more importantly to be a better her that can deserve Sana, she will.

But unfortunately, living is too painful, moving is impossible.

Sighing, she continued to think of a song to play. She played some that fits her mood but none of it satisfied her, until she hit a random note that reminded her of a song she used to listen to a lot before.

__hoksi ani naega  
museun mareul haryeohaneunji  
neomu ppalli malhajin anheul geoya  
saenggaknani cheoeum neukkyeossdeon  
geuttae geu gamjeongdeul  
mollasseossji ama geuttaen mollasseul geoya

 __do you know?  
what i’m about to say?  
i won’t say it too fast  
do you remember?  
those feelings that we felt for the first time?  
you probably didn’t know back then

Dahyun took a deep breath as she started to sing along with her keyboard, the lyrics resonating with her more than she wanted it to. In her mind replays the first kiss she and the Japanese had shared, the tingling sensation of Sana’s lips against hers, the tugging feeling she felt in her chest, and the unforgettable sparks that woke every cell in her body.

_eonjebuteoinji gieogi jal naji anha_  
_eoneusae gaseum sok hankyeone jarihan niga_  
_ijerado neujji anhassdamyeon neoege_  
_kkok haejugo sipeun mari isseo_

 _i don’t remember since when_  
_but you have grown in my heart_  
_if it’s not too late now_  
_there is something i want to tell you_

All the years she and the Japanese shared with a bond felt like out of reach and too far away, yet she willed herself to feel the arms of the Japanese around her by remembering her touch and the countless kisses they shared in the course of a few weeks. It’s short lived but she’d rather have that than nothing at all. No matter how much she thinks she doesn’t deserve the comfort that came with the memory, she allowed herself to feel it.

_ Not think. Just feel. _

After all, she tends to mess things up when she thinks.

_johahae neol saranghae neol_  
_deo isang jujeohajimalgo_  
_neodo nae mamgwa gatdamyeon_  
_soneul naemireo neowa naega_  
_maju japgo maju boneun sungan_  
_urin eonjena hamkkeingeoya_

 _i like you, i love you_  
_don’t hesitate anymore_  
_if you feel the same way_  
_hold out your hand_  
_let’s look at each other_  
_we’re always together_

Every word that came out of her mouth makes her want to stop and cry, but she convinced herself to keep on playing. She pushed the most important person in her life away, this is her way to try and redeem herself, to just sing it out. If only she weren’t so stubborn and talked to Sana about her feelings. If only she confronted Sana whether she was just toying with her or not, instead of assuming lies her dysfunctional brain had made, the Japanese wouldn’t hate her right now.

If only she trusted Sana more. If only she trusted the Sana she knew more than the Sana she thinks she doesn’t, then Sana would be with her right now.

_johahae neol saranghae neol_  
_deo isang jujeohajimalgo_  
_neodo nae mamgwa gatdamyeon_  
_soneul naemireo neowa naega_  
_maju japgo maju boneun sungan_  
_urin eonjena hamkkeingeoya_

 _i like you, i love you_  
_don’t hesitate anymore_  
_if you feel the same way_  
_hold out your hand_  
_let’s look at each other_  
_we’re always together_

How can she let her doubts ruin the most beautiful thing in her life? She is horrible and also really stupid. The notes her keyboard makes and the song she’s singing takes her back to the days of meaningful glances, stares across the room, sincerity of Sana’s voice whenever the Japanese tells her about the beautiful things she sees in her — things she doesn’t even believe in — the hope Sana gives that fills in every crevice of her soul, the deep sense of home Sana provides, the belongingness she feels more so now than before with her best friends in the whole world since Sana had encouraged her to be more open.

That’s the most beautiful gift Sana had ever given her; _she gave her a chance._

Yet, she found a way to ruin all of it by disrespecting the person who deserves nothing but utmost admiration and protection to shield her away from the ugly things this troublesome world can inflict. It’s almost funny how she turned out to be the one who made Sana experience the same thing she wanted to keep her away from instead.

She’s just that horrible.

_ yeongwonhi uri duri _   
_forever, us two_

Dahyun remembered how the Japanese held her when it gets too much, how the Japanese remained by her side even when she doesn’t know what’s going on in her mind. Sana kept her promises and stayed.

No expectations and with nothing in return, she just stayed.

_ You’ll never be alone again. _

But apparently that’s what she deserves.

A clap made her turn her hear to the door, she’s been too preoccupied with her own thoughts that she didn’t even notice eight bodies watching her in the corner. “I think we found the song to put in on our album, didn’t we?“

“Nayeon unnie!“ Dahyun whined, immediately feeling embarrassed by getting caught in that moment. “I thought you were all doing a vlive?“

“We can’t vlive the whole day, dubu.“ Mina chuckled, letting her gummy smile show.

Has she been wrapped up in her own world to even notice the time? Maybe she has. “Have you all been standing there long?“ Dahyun asked.

“Since the start of the song, yes,“ Tzuyu replied honestly making Dahyun cringe.

_ They all heard. _

“Know what? You really put out emotions in that song.“ Jeongyeon pointed out, making her look over her keyboard then back to the girls again, scratching the back of her head.

“I guess so...“ It was all she managed to say as her eyes darted over a certain Japanese looking at her with an expression she could only name by calling it recognition.

But even that, she doesn’t deserve.

—

Dahyun’s nightmares had become more frequent, so here she is in the kitchen in the middle of the night, trying to eat her horrors away. Dahyun smiled bitterly to herself as she remembered that this was where the last good day she and Sana had before everything came crashing down.

“That’s what you get for fucking up, Kim.“ Dahyun winced, not used to hearing herself cursing. But that’s the truth, she fucked up. Each day that goes by, she wakes up and tells herself to stop fucking up anything this time, maybe then Sana would forgive her.

“Don’t curse in front of your food,“ she heard a voice, an angelic one, a sound she hasn’t heard speaking to her directly. It belonged to the person that makes her insides ache.

Tears wanted to form in her eyes in happiness that came from having to hear that again. Maybe it’s just her imagination? _God, is that it? I miss Sana so much, I’m starting to hear her._ Or maybe she’s still having a nightmare. She’ll wake up in her bed alone eventually, to face the day trying to get along with Sana as distant as possible.

“I’m beginning to hear voices, I really am a mess.“ Dahyun whispered to herself, taking a big bite on her ramen.

“Really? Won’t you look at me, Dahyun?“ Sana’s exasperated voice sounded and it made the Korean stop in her movements. Finally, Dahyun lifted her head up from her bowl and turned around, and there she is, the angel who is the subject of her mind, standing and facing her.

_ Is this real? _

“Now you’re literally just going to look at me and not say anything? Fine, I’m leaving. Before Sana could even turn to leave, Dahyun quickly conjured up enough strength to speak.

“Please, stay,“ the Korean’s voice came out with a croak.

_ You don’t deserve her. You have no rights to request that kind of thing. _

The Japanese took a deep breath and faced the Korean, the sight made Sana’s knees weak as she took in the appearance of the rapper in front of her wearing her pajamas. Sana misses her so much. It has been so long since they stood this close to each other without any hostility. But she can’t break her walls now, not until they resolve this once and for all.

“Finish your ramen and meet me outside in 5 minutes,“ Sana instructed dismissively before making her way out.

Dahyun ate like she hasn’t eaten in years. If Sana wanted to talk to her, then she isn’t about to make her wait. Dahyun followed Sana shortly after, when she opened the door, the Japanese gave her a look that tells her to keep up. They walked in silence until they reached a staircase in the part of the building Dahyun hasn’t been before, Sana went up and she followed without question.

_ I’ll just follow. _

At the end is a door she watched Sana push open gently, the other side revealing it to be the building’s rooftop. “I guess we have a thing for rooftops,“ Sana muttered without looking at her as the Japanese led the way.

Sana settled at the edge of the rooftop, standing and looking over the empty streets, different trees, visible houses and other buildings. Dahyun’s view is better, Sana in her simple pajamas under the night sky.

_ I could die with this in front of me and I would die happily. _

If the Korean didn’t know the Japanese, she probably would have thought she belongs in the sky with the moon and the stars. Perhaps, she does. Sana’s her angel, after all.

Dahyun snapped back from her thoughts when Sana turned to look at her over her shoulders, the Japanese signaled for her to come closer and she did, settling beside the Japanese with a decent distance that if she’s being honest, she wished never existed.

Silence engulfed them both; Dahyun does not want to start the conversation because she might ruin things again. Sana on the other hand, turned her attention towards the streets once more.

“I like coming here,“ Sana started. Her voice made Dahyun’s insides frantic, both the good and the bad feelings seemed to jump out all at once. Everything is overwhelming, and she wanted to run or puke, but she willed herself to speak despite the tears threatening to spill.

In a weak voice, Dahyun asked. “Why are you talking to me, Sana? I thought you never wanted to speak to me again.“

The moment the Japanese turned, the Korean didn’t expect what she saw when her and Sana’s eyes met for the first time in such a long time. Sana is looking at her with a pained expression yet tenderness in her eyes, her features back to being soft and gentle, not the same stoned and stoic face Dahyun’s now used to receive.

Sana’s voice croaked, “I miss you so much.“ It’s like a water dam breaking, a bandage getting ripped off as both girls’ tears started falling continuously.

“I miss you so much too. But I hurt you.“ Dahyun answered, clearly in pain, she wiped her tears but despite all this, she didn’t dare look away, afraid that the girl in front of her would disappear if she even takes a moment to blink.

Sana laughed brokenly, “Yeah, you really did. But missing you is painful too.“

“I’m really sorry, I really didn’t mean to.“ Dahyun apologized making little progress to ease the pain inside her chest.

“Can I ask one thing from you?“

“Anything,“ Dahyun nodded. After everything, who is she to say no?

“Let’s be honest with each other from now on, okay?“ Sana asked, Dahyun nodding her head again. “I want to know your reason why you did what you did. I want to know everything, because I can’t stay away from you any longer. It hurts too much to miss you like this.“

“My head - it tells me things, it tells me a lot of things about you and I’m sorry that I believed it. I was being stupid and jealous.“ Dahyun admitted, both of their cries dying down to sniffling.

Sana frowned, “Jealous? Of who?“

“People you kiss aside from me.“ Now that she thinks about it, it’s really stupid. “I got hurt and I guess I felt like hurting you back. I’m the worst and I regret it every day. Sana, if I only could, I’d go back and never let you go through that. You have no idea how much I would be willing to give up just to go back in time. I got angry because I felt like I was being played with. I mean what are we even, right? You can do whatever you want and I felt like you’re just toying with me. And when you told me to kiss you that day, I felt... trapped and I wanted to break free but you’re just there.“

“But I don’t kiss anyone besides you; and to toy with you? I could never. What makes you think that?“

“It’s stupid again; it’s because you’re Sana. You can have anyone at the tip of your fingers. I mean, look at you, and then take a look at me. Who am I? Stupid Kim Dahyun,” Dahyun laughed bitterly. God, this is the reality of what she thinks of herself. She’s a nobody.

“You’re not just Kim Dahyun and you’re definitely not stupid. Please, stop thinking that way about yourself.“

“But I am, and I made you feel violated when I did that, didn’t I?“ Dahyun asked and closed her eyes tightly when Sana nodded in confirmation. “You see, Sana? I’m this horrible person and you’re — _God_ , you’re just so amazing. I don’t understand what a person like you wanted to do with a person like me. I don’t deserve you.“

Dahyun felt two hands pulling her by the waist to cage her in an embrace. She wanted to breakdown when she took in the familiar scent of the Japanese. It’s been a long time since she’s felt this safe. God, she missed this so much.

“I know you feel unworthy, but you aren’t. I just hope that you trusted me more and talked to me about your feelings instead of us hurting each other like that. I accept you. Your flaws, your anger, your sadness, I accept all of it. But I’m just human and I have a limit too. But I can’t keep myself away from you. I guess I just needed time to calm down, and I know I haven’t been treating you in the best way,“ Sana was cut off by the Korean.

“Rightfully so and I don’t blame you for it,“ the Japanese shook her head slowly before continuing.

“But you’re worth it and I choose you every day, Dahyunie.“ Sana whispered lovingly and that was it for the Korean. Dahyun then broke down again on Sana’s arms, never once loosening her hold on the rapper. How much she missed that nickname coming out of Sana’s mouth, the familiarity and comfort slowly easing her.

“I’m sorry. I know you’re probably tired of hearing that from me. But God, I don’t deserve you, Sana. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.“ Dahyun apologized again and again, sobbing uncontrollably. “You don’t deserve someone like me, you deserve better. Not someone who is a mess.“

“Sshhh, hey... look at me.“ Sana used her thumb to tilt Dahyun head by the chin, their tearful gazes meeting each other. “I’m the one to decide who I deserve, don’t I? And it’ll always be you. You’re my choice in everything. You’re my only choice.“

How the hell did she become this lucky? Maybe she did something really great, like save all of South Korea from war in her past life for God to give her Minatozaki Sana in her life. But she still couldn’t believe it and continued to have doubts.

“After everything? I hurt you, you don’t deserve that,“ she whispered, tears falling out of her eyes again but the Japanese was quick to wipe away it with her thumbs.

_ My angel. _

“But that’s in the past. I’m sick on holding onto it, it only makes me miserable not having to hold you in my arms like this. It’s already done and we can’t change it anymore. It took me some time because well, you’re right, I really was hurt but Dahyunie... I forgive you,“ the Japanese said sweetly.

Dahyun’s heart felt being glued together piece by piece, no matter how shattered they are, she felt like they were getting back in their proper places more perfectly now that ever. “I really don’t deserve you,“ Dahyun sighed. She just can’t bring herself to accept that Sana wants her.

“Don’t say that anymore, please? It’s done and you’re my choice. I’ll choose you over and over again.“ Dahyun smiled, the girl in front of her is an amazing, an extraordinary and a wondrous person, and that same girl chooses her. “What do you say? Do you want to start over again? And for real this time.“

“What do you mean?“

“Us, together. Be my girlfriend? Dahyunie, would you?“ Sana asked. Dahyun swears her emotions are all over the place, but she feels only good things in her heart.

“Are you sure?“ the Korean asked, making sure she heard her right words, making sure she’s awake.

“More certain than anything else in the world - I want to do it again. But with assurance this time so you don’t have to feel like I’m not serious because I am, far longer than you know. It’s you and it’s always been you. My kisses, they’re only for you. No one else, just you.“ Sana whispered lovingly.

“Okay.“ Dahyun smiled, she feels so _alive_. If this is a dream, don’t wake her up anymore. She’s happy in this dream.

“Really?“ Sana asked again with a face eating grin. They’re seriously dragging everything on, but she’d never ask for anything else.

“Yes.“ Sana cupped Dahyun’s cheek, the Korean leaning in to the touch, savoring the feeling because now she knows how much time she’d lost, and how much she missed out on and she’s willing to make up for it. She’s willing to make up for everything she’s done wrong and make it right. “Sana, I promise to try and be the best person for you. I want to be the best for you. You deserve nothing less.“

“I don’t need the best, I only need you.“ Sana breathed, the way the Japanese said it, made the Korean felt like flying. “Can I kiss you?“

Dahyun laughed at the question, already leaning forward, “You don’t even have to ask. I’ll kiss you for the rest of my life.“

As soon as their lips touched, everything felt right again, like nothing ever went wrong, like nothing will ever go wrong. The kiss has a much deeper meaning now than before, it’s much more tender and much more heartfelt. Another round of tears fell from Dahyun’s eyes as Sana’s lips continues to move over hers with so much conviction, a silent message that tells Dahyun all things are good and it will always be good. Maybe this is what heaven feels like, being inside Sana’s arms, kissing Sana, laughing with Sana, talking to Sana.

Maybe this is heaven on Earth. And the girl in front of her is definitely the angel.

Sana leaned forward to Dahyun as soon as their lips parted, their foreheads were touching, basking in the moment. “You’re the best thing already. You’re worth it. And you’re enough for me.“

“You’re my angel, Sana. I hope you understand how much I mean that.“

They opened their eyes at the same time and smiled at each other. Sana gave her a soft kiss on the lips before leaning away. “Dahyunie’s my girlfriend, wow, I’m so lucky.“

“Sana’s my girlfriend, wow, I’m so blessed.“ Sana laughed, giving her girlfriend a kiss once again.

“I know you probably don’t like you mind because it gives you a hard time. But I do, because it makes up who you are. And who you are is something I can never my back away from. You probably think it’s ugly, but in my eyes, it’s beautiful. Everything about you is,“ Sana ran her thumbs on Dahyun’s cheeks. “Whenever your head tells you things you’re not sure of, just look at me. Because I’m real. This is real. We are real.“

“We are, aren’t we?“ Sana nodded her head, placing an assuring kiss on Dahyun’s forehead. Kissing the bad thoughts away, making the voices stop because right now she only wanted to hear and listen to Sana. No one else.

“Now that we’ve established that, it means no more dates with Eunwoo, Dahyunie.“ Sana tucked a loose hair behind Dahyun’s ears, looking at the Korean with insecurity. “No more kissing Eunwoo, too. Not now and not in the future. I heard you say you’ll kiss him one day behind the door then I saw your pictures. First you said you wanted to kiss Momoring and you did kiss Momo. After that you kissed Eunwoo and say you’d kiss him again? No more kissing other people but me, Dahyunie. Okay? I get jealous too.“

Dahyun laughed wholeheartedly because of the baby look on Sana’s face, the Japanese just pouting adorably. “It was an accident with Momo unnie. Eunwoo never happened. I mean, the photos weren’t exactly lies. He really tried to kiss me, but I leaned away before he could. How can I kiss someone else when all I could think of is you?“ Sana grinned, claiming her lips again in a swift kiss; they can’t get enough of each other.

“Just me?“ Sana asked and Dahyun nodded.

“Just you. Only me?“

“One and only.“ Sana laughed before embracing her girlfriend from behind, placing her chin on Dahyun’s shoulder. Just like before. Everything is in place again. “Look, the moon is beautiful tonight isn’t is, Dahyunie?“

“It is. But you're more beautiful.“ Sana kissed the side of Dahyun’s head as they continued to watch the night sky, the moon and the stars illuminating the world under. It really is beautiful. “Would we let the others know about us?“

“Do you want them to?“

“I do, but do you?“ Dahyun returned the question.

“Of course. They’re our best friends,“ Sana sighed contentedly on Dahyun’s shoulder. “When do you want us to tell them?“

“As soon as possible,“ Dahyun smirked. “I want to be able to act the way I want to with you with no restrictions.“

“How about publicly?“ Sana asked carefully. Knowing that it would be quite the scandal in their country, she was already wincing at the thought of hate they would potentially receive. “Are you ready for that?“

“I’m ready for anything if it’s with you,“ the Korean answered, Sana’s heart leaping from the response. “But let’s not involve the public just yet. This is nice, this is intimate. I like the privacy. But if you want to, I’m okay with that too.“

“I think I like this privacy too.“ Sana informed lovingly.

Both stood there talking about everything and nothing at the same time. Dahyun now asking Sana all the things she wanted to know about her, a continuation of her and Momo’s conversation but the answers now in first hand and vice versa.

Sure, Sana still has a lot to learn about Dahyun’s past, but as they embraced each other, sharing their warmth in the cold 4 am air of South Korea, they feel like they have all the time in the world. They laughed and shared a lot more kisses then while being wrapped around each other, until Sana’s alarm blared, signaling the two girls to return to their dorm.

Everything is back to where it’s supposed to be. It feels like a dream, but for as long as they stay at each other’s side, nothing could go wrong.

Nothing.


	8. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER EIGHT - GHOST OF YOU**

Walking hand in hand back to their dorm, the new couple is both wearing obvious happiness on their faces. As they reached the door, the couple looked at each other, the Korean realizing her new reality.

Their intertwined hands made the new information sink in. Dahyun is now holding the most important person in life, even though she couldn’t share it to the the world yet, she would never hide them from those in her life. Dahyun gave the Japanese a smile before opening the door.

It was a normal thing every morning, everyone all over the place as they prepare for the day. “Jihyo unnie! Sana unnie and Dahyun unnie are here.“ Tzuyu informed from the living room before she went straight to her room.

Their leader emerged from the kitchen that clearly just got out of bed. “Hey, you two - come here for a bit, I’ll give you your schedules for the day.“

Jihyo picked her phone up on top of a nearby drawer, scrolling for a few seconds before the realization hit her like a truck. She shot her head up from the device to take a look at her two members standing side by side, holding each other’s hand. “You’re not fighting anymore?“ Jihyo asked incredulously.

“We’re okay now, unnie.“ Dahyun confirmed, happiness radiating from her face, warming the heart of their leader. It has been a while since she saw smiles from both her members’ faces at once.

“Who’s not fighting?“ Jeongyeon asked when she got out of her room, holding a towel in her arm, looking at Jihyo who just pointed out the two people in front of them. The short haired girl exclaimed as a satisfied grin appeared on her face. “Holy mother of Jesus Christ, Mary. You’re not fighting anymore!“

“Hey, is that so hard to believe?“ Sana asked, amused by her friends’ reactions, swinging the Korean’s hand.

“Momo come out here, you’ve got to see this!“ Jeongyeon called, her voice booming from the living room, ignoring Sana’s question.

“Eh?“ Momo questioned as she emerged from her and Jeongyeon’s room, holding a toothbrush. Still a bit confused in the morning, she followed the line of sights of their leader and vocalist, the main dancer sighed with relief when she saw the two people in front of her. “I was beginning to feel hopeless for the two of you. Good to know you got your snake head out of your snake butt, Satang!“

“Stop calling me that, Momoring. I’m not a snake anymore.“ Dahyun felt Sana tightening around the hand holding hers, the Korean squeezing it back firmly, exchanging a silent conversation with the Japanese.

_I know. I don’t doubt you. I know._

Dahyun smiled at Momo when their eyes met, the main dancer giving her a meaningful wink. “Hey, Mitang! Come here!“

“Moguri, it’s too early, don’t shout.“ Mina appeared, yawning and rubbing at her eye before her gaze landed over Sana and Dahyun, the youngest Japanese gave the both of them lazy smiles as she leaned slightly on Momo who wears the same expression. “Good morning. I can see now why Satang was missing when I woke up.

“What’s with all the noise, unnies?“ Chaeyoung asked who appeared from the kitchen holding a bowl of ramen, maybe that’s what happens when she spends so much time with Dahyun too.

Tzuyu who just got out of their room answered the main rapper. “Look at Sana unnie and dubu, they made up already.“

Chaeyoung’s eyes lit up as she took in the scene in front of her. Sana is now hiding her face behind Dahyun’s head, starting to get flustered with all the attention they are getting, while the Korean with her just kept on smiling with pure content. Chaeyoung smiled when their eyes met, the lead rapper looks more refreshed than ever during the course of the years she had known her best friend. “Why aren’t you surprised by this, Tzu?“

“Oh, I woke up earlier and dubu was missing, then I heard Sana unnie’s voice, then I went back to sleep. I figured they’d worked things out when I saw them together earlier.“ Tzuyu relayed, smiling proudly for piecing the pieces together.

“Actually, now that you’re all here we’d like to tell you something,“ Sana spoke up. She gave Dahyun a look and the latter just gave her hand a squeeze. “Dahyunie and I...“

“Are together; we know.“

“Ya! Momoring, stop interrupting me!“ Sana whined, she looked at their friends’ faces and not one exudes surprise, just proud grins.

“Stop being dramatic, Sana. I’ve put up with your weeks of complaining that Dahyun’s annoying then saying but I miss Dahyunie.“ Everybody laughed because of Momo’s straightforward words, Dahyun placed an arm around Sana’s waist, hugging her sideways while chuckling as well. “About time, Satang. Now can I borrow a towel from you? I have no clean ones left.“

Sana rolled her eyes playfully at that. “In my room, you know where.“

“What’s going on, why are you all here?“ Nayeon asked, oblivious to her surroundings, hair’s still wet just having finished her morning shower.

“Sana unnie and dubu are not fighting anymore and they’re officially together.“ Tzuyu summed up, the eyes of their oldest member rounded in surprise.

Now, that’s a different reaction.

“What? How? When?“ Nayeon asked rapidly at once, giving them looks one by one, making the others laugh with her cluelessness. “Why aren’t any of you surprised by this? It’s not a big deal, I mean it’s news, but why is none of you taking this the way I do?“

“Momo?“ Nayeon eyed the first person her eyes landed to.

“I’m the snake’s best friend, I already knew,“ Momo answered.

“And since you knew, that means Mina?“

“I already knew too. Not that Satang confirmed anything, but when you’re best friends with the two most obvious people in the world, it makes everything easier.“ Mina laughed, her voice ever so soft, gummy smile appearing.

Nayeon frowned. Okay that she understands. The three of them knows each other well and Mina’s extremely perceptive. “Chaeyoung?“

“Nayeon unnie, school meal club. And they’re really obvious, you know?“ the main rapper informed before a taking a bite on the noodles she still hasn’t finished.

“It means that day in the studio when dubu was playing her keyboard and singing?“

“Was for Sana unnie,“ Tzuyu confirmed. Dahyun whined, still embarrassed for having been caught, burying her face on Sana’s neck just enough to still see her friends. “Also, Mina unnie and Chaengie are right, they’re really not that subtle.“

Chaeyoung and Tzuyu are extremely perceptive too. “Okay, I understand... there’s some kind of trio thing going on here.“

“You two,“ Nayeon looked pointedly at Jeongyeon and Jihyo who both wore a similar knowing smirk. “How did you find out, Jihyo?“

“I’m the leader? I’m God Jihyo, Nayeon. I’m supposed to just know things.“ Jihyo answered smoothly and proudly.

Nayeon scoffed, “Jeongyeonie?“

“It’s common knowledge, Nayeon. Everybody knows,“ the short haired girl answered, amused with their oldest’s frustrations.

“Everybody but me!” Nayeon ranted. “And you didn’t even tell me?“

“I told you it’s common knowledge, how could I have known that you were clueless?“ Jeongyeon laughed.

“I thought the two of you are my best friends? There’s a trio thing going on here!“ Everyone laughed again, their oldest is hilarious when she’s like this.

“They basically disappear together from time to time, you haven’t noticed that?“ Jeongyeon provided her one more chance of realization.

“No!“ Nayeon frowned. The vocalist shifted her attention to the couple in front of her. “Wait, the two of you disappear together? Just what were you doing then?“

“Ugh, Nabongs! Don’t you think, we should just know that already? Don’t contaminate our minds.“ Jihyo placated, clearly dreading the situation if the couple in front of them whose faces are both red answers.

“No. You’ve all denied me information, now I’m getting them first hand. So, what were you two doing?“ A series of disagreements erupted when Nayeon pushed for an answer. Sana and Dahyun both laughed despite both of them being flustered.

“It wasn’t anything like that, Nayeon unnie. My snake has been very well behaved.“ Dahyun answered, patting Sana’s head softly, the Japanese smiling with the Korean’s choice of words.

“Heard that, Momoring? I’m very well behaved, pabo.“ Sana announced with pride, her best friend sticking out a tongue as a response. Everyone breathed with sudden relief. But of course, she’s Minatozaki Sana, she can’t help but tease. “We aren’t sleeping together. But don’t worry though, because that’s about to change.“

“SANA!“ “SATANG!“ “UNNIE!“ Exclaims were heard all over the room, the Japanese laughing before getting smacked on the head by a furiously blushing Dahyun. Sana just pursed her lips and gave the Korean a quick peck on the cheek.

“I absolutely didn’t need that image inside my head. Alright, that was a wrong call,“ Nayeon shook her head. “But wait, remember that radio show? When you said you wanted to date Jeong and kiss Momo, did you mean that, dubu? Or were you just trying to make Sana jealous?

Everyone’s attention shifted to the lead rapper, all of them curious with her reason. “I meant it.“ Dahyun answered with honesty. Momo turned to Sana who looked wounded, teasing her best friend with a smirk and wiggling her eyebrows at her.

Sana whined, tightening her arms around the Korean. “Dahyunie! I told you no kissing anyone else,“ the Japanese sighed miserably before burying her face on Dahyun’s neck.

“I’m stealing your girl, Satang.“ Momo announced mischievously. The main dancer inched closer to the couple, throwing her hands forward for Dahyun to reach.

“Momo, don’t you even try.“ Sana scowled, but the rapper had other plans in mind as she also tried to reach for the main dancer. “Yah! Dahyunie?“

“Your girl wants me, Satang!“ Momo laughed as she closed the distance between her and the rapper, engulfing her in a hug. Sana let go of her hold on Dahyun and took on the scene in front of her, the Japanese glared at her best friend, crossing her arms to look at both Momo and her girlfriend. Dahyun and Momo kept on teasing Sana as they made kissing sounds while pouting their lips, inching towards each other.

Everyone laughed at the interaction and at Sana who is shooting daggers at Momo, clearly annoyed. Mina looked at her best friend and despite of her clear entertainment with what’s happening in front of her, she decided that Sana has had enough judging by the frown on her face and irritated expression.

Mina stepped forward to embrace Momo from behind. “Okay, that’s enough, Moguri. Satang will kill you in your sleep,“ the youngest Japanese chuckled.

Momo and Dahyun broke their act. Momo placed her arms on top of Mina’s that encircles her stomach before leaning onto her to watch her best friend’s reaction. Dahyun smiled naughtily as she walked towards her girlfriend, encircling her own arms around the Japanese. Sana looked at her blankly. Dahyun placed a gentle kiss on Sana’s cheek as she looked at her eyes, “I was just kidding.“

Sana uncrossed her arms to place one around Dahyun’s shoulder and one around her body. “Okay,“ the Japanese said dejectedly.

“Are you upset?“ Dahyun asked, amused.

“No, it’s okay.“ Sana answered but her face betrayed her words.

“Look at me,“ the Korean requested softly as their eyes met. Dahyun placed her hand on Sana’s cheek, making the Japanese stare directly at her before whispering, “Just you.“

Dahyun crashed their lips together, the Korean felt Sana smile as her lips move over hers. She heard a series of hoots and cheers from her friends; she felt everything in her body bursting with life.

And those are the three important things, the Korean reckoned: having to make the person you love feel loved, being surrounded with a positive energy from the most important people in your life, and living even though the bad things still exist.

Maybe this is what being alive feels like. After a long time, perhaps, this is being alive.

—

Being friends first before being girlfriends, Dahyun already knew a lot of things about Sana, but there are still some parts she’s only finding out about her just now as her girlfriend shared countless stories about her childhood. Dahyun listened to every word that came out of Sana’s mouth and maybe that’s the thing, she only kept on listening.

“Meeting Momoring and Minari, they’re more than just my best friends; they’re the sisters I’ve never had. But don’t tell Momo about it because that pabo likes to tease me a lot.“ Dahyun passed by the section of her favorite noodles, the Korean didn’t waste time and placed some in the cart she’s pushing.

“It’s only fair. Do you have any idea how badly you make fun of Momo unnie sometimes? It’s like you’re competing about who can be more annoying,“ the Korean chuckled.

“She teases me a lot too, sometimes I think if it weren’t for Mina, we would always bicker with each other.“ Sana led them to the section full of fruits, the Japanese getting their members’ favorites. “Good thing I love that pabo.“

“Momo unnie is not hard to love, she’s a wonderful person.“ Dahyun pushed the cart, eyeing the racks of cereals now. She and her girlfriend have no definite destination, just go to where they feel like going and buy what they feel like buying. Their date is kind of spontaneous.

“You like Momo, don’t you, Dahyunie?“ Sana suddenly asked. Dahyun stopped on her tracks but the Japanese was focused on the boxes in front of her, yet there was something in her girlfriend’s voice she couldn’t point a finger to.

“I guess you can say that. I like everyone.“

Sana appeared to be reading the back of one cereal box. “But Momoring is different, you wanted to date her... and kiss her.“

“Hey.“ Dahyun spoke softly, taking Sana’s wrist, making her girlfriend turn around to look. “Are we back to that? I thought we agreed to let that go?“

“No, no, we did. I was just saying what I observed,“ the Korean stared, urging the Japanese to continue. “Maybe you have a crush on Momoring.“

“I don’t know where this is going?“ Dahyun sounded unsure but her grip on Sana doesn’t weaken.

The question thrown by the Japanese confused the Korean. “Do you have a crush on Momo?“

“Are you jealous of Momo unnie?“

“No.“ Dahyun gave her girlfriend a pointed look. “Yes... sometimes. I mean it’s okay, she’s Momo and you’re Dahyun, but yes, sometimes. It’s nothing bad. I promise.“

“What makes you think I like her?“ Although she doesn’t like the main dancer that way, Dahyun still questioned her girlfriend because she’s genuinely curious.

“Mostly because she kisses you too, on the face, on your neck and you seem okay with that. We somehow have similarities and maybe you can see some traits you like about me in her and like that as well. You like me, right?“

“Of course, I do. You’re the only person I like,“ the Korean smiled. “But it’s kind of unfair because I don’t dwell on it when you go around kissing other people and clinging to them.“

Dahyun didn’t mean harm, she works hard to leave what’s happened behind, but maybe some things are just that unforgettable.

“Except you did.“

The moment it came out of Sana’s mouth, she immediately realized the mistake of her words — the Japanese knew her girlfriend didn’t take things lightly and it’s too soon to make comments about something fragile — she didn’t mean it to come across as if she’s still holding it against Dahyun, but unfortunately it’s what it sounded like.

Everything was silent first with only their breathing to be heard. “Oh. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize it’s that. I thought it was over.“ Sana immediately felt more guilty when Dahyun let go of her wrist.

“It is, Dahyunie. It’s not an issue anymore, I swear. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.“ Sana tried to console her girlfriend who started pushing the cart again.

“Okay,“ the Korean smiled but it didn’t reach her eyes.

Sana spoke without thinking and just wanted to change the topic, she loves talking to her girlfriend and she doesn’t want an awkward silence. “What about you, Dahyunie? You never talk about your childhood.“

Dahyun stiffened; it went unnoticed because the Japanese is too distracted with what she said to her girlfriend. “There’s not much to talk about.“

“Myungsoo. You were close with your brother. I can only wish I have one.” They started walking side by side.

Sana felt her girlfriend’s lack of interest with the conversation and she wanted to hit her head for saying the wrong thing. “We always played when we were younger, then we grew up. I miss him.“

“What was your favorite thing to do?“ the Japanese tried again.

“Ice cream and pizza,“ Dahyun replied and Sana hinted sadness in the Korean’s voice, she really ruined the mood today.

It was such a random moment when Sana felt it, she felt Dahyun’s unwillingness to talk about Myungsoo judging by her one sided answers, the only question is why? In a sudden, the Japanese was gripped with fear, she knows the unpredictability of her girlfriend’s mind and she felt afraid to ask the reason why she feels that way.

“Sana, can we pay for these already?“ Sana looked at her girlfriend who spoke in a calm manner, she wanted to protest and shop some more but nodded her head as an answer. Maybe it’s better.

Hoping to still save some good memories from her date with her girlfriend, the Japanese asked the Korean her question. “We’ll still go to that ramen place we found, right?“

“I’m a little tired. Let’s do it next time, okay?“ There was a pause. “I’m sorry.“

Dahyun kissed Sana’s cheek lightly; the Japanese felt the apology wasn’t just because of the ramen, her guilt tripled as she watched her girlfriend make her way to the cashier with her shoulders lowered.

—

As soon as they got back to their dorm, Dahyun immediately went inside her room and never came out. Sana’s getting eaten by her guilt and so she asked Mina for help in trying to make it up to her girlfriend.

Sana took a deep breath before knocking on Dahyun’s door. “Dahyunie?“ the Japanese heard shuffling from the other side before the door opened revealing a bare faced Korean in her sleepwear.

“Hey, what is it?“ Dahyun looked so innocent, with those tired eyes and weary smile, it’s a random thought in the most random moment of right now, and the Japanese knew she’d be ready to give her girlfriend everything.

Sana held out her hand, she felt relieved the Korean took it without second thoughts. Maybe she wasn’t as upset as she thought she was. “I made something for you.“ Sana guided Dahyun to the kitchen, one hand encircling her waist.

“I think we also have a thing for kitchens, not just rooftops,“ the Japanese commented. “We have to stop it, though. Kitchens are a Mina and Momo thing.“

“You know they’re not here, right?“

“I do. But I don’t tease them purely just for fun,“ Sana answered meaningfully upon reaching where they’re supposed to be. “I made these.“

There is a plate containing a mix set of cookies, one set are heart shaped chocolate cookies and another same flavored cookies but with a terrifying attempt to look like a heart. Dahyun laughed and looked at Sana endearingly. “What are these?“

“They are cookies, obviously. I asked Mina to help me bake.“

“I’m guessing the fine ones are Mina unnie’s work and these ones...“ Dahyun pointed at the terrible ones with a laugh, “are yours?“

“Obviously,“ Sana lughed with her girlfriend. “At least you can still make them out as heart shaped, see?“

“They look like horrifying stars that are bound to explode, what do you mean hearts?“ Dahyun laughed more as she felt the Japanese embracing her from behind. “I guess we have a thing for back hugs, too.“

Sana hummed in response. “I love it, it makes me feel closer to you.“

“I love them, too. What are the cookies for?“

“Apology.“ Sana started swaying her girlfriend slowly, hearing a quiet music in their own little world. “I shouldn’t have brought it up, I’m sorry for being insensitive.“

“Bringing up Momo unnie or what happened at the company?“

“Both,“ Sana sighed.

“Do you want to talk about them?“ Dahyun felt the Japanese nodding her head on her shoulder. “Which one first?“

“Company.“ Dahyun took a deep breath and waited for her girlfriend’s next words. “I already forgave you for that, there’s no need in getting stuck there but I guess it was too soon to bring it back up. But when you mentioned I’m flirty it reminded me of what you did. I know it’s not solely based on that, I promise you, I understand. But you thought I was playing with you because I’m always snaking around, so yeah. And that brings us to Momoring.“

“Are you thinking I’m trying to get back to you by being clingy to Momo unnie?“

“No, I would never think you’re doing it on purpose because for one, we still haven’t established what we were back then and another is that I’d never think you’ll do it to, I don’t know, retaliate against me? Dahyunie, I’m not good with words.“ Dahyun and Sana both chuckled by how the Japanese seemingly had trouble finding the right thing to say, despite the weight of their conversation, her girlfriend has this effect of making things less difficult. “But I guess I think it’s some kind of karma because I’ve been flirting a lot.“

“Hey, it’s okay. I never held it against you, I promise, even when that stupid mistake happened, I never blamed you. Flirty Sana made me like you anyway.“ Dahyun turned around to face her girlfriend. “And I’m just really comfortable with Momo unnie, that’s all. Just like how I’m comfortable with Mina unnie or Chaengie or Jeongyeon unnie. But with you it’s different, it always had been. Just a reminder I’m your girlfriend now, and even before, it always felt special when you’re the one who flirts with me.“

Sana laughed when Dahyun winked at her, it’s like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders. “I’m happy to hear that. Don’t worry, I mean it when I said I won’t be snaking anymore.“

“By the way, what do you mean you’re not good with words? Shut up, you say all the right things when you have to.“ Dahyun commented, pushing her girlfriend’s shoulder teasingly.

“I didn’t use to. I’d rather just express it with actions; I know Momoring already told you about that. But with you, actions and words seem too fickle, if I’m being honest. I just hope you know how important you are to me because I’ll never be able to describe its depth.“ The confession made Dahyun blush.

If this is what Sana meant by not being able to express herself well, then the Korean wishes she’ll never know how. Because every time Sana says these kinds of things, she makes Dahyun feel and maybe feeling isn’t so bad anymore. “Thank you, that means a lot to me. You’re important to me too, I hope you know that as well.“

“Let’s do this more often, okay? Being more open with each other.“

“What if there are things I don’t want to talk about? I mean, yeah, what if...“ Dahyun struggled to find the right words and Sana understood this.

“That’s okay, too. As long as everything is okay and you’re okay. That’s okay too. But I hope you do, though. Communication is vital in a relationship, they said and all I know is that I want to make this relationship last for a long time.“ Sana will always make Dahyun feel like breathing, the Japanese became her air and that brought her peace.

“I want the same thing.“

Dahyun and Sana laughingly ate the cookies; they don’t taste as horrible as they look. Dahyun doesn’t talk much about her past, but she has a feeling it’s something that’s about to change. She hopes that she’ll be ready for when it comes.

—

“Spin around slowly. Don’t let go of my other hand,“ Sana instructed Dahyun as they tried waltzing inside the dance room.

It’s a calm afternoon and the girls had just finished practicing their dance routine for the new song they’ll be releasing for their comeback. The other girls are scattered around different parts of the place as they all enjoy this much needed rest and downtime the management is giving them for having done well in the past. Shows, commercials, interviews, endorsements and photoshoots are being pushed so they won’t overlap, providing the girls a less stressful workload. They’ve all been light on their feet and become more relaxed.

“Who even still waltz?” Dahyun asked following Sana’s body movements.

“Many people do,“ the Korean chuckled when her foot collided with the Japanese. “Dahyunie, don’t step on me! Be careful.“

“Why are you teaching me this dance?“ Dahyun asked as she trained her eyes on the floor to make sure she wouldn’t hit her girlfriend again.

 _My girlfriend_. Dahyun smiled at the thought, it feels good to say that even if it isn’t out loud. Sana kept a decent distance, guiding the rapper in slowly twirling under her arm. “It’s fun.“

“I suck,“ Dahyun muttered; her body landing gently on Sana’s. Both of them thinking of how well they fit when the Japanese enclosed the Korean’s frame almost perfectly with her own.

Standing closely with one another, the Korean blew at the Japanese’s bangs; the latter took the Korean’s right arm to hook it on her nape. “You do,“ Sana chuckled, placing her arm around the rapper’s back. “Now bend over — Dahyunie!“

Dahyun laughed loudly when Sana pulled her back to their normal position, she just bent her back extremely lower than how she should. Annoying the Japanese, but in a good way, is a delightful activity for the Korean. Seeing her girlfriend scrunching her nose is one of the most adorable things in her world. “What? It’s fun! Maybe we can modify the waltz and invent something.“

“No, it’s barbaric. Come here, let’s try it again.“ Dahyun squinted her eyes playfully but adhering to Sana’s instructions. “Dahyunie, bend your back gently. Don’t be stiff. Don’t you watch movies that show these kinds of things? Do that.“

Dahyun scoffed, “I do. It’s just, I’m not used to this. Remember when I hit your jaw? Sometimes, I can’t help but be a stick.“

Sana pulled her back up, “One more time. Just do what I say. Gently lay down, like on your bed, and surrender your weight to me. Trust me to catch you and relax your body.“

Dahyun did what she was told; Sana’s body is hovering over hers, her head covering the light providing the rapper a focus on the dancer’s face. Sana’s sight is the exposed neck of the rapper, her girlfriend’s hair dangling gracefully over the floor. “My princess.“ Sana muttered, giving Dahyun’s neck a feather-feel kiss.

“You’re my princess too,“ the rapper closed her eyes and hummed before looking at the dancer again. “I’m betting it’s not proper to give a kiss to a princess without privacy, miss. The king might have your head for that.“

Sana chuckled, pulling Dahyun to stand up before placing both her hands on the rapper’s waist, the latter placing hers on the dancer’s shoulders, engaging themselves in a slow dance. “That’s okay. I’d die for you anyway.“ Dahyun’s heart swelled with the declaration.

“And I’d live for you day by day,“ the Korean smiled. Dahyun realized how she meant every word and the weight of the statement she made, but even so, it doesn’t terrify her anymore.

—

“HIT YOU WITH THAT DDU-DU DDU-DU“

The bar is filled with cheers as the girls from BLACKPINK performed on the stage. The girls from TWICE and Red Velvet plus other groups and artists who are friends with the four-piece, present in the party of their comeback having a success.

Kim Jisoo and Park Chaeyoung beckoned for the attendees to join them. Momo, Sana, Nayeon, Yeri, Seulgi, and Irene all ran to dance with the group. Dahyun watched in amusement as her band members, most especially her girlfriend, nailed the steps.

In the corner she saw Momo get off only to pull Mina along with her, now that the three Japanese from her group is on stage, she can clearly see the chemistry and dynamics of her foreign members on the dance floor. They have the ability to capture and focus the attention of the people watching.

Momo exudes a fiery way of dancing, her toned body swaying perfectly holding the attention of the people inside the room that are all focused on her. Mina makes the stage wilder, her calm and soft features turning deadly, making all her smooth movements more sultry. Sana is sexy without even trying, she has an air of confidence that tells you she knows what exactly she’s doing and a look in her eyes that burns when she stares and will leave you in awe, wanting for more.

When Dahyun turned to her girlfriend who noticed her watching the three of them, the Japanese gave her a pointed look before biting her lower lip seductively, never taking her eyes off from the Korean and dancing more sexily.

Now that is just... hot.

Sana has always been cute, caring and gentle with her and the way the Japanese is now made Dahyun exhale a deep breath, cross her arms, smirk knowingly, lick her lips and wink at the Japanese.

Dahyun fought the urge to get on stage and kiss all the existing sexiness from Sana to let the people know that she’s already taken, but she can’t and she’s not upset with that, because now she knows Sana is all for herself and so Dahyun continued to enjoy watching her princess in front.

Soon, more people joined the stage but Dahyun just kept on watching, even when the song changed and the girls kept dancing, the rapper was contented seeing the person who captured her heart have fun as she continuously took tequila shots from the tray of a few passing bar crew.

The moment Sana got off stage, the rapper stood from the high stool chair, that’s when she realized she had one too many to drink because as the dancer approached her, it’s as if all her self-control jumped out of the bar.

The way Sana looks makes it more difficult, she was wearing heels, a suede skirt, a button up shirt whose sleeves rolled up to her elbows with a few buttons undone, and a slightly messy hair due to all the dancing. As soon as the Japanese reached the Korean, Dahyun held Sana by her tie to guide her someplace until the dancer realized her girlfriend was taking her to the restroom.

Sana laughed but didn’t say a word. A few people saw them, but Dahyun didn’t care and neither did Sana. Reaching the empty restroom, the Korean immediately went inside a stall followed by the Japanese; Sana barely locked the door when she felt the Korean claiming her lips.

Dahyun was trapping her girlfriend against the door, kissing her hungrily. “Have you been drinking?“ Sana leaned away to ask with a smirk on her lips.

“Yes,“ the Korean exhaled before crashing their lips together once more with a heated passion, the Japanese surrendered and kissed back with the same intensity. Dahyun’s breathing heavily as she started sucking on Sana’s pulse point. “You were so alluring while hitting me with your ddu-du ddu-du,“

The Japanese couldn’t help the chuckle that rose from her throat, but it didn’t last long because the rapper is now placing wet kisses all over her neck. “Are you turned on?“ Sana whimpered.

“What do you think?“ Dahyun groaned as she pinned Sana’s arms against the door. The Korean found her way back to the Japanese’s mouth, she licked her girlfriend’s lower lip and when Sana granted her entrance, her tongue immediately found its way inside.

Sana moaned when she felt Dahyun’s hands gripping at her waist, the rapper broke the kiss to catch her breath but not a second after when she started to trail kisses on Sana’s jaw. Dahyun reached down and carried the dancer who wrapped her legs around the Korean’s waist.

Everything felt hot. Both the Japanese and Korean are gripped with desire, no one could think straight and before they knew it, Dahyun’s already fumbling with the buttons of Sana’s top while walking backwards to sit on the toilet with Sana straddling her lap.

One moment they were kissing, the next they both froze when they realized that Dahyun’s hand crawled up on Sana’s chest. The Korean’s eyes were trained on her hand, both she and her girlfriend are panting heavily. Dahyun looked up slowly, her eyes meeting Sana’s gaze. Although the Japanese is looking at her with pure tenderness and obvious trust, the Korean couldn’t help but sigh. “I’m sorry.“

Images of that day inside the company flashed inside Dahyun’s brain, even until now, her actions never fail to make her gut churn.

Dahyun was about to withdraw when she felt Sana’s palm enclosing her own to keep her hand in place. “It’s okay, you can do what you want,“ the Japanese nodded as she leaned forwards to touch their foreheads together.

”I’m not scared. I trust you.“ Dahyun’s heart swelled with immense affection. That means a lot to her. Since they started dating, they have had countless of heated make out sessions but she always stopped before it escalates further. Dahyun doesn’t want to hurt Sana or push the Japanese into doing things she isn’t ready for.

Dahyun turned her palm to hold Sana’s, intertwining their fingers together with gentleness. “Thank you, that means a lot,“ the Korean said with nothing but sincerity before placing an equally gentle kiss on the Japanese’s lips.

After that she started placing light kisses on Sana’s collarbones before letting go of Sana’s hand to button her top back up. The Japanese frowned but still looked at the Korean with pure tenderness, in her mind playing how Dahyun had treated her with nothing but respect.

“I said it’s okay,“ Sana repeated; she doesn’t want to push; she only wants to say it again in case the Korean didn’t understand.

Dahyun kissed her lips. “I know. But let’s try to do this again when I’m completely sober and when we can properly talk about... this.“ The rapper said, the dancer nodding her head in understanding.

“Okay,“ Sana smiled.

Dahyun guided the dancer off her lap as they both went out of the stall hand in hand. “You can go out first, I’ll just wash my face.“

Sana gave her one last kiss before she walked out of the restroom. Dahyun splashed cold water on her face, to regain composure and lessen her intoxication before following her girlfriend.

On the way to their table, there were a lot of bodies pushing against each other, some dancing on the dance floor, others talking in groups at different corners, some flying solo and drinking alone, typical bar. Until the Korean saw a familiar figure walking towards the exit that made Dahyun’s heart leap.

Everything about the girl was so familiar, the way she walks, the way she stands tall, the way her hair flows naturally, the length and color of those long locks. Even when her back’s turned, the rapper couldn’t have been wrong.

 _I know her,_ the Korean thought. Dahyun’s heart raced, two beats per seconds before she whispered to herself, “Somi?“

“Dubu!“ Dahyun’s head snapped towards Jeongyeon waving over her, assuming she’s lost them in the crowd. The Korean waved back quickly before turning to look back at the body, but she’s gone.

Dahyun’s heart kept on racing as she went back to her friends. What is Somi doing here? She was supposed to be in Canada. The Korean’s thoughts seemed to have doubled with a lot of feelings quickly becoming apparent.

She felt confused and everything is spinning.

It has been almost three years since she has seen her ex. Their last conversation wasn’t the nicest thing in the world. The girl basically broke up with her, said some pretty hurtful things, flew to another country, and got someone new.

Seeing her now, or at least it’s who the Korean thinks she saw, made all things blurry. She isn’t angry, sad or longing, she’s just... confused, at least for now. The Canadian-Korean had been her everything, almost the reason why she’s alive, but the same girl who made her push herself to breathe became the same girl who broke her.

When the person you love more than yourself suddenly drops you, it does things to yourself, and when you feel that pain; the unexplainable gnawing of being lacking and unworthy — there’s no coming back from that. Somi inflicted the kind of heartbreak Dahyun wouldn’t forget easily.

“Dude,“ Chaeyoung snapped her fingers in front of the lead rapper, pulling her out from her thoughts.

“Hey?“ She asked tentatively, her senses slowly coming to a wake.

Their main rapper leaned back to examine her best friend’s face, noticing the lead rapper’s obliviousness, she spoke. “Are you and Sana unnie having a fight?“

“No, Chaeng. Why do you say that?“ Dahyun frowned.

“Well, your girlfriend thinks you two are. She’s been all over you and you just kept on stirring your cocktail without paying her any attention, not even once.“

 _What the hell?_ She’s been too consumed with her own thoughts about her ex to even notice her girlfriend. Her perfect girlfriend. Dahyun’s consciousness started to kick in, “Where is she?“

“Counter,“ Chaeyoung pointed. Dahyun shot up from her seat and hurried to where the Japanese is.

Sana is leaning over the counter waiting for her own cocktail, back of her palm under her chin; she looks deep in her thoughts too. Dahyun sighed with guilt as she approached her girlfriend, “Hey.“

Sana looked up, the Korean wrapping her arms around her waist before resting her head on top of her shoulder. “You finally noticed me?“ She asked jokingly, without any trace of anger and for some reason it made the Korean’s heart break.

“I’m sorry.“ Dahyun whispered, nuzzling the Japanese’s neck.

There wasn’t any trace of ill mood on Sana’s words when she spoke, nothing but contemplation. “Dahyunie, am I being too clingy? Are you still happy with me?“ Sana questioned.

“What?“ Dahyun didn’t bother to hide the disbelief in her voice. “Why would you think I’m not? Of course, I’m happy. And no, you’re not being too clingy and even if you are, I love it when you do.“

“Are you sure? Tell me if there’s something about me you find awry, I don’t want you becoming cold or avoiding me all of a sudden because the last time it happened we both did and said stupid things. I’m just scared,“ Sana admitted with all honesty.

“I’m sorry. I always make you worry. I always do stupid things. You’re not being anything but perfect, please believe me.“ Dahyun whispered lovingly as she tightened her embrace.

“I do, always. But if there’s something that I should know about, tell me, please? We promised to be honest with each other.“

Dahyun weighed her choices whether to tell the Japanese about her past girlfriend or keep that information in the dark. But if she chooses to, is this really the right time for that? Perhaps not, besides, she isn’t even sure if that girl is in fact Somi, there’s no use in talking about a wrong assumption and ruin the night. Dahyun settled on kissing her girlfriend’s cheek instead. “I will. I’m sorry for ignoring you, it wasn’t my intention to. My mind is just somewhere else.“

“I’m sorry for overreacting.“

“No, no... Sana your emotions are valid, okay? It’s my job as your girlfriend not to make you feel unloved or unappreciated or unimportant. You deserve to have everything and I think I’m failing to do that up to now,“ the Korean chuckled.

“You’re not. You’re all I could ever ask for. Don’t you ever doubt that,“ Sana whispered lovingly. “What was on your mind though? Was it... the restroom? Because if it was, Dahyun, I swear it’s okay... I don’t mind.“

Dahyun laughed softly at her girlfriend’s changing moods in a span of seconds. “No, it’s not about that. It’s just... something about the past. Don’t mind it.“

“What about the past?“ Sana asked with curiosity and, Dahyun hinted, caution. But then the song changed and Dahyun can’t help but pull her girlfriend on the dance floor. It wasn’t her one hundred percent intention to purposely avoid the question, but maybe it’s the best for now.

 _you're in my arms, and all the world is calm,_  
_the music playing on for only two._  
_so close, together._  
_and when i'm with you_  
_so close, to feeling alive._

Sana lovingly laughed, feeling endeared when she realized that her girlfriend — the most terrible person she knows when it comes to waltzing — pulled her on the dance floor to dance to the beautiful music filling the place. Sana guided Dahyun’s movements, her heart melting with the way her girlfriend looks at her as if she’s the most valuable being she’s ever seen and held.

 _a life goes by,_  
_romantic dreams must die._  
_so i bid mine goodbye_  
_and never knew._  
_so close, was waiting,_  
_waiting here with you._  
_and now, forever, i know_  
_all that i wanted_  
_to hold you so close._

A few mistakes but Dahyun quickly got the hang of it. Sana was impressed; it touched her heart when she realized Dahyun is now just following the rhythm, her rhythm all the while looking at her. The rapper surrendered all her movements completely to the most beautiful girl in front of her, the music providing the both of them a more heartfelt moment.

 _so close to reaching_  
_that famous happy end._  
_almost believing_  
_this one's not pretend._  
_and now you're beside me,_  
_and look how far we've come._  
_so far we are. so close..._

Her past, it didn’t matter, Dahyun realized. Whenever she’s looking at Sana, everything feels irrelevant and small when she knows and feels that she’s loved by this person in front of her who has a perfectly great heart. She thought of Somi and another huge part of her past, but they all seem blurry when all she can see is the girl in front of her. So she enjoyed the music and danced to it through her heart’s content.

Dahyun danced to it, putting her emotions out with every step and turn, hoping that in some miracle, Sana would feel just how much she makes her feel that is unfathomable to explain for being too deep to even put them into words, deeper to make the other understand. But perhaps, Sana does. Because in an unspoken confession, she is certain she feels the same way, and maybe even more than that.

 _oh how could i face the faceless days_  
_if i should lose you now?_

Dahyun sang with the song, meaning every word that came out of her mouth as their foreheads touched, bearing a deeper sense of togetherness. In that moment, the entirety of what she feels for the Japanese became clearer... her heart fell, but she knows that it will always be safe.

 _we're so close to reaching_  
_that famous happy end,_  
_and almost believing,_  
_this one's not pretend._  
_let's go on dreaming_  
_for we know we are..._  
_so close, so close_  
_and still so far..._

“We’re not far, right?“ Sana whispered vulnerably as the song finished, her words encompassing unspoken stories. The rapper kissed the tip of the dancer’s nose softly, not caring if anyone saw.

“We won’t be.“ Dahyun nodded as she made the decision to let her girlfriend in, to reveal one of the things that make her who she is.

It’s a brave act that requires a lot of courage because of the fear that threatens to set you apart, but with the Japanese, she knows that she will always keep her safe.

 


	9. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER NINE – KIM DAHYUN**

It was the same dream over and over again - the warm fluid, the loud ringing in her ears, the people rushing past them, the heavy body falling, and the color red.

Dahyun gasped loudly as she opened her eyes, everything was unfamiliar, and she couldn’t make out the place. The Korean was panting when she felt someone wipe away at her tears, someone with an all too familiar touch for her to mistake the identity.

“Come here,“ Sana whispered, pulling Dahyun to her side to rest the rapper’s head on her shoulder.

Dahyun kept on breathing heavily even as she recognized the hotel room they are staying in. After the party ended, everyone agreed they were all too exhausted to drive back to their dorm so they all decided to book a room in a nearby hotel.

Nayeon, Jeongyeon, and Jihyo shared a room. Tzuyu was supposed to be with them but Chaeyoung had too many drinks and wouldn’t let go so she ended up rooming with the Taiwanese together with Momo and Mina.

Sana stroked Dahyun’s hair, calming the rapper down upon feeling the comfort of her girlfriend’s touch. After a while, the Japanese ran a hand over the Korean’s arm, trailing to her palm before massaging the muscles there. “Whenever I have nightmares when I was younger, my mom used to this and it always helped me relax.“

Sana then checked Dahyun’s face with her other hand to feel for any tears, when another batch of wetness ran down the rapper’s cheeks, the dancer was sure to wipe it all away.

“Everything is okay. Everything will be okay,“ the Japanese whispered lovingly before placing a kiss on the side of the Korean’s head. “They’re just nightmares, they’re not real.“

_Except that it is._

Dahyun wanted to tell Sana this but nothing came out of her mouth, she was suddenly too exhausted by the thought of having to explain the things inside her head from the beginning.

“Do you want me to open the lights? Or do you want some water?“ Sana asked after a few minutes of silence when Dahyun’s crying had died down.

Sana was about to stand up when she felt Dahyun shaking her head slowly, and in a tired, croaking voice, the rapper muttered, “Just... hold me.“

Sana sighed, feeling useless all of a sudden. Her girlfriend’s nightmares had been recurring a lot lately, Dahyun doesn’t say anything about it but she knows. She found out when one time she sneaked inside the rapper’s room to cuddle but heard her screaming in her sleep instead. Another when they accidentally fell asleep in Sana’s room, only to have the Japanese wake up to Dahyun’s squirming.

Sana didn’t ask about it although she badly wanted to, she was waiting for her girlfriend to open up because there’s a part of her scared of accidentally touching a wrong nerve. But overhearing the same concern from Tzuyu and Chaeyoung about Dahyun’s nightmares becoming frequent again, she knows she has to talk to her in some way.

Sana knows Dahyun has the tendency to lock herself in and keep everyone out, but no one has to deal with their struggles alone and most of all, she’s her freaking girlfriend. It pains more to see the Korean in such state. It pains her to an extent she can never begin to describe. It pains her when she realizes her girlfriend doesn’t trust her as much as she was letting on.

Opening up is one of the important compositions of a relationship and the Japanese wishes they could live up to that. Sana was just waiting for the right time to pitch the topic in, initially maybe she had been a little selfish for wanting to enjoy the smooth sailing days of her relationship with the rapper, but her girlfriend’s well-being comes first.

Always.

“You don’t even have to ask,“ the Japanese replied. She slid them both down so they’re now lying in bed, the Korean’s head resting atop her chest, her arm circling protectively around Dahyun’s body.

“Dahyunie... can we... talk about... this?“ Sana asked with uncertainty, not being able to hold it in any longer. “I’m worried about you. I want to talk about this, if it’s okay.“

Dahyun hinted fear on Sana’s voice, she felt guilty again for making her girlfriend worry, but she’s just too exhausted to keep on pondering. “Let’s sleep.“

Dahyun didn’t mean to reply in a cold manner and was about to apologize when she heard Sana sigh. But even then, the Japanese didn’t push and continued stroking her hair, massaging her scalp gently, lulling her back to sleep faster than any medicine she used to take in the past.

“Okay.“ Sana breathed, she figures, having her girlfriend talk about anything right now is not a really good idea and made the decision to let the Korean rest.

“Good night, Sana.“ Dahyun said sleepily.

“Good night, Dahyunie. Dream of me, I,” But before she could hear Sana finish, she fell unconscious.

—

When Sana woke up, the first thing she did was look for Dahyun. It’s like her body knew they’ve been together all night as her hand reached over the other side of the bed, but felt nothing. She squinted her eyes, adjusting to the morning light of South Korea illuminating the room. Sana darted her attention to the balcony and there was the person she was looking for, standing and looking over the city in her pajamas.

Like a strong magnet, the rapper turned her head to find the dancer eyeing her with a soft expression. Dahyun knows Sana’s beautiful, she has seen Sana in the morning countless of times before, but seeing Sana right now, sprawled on top of the bed, morning hair and sleepy eyes, she knew if perfection were a person, then it would be the Japanese.

“Hi,“ Dahyun smiled gently as she made her way to Sana after retrieving a bed tray table.

Sana sat up to allow Dahyun to place the item on the bed, the Korean gave the Japanese a gentle kiss on the forehead, her girlfriend’s heart softening by the action so early in the morning. Dahyun set the tray perfectly for the Japanese before lifting the cover up revealing tteokbokki, kimbap, egg, and soup. Sana watched the Korean prepare all the utensils and a glass of water for her in awe.

“Eat your breakfast,“ Dahyun sat down beside Sana on top of the bed. “Good morning.“

“Good morning to you, too,“ Sana chuckled. “I didn’t know they serve tteokboki this early in the morning.“

“They don’t. I personally asked the chef to prepare this. You like all of this right?“ Dahyun asked, clueless of how endeared her girlfriend is of her.

“What kind of bribe did my Dahyunie use?“ Sana asked sweetly.

“Chef’s daughter is a ONCE.“ It was the Korean’s turn to chuckle. “I woke up early and the first thing I did was check for food, you know, for you. He saw me, recognized me and chatted with me then asked for an autograph and a photo. In exchange, I asked if he could do my girlfriend’s favourite dishes and so here we are.“

“Being famous has its perks, huh?“ Sana asked teasingly.

“Kind of, but he also offered, though.“ Dahyun started spooning the soup and the egg, bringing it closer to her girlfriend to feed her.

Sana chewed at her food quietly. “You don’t have hangover?“

“It would take more than just a couple of tequila shots to take me down, Minatozaki.“ Dahyun laughed a little as she wiped at the dancer’s mouth using a napkin.

Sana frowned a little but still ate another round of food her girlfriend is feeding her with. “Why do I feel like I should be scared you’re being incredibly sweet today?“

Sana didn’t bother to hide the carefulness apparent in her voice, she tried gauging Dahyun’s reaction but the Korean wore an unreadable expression on her face as she brought tteokbokki to her girlfriend’s mouth.

“I’m always sweet with you, what are you talking about?“ Dahyun tried avoiding the truth in her plans for the day.

“You know what I mean. You’ve always been sweet, yes. But it’s a cute-sweet and lovely-sweet kind of sweet and right now, your sweetness is scaring me. Tell me what it is?“ Sana pursued, she doesn’t want to test the waters anymore, because she’s in this, she already jumped and she’s ready to swim, and if push comes to shove, then she’ll be prepared to drown for her girlfriend.

Sana’s not stupid; she knows exactly what she’s doing. Sana’s not numb; she also knows exactly what she’s feeling. Whatever Dahyun has gotten herself into, whatever baggage she carries, whatever past the Korean has that wounded her, no matter how difficult and horrific, she’s in.

“We’re going somewhere after this.“ Dahyun answered, smiling a little.

Sana swallowed her food, immediately asking, “Where to?“

“You’ll find out later. We promised to be honest with each other, right?“ Dahyun said vaguely. Sana simply nodded her head, her heart constricting and racing because of anticipation, or fright, she’s not sure. “Promise me one thing before we get there?“

Sana just nodded her head once more, feeling as if saying even something as simple as okay would make a shift in their world. Dahyun stopped feeding her and looked straight at her eyes. If this isn’t her Dahyun, she would feel intimidated by the way the Korean is looking at her. “Promise me you’ll be a hundred and one percent honest with me. Whatever you’re thinking, you say it and whatever you want to do, do it. Okay?“

Sana nodded her head quietly for what seemed like the fifth time, when Dahyun gave her a pointed look; she smiled and reached for the Korean’s hand to give it a squeeze. “I will.“

“Until then,“ Dahyun fished something in the pocket of her pajama. It reveals to be a necklace with a small key as a pendant; the Japanese watched the Korean move and allowed her girlfriend put it around her neck. “Hold onto this for me.“

Sana nodded in understanding; she felt the cold of the necklace against her skin. It suddenly felt heavy around her neck and the Japanese is sure it doesn’t just feel that way because of the key. But she’s in. “I will.”

Dahyun gave her a soft kiss on the lips before the Korean continued to feed her lovingly. That alone calmed both of their minds as they silently reminded themselves that they have each other.

—

“I didn’t know you could drive,“ Sana stated as they ventured an unfamiliar path.

It had been half an hour since they left the hotel; it had also been half an hour since they talked to each other. The moment a company car arrived was the same moment everything stopped for the Japanese, maybe it was nerves but wherever they’re going would explain a lot about the Korean and so she can’t help but be trapped inside her own head for a while. Dahyun didn’t say anything either, the entire time, she kept her gaze trained to the road.

The Japanese sighed when the Korean finally spoke up, filling the air with a much needed distraction. “Then that would mean you didn’t know I used to race either.“

“What?“ Sana gawked at her girlfriend. “How old were you?“

“Trainee days,“ Dahyun admitted.

“Dahyunie, isn’t that dangerous for someone that young? Who are the people with you whenever you race?“ Sana questioned.

 _Somi_.

But Dahyun kept her mouth shut. In reality, the rapper doesn’t know why she wants to keep her past relationship a secret anymore. All she knows is that it would be another story than what she’s about to tell her girlfriend in a few minutes, she doesn’t want to mess her head more than it already is. Because as of the moment, voices are already screaming inside the Korean’s mind, the only solace she has right now is the Japanese in the passenger seat.

“Old friends,“ Dahyun answered vaguely, not wanting to continue the conversation any longer. Speaking only makes her want to tremble and she doesn’t want to back down, she wants Sana to know her.

Unfortunately, Sana caught on with that. “We could go back if this is all too much.“

“Don’t you want to know the truth?” Dahyun asked with a shaky voice that didn’t escape Sana’s attention.

“I do. But if it’s too much for you, then...“ the Japanese trailed. “I just don’t want to push you into anything.“

“We promised honesty, right?“ Dahyun was trying to convince Sana, but she knows a part of it is for herself as well.

“We did. But I’d rather wait for the right time than have you run away from me because I’m being overbearing,“ Sana sighed.

Dahyun frowned; it’s becoming really frequent for the dancer to say things like that. “Sana, why do you always sound like I’m ready to leave you at any given time? I thought you trust me?“

“I do. I guess I’m just more scared than what I let on,“ Sana admitted.

“Of what?“

“Of the things that I don’t know about you,” Sana whispered gently. “Sometimes, I feel like tiptoeing because I might step on a part that I shouldn’t and you would walk away from me. Other times, I just want to go beyond everything to know how to be there for you,“ Sana confessed vulnerably as Dahyun reached for her hand to hold it as gently as possible, wanting to make her girlfriend feel she won’t drop something as delicate as them that she got blessed of having. “I have no idea what hurts more, Dahyunie — not knowing how to help you or being far away from you.“

“Are you feeling like there’s an invisible wall between us, that I’m always keeping my guards up?“ The rapper asked gently.

“Not always but yes, I do.“ Sana revealed. “Does that make you upset? I don’t want you to compromise a lot for my sake because I genuinely understand.“

“No. Why would I be upset with that? Your feelings are more than valid, okay? I told you that last night. However, I do feel really guilty for not noticing your insecurities in our relationship because I’ve always been too wrapped up in mine. I’m sorry for being self-centered,“ the Japanese squeezed her hand, intertwining their fingers together before placing a soft kiss on the back of the Korean’s palm. “But I’m not running away. I won’t run away from you.“

“I trust that you won’t, at least not intentionally. But the world we live in is unpredictable and I really don’t want to push you. Your well-being always comes first, Dahyunie. And I can wait, no matter how long, I can wait until you’re ready to open up... just don’t leave.“ Sana brought Dahyun’s hand to her face and made the Korean cup her cheek; the Japanese relished the feeling as if it might disappear in a blink.

Dahyun stroked Sana’s cheek using her thumb before speaking up. “This is our relationship, Sana. This is us and it’s ours. It’s you and me. I love how you put me above, but you’re my girlfriend too, and your well-being will always come first as well.“

“Are you really sure, Dahyunie?“ Sana asked but her voice is a lot more at ease now, and her eyes seemed to relax when Dahyun glanced at her before focusing back on the road.

“I am, babe.“

The term of endearment obviously perked Sana up, and Dahyun is simply glad she was able to shift her girlfriend’s mood. “Babe?“

“Confession? I’ve always wanted to call you that. You call me Dahyunie, and what am I supposed to call you? Sananie?“

Sana cracked up. _There we go, there’s the smile, there’s my sun._ “Sana-ya!“ the Japanese laughingly pointed out the proper honorific.

“I know, but everyone else can call you that. You make Dahyunie sound so sweet and I just want to call you something that only I can be able to.“ If she wasn’t driving, she would have just stared at her girlfriend. “Don’t you like it, babe?“

“I love it,“ the Japanese smiled. “But really, we can turn around if that’s what you want.“

Dahyun shook her head. “We promised to be honest. And besides, we’re already here.“

Sana averted her gaze from the Korean as she took in the sight in front of her. They are on a hilltop that overlooks the whole of the city. Dahyun parked and stopped the engine before getting off to open Sana’s door for her, when the Japanese got out of the vehicle, the Korean led her to the end of the hill.

“I thought you're scared of heights?“ There are a lot of questions inside Sana’s head right now, but that is what she found herself asking the rapper.

“I am. But not when I’m here.“ Dahyun inhaled. “Wait for me.“

Dahyun already walked away to retrieve something from the car before the Japanese could ask where she was going. After closing the trunk, the Korean is revealed to be holding a trowel.

Sana watched her girlfriend make her way to a nearby tree just a few feet away from where she was standing, when she reached a certain spot, the Korean started digging something that’s located underneath all the soil.

Sana waited patiently for her girlfriend without question. After a few minutes, Dahyun was making her way back to her, holding a medium-sized rectangular box that looked like a treasure chest.

Sana’s hand automatically went to her neck where she felt the item suddenly turning colder by the second, when Dahyun arrived at where she was standing; the Korean took her hand to guide her on the edge of the hill. She felt her girlfriend tugging and she immediately understood that Dahyun wanted for her to sit down. Without exchanging any words, the rapper gently unlocked the necklace from her neck and placed the box on top of her lap.

Dahyun sighed once more before inserting the key inside the small hole on the box. Sana held her breath as she watched her girlfriend turning the key, she heard a click indicating that the box is now unlocked. Dahyun wrapped her arm around Sana’s waist and placed her head on top of her girlfriend’s shoulder.

Sana heard Dahyun take in a deep breath and with the proximity, she could feel how fast the Korean’s heart is racing. However, she didn’t make any move and just stared at the box placed on her lap.

“Open it,“ Dahyun instructed, her voice still the softest, even as her hold started to tighten the moment Sana’s hand found its way to the chest.

Sana released a heavy breath just to suck in another as she slowly lifted the top, revealing a bunch old news articles but the thing that caught her attention was an old, stained photograph.

“You can take them out,“ Dahyun’s voice was solemn.

Sana deliberately left the newspapers behind when she only took out the photograph, part of her felt that the papers should be saved for last. She was holding her breath while slowly scanning the picture in her hands; it contains two boys and a small girl.

The girl is obviously Dahyun and if it isn’t for the seriousness of the situation, Sana would have gushed and teased the Korean on how cute and adorable she was back then. The photo shows Dahyun without teeth, smiling and sitting on an older boy’s lap while the other boy is placing a kiss on her cheek.

“Myungsoo always kissed my face when we were younger because they were chubby.“ Dahyun explained with a hint of nostalgia in her voice, at the mention of Myungsoo, the Japanese remembered their conversation and almost fight at the grocery when she felt the same feeling of fear she did back then.

So the little boy is Dahyun’s brother, but who is the older one? As if reading Sana’s mind, the Korean tightened her arms around the Japanese. Dahyun took in a deep breath before she continued to speak.

“The other one, his name is, was, Jeongho. Kim Jeongho. He was my other brother.“ Dahyun finished.

Sana was dumbfounded but she couldn’t bring herself to say anything or bring the picture down, she just kept on staring at his face. Now that she’s looking intently, she realized that the guy looks a lot like Dahyun, his features were just masculine but he looked exactly like her girlfriend.

“We used to come here together, the three of us, we used to always come here to play. He was 10 years older than I am but still played with me and Myungsoo. Our favorite game was called pirate,“ Dahyun recalled.  
  
“At night, whoever would play as the captain the following day would create a fake map will lead to the location of the treasure chest; the first one to find it is the winner and would get a price. Jeongho was always the captain, and whoever won, he would take to the nearest ice cream parlor or pizza place, the loser would get nothing. But we’re his siblings, even if either of Myungsoo or me loses the game, we would still get an ice cream or pizza in the end.“

 _Ice cream or pizza._ It echoed inside Sana’s head when Dahyun stopped talking for a while.

Feeling the cold air hitting her face, the Korean gathered up courage to continue. She barely started but it already felt like she’s nearing the end.

This is it.

Dahyun literally dug up the past, something that she kept on leaving behind but kept on following her wherever she goes.

Everything feels unbearable and excruciating, she wanted to cry, she wanted to burst out in anger, she wanted to hurt herself, but when she felt Sana intertwining their hands together, she was reminded about her purpose for being back here: to let Sana, who deserves nothing but all the good in this world, know a huge piece of her.

Taking a deep breath, Dahyun continued with her story. “It was in summer back then when our parents had to go overseas for a month or two to earn an extra; we weren’t well off you see. It was an opportunity given to them by the company; they took it without any second thoughts because if they don’t, we would be short on money. Adding to that list, Jeongho oppa was about to enter college back then, so they flew to another country together with other employees of the company they were working on, leaving the three of us. It wasn’t a problem because our big brother was great at taking care of us, he was the perfect brother anyone could ask for.“

“Until our grandmother got sick. She was living alone because our grandfather had already passed away then. Having no one to take care of her, our brother had to go to shoulder the responsibility. But the problem is he can’t, he can’t go back to that town,“ Sana’s brows furrowed a little while listening intently to the story.

“My brother was a really good person but even someone that had a heart as golden as his made mistakes too. Being the oldest and male, our family struggles were put on top of his shoulders unintentionally. He was in high school and he worked a job at night to provide support for us. It was enough, we aren’t starving, we aren’t homeless, but you were right when you told me life is unpredictable. Because it really was,“ Sana just looked at Dahyun, never once asking a question, allowing her to continue at her own pace.

“Back when our grandfather fell ill, he suffered a heart attack and needed an operation, but as I’ve said, we didn’t have any money before and the hospital needed payment. No one could offer anything, the Kims are poor people.“

“He must be desperate, my brother, everyone was, no one wanted grandfather to die. Then it all started happening, he did something, that stupid yet amazing brother of mine contacted someone. A colleague of his from way back, but that person is someone who knows dangerous stuffs and before my brother knew it, he was already part of a gang of drug dealers.“

“He never used, not even once, he only delivers for them. Deliver the drugs, collect the money, give the payment, get compensated for the job,“ Dahyun addressed it without any emotion in her eyes and that scared Sana, her girlfriend’s detachment from the world is something that troubled her.

“He managed to pay for the hospital bills and the medication our grandfather needed, he did it anonymously so no one could know it was him.“ Sana’s heart started beating fast, having a feeling that they’re about to reach the unspeakable part.

“Rumors, it spreads like wildfire, and there became a talk about his involvement with drugs. My parents confronted him about it and he didn’t lie because, I told you, he was a good person, a good son. Never lies and defies our parents. He admitted to everything.“

“Dad wanted him to quit immediately, he said he doesn’t need the kind of money that came from a dirty work. And he did quit, at least he tried to. That’s a thing about drugs and gangs, when you put yourself in, there’s no going out,“ Sana nuzzled Dahyun’s cheek lovingly, a silent reminder to her girlfriend that she’s there, and that she has her.

“He was in way too deep — he knew the transactions, he knew their bases, he knew all the contacts so they wouldn’t let him. If he leaves, they threatened to hurt his family, us, but my brother outsmarted them in that department.“ Dahyun smiled sadly, her eyes trained to the photograph on top of Sana’s lap.

“He created a fake identity; he didn’t reveal who he truly was. He was really careful. He pretended to still be part of their gang, deliver the drugs and all that. He told our parents about it though, he told them everything, that’s when my dad and mom decided to leave town and taking the three of us somewhere far away, and somewhere deep in the city no one could follow. The problem was, we still didn’t have money because everything my brother earned was for grandfather, and another thing is we didn’t have a place to stay. Yet our parents insisted, saying they would just come up with something. Jeongho oppa being himself, secretly did one last delivery before we moved away and took the money with him.“

Dahyun finally looked at Sana, the Japanese felt relief when they eyes that stared at her are still the ones that belongs to the person she’s willing to do everything for. “It was a really, really huge amount. It was enough to cover our expenses for a year while being able to pay for grandfather’s medication. Now you see why he couldn’t come back? He stole and he was on the run. But family will always come first for him so he didn’t have a choice, he came back and took us with him.“

“He made a lot of ground rules though; the most important of all is no going out of the house except for him. Whenever he does, he made sure to wear clothing that would obscure his appearance. Every time he comes back with medicine, he made sure to bring chocolates and candies for us from the store; he knew how to cook too so food wasn’t a problem. But one day, Myungsoo and I got bored playing pirate inside the house and went out,“ Sana started to hear her girlfriend’s voice becoming void of emotions, but when she looked at her eyes, she saw it filled with so much.

It was Sana’s turn then to embrace Dahyun protectively, wanting to shield herself and her girlfriend from her own past. She wanted to know, but she has a feeling that what Dahyun is about to reveal next would make a shift in their relationship for the better or worse, she doesn’t know but she’s here to find out. She braced herself for the truth.“

“A man approached Myungsoo and I, saying he wanted to play with us. We told him the mechanics as he presented himself to be captain. We gave him that treasure chest.“ Pointing at the old chest with her eyes, Dahyun chuckled painfully at the memory, “Myungsoo and I were pretty stupid as children, don’t you think?“

“That man gave us the map and left. We searched together for a while before Myungsoo said it’d be faster if we searched separately. I felt it, though, that I shouldn’t have agreed to it, but I still did because Myungsoo had always been the better player, he always finds the treasure first. It had been a while since he left and still hasn’t come back; I started questioning where he is. The moment Jeongho oppa came back from the market, I immediately told him about the game.“

“I felt him freeze, you know? Yet he continued to act strong. I realized that when I got older because I recognized the fear in his eyes back then. He asked for the map and instructed me to stay inside the house. But when he left, I followed. I followed him in secret because I wanted to know where the stupid treasure was.“

Dahyun stopped for a while; she cupped Sana’s face to angle it with her. “Sana, look at me. I want you to keep looking at me as I say this part of the story.“

Sana nodded, and that was enough for Dahyun to continue, the Korean fought the war inside her head, she managed to let it out this far, she doesn’t want to hold back. Most importantly, she wanted to see her girlfriend’s reactions and internally prepared herself for the worst. “Next thing I knew, he was inside a warehouse. Myungsoo was held hostage, I heard Jeongho oppa pleading the people to let Myungsoo go. There were at least six of them, at least from what I remember. One was holding Myungsoo, the other four was on his sides, and one pointing a gun at him. I was scared and confused, so I revealed myself and cried, because that’s what stupid kids do, they cry as if tears solve everything. Before I knew it, my brother was rushing to me and that’s when I heard a gunshot.“

“ _God_ ,“ Sana gasped. It was the first word she spoke since Dahyun started telling her the story, there isn’t a word to describe the fear that gripped her heart. It made her hold onto the Korean tighter, no word to describe the sorrow that suddenly filled her whole body. Sana was about to close her eyes but Dahyun shook her head no.

“I felt my brother’s body falling, I felt warm fluid, I couldn’t register what was happening then I saw red - a lot of red. Myungsoo started to cry and when I looked up I saw the man pointing the gun at him that time. I can vividly remember his finger closing in on the trigger but Jeongho oppa spoke again, he said ’ _don’t shoot my brother and let my sister go._ ’ I couldn’t do anything, I just watched and cried even as the guy pointed the gun at me, I didn’t care, I just wanted my big brother to stand up. Then I felt his hand closing in on my arm, he pushed me behind him before I heard another gun shot and that’s when his body fell completely. Everything was a blur after that, all I knew was a lot of people in blue and white started to come in. Jeongho oppa called the police, he would have been alive if I didn’t show up, he had a plan and I ruined it,“ Dahyun told the Japanese with so much regret and resentment in her voice then she saw tears flow from Sana’s eyes.

“That photo, it was found inside his wallet. It was the only thing I got after I...“ Dahyun trailed and Sana would give everything just for her girlfriend to not say the words out loud.

“Dahyun...“ Sana was hoping to stop her girlfriend, realizing that the stains on the picture aren’t marks of an aging time, but blood. They were blood stains all along. And her girlfriend kept on staring at the image so she did the only thing she can, she put the picture down to conceal it from her girlfriend’s view.

“I killed my brother.“ Dahyun stated with hatred - hatred that’s clearly directed to herself.

“No. It’s not your fault,“ Sana sobbed on her girlfriend’s neck, she couldn’t hold it in any longer. She never knew the full weight of trauma her girlfriend was carrying with her all this time.

Her perfect, cheerful Dahyun - her Dahyun who kept on making everyone laugh at her jokes and silly antics; her Dahyun who cares so deeply for their fans and the eight of them; her Dahyun who loves ramen and chocolates.

_Her Dahyun._

Sana wanted to yell and get angry at the world for making the Korean experience that kind of pain, but when she saw tears falling from her girlfriend’s eyes, she realized that nothing is more important than never letting go of the girl in front of her.

“You see now why I’m the way I am? It’s because I’m afraid. I’m afraid that I’ll hurt you. I’m a danger to people. I killed my brother, Sana. I almost killed the other one, too. I don’t trust myself with you,“ Dahyun cried burying her face on her palms.

Sana’s emotions are all over the place, but she needs to be strong. But Dahyun is making it hard for the Japanese because she’s not looking at her, and Sana was once again scared of the Korean running away so she held the rapper’s wrists and made her look in her eyes.

“Don’t leave. You won’t hurt me. It’s not your fault,“ Sana repeated those words over and over again. “You are still my Dahyunie and you will always be my Dahyunie.“

“How can you still look at me the same way? Sana, I can’t stand myself so how can you?“ Dahyun’s voice made Sana’s heart break in a thousand pieces. If she managed to make her feel that way, how does she go on everyday feeling the same way and probably a lot worse.

Sana now knows that Dahyun is scared, not of her, but with herself. Her girlfriend never forgave herself for what happened and in turn, she feels like she’s a threat to anyone. But that’s far from the truth. Because with Dahyun, Sana feels at ease the most. With Dahyun everything is in place like a perfect puzzle piece.

“It’s because I choose you. And because I’m with you, through everything, I’m with you,“ Sana answered pulling the Korean in the tightest hug possible.

“Don’t you think we should break-up?“ Sana stiffened with the question; the Korean wanted to shake the Japanese but held herself grounded. She needs to be strong now. “I’m not running away, but I can understand if you would.“

“That’s not what we would do. It’s not an option. This is our relationship and no one runs away, if you wanted to break-up with me because you think that’s what I want, you’re wrong. If you think I’m scared of you, I’m not. If you think breaking up with me would keep me safe, it won’t. Because you’re not a danger to me, to anyone - Dahyun it was an accident, it was a very, very unfortunate accident no one deserves to experience but it’s not your fault so please stop blaming yourself,“ Sana declared with brokenness as she started raining kisses on Dahyun’s face and lips, desperately pouring her everything to make the Korean feel and to wash the bad thoughts away.

“You’re not scared of me?“ Dahyun asked with the same, if not more, brokenness in her voice.

Sana thought she had seen Dahyun vulnerable that day on the rooftop, but this... this is not the same, this is not vulnerability... this is her girlfriend’s helplessness.

Seeing the Korean like this made the Japanese realize a lot of things, like how strong her girlfriend truly is, how cruel the world is to those who don’t deserve it, how much her heart broke for the girl in front of her, and how hard she fell even more after hearing this side of the rapper. Despite the heaviness of the situation, she’s glad to finally understand. Now she just has to be there for her, and she’d do that without question or anything in return.

“There’s not a thing to be terrified of, not a single one, and most importantly not you,“ Sana muttered, nuzzling her girlfriend’s neck.

“Sana, please don’t treat me differently because you knew about this. Can you do that?“ Dahyun asked, her open wounds completely submerged in a sea of salt.

“What do you mean differently?“ Although Sana has an idea, she wants to hear it directly from the Korean.

“I don’t want you to treat me as if I’m going to break any time. You don’t need to be careful all the time when you’re around me. You’re allowed to make mistakes,“ Dahyun clarified.

“I won’t. I promise. Nothing’s going to change,“ Sana nodded.

Truth is, she wants to protect and shield Dahyun from everything and everyone after hearing her story, but that would only do no good. Instead of asking for more questions, she just held her girlfriend in her arms, even though she wanted to know everything else that came after that, but she decided to let the informations sink in first.

They stayed in silence, both lost in deep thought, Dahyun about everything else and Sana about nothing in particular.

They stayed there for a while, maybe even longer because the sun was setting when they decided to head back. The view is beautiful and Sana wanted to make her girlfriend’s world beautiful. Dahyun buried her secrets away again, literally, and Sana could only hope she wouldn’t hide them away from her too anymore.

“I’ll drive us back,“ the first words that came out of Dahyun’s mouth after the emotionally draining day.

“Are you sure? I can drive us back. You must be tired,“ Sana offered.

“I brought us here, I’ll take us back,“ Dahyun declined. “Besides, you don’t even know the way, you might get us lost. God knows we wouldn’t survive out there on our own, you’re way too clumsy and I’m way too hungry.“

Sana grinned at this; she admired the Korean’s efforts to make the atmosphere lighter. Instead of answering, she just wrapped her arms around her girlfriend, the rapper surrendering her weight to the hood of the car. Dahyun felt Sana cry as the dancer’s tears wet her shirt, and with a heavy heart, she enveloped Sana in the tightest hug possible, comforting both her girlfriend and herself.

“I’m proud of you,“ Sana muttered in between sniffles. “I don’t know if I should be happy you opened up or be guilty that I brought back that horrible past.“

“Always remember that you never force me to anything, Sana. Everything I do for you is my choice. No matter how much this hurts — reliving everything, reminiscing the past — know that I’m happy that I did all of them with you by my side,“ Dahyun whispered softly, calming Sana down despite the storm inside her mind and the war inside her soul. “You keep me still and grounded more than you would ever know. So don’t cry anymore, because it’s all okay.“

“Are you going to be okay?“ Sana’s muffled voice sounded on Dahyun’s neck.

“Do you think I will?“ Sana didn’t expect the counter question Dahyun asked but she didn’t have to think long and hard to answer that question.

“After everything, I have no doubt that you will be. You will be okay, babe,“ Sana answered.

The term of endearment the Japanese used seemed to ease Dahyun making her sigh as if letting all the negativity out. “Then I will be. If you think I will, then I believe I will too because it’s you who said it and you’re my Sana.“

Sana looked up to find glistening eyes looking at her as if she’s the most valuable treasure, and in that moment she just wanted to say it and she almost did. But when Dahyun placed the key around her neck once more, everything is forgotten, the Korean being the only one who matters.

“Don’t you want to keep this?“ Sana asked while eyeing the necklace, the key resting on her chest.

“You don’t have any idea how serene you make me feel, do you?“ Dahyun said softly. “You make me feel the safest.“

Sana understood the deeper meaning of the last sentence and it made her heart swell. Dahyun wanted her to keep the key because she trusts her with her secrets. The insecurity and doubt she has that stemmed from the Korean keeping her walls up dissipated completely.

“I’ll take care of you, forever. I promise.“ Sana declared, conscious of the timeframe she used.

“Forever?“ Dahyun repeated looking straight at her eyes.

The wind blew at Dahyun’s hair, the sunset created an orange glow to the Korean’s face making her look more perfect than ever and making Sana realize that she would never let go. Even if she has to, she wouldn’t be able to let go.

“Forever,“ Sana confirmed. “For as long as you’ll have me.“

“I will always have you,“ Dahyun nodded, Sana never leaving her gaze. “Every time you look at me like, I feel like I’m not the most hateful person in the world.“

Dahyun’s confession made Sana feel a pang in her chest. “That’s because you’re not. Believe me, you are not. Never did, never will be,“ the Japanese muttered and leaned their foreheads together.

“I hope that one day, all of this... all this will stay in the past while you and I and the world remains. Then we’ll live. We’ll just live.“

“We will,“ Sana wanted to say it again, she really wanted to but something is telling her she shouldn’t.

Not right now.

And so she brought their lips together, instead, giving Dahyun the most heartfelt kiss she could conjure. Sana pulled at every emotion, every feeling and every heartbeat, she wanted her girlfriend to feel what she’s feeling without saying it out loud, and she wanted Dahyun to feel all the things she’s making her feel.

Because in life, she realized, that sometimes you just _love_ someone so much you doubt they could ever understand.


	10. Chapter 10

**CHAPTER TEN – HOLDING ONTO YOU**

True to her words, the way Sana treats Dahyun didn’t change although there are times wherein Sana would constantly check how the Korean is unconsciously. It was as if the whole conversation didn’t happen the moment they got back to the others that day. Dahyun acted... normal.

Sana knew that there’s a lot of things going on inside Dahyun’s head even whrn she doesn’t speak about them a lot but if it’s the Korean’s way of letting go then she would support it.

Nothing changed. Aside from the Japanese being more touchy with her than usual. Dahyun is not complaining though. After the skeletons went out of the closet, she started holding onto Sana for stability now more than ever, if she’s being honest.

Sana gives her hope. After everything she went through, after the constant mess ups, if Sana still wanted to stay with her still, then it must be true when the Japanese tells says isn’t as horrible as she thought she is. With the Japanese, she can hope. When she looks at her Sana, she dares to hope; for a brighter tomorrow and a better version of herself.

That’s why when they were having a break from dance practice and she was sitting beside Mina, watching the youngest Japanese play an online game on her phone, she allowed her girlfriend who suddenly sat on her lap to cling at her.

Dahyun watched intently as Mina neared the end, feeling Sana lay her head on her shoulder, she encircled one arm around her waist and placed the other on top of her lap. The Korean was watching Mina replace her SMG with a shotgun when she suddenly felt hot breath on her neck.

Dahyun ignored it and continued to watch Mina’s player hide inside a house, waiting for an opponent. But it didn’t last long when she felt a hand carefully and subtly moving up and down her back inside her shirt. The Korean almost shivered from the warm touch against cold flesh and tried to get the Japanese to look at her but Sana remained on the crook of her neck.

Dahyun shrugged it off again even as Sana’s fingers started to play with the lock of her bra. How she did? She doesn’t know. Perhaps because Mina is such a genius online player that the ballerina’s game managed to distract her from her own girlfriend. For a while, Dahyun thought Sana stopped with her antics but she was proven wrong when she heard Sana clicking her tongue in what she assumed to be annoyance before she felt the Japanese biting at her neck and squeezing the side of her body.

Dahyun gasped, both with sudden pleasure and surprise. The Korean looked at Mina who frowned, hopefully because of her situation in the game, and at Momo who is currently pursing her lips besides the ballerina.

Dahyun tried to remain calm but when Sana started to suck on her neck, she needed to bite her lips to stop herself from moaning. The Korean exhaled a deep breath, through her peripheral vision she saw Momo eyeing her suspiciously, the rapper just kept on looking at Mina’s game although her mind is wandering over somewhere else completely.

Dahyun is thankful for her long hair and her girlfriend’s ability to remain still even when she’s doing inappropriate things to her neck. Momo returned her attention to Mina’s game as Dahyun subtly looked at the others when no one is looking. Nayeon and Jeongyeon are nowhere to be found while Jihyo is currently teaching the steps to Chaeyoung with Tzuyu observing them both closely.

Dahyun sighed with pleasure when Sana’s tongue ran over the area she bit, the rapper squeezing the dancer’s thigh subtly. Dahyun can’t believe Sana’s doing this in front of everyone, more importantly, she couldn’t believe herself for letting her girlfriend fondle with her in a setting like this. She could easily stop Sana and take her somewhere more private, but if she’s being honest, this makes things more exciting.

When Sana’s fingers started playing again with the lock of her bra, she was sure that the Japanese would snap it open. But before Sana could, Mina’s voice made the both of them freeze in a halt. “No, no, no, no!“

The unusual level of Mina’s tone made Dahyun refocus her attention on the game. It didn’t take long for her to catch up; Mina’s character got shot but didn’t die, being in a critical condition instead. She watched as Mina’s character jumped outside the window to hide from the other player before she quickly aided herself. After regaining health, Mina crawled, changing her rifle with the shotgun she picked up earlier.

Mina’s character went inside the house with ease, running up the stairs, jumping to avoid the gunshot of the other player. Mina’s thumbs worked rapidly, she jumped and aimed perfectly at her opponent at the same time and with one press, the shotgun killed the other player allowing Mina’s character to surpass the level.

Dahyun watched the ballerina’s proud smile as she brought her phone down on her lap. “You’re the best player I know, Mitang. I’m scared by how precise your aim is, I would never make you angry again. Ever.“

Mina laughed softly at this. “Don’t worry; I won’t shoot you, Moguri. Even when you annoy me so much sometimes.“

“Your shooting skill is scary, though,“ Momo admitted, placing an arm around Mina’s shoulders, making the youngest Japanese lean on the older. Dahyun just watched them silently with Sana still on the crook of her neck.

“You know I’ll never use them against you,“ Mina chuckled teasingly before she and Momo both shifted their gaze at the same time on their best friend on Dahyun’s lap. “But maybe I really want to use them on Sana.“

Sana finally lifted her head, asking as innocently as she could. “What did I do now?“

“Corrupting Dahyun,“ Momo answered for Mina with an unimpressed look.

“Hey, I wasn’t doing anything!“ Sana denied but her best friends are nowhere near in buying it.

“Tell that to dubu’s hickey.“ Mina laughingly pointed out before getting up, pulling Momo along with her.

“Sana we have a photoshoot tomorrow!“ Jihyo’s voice boomed inside the room, her eyes never leaving Dahyun’s neck, the ballerina’s statement seemed to have caught the attention of those inside the room.

Sana winced and in an equally loud voice, she said, “I’m sorry!“

“Jesus, dubu that’s a really big hickey.“ Chaeyoung commented, looking dumbfounded with Tzuyu frowning beside her.

“Hey, wha- the hell did you do to Dahyun’s neck, Sana?“ Nayeon, who just walked inside with Jeongyeon, exclaimed.

“I already apologized!“ Sana replied, somehow starting to feel embarrassed. She turned to look at her girlfriend who kept quiet all this time, smiling despite her own embarrassment, clearly amused by the situation.

“We have a photoshoot tomorrow!“ Nayeon continued to scold the Japanese. “What happens when her hickey gets exposed?“

“I’ll make sure to cover it, don’t worry, okay?“ Sana said, accepting responsibility in her actions.

On one corner, they all turned their heads to look at Jeongyeon who spoke up in a teasing manner. “So that’s what a snake bite looks like.“

“Please, Jeong. You do realize your shirt has a low neckline, and I could see your bites perfectly from here.“ Sana smirked.

“We have a perfectly loaded fridge and cabinets full of groceries, but why are my unnies biting each other?“ Tzuyu complained more to herself, but it didn’t stop Momo from laughing loudly after hearing the Taiwanese.

“But it’s a bug bite though, not a love bite,“ Jeongyeon replied cooly. “An advise, Sana - if you’re going to give hickeys, place them somewhere only you would be able to see.“

“Eh?“ Momo, Mina and Sana reacted in chorus; the three Japanese all looked startled with their friend’s bluntness and her statement. The others were unable to react as well but they all hinted a dark expression in their lead vocalist’s eyes, but maybe it’s only because of the moment.

“Jesus Christ, Yoo Jeongyeon! What would you know about giving hickeys anyway?“ Jihyo exclaimed and asked at the same time, the absurdity of their conversation making them forget they should get back to practice.

“A lot apparently,” the short haired girl replied with seriousness, making all the people inside the room stop, thinking the same thing: _is this still a playful banter?_

“What do you mean by a lot, unnie?“ Dahyun broke the silence.

Jeongyeon turned to look at the rapper. “I had a lot of practice,“ she said making the people inside the room’s eyes widen when suddenly their lead vocalist brought her arm up for demonstration.

“With my hand,“ Jeongyeon finished cracking into a fit of laughter.

“My no jam bro finally lost it.“ Chaeyoung commented, she walked towards her unnie to place a consoling pat on her shoulder. Everyone looked lost, everyone just kept on watching their member laugh.

“Don’t mind this person, I think she smokes crack. I’ll cover her bites for the shoot.” Nayeon, who looked paler than usual, chimed in. “Let’s get back to practice now.“

Nayeon is the first one to resume her position in the middle and everyone followed after. This banter had taken such a weird turn, Sana thought. When the Japanese gave her girlfriend a look, she knows that she’s thinking the same thing. But when she caught a glimpse of the red on Dahyun’s neck, she simply smirked and winked at the Korean.

—

“1, 2, 3 LET’S GO!“ Mina sang, Momo joining her. “JEO UJU WIRO, NARAGAL DEUT CHUMCHUREO GA HEY, LET’S DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY!“

Mina held the phone, adjusting it to a perfect angle wherein the viewers could see Momo dancing the choreo and still include herself at the same time, she banged her head softly and performed the dance as decent as she could without messing the focus of the camera.

Mina isn’t that a fan of vanities, she rarely posts pictures and rather that the attention she’d get be directed to the others. It’s not that she doesn’t believe it when people tells her she’s beautiful, it’s just that, with her it simply doesn’t matter. But during this vlive, she has no other choice but to fill the screen together with Momo and distract the viewers or else ONCEs watching would see their annoying Japanese best friend on top of Dahyun’s lap, raining kisses all over the Korean’s face.

The four of them just finished their shoot so they decided to do a vlive while waiting for the others, at first everything was normal, and by normal she means Sana being clingy with Dahyun. It’s a normal sight for ONCEs, they are used to seeing her best friend cling to everyone. No one questioned whenever the Japanese and the Korean is involved in a skinship, the shippers loved it even.

But those are the limits: holding, hugging, leaning, cheek kissing. It doesn’t include actual kissing. It was supposed to be the four of them doing the vlive, until they found Sana fondling with the lead rapper, restricting the couple to be included in the video because of the nature of their actions.

“ONCE, we love you!“ Momo said, flashing everyone a finger heart. “Make sure to stream Dance The Night Away and order Summer Nights! Mitang, Satang and I also wrote a song called Shot Thru The Heart, take a listen to it and please continue to support us in the future! We promise to do better and improve a lot.“

Despite the smile Momo gave ONCEs, and despite the love she’s feeling for their fans, the main dancer is actually pissed because Sana wouldn’t let Dahyun go. In her peripheral vision she saw Sana placing kisses all over Dahyun’s face, the Korean, despite smiling, is actually leaning away.

“What? Momo is pissed? Hey, Moguri! ONCEs think you’re pissed,“ Mina called for her attention, the oldest Japanese looking back to the phone.

“Eh? I am not.“ Momo smiled, scanning through the comments. Reading a few couple saying she was frowning a while ago, she immediately explained. “I’m not pissed, I’m just hungry. We’re waiting for the others so I couldn’t eat yet.“

It was Mina’s turn to read the comments, asking where their other members are, it was also her turn to answer. “They are still currently on the photoshoot just outside this room; it’s for a magazine article. We will talk about our comeback and other things. That’s all I can give you, ONCE. I can’t spoil too much.“

Momo watched as Mina gives their fans who are watching the vlive her most adorable and apologetic gummy smile and it made Momo feel nothing but pure tenderness inside, but it didn’t last song when they both heard their best friend’s whining voice. “Dahyunie!“

The two Japanese sharing the phone both looked at their best friend, they both saw Sana puckering her lips and entrapping Dahyun in her arms, the Korean using her free hand to cover her mouth and the other to push Sana just under the neck carefully.

“No, no, babe. We can do this later. Sana, the vlive, the ONCEs!“ Dahyun tried reasoning out to her girlfriend as quietly as possible, trying to pacify the Japanese, it wasn’t heard by the viewers but the other two Japanese did.

“No, kiss me!“ Sana whined but the rapper kept on trying to cover the dancer’s mouth, in which Sana avoided each time. When Dahyun still wouldn’t let her, Sana called for her a lot louder than expected. “Dahyunie!“

Momo and Mina barely read the comments asking if that was Sana they heard, when the latter suddenly pulled Dahyun’s hand that’s trying to cover her mouth and the other that’s blocking her to kiss the Korean fully on the lips.

Dahyun’s eyes widened and tried to protest but with Sana’s mouth latched onto hers, it came out sounding like a muffled moan, Momo and Mina would think so too if they didn’t see or hear the whole interaction.

“Hmmmm,“ Dahyun let out.

Momo immediately looked at the comments ONCEs flooded, all asking the same thing, if who they heard earlier was Sana and who they are hearing right now is Dahyun.

Something clicked inside Mina’s mind so fast she barely processed it, she just did it without thinking, the ballerina started humming Shot Thru The Heart loud enough to cover the noise their rapper is making. Momo thanked the heavens for creating someone as quick-witted as the ballerina or else she wouldn’t know what excuse to front explaining the noises the couple kept on making.

Momo hummed with Mina, side eyeing the couple occasionally, she made sure to smile even when she wanted to go over where the couple is sitting to pull Sana away by the ear. She saw how Dahyun tried to lean away from the Japanese, but with Sana holding her wrists and given by the position — the dancer straddling the rapper’s lap — her best friend clearly has the upper hand while Dahyun simply looked helpless from Sana’s advances.

But Nayeon saved Momo all the trouble when she came in. Nayeon quickly registered what was happening when she scanned the room — seeing Mina holding the phone, her and Momo humming quite loudly than they have to, seeing Momo giving her a pleading look, darting over the couple in front of her and finally seeing Dahyun restrained in her seat as Sana continued on kissing the rapper with a mischievous smile on her lips.

Nayeon walked over and pulled Sana away from Dahyun, the moment the Japanese got distracted, Dahyun instantly took the opportunity to push the dancer off of her lap and quickly ran behind the lead vocalist.

“Thank you, unnie.“ Dahyun remarked, seemingly out of breath.

Sana who was shocked by the action of both Nayeon and Dahyun, whined once again when she recovered. “Dahyunie!“

Sana was about to go over Dahyun’s place when Momo’s voice sounded inside the room. “ONCEs, look, Nabongs is here now. There’s also Sana and Dahyunie. Tzuyu and Chaeyoung just came in too.“

Nayeon acted in reflex, she walked towards Sana and pulled the Japanese to join the other two dancers, placing Sana in the middle of Momo and Mina while she positioned herself besides the ballerina.

On the other hand, Dahyun ran behind a confused Tzuyu and used their maknae as a shield. Don’t get her wrong, kissing Sana is her favorite thing in the world, but she still needs to breathe. Besides, she believes that kissing has a proper time, not when they should be in the middle of a vlive.

“You’re so red, dubu.“ Chaeyoung noticed, placing a hand on Dahyun’s forehead. “Are you sick?“

“Dude, I never knew how important oxygen is until now and also, I need that water.“ Her best friend replied, snatching the bottle in her hand. Chaeyoung furrowed her brows together, confused. As for Tzuyu, the Taiwanese smirked, immediately understanding the context behind the statement.

“Hi, hi, hi! ONCEs, hi! This is MiSaMo and grandma unnie!“ Sana greeted with a smile that never left her lips all the while she continued to talk. “As you already know, Dance The Night Away is out. Please support us and don’t forget to stream it. In Summer Nights, there’s a song called Shot Thru The Heart written by...“

Sana didn’t finish when Momo and Mina cut her off at the same time. “We already said that!“ Being in the middle, Sana winced from the volume of her best friends’ voices, close to both of her ears.

“In that case, I should go!“ Sana didn’t finish when she felt Momo palm her nape, knowing full well that it was a kind warning from her best friend telling her that if she goes, she’d get smacked later on and she knew better than to push her best friend’s — Momo who is a gym enthusiast, fueled by jokbal energy – buttons. “Kidding ONCEs!“

“Let your girlfriend breathe, Satang. We were in the middle of this vlive, you two could have gotten exposed. What were you thinking?“ Momo hissed in Japanese but only loud enough for Sana to hear.

“Get your own girlfriend, Momoring. So you would know what I feel being obsessed with mine.“ Sana replied, also in Japanese.

Sana looked over where the Korean is. Dahyun is fanning her red face while having a conversation with Chaeyoung and Tzuyu. Sana’s in awe, her girlfriend looks really beautiful in her simple black button down shirt and black high waisted jeans. But then again, even if Dahyun wears her ahjussi clothes, the Japanese would still think and look at the Korean like she’s the most breathtaking human being alive.

“I’m just saying you should have better control of yourself and discipline in your actions. You shouldn’t give her hickeys right before a photoshoot and you shouldn’t make out with her during a vlive.“ Momo reminded her, much calmer this time, she isn’t really pissed at Sana; she’s just concerned with the way her best friend is acting towards the Korean.

It looks cute, they look really good as a couple, Momo admits. But she can sense something more than just Sana not being able to resist Dahyun. Momo had a conversation about it to Mina — the ballerina agreeing and sharing the same concern, it’s as if Sana is guarding Dahyun by keeping the Korean all to herself. For the time being, both of them also agreed to keep this to themselves.

“I’ll do better, don’t worry. I just couldn’t help myself around her. Look at her, Momoring. She’s just perfect. I still can’t believe she’s my girlfriend sometimes.“ Sana confessed, never taking her eyes off of the Korean.

Momo looked over where Dahyun is standing, her own heart-warming from the sincerity and adoration of Sana’s words. She’s truly happy that everything is working out well for her best friend.

“I get you,“ Momo admitted with gentleness in her voice, catching her best friend’s attention. Momo felt Sana looking at her, nudging her side softly, her next words made her best friend’s lips part in surprise. “Because I see my own girlfriend as perfect too.“

Perhaps, Momo understands. She really does.

—

“Dahyunie!“ Dahyun heard Sana call from the living room. Holding a bowl of ramen, she went out of the kitchen, only to see her friends positioning themselves comfortably in front of the TV. “Babe, come here. Watch a movie with us.“

Sana patted a space beside her making Dahyun chuckle by how innocent her girlfriend looks. As if, the Korean thought.

“Babe, I don’t like dramas. No, thank you.“ Dahyun continued to eat her ramen after declining.

“Babe, watch a drama once in a while. Why do you hate them so much?“ Sana asked, standing up from the sofa.

“I don’t hate them. I just don’t like them that much because they’re predictable,“ Dahyun stated making Sana raise an eyebrow.

“How so?“ the Japanese asked.

“They meet. They fall in love. They experience problems. They end up together or break up in the end. Always the same thing,“ the Korean answered as a matter of fact.

“Yes, but how they arrive to such conclusion is the beautiful part about it. That’s what makes it worthwhile, babe. Come on, watch a drama with me.“ Sana tried convincing her again, this time, offering a hand for her to take.

“But babe, I’d rather watch another genre.“ Dahyun once again tried to decline.

“If our story got turned into a movie, wouldn’t you watch it?“ Sana challenged.

“Fine.“ Dahyun relented with a sigh, making Sana smile in victory.

The Korean placed the ramen, which she thankfully already finished, on a nearby counter before she accepted Sana’s hand.

“Thanks, babe.“ Sana gave her a kiss on the cheek, grinning and guiding her to sit on the space beside her.

“That’s not fair and it’s different,“ Dahyun scoffed after she got settled in a comfortable position.

“What is?“ Sana asked, handing the remote control to Jihyo who is the person scheduled to choose the movie.

“Asking if I would watch our story - you know I would,“ Dahyun stated in defeat.

Sana just kept on grinning; she placed her arms around her girlfriend’s stomach and pulled her to lean on her. “And why is that?“

“Because you’re obviously my favorite story, Sana.“ the Korean replied making the Japanese’s heart soar in pride and happiness.

“You’re my favorite too,“ Sana revealed, nuzzling her girlfriend’s cheek.

“Just because you two are together, doesn’t mean you have to flaunt it every time.“ Nayeon commented, there was a slight annoyance apparent in her voice.

Sana laughingly looked at their oldest weirdly. “Just because you don’t have your own relationship doesn’t mean you have to be bitter about mine.“

“Let people be happy, Nabongs.“ Momo chimed in. “Don’t worry, you’d understand it one day.“

“I already do,“ Nayeon murmured.

“What did you say?“ Jihyo asked, still choosing a movie.

“I said I understand.“ Nayeon confirmed, quieting the three Japanese and the Korean on the sofa, as well the the two maknaes and the leader on the floor.

There was one person who countered though. “Do you really?“

“Jeong, shut up.“ Nayeon said with irritation and everyone knew better than to get in the middle of their lead vocalists.

Jeongyeon, despite her caring nature, can be really hard headed when it comes to Nayeon. As for Nayeon, well... she’s Im Nayeon.

“That’s what you’re good at. Claiming things without really knowing what they mean.“ Jeongyeon muttered under her breath with an exasperated tone that everyone caught on with but chooses to ignore.

“Where are you going, Jeong?“ Nayeon asked in a defeated voice, placing a hand over Jeongyeon’s arm when the short haired girl made a move to stand.

“Away from you,“ Jeongyeon answered.

The thing about Nayeon and Jeongyeon’s arguments and bickering, there are times when they’re not so sure if it’s still because of the petty reasons causing the heated exchange or something more. Momo, Dahyun, Mina and Sana exchanged confused looks because of this; they saw Chaeyoung and Tzuyu exchanging a similar reaction too.

“I’ll shut up, okay? Just stay beside me,“ Nayeon sighed.

The Im Nayeon just backed out, it made everyone more confused and in some way surprised. Even Jeongyeon couldn’t say anything for a while before she settled with a simple, “Fine.“

“Everyone keep quiet now, okay? I already picked a film,“ Jihyo informed, getting up to close the lights before sitting back down.

Now that it’s just the television that’s lighting up the room, Dahyun’s position got cozier by the minute. She’s between Sana legs while a blanket is draped over the both of them.

Dahyun must admit the movie they’re watching is a really good choice. It’s an English movie about a man who lost his body functions from the neck down and a quirky caregiver. She was enjoying the movie while every now and then, she would feel Sana’s hand crawling under her shirt and drawing circles on her stomach, just beside her belly button.

Dahyun ignored this and continued watching. After some time, Dahyun started to feel feathery light kisses on her neck as Sana’s hands slowly inched upwards until her fingers reached the fabric of the bra.

Sana’s hands remained still but it didn’t stop Dahyun’s heart from beating fast when the rapper felt the dancer giving her neck wet kisses and that’s when she felt a shiver run down her spine.

Under the blanket, Dahyun unintentionally squeezed Sana’s thighs when the Japanese slowly ran a finger on the skin just below her breasts making the rapper’s breathing turn heavier.

In a silent realization, Dahyun understood. But she still couldn’t give that to Sana right now, and so she reached for the dancer’s wrist to retract her hand from the inside of her shirt.

“Dahyunie?“ Sana whispered, still breathing deeply.

Dahyun intertwined their fingers together under the blanket before. “We’ll talk about it, okay?“

Sana sighed at this but nodded her head in understanding, both the Korean and the Japanese refocusinh their attention on the movie. However, when they reached the scene wherein the couple ran off from the guy’s ex’s wedding together, the Japanese spoke again.

“The moon is beautiful, isn’t it, Dahyunie?“ It’s a question that made the Korean smile widely, remembering that night on the rooftop when Sana asked if they could officially be together.

“But there’s no moon in that scene, babe,“ Dahyun chuckled.

“Exactly. But the moon is still really beautiful tonight.“ Sana stated, her eyes not leaving the television but her arm tightening around the Korean.

“Then the moon is beautiful,“ Dahyun agreed.

“It really is, babe.“ Sana added quietly, giving the rapper yet another soft peck on the cheek before training her attention back in watching the movie.

Weird thing is when a wave of their concern, suddenly and unexpectedly gripped at Mina and Momo when they both heard the secret confession from Sana. But another thing is that it doesn’t really feel that weird at all.


	11. Chapter 11

**CHAPTER ELEVEN – LA LUNA**

“Mitang... wake up, Mitang.“ Momo’s voice is soft and gentle as she tried to rouse the ballerina from her deep slumber. “Mitang, wake up. We have to go to the mall.“

Momo started poking and tracing the moles on Mina’s face, the youngest just smiled in her sleep before catching Momo’s hands, placing it under her cheek to use it as a pillow to sleep on.

Momo is endeared, seeing Mina in a peaceful state; she leaned her face closer and softly blew away at the ballerina’s bangs. She doesn’t want to wake her up suddenly; she wanted to give Mina more time to rest. But of course, Sana isn’t having any of it as her voice echoed inside the room. “Minari, get up!“

Mina acted in reflex; she jolted awake even before opening her eyes. By Momo’s proximity, Mina accidentally bumped her head on Momo’s chin. The ballerina groaned in pain, placing a hand on her forehead, trying to minimize the stinging sensation.

“Mitang, are you okay? I’m sorry.“ Momo apologized, clutching her chin. “Let me see.“

Momo angled Mina’s head towards her as the youngest removed the hands she used to cover it revealing a big, red mark. “Sana! What do you need to be so loud for!“

“I’m sorry, Momoring!“ Sana held out both her arms as if trying to keep the oldest away, she made her way on the other side of the bed to check on the youngest. “Minari, I’m sorry... but we have to go now, I promise to treat you Americano later.“

“And what about me?“ Momo asked.

Sana scoffed, “Buy your own food. I told you to wake her up, not lull her back to sleep even more.“

“That’s what I get for helping you? Go on your own then, I’m not coming,“ Momo rolled her eyes.

“Fine, suit yourself.“

“Mitang’s not coming too,“ Momo stuck her tongue out.

“Pabo, she can make her own decisions!“ Sana narrowed her eyes.

“No Momo, No Mina.“ Momo announced proudly.

“Yes Sana, Yes Mina.“ Sana retorted irritably.

“No, she’s not coming.“

“She is.“

“No.“

“Yes.“

Sana and Momo kept with their loud banter, making Mina’s head hurt more. “Quiet you two. Moguri get up, we’re both going.“

Mina stood from the bed despite Momo’s protests. “But, Mitang?“ Momo whined, dragging her words.

“Please, Moguri? Stop being whiny, come on. Satang needs our help.“ Mina said, placing a soft kiss on Momo’s cheek before getting up.

Momo sighed in defeat, she couldn’t ever say no to Mina. Her sweet, loving Mina. She turned her head to look at Sana who is smiling triumphantly at her. Momo frowned at her best friend who in turn, winked teasingly at her.

“And Sana?“ Mina called by the door, catching their attention. “You buy Momo her jokbal, too.“

Momo’s eyes shone brightly, it’s her turn to smile in triumph and Sana’s turn to protest. “But—“

“It’s only fair, Sana.“ Mina finished, going out of the room.

Momo and Sana both knew better than to put up a fight against Mina so the two Japanese immediately followed suit without further delay.

—

The three Japanese have been walking around the mall for the past three hours now and Momo’s about to die from hunger and Mina from exhaustion.

“Satang, we’ve been inside this store four times already.“ Mina said miserably.

“I know but there’s something that’s missing, I don’t know what to get her but I feel like it’s inside this store.“ Sana replied distractedly, looking at the different jewelry and countless accessories around her.

“Can we eat first so we can have the energy to keep on looking at whatever it is you need to look for and for us to rest for a while? Sana, my intestines are swallowing each other, I’m not even joking!“ Sana was about to ignore Momo when the main dancer’s stomach grumbled loudly, making some passerby look at the oldest Japanese weirdly.

Momo bowed her head in embarrassment and apologized quietly, making Mina laugh. After making sure that no one is looking, the ballerina then pulled Momo by the waist to place a quick kiss on her forehead.

Sana sighed in pity and guilt, “Come on let’s eat first.“ Sana then pulled her best friends out of the store and allowed Momo to choose a place of her liking.

After ordering, of course jokbal for Momo and tteokbokki for Sana, Mina led them to a slightly obscured part of the restaurant. Sana had both her hands under her chin, engaged in a deep thought; Momo has her forehead against Mina’s shoulder while hugging her stomach miserably. It still amuses Mina how sometimes she can be the only stable person among the three of them, but even so, she has nothing but love for her two best friends.

“Minari, help me. What should I get Dahyunie?“ Sana spoke after half an hour of silence.

“I don’t know, Satang. I’m not dubu’s girlfriend,“ Mina answered with a chuckle.

“Right, because Mitang’s girlfriend is jokbal,“ Momo chimed in miserably.

Sana ignored the oldest and continued to ask Mina for help. “This is why I brought you along, Minari. You need to help me, my head is hurting so much your Americano is no longer brown.“

“Help you decide, sure. But not to choose for you, that’s your job.“ Sana sighed, she just wants to give Dahyun something but she has no idea what. “Why did you bring Momoring, though? To choose for you too?“

“Yes,“ Sana nodded. “But I figured she would say the same thing you did, and judging by how she is right now, she wouldn’t even be able to repeat what you just said.“

Sana and Mina both looked at Momo who is chanting _jokbal, jokbal, jokbal_ in misery and hunger.

“I think I broke her.“ Sana joked despite the weariness and disappointment that crept in on her, Mina chuckled at this.

When the food arrived, Momo immediately stuffed her face with the pig dish. The three of them ate quietly, Momo too busy to make conversation, Sana too deep in her thoughts that she couldn’t even enjoy her tteokbokki, and Mina quietly and gracefully chewing at her pasta.

Sana’s phone lit up revealing a few text messages from Dahyun, making the Japanese smile, momentarily forgetting her troubles.

_NAE SARANG: Babe, where are you?_

_NAE SARANG: Are you cheating on me?_

_NAE SARANG: I miss you, come home soon?_

Sana picked up her phone to reply, she didn’t tell Dahyun she would go out because she thought it wouldn’t take this long for her to find a suitable gift.

_JAGIYA: Had to take Momo and Mina out, babe. I lost a bet over that drama we were watching._

_JAGIYA: Also, only a crazy person would cheat on you!_

_JAGIYA: Yet, I am a crazy person. Only that I am crazy for you!_

_JAGIYA: And I miss you. Be back soon, wait for me. :)_

Sana beamed at her phone even when she just told her girlfriend a lie, she really couldn’t say she was out to find her something, it would ruin her failure of a surprise. She was about to put her phone down when another text came in.

_NAE SARANG: You’re eating out? :(_

_JAGIYA: Yes, baby, why? Do you want me to bring you something on the way?_

_NAE SARANG: You’re supposed to eat with me tonight because it’s our third month together. :(_

_JAGIYA: I’m sorry, babe. I’ll just bring you take out so we can eat together._

_NAE SARANG: No, that’s fine. I’ll just make us something._

_NAE SARANG: Eat with me still even though you already did, okay?_

_JAGIYA: Of course. Even if I know that you would just make ramen again, I’d still finish whatever you serve me._

_NAE SARANG: Don’t stay out too late, the ramen might get cold._

_JAGIYA: I won’t. Catch up on some rest first, alright? You must be tired from working out. :(_

_NAE SARANG: I will. Be safe!_ _❤_ _️_

Sana closed her phone. That heart emoji already made her day better, it doesn’t change the fact that she still needs to find Dahyun something, so she quickly racked her brain for anything. She must be thinking really hard because she didn’t hear Momo calling for her until the oldest flicked a finger on her forehead.

“I said did you already think of something?“ Momo asked in which Sana shook her head to. “You said you don’t want anything really grand because you don’t want it to look materialistic, but you also said that you don’t want anything too simple because you don’t want it to be inadequate, right?“

“Yes, but my ideas are either too grand or too simple.“ Sana shook her head, thinking about the gigantic teddy bear, the flip flops, the baggy shirts, the expensive watch, the umbrella, the paintings, even the huge box of milk chocolate she knows Dahyun would love and still feel as if they won’t be able to convey what she wanted to express.

“Then find something memorable, not only for Dahyun but also for you. Find something that would represent the both of you, not just something that Dahyun would like. Find something with... meaning.“ Momo suggested while chewing at her jokbal.

 _Something with meaning_ , Sana repeated inside her head when her hand suddenly found its way to the necklace she’s wearing. She didn’t have to think twice about her idea because finally, after hours of deliberation, she thinks that it would be a really meaningful gift.

“Thought of something already?“ Mina asked, Sana nodded her head enthusiastically as a reply, the ballerina sighing in relief. “Finally, I thought you would make us go through every store in here again.“

“No, I know what to get her. Thank you, Momoring.“ Sana grinned. “I knew taking you and feeding you won’t disappoint.“

“Moguri started functioning again after she ate, it’s still unbelievable to me how she survived SIXTEEN.“ Mina stated, her own thoughts making her giggle.

“Mitang, no talks about SIXTEEN in front of food, let us not disrespect the blessings.“

After another hour, the trio made their way back on the jewelry store. Sana and Momo let Mina do the work this time, with her expensive and elegant nature, Sana almost teared up when she saw the pendant Mina had chosen. It was exactly what she was hoping for and envisioning. It was simply perfect; the message behind it makes it even more expressive.

Sana thanked the two repeatedly as they all made their way to the parking lot.

“We’re glad to help,“ Momo smiled. “But next time, if you’re going to give Dahyun a little something again, please plan it a month before buying it.“

“I don’t think there would be anything more meaningful as this, but I’d keep that in mind.“

“Sana?“ Mina called softly after the laughter and jokes died down, the tone of her voice made the two older Japanese listen attentively to what she’s about to say.

“What is it?“ Sana asked but once Mina voiced out her thoughts, the older got caught off guard.

“You really love her, don’t you? You love Dahyun.“ It was more of a statement than a question from the youngest Japanese.

They kept on walking in silence until Sana answered with a question. “Am I that obvious?“

“No, not obvious,“ Momo quickly countered, shaking her head. “Just...“

“Natural,“ Mina finished which Momo nodded her head to in agreement.

“What do you mean by natural?“ Sana asked, transferring looks from one to the other.

“It’s as if you’re made to love, dubu.“ Mina said with a soft tone. “No one would question whether you love Dahyun or not. It’s like when people see you together, it’s more likely that they’d straightaway think _’ah, this girl is in love with her’_ or it’s just me.“

Once again, they were enveloped in silence; Sana taking in the entirety of Mina’s words, making the truth more real. She doesn’t need confirmation to recognize the depth of her feelings because she’s aware about the extent of her fall, but it feels really nice to be acknowledged once in a while.

 “But she still doesn’t know that you love her, does she? You didn’t tell.“ Momo smiled sympathetically before the oldest asked, “Are you scared of her not loving you back?“

Sana didn’t think about it that way, she didn’t think about Dahyun’s feelings towards her, whether the Korean reciprocates or not. Until Momo just brought it up, now that she thinks of it, the thought of Dahyun not feeling the same way pains her in ways she couldn’t begin to explain.

Sana has to let out a couple of deep breaths to calm her beating heart or else she would have cried. But that’s another story, right now, she just plans on keeping the rapper in her arms.

 _One step at a time._ She doesn’t want to be greedy because she believes they would have all the time in the world for that. Right now she just wants to enjoy what they have without asking for more.

 _Everything else will follow_ , she thought to herself. “It’s not that, Momoring. Although, I admit, that is pretty scary. But it’s not the reason.“

“Then what is?“ asked Mina.

“I guess what I’m more scared of are the consequences that would arise if I tell her I love her,“ Sana admitted, their conversation on that hilltop flooding her mind.

“Consequences? Isn’t that the same thing? The outcome and effect that it would have on your relationship if, let’s say, she doesn’t feel the same?“ Momo appeared confused.

Sometimes it still hurts, the Japanese reckons, how Dahyun had kept parts of her hidden away, hindering those who genuinely care for her to help in some way. But understandably so.

Sana wanted to share that to her best friends because she needed to let her feelings out too, there are some things that she couldn’t just say to the Korean; like how she’s scared of her past suddenly creating a turmoil in their relationship.

She couldn’t say that to Dahyun, she couldn’t because she needs to be strong; for the both of them. She promised not to treat her differently and she knows she isn’t supposed to tread their relationship expecting it to be perfect. But she can’t help it — she doesn’t want to make mistakes because she’s afraid it would only take one to disrupt the delicacy of their situation.

One needed to carry the burden, they need one less insecure person if they want this to work out, and Sana’s willing to be that if it meant having Dahyun. That’s the reason why, even if she wanted to, it’s not going to be her story to tell. So she settled on trying to explain things, as articulate as possible but careful not to make grey areas that would confuse the other two.

“I’m more afraid of the changes. Everything is going smoothly; Dahyun and I just reached a place wherein we’re not afraid of each other. You both knew what happened before; we both caused unnecessary pain because there are things that we don’t talk about. We just started to communicate a lot, and you know Dahyun — no matter how perfect, still has some inner troubles. I need to deal with that too because I love her and that means I’m choosing to be with her throughout the ugly and the bad. That’s why I can’t tell her that I love her yet. I don’t want to because I want to make sure we’re stronger together first.“ It felt nice to get that out.

However, the next words her best friends said made her doubt if she really knows what she’s doing when Mina threw her a serious look. “You’re afraid of overwhelming her, then. You’re afraid that if you tell her you love her, she’ll run away from you.“

“No,“ Sana still denied. “I’m just afraid. But I’m not sure of what exactly.“

Something about Momo’s voice felt wrong. “Satang... we love Dahyun too, you know? And we love you more than you’d ever know. We’re just worried that you both will get hurt in the end.“ Her best friend smiled although it didn’t reach her eyes.

“Are you saying that we’re not good for each other?“ Sana asked, she didn’t even bother to try and cover the sadness that went with her words. That’s what she’s not ready for, she’s not willing to go through all these trials and setbacks just for them to end up apart. She won’t have that, she can’t.

“No, no, it’s not that. Being in a relationship means accepting the possibility of getting hurt so maybe what I’m saying is, you shouldn’t stop yourself. You should be able to grow and learn together, you won’t be able to do that if you try to do everything perfectly.“

“Thank you, Momo.“ Sana said sincerely after a few moments of silence to take in her best friend’s words, giving the oldest a side hug as they reached where they parked their car. “You’re not such a pabo when you’re full.“

“Ha. Ha. Very funny. But even if you tease me a lot, I really do love you.“ Momo admitted, flicking at her forehead again.

“I love you and Minari, too. But I’m not joking, you’ve constantly been giving sensible statements since you ate.“ Sana pointed out, fishing their car key inside her purse.

“What can I say, jokbal gives me knowledge... and she’s been teaching me well, too.“ Momo pointed at the youngest, Sana stuck her tongue out when she saw Momo giving Mina a kiss before they all went inside the car.

Maybe she is afraid. In hindsight maybe she still has uncertainties. But she’s working on that. She’s working on believing that Dahyun wouldn't just get up and leave.

—

Sana immediately looked for her girlfriend when they got back to their dorm, but Dahyun is nowhere to be found, she asked Jihyo if she knew where Dahyun was and their leader said that she’s probably out to buy ramen. After sending a quick text, Sana proceeded to take her make up off and change to her pajamas.

When Sana got out of the shower, she went inside her room to find the Korean sitting on top of her bed. Her eyes searched for her purse and when she saw it untouched, she subtly sighed in relief and mentally scolded herself for being disorganized.

“Hey, babe.“ Sana greeted, her smile turning into a pout as she made her way to her girlfriend. “Where were you? I thought you’d be waiting for me.“

Dahyun stretched her arms towards the Japanese and guided her to sit on her lap. “I was trying to find some ramen.“

“Sorry. I didn’t know you wanted to eat out, we didn’t plan on any celebration.“ Sana expressed her guilt, bending down to place a kiss on Dahyun’s lips.

“Hey, no worries. But would you still eat with me?“ Dahyun asked.

“Of course I would, but where? Isn’t it a little late and aren’t you tired?“ Sana briefly looked at the clock on their wall.

“I know a place, it’s really near.“

“Okay, let me change my clothes first,“ Sana announced, she was about to stand up but Dahyun wouldn’t let her go.

“No need to, just bring your phone and your keys.“ Sana reached for her purse without complaints before she followed the Korean who led her out the door.

Sana was confused — no, that’s an understatement — she was bewildered when Dahyun took her to a house just a couple blocks from their dorm. “Dahyunie, when you said we’re going to eat at this time of night, I thought you meant the convenience store. But this is not a convenience store.“

Dahyun ignored her girlfriend as she smilingly went over the front door, Sana frantically following suit. “Dahyunie, what are we doing here? Are you going to steal or something?”

“Sana,“ Dahyun called laughingly. “Calm down.“

“But the owners might be sleeping in there. Come on, let’s not disturb them.“ Sana pulled at Dahyun’s hands but the Korean wouldn’t move.

Sana watched the Korean fish for something inside the pocket of her pajama pants; it took a while for the Japanese to register the shining object before she realized that it was a key. “How would the owner be sleeping if the owner is standing right in front of you?“

Sana stared at Dahyun in surprise as the rapper proceeds in opening the door. It revealed a modern designed structure, minimalist in style. Sana slowly walked inside and admired every corner of the place.

“This is your house?“ Sana asked, her girlfriend’s face plastered with a wide grin. “Dahyunie, when did- when did you do this?“

Dahyun walked towards the stunned Japanese and wrapped her arms around her girlfriend. “A little after we debuted.“

“When did it finish?“

“A month after you became my girlfriend.“ Dahyun answered, giving Sana’s neck a light peck as she started walking with Sana still in her arms. “I want to show you something.“

Dahyun led Sana to the dining area, revealing a few dishes of Sana’s liking. “Don’t tell me you did this too? You know how to cook?“ Sana eyed the foods and Dahyun incredulously, the Korean chuckling because of her girlfriend’s adorable reaction.

“Happy Sana and Dahyun month, babe. Surprise.“ Dahyun whispered lovingly.

Sana stared in awe at the obviously well prepared dinner, complete with different utensils, wine and a candle in the middle.

“Did you like it?“ Dahyun asked pulling a chair for the Japanese to sit on.

“Are you kidding, babe? I love it.“ Sana replied. And I really love you, Sana thought.

The couple enjoyed their dinner together. Sana praising Dahyun’s cooking with every dish she tasted. Sana also mentioned raising dogs with Dahyun in which the Korean opposed to, saying that Ahri, her own dog, is enough.

Everything was momentarily forgotten as the atmosphere got filled with jokes and hearty laughters. In that moment there were no insecurities, there were no doubts, there were no fears.

The only force to exist inside the room are the feelings that they have that just continues to bring them closer and closer and the other to fall deeper and deeper.

Dinner ended and Sana insisted on washing the plates, despite Dahyun’s initial complaints who later on gave in. With a peck on the cheek, Dahyun instructed her girlfriend to find her right after she's done with her cleaning.

It took a while for Sana to find Dahyun, mostly because she wandered and admired the place first. Sana felt love given to this place, but even that feels lacking. The house is warm and welcoming, yet it doesn’t feel quite like home. When Sana navigated the second floor, she felt the dust coating her fingers from the handle of the stairs and in a solemn realization, she registered that Dahyun rarely go to this place and yet she still brought her here.

It’s another way of Dahyun to let the Japanese know her.

Sana went inside two rooms before she found another that contains the Korean. The room isn’t too large, isn’t too cramped, just enough to accommodate the king sized bed, a bedside table, a bedroom bench by the window and a built in wardrobe.

Dahyun has her back on Sana, leaning forwards the balcony of her room separated by a frameless, sliding, glass door. Sana stared and appreciated the sight before her eyes, the moonlight shining softly on Dahyun’s frame, giving the Korean a more majestic aura.

Sana slowly approached her girlfriend, when she was close enough, she realized that Dahyun’s hair is still a bit damp. Maybe the wardrobe has something inside it after all. Upon circling her arms around Dahyun’s waist, the Korean leaned on her as if it’s a natural instinct to do so. Dahyun didn’t even flinch or turn to look, she just immediately relaxed her body against her girlfriend’s.

“Knock knock, what’s going on up there?“ Sana asked as softly as she could, not wanting to ruin the serenity of the night.

“This house is supposed to be for my mom,“ Dahyun started. “When the accident happened, it’s not just me who changed. Our whole family did. If I can even still call them that.“

Sana remained silent, letting her girlfriend continue. She lives for conversations like this, whatever Dahyun would decide to tell her, she’d listen to it with full attention and no interruption. Loving Dahyun is her favorite thing in the world, knowing Dahyun is a close second.

“Myungsoo became distant — I understand though, I’m not the only one who had undergone the trauma — but he still remained to be the best big brother, that didn’t change.“ Her girlfriend paused for a moment, trying to find the right words to say the next.

“As for my father... well, he hated me. He hates me,“ the Korean stated with a chuckle as if finding the situation is funny. “He, uhm, blamed me for what happened to his favorite child. And Myungsoo.“

“It’s not your fault,“ Sana whispered thoughtfully, reminding the Korean about the thing she mostly forgets; she’s not a horrible person just because something horrible happened to her.

“Not in his eyes. After the accident, he never failed to mention that day. He always reminded us. He became irresponsible, he became ill tempered, he became harsh. He always threw cruel words at me, that a lot of times I wished I was the one who died instead.“ There was a certain conviction in Dahyun’s voice that scared the Japanese.

Sana tightened her embrace, that’s the only thing she could do to keep herself from falling apart even though she isn’t supposed to be the one to. “Please, please don’t say that,“ the Japanese pleaded, her heart constricting in pain.

“He gets in and out of different jobs, always the same reason, because he’s too unfocused and proud he couldn’t get things right. Sometimes, he gets physical. Mostly when he’s drunk which is always. A lot with Myungsoo and only a few times with me, but every time he tried to, Myungsoo would always be the one to shield me from the hits. He deals with his own demons but he didn’t stop protecting his little sister, even then. That’s how my brothers were, Sana. They were good people — and like what you always tell me, they’re someone who didn’t deserve what happened to them. That’s why when Myungsoo decided he had enough and moved out, I didn’t have the heart to make him stay. I really wanted him to stay. He’s the only person who understood deeply... darkly. He’s the only person who wouldn’t give up on me. He’s the only person who loved me back then. Him and my mother.“

No wonder why Dahyun felt so alone. It was because she grew up alone and was conditioned to think that she would be alone. Because her dad couldn’t deal with his grief, he lashed out on his other two children which is the most unjust and thoughtless.

No wonder why Dahyun felt more accountable. Because she lived with the person who reminded her of that every single day of her life, she spent a long time with the person who made her feel unworthy of forgiveness.

_That’s why she always felt so undeserving._

“My mom acted so strongly after that tragedy, she carried all the burden of the family all the while she was carrying hers, she worked multiple jobs to support Myungsoo and I, she worked and she worked alone because her husband abandoned all sense of responsibility,“ the Japanese watched her girlfriend smile bitterly at the memory.

“Seeing your mother not living her life, seeing her everyday functioning like a lifeless machine, it made everything more miserable than it already is. But there’s more to it and I knew that. I knew she was working a lot to provide distraction from her son’s death. But I needed her that time, Sana. I needed my mom. I needed her so badly but she felt so out of reach.“

Sana aches in every crevice of her heart, the sorrow the Korean is carrying too heavy that she couldn’t help the silent tears that fell from her eyes, it was a good thing Dahyun couldn’t see her because she knows her girlfriend would acknowledge her pain and would put her first.

But it can’t be that way right now. It doesn’t have to be. Dahyun should be allowed to be selfish, she should be allowed to feel things without fearing that others would blame her for it, she should be allowed to live away from her demons.

“I know that she loves me, she loves Myungsoo too. And I’m thankful that she never left though everyone else did, she stayed even when I couldn’t feel her sometimes, but I understood. I- I still understand. She had to deal with it in her own way, we all had to. I couldn’t blame them for how they choose to do it. I couldn’t blame my father for being wrathful, I couldn’t blame my brother for leaving, I couldn’t blame my mother for being distant. I couldn’t blame anyone, I don’t blame anyone, I could only blame myself.“

Dahyun breathe long and deep, seemingly trying to release all her troubles, to let it all go along with the cold air surrounding her before she unlookingly placed a hand on Sana’s cheek to wipe her girlfriend’s tears away. Sana leaned onto the touch and buried her face on the crook of Dahyun’s neck, the more impossibly closer she gets, the harder it is to control her sobs.

“When I became a trainee, I guess that’s when I started to gain a little sense of hope again. I started dreaming about having a house one day to give it to my mom, because if I do well and if I earn well, then that would mean we would be able to live comfortably again. I thought if I work hard, I would gain back the family I lost. But those are just hopeless thoughts, some foolish kind of wishful thinking. Because no matter how hard I work, no matter how much I earn; I couldn’t bring my brother back from the grave. I wanted to give my mother this house, but if you look at our situation, this would never be a home no matter how hard I try to fill in the emptiness.“

The things Dahyun went through is unimaginable and Sana thanked God for giving the rapper the ability to go on. She thanked God for holding onto Dahyun long enough for her to meet the Korean and eventually be the one to keep her steady.

Now she’s making a silent promise that no matter what, she will always hold on, because she wants to and because she needs to.

“Myungsoo is serving the military, my dad still hates me, and my mom — she’s still the best, I love her and she loves me, but she loves her husband too — she wouldn’t leave my dad. She’ll stay wherever he is, maybe because she loves him, or he reminds her of the son she lost, or she’s trying to look for a sense of a family too. That’s something I can never give,“ Dahyun sounds defeated and Sana made another vow to fight for her girlfriend for as long as she can.

“I could try. I did. But we can only be one if we all decide to. But we’re just... not the same... and never will be. We’re so far off, it’s too hard to go back, even harder alone and I am alone. Maybe I unconsciously stopped trying as well? I’m too worn out to continue.“

Sana almost wanted to get mad at her girlfriend when the Korean chuckled, once again apologizing for things she isn’t supposed to. “Stop crying now, okay? I’m sorry I turned this night into some kind of drama when we could just be talking about anything else entirely.“

“Dahyun, stop thinking about me, this is about you. How old were you back then?“ Sana wanted to know, she wanted to know how long the Korean held on, how long her girlfriend’s been carrying all these miseries in her life.

But the answer seemed to have broken the Japanese more, “I was 8.“

Sana doesn’t know what do; she doesn’t know what to say to make everything okay. She wanted to tell her she loves her, she wanted to tell her that repeatedly so the rapper would know that someone is already here with her, and that someone would never leave. But after all those confession, it made Sana’s fear of overwhelming the Korean intensify.

“I don’t know what to say.“ Sana admitted in defeat, she felt useless.

“You don’t have to, it’s okay.“ Dahyun tried to assure her girlfriend, turning around so she can face the Japanese.

“No. I need to say something. I have to tell you this... I need to... or else I would lose my mind,“ Sana shook her head, the Japanese pausing to breathe, collecting herself because she can’t be a mess right now. “I know you feel alone, you said it yourself before, but after what you just told me, I know that you still feel the same.“

“No, I don’t.“ Dahyun smiled but Sana touched her face, a silent request to let her speak again.

“But even if you don’t, I want to remind you right here, right now that you’re not. You’re not alone. You’re never alone. You have me. You have the girls. We are your family. Me, I am your family. I will never leave you just...“ _don’t leave me too._ Sana fought off the tears, she needed to look at Dahyun, she needed to see her because she might disappear.

“Sana...“ Dahyun called but once again, Sana wouldn’t let her finish.

“I am your family now. I wish I can fill up the emptiness. I wish I can fill up all the spaces. I wish I can rewrite your past because you’re the most beautiful person that I know and you deserve the most beautiful story, but no matter how much I would want to... I can’t. I can’t change history but if I can, I would. For you, I would do anything. But we can’t go back, Dahyunie, and so I’m promising you this; I promise we would create a beautiful future instead. And we would do it together. For as long as I’d have you and that’s forever.“

Sana doesn’t know what to say, she doesn’t know what to do. Sana wanted to tell her she loves her but she can’t. Instead, Sana decided to just make her feel loved without saying the exact words.

That’s the only way she knows how and for now she prayed to the Gods for it to be enough until she can say the words out loud. Until she’s ready to say it. Until her Dahyun is ready to hear it.

“Thank you. Thank you for everything, and most of all thank you for staying by my side even though you clearly deserve better.“ Sana was about to interject but the Korean shook her head and so the Japanese let her continue.

Sana wanted to remind her girlfriend to stop saying things like that because if she’s being honest, when she hears those words from Dahyun, it makes her feel like the Korean would leave.

“Whenever you’re beside me, I... I feel grateful. I feel blessed to be alive. Thank you for... giving me hope. I can’t say anything that would suffice these thoughts so I’m going to make a promise as well. Sana, I promise to better myself. I promise to do good and be good. I promise to be the person you deserve. I’m promising you that... so that one day, one day we can have everything, one day I want to be able give you everything.“

“I don’t need anything else, I just need you,“ Sana stated tearfully. Dahyun’s words, they’re enough. They are more than enough for her. They can have forever for more.

Sana leaned in to kiss Dahyun’s forehead tenderly, her lips lingering there for a while before she pulled away.

“Thank you for keeping me safe,“ Dahyun breathed, touching Sana’s neck that has the key to her past.

Sana knew that this is the perfect moment to give Dahyun her present, under the moonlight, under the same night sky who watched them start.

Sana reached inside her pocket and when she got hold of the item, she cautiously lifted it up to show it to her girlfriend. “May I?“ As soon as the Korean nodded her head, Sana proceeded to put the necklace around Dahyun’s neck.

It was a simple white gold chain with a small crescent moon as the pendant. Sana looked at it, shining on Dahyun’s white skinned chest and she realized that it never looked more beautiful than when it is worn by her girlfriend. She was right for letting Mina choose, because Mina couldn’t have chosen anything better than this. Sana watched as Dahyun held the pendant with utmost affection in her eyes, when the Korean looked up, it was her cue to say something.

“I spent the whole day looking for that. I’m sorry I lied, but I wasn’t out because I lost a bet, I was out with Momo and Mina because I wanted them to help me find a special gift for a special person like you. Initially, I couldn’t think of anything, every idea that came into my mind seems too inadequate to express what I wanted to tell you. Until Momo offered a really genius idea of buying something that would mean a lot to the both of us and I immediately thought of this symbol,“ Sana touched the moon shaped pendant on Dahyun’s neck, admiring how beautiful it is and the person wearing it before she continued to speak.

“I always tell you that the moon is beautiful and it really is. Amongst other things, the moon saw us both in our vulnerable forms that night at the dorm. And the moon just watched, the moon remained frozen and unmoving and the moon didn’t judge, and I realized that there would be no other symbol more perfect than this that would signify you and I but the moon.“

Sana focused at Dahyun’s eyes, she wanted the Korean to look at her so she would grasp the reality of what Sana wants to convey.

“In Japan, I remember three things about the moon in our culture: First is the light it provides the night giving people a sense of comfort and tranquility. It reminds me of you because when I’m with you, everything in my world stills and I only see you. For the second one, it’s because they say that whenever Japanese people watch the moon, they feel longing for a long life and that’s what I want; to spend forever with you. Lastly because it meant the continuous cycle of life in this world — the changes, the adaptations, the start and the end, everything would happen but the moon will remain. That’s the kind of person I want to be for you, I want to be the person who would experience everything with you — the changes, the hard times, the fresh starts. I’d stay through it all. I’d always stay because of you,“ the Japanese finished.

“I would want that too...“ Dahyun said, all the sadness in her voice now lost to Sana’s confessions.

Dahyun is the luckiest person in the world to have Sana, and she would do everything and anything just to keep this safe.

“Dahyunie? I...“ _love you._ “Can’t live without you anymore so please, just please... don’t run away from me.“

Her girlfriend’s pleads did things to Dahyun’s heart. How can someone like Sana think that Dahyun would just leave?

“I won’t. I don’t think I can ever leave you. After everything? Leaving you is plain insanity. I won’t run. You have me too. You would always have me too.“

“Dahyun, this necklace, it’s me giving myself to you,“ Sana leaned slowly.

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep you safe too,“ Dahyun’s last words served as the spark that ignited the flame as their lips crashed.

Sana lost all sense of control she’s been trying to maintain for the past few days, the Japanese kissed Dahyun hungrily, reversing their position, making her back hit the railing of the balcony.

Sana pulled at Dahyun’s shirt all the while using her other hand to cup the Korean’s jaw, tilting her head to a better angle. It didn’t take time before Dahyun felt Sana licking at her bottom lip, when the rapper opened her mouth, the dancer’s tongue immediately darted inside, making Dahyun lose all sense of her being because Sana’s kisses will never not make her drunk.

When they parted to breathe, Sana spoke with a raspy voice. “Take me to bed.“ Dahyun obliged without further thought.

Dahyun’s hands traveled on the back of Sana’s knees, bending her limb. Understanding what her girlfriend meant, Sana immediately wrapped them around Dahyun’s waist and the Korean carried her as if she weighed nothing.

They almost tripped and lost balance when Sana started to attack the Korean with kisses once more. Dahyun had no idea how she managed to get inside, all she knew is that Sana makes her crazy.

Dahyun lowered Sana when they reached the room, the Japanese never letting go of the Korean’s lips. Sana started kissing Dahyun’s neck, the rapper tilting her head back to give more access. Sana must have reached a sensitive spot and wherever it was, it sent shivers down Dahyun’s spine and as the Korean started breathing more heavily.

Dahyun is intoxicated. Everything is coming as a blur yet she could feel every touch her girlfriend is giving her. Her consciousness is hazy but her sensitivity is heightened.

Dahyun seemed to have regained awareness when she felt Sana’s hand guiding her own to place it on her chest, when Dahyun opened her eyes, that’s when she saw Sana’s top already discarded and on the floor, leaving the Japanese in her bra.

Dahyun’s gaze softens when the Japanese closed her eyes, leaning her forehead against her while keeping their hands interlocked. “Sana, are you really sure about this? We can stop.“ But Sana shook her head and proceeded to kiss her again.

“It’s okay, you can touch me,“ Sana’s words made the gears inside Dahyun’s brain function as her hands started to carefully and softly massage the mounds on her girlfriend’s chest. Dahyun heard Sana’s breathing grow frantic as the Japanese pulled her on the bed.

Sana used Dahyun’s shirt to guide the Korean on top of her. Dahyun started raining kisses on Sana’s neck, from her jaw to her collarbones, while hovering on top of the Japanese. Dahyun’s hand found its way on Sana’s back and without much thought, before she could even stop herself, Dahyun snapped the lock on Sana’s bra.

Dahyun leaned away, looking intently at her girlfriend’s drunken gaze as the Japanese removed the piece of clothing. Dahyun looked at Sana’s bare chest, she took time to admire the literal Goddess in front of her, she couldn’t believe that someone this perfect is hers and hers alone. She heard Sana calling her name and so Dahyun quickly removed her shirt.

Dahyun used her free hand to massage Sana’s breast, and when her mouth latched onto the other one, the Japanese arched her back as Dahyun felt her girlfriend thrusting her hips.

Turned on is an understatement, Dahyun is growing restless, but this is her Sana and she would always be careful. However, Dahyun wanted to make her feel good so the Korean ignored the reaction from her girlfriend’s body and continued to give attention on Sana’s chest, sucking the hardening nub while her hands traveled everywhere except where it’s needed.

“Dahyunie...“ Sana called and Dahyun instantly knew what she meant. Dahyun started raining kisses down on Sana’s flat stomach, she was giving wet kisses on Sana’s sides as she removed Sana’s pajama bottoms.

Dahyun got back on sucking Sana’s neck but not before applying pressure on Sana’s area making the Japanese moan in her ear. “Baby...“ This is making Sana lose her mind; she never knew it could feel like this until now.

But Dahyun still ignored her; the rapper’s kisses traveled back down making the dancer grow wetter with anticipation. Dahyun lifted one leg, carefully massaging at her skin, Sana watched, biting her lower lip, as Dahyun started kissing her inner thighs.

Sana involuntarily thrusts her hips once again. Her need for Dahyun keeps on intensifying by the second. But the Korean continued with her sweet and slow torture, she kissed her everywhere, except where Sana needed her attention the most. “Babe, please, just touch me.“

Dahyun seemed to have taken pity on Sana when the Korean finally removed the final piece of clothing on Sana’s body. Dahyun squeezed Sana’s inner thigh with her fingers before looking up to see her beautiful girlfriend watching her, the Japanese gave her a reassuring nod before closing her eyes. Sana’s head hitting the pillows on Dahyun’s bed as she braced herself what would happen next.

Dahyun lifted herself up to level her face with Sana’s. “Tell me if it hurts and I’ll stop,“ Dahyun reminded.

“I’ll take care of you, I promise.“ Dahyun kissed Sana’s forehead, making the dancer’s heart swell in affection before she felt her girlfriend gradually inserting one finger inside her.

Dahyun seems to be surprised by how ready she is, but she can’t really be blamed for this, can she? Her girlfriend is the most irresistible. “You’re so...“

“I know. Just please,“ Sana pleaded as her hips started rocking back and forth.

“Promise to tell me if it hurts.“ Dahyun started with her slow and careful ministrations, Sana moaned with every pump of Dahyun’s finger, encouraging the Korean to do more.

Sana feels warm and tight, the area between Dahyun’s legs growing wetter by the minute that it almost hurt. “I’m going to add another one, okay?“

Sana nodded her head, “Y-yeah.“

Dahyun inserted another finger. The Korean started to pump faster, with every movement; Sana’s moans started to grow louder and louder as her hips moved faster and faster together with Dahyun, creating a rhythm.

“Babe, more...“ Sana moaned, feeling herself nearing her peak.

Dahyun began increasing her speed and curling her fingers inside. Dahyun stared at the Japanese squirming under her, she stared in awe and kissed the area between Sana’s breast, her kisses traveling to the dancer’s neck to her lips, swallowing her girlfriend’s cries, all the while continuing with her pleasurable movements.

“Babe... Dahyunie, I’m close,“ Sana called and Dahyun swore she heard an angel.

Dahyun looked at Sana in pure understanding. “Just let it go. I’m here, babe. I got you,“ she assured. Dahyun placed a kiss on Sana’s forehead before she used her thumb to apply pressure on her girlfriend’s clit.

And it was all it had to take to send Sana over the edge. Dahyun felt Sana’s walls tightening around her slick fingers as the Japanese convulsed under the Korean.

Dahyun held her girlfriend tightly and lovingly as the Japanese experience her high, slowing down her movements to let Sana ride out her orgasm.

Dahyun lay down beside her girlfriend; she gave her the sweetest kiss she could muster as she watched her girlfriend yawn sleepily.

The Korean felt Sana tugging at her pajama but she held the dancer’s hands, stopping her girlfriend. This seemed to confuse the Japanese, “Dahyunie?“

“Let’s sleep first, I know you’re tired. Don’t worry, I’m good,“ Dahyun smiled reassuringly.

“Are you sure? I can...“ Sana tried to interject but Dahyun cut her off.

“I’m sure. There’s still a next time... there’s still tomorrow,“ Dahyun winked at Sana.

“And we do have forever, don’t we?“ Dahyun answered expressively, before she gave her girlfriend one last kiss. Her beautiful, kind and perfect girlfriend, the ethereal person that is hers and just made love to tonight.

“Forever?“ Sana asked.

“Forever,“ Dahyun confirmed, wrapping her arms around her girlfriend’s bare form before she pulled a blanket to cover both of their bodies. “Sana? Thank you.“

Sana looked at the Japanese teasingly, responding with a chuckle, “For getting me off? I should be the one thanking you.“

Dahyun flicked at forehead before squeezing Sana’s nose between her fingers, making the Japanese yelp in surprise. “No, dummy, for tonight, of course - for trusting me and for being the person who sees me differently when I can’t be that for myself.“

“Thank you for letting me in,“ Sana stated tenderly but her mind couldn’t stop making silly jokes, not after a night like this, she’s happier than ever. “You know... figuratively. Because you wouldn’t let me literally.“

Dahyun groaned in embarrassment, while Sana continues to laugh in delight. Maybe this is yet another start. “Babe, stop,“ Dahyun pouted and Sana couldn’t resist but kiss her adorable girlfriend on the lips.

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop,“ Sana smiled, noticing her girlfriend looking at her face, as if she’s memorizing every inch.

“Sana, I can’t imagine what my life would be right now without you,“ Dahyun admitted.

The thought made Sana’s chest constrict, she can’t imagine her life without Dahyun too. She doesn’t want to. “Then don’t. Because you have me, and I have you, we have the girls and we’re all family.“

With a dopey smile and a sleepy kiss, they closed their eyes with a similar thought in mind, as they slept on each other’s arms.

It was the first time after a long while that Dahyun slept well. There are no nightmares, there is no anger, there is no sadness. As for Sana, it was the first night she felt most reassured.

They have forever. They always will.

 


	12. Chapter 12

**CHAPTER TWELVE – PILLOW TALK**

Sana felt something tracing her nose carefully, hearing the soft chuckles after, she slowly opened her eyes to the unfamiliar but comfortable surroundings, taking her time to adjust to the soft light illuminating the room and feeling a gentle kiss on her forehead.

Her body is instantly filled with so much light upon hearing the love of her life first thing. “Good morning, princess.“ She could wake up and stay like this for as long as it’s with Dahyun beside her.

“Good morning.“ Still too lazy and too tired to get up, the Japanese smiled, snuggling towards her girlfriend and burrowing her face on the Korean’s neck. _My baby smells good._ “Why are you up so early? Did you even sleep?“

Dahyun hummed in reply, her girlfriend’s husky voice in the morning is something that would always make her speechless as she massaged Sana’s scalp with one hand and fixed loose hair strands covering her girlfriend’s beautiful face with the other. “I did. I just woke up an hour ago. You look really beautiful in the morning.“

Sana grinned at the early compliment. “Did you stare at me while I sleep? Like those in the dramas,“ the Japanese laughed, lifting her head up to level with the Korean.

“What if I did?“ Dahyun asked challengingly, squinting her eyes. “What’s wrong with that?“

“Nothing... it’s really sweet.“ Sana leaned in to place a swift kiss on Dahyun’s lips when she remembered she hasn’t brushed her teeth yet, the Japanese quickly leaned away and covered her mouth. “Sorry. Does it stink?“

Dahyun raised her eyebrows in amusement with Sana’s worries, but even if her girlfriend smells like a rotten fish, she would still kiss her the same way she does. “Actually, no, you’re fine.“ Dahyun replied, her thoughts making her chuckle.

“Still, it’s disgusting and unfair since you already brushed yours. I smelled mint.“ Sana pouted and Dahyun couldn’t resist stealing another kiss.

“Dahyunie!“ Sana whined, slapping a hand over Dahyun’s mouth. “Let me brush first, babe. Do you own an extra?“

Dahyun bit Sana’s palm playfully, the Japanese pulling it away from her mouth. “Yes, princess. It’s in the bathroom at the end of the hallway, in the cabinet.“

“I’ll be right back,“ Sana placed a kiss on the Korean’s cheek before rolling over her side to stand up when she realized she still hasn’t gotten any clothes on. Remembering the previous night, the Japanese smiled and blushed lightly, pulling the blanket to cover her naked body before standing up.

Dahyun was looking and saw her girlfriend’s bare back. It’s the Korean’s turn to blush before quickly averting her gaze, darting anywhere but towards the Japanese.

“Uhm,“ Dahyun cleared her throat. Sana turned around to see her girlfriend eyeing the balcony. “I have extra clothes inside the wardrobe. You can use them. Sorry, uh, do you want me to get out first so you can put some clothes on? I already changed, anyway.“

Sana smirked hearing her girlfriend’s flustered tone. “No, it’s okay. You can stay here,“ the Japanese said before turning back around.

“Okay,“ Dahyun nodded still not taking her eyes off from the balcony.

“Babe?“ Dahyun looked over the instant Sana called, only to see her girlfriend’s flawless back bare and exposed for her eyes only, the Japanese looking over her shoulder at her. “Wait for me here and don’t go anywhere.“

Sana went out of the room, leaving a fazed Korean behind.

Dahyun is playing on her phone, back against the headboard of the bed when Sana came back minutes later with the blanket still wrapped around her body. Leaning against the side of the door, the Japanese spoke up, catching the Korean’s attention.

“I saw some medicine in the cabinet,“ Sana smiled gently, watching the Korean turn her game off. “I’m guessing they’re yours?“

Dahyun returned the smile shyly, nodding her head. “Sleeping pills and the usual, for headache, stomachache, etcetera, etcetera.“

“You have trouble sleeping?“

“I had Insomnia,“ Dahyun sounded unsure. “You know what happened, then I think it’s PTSD or something causing the sleeping problems and nightmares. I don’t really want to dwell on it, I just needed something to help me sleep.“

“Do you still have them?“

“Sleeping troubles? Not lately. Before and after we debuted, yes. But over time I started needing the medicine less and less. Now, I don’t take them anymore, but I still keep them in case,“ Dahyun explained.

There was no bitterness or any negative emotions in her voice, she just kept on looking at Sana lovingly as she spoke. There’s no room for sadness in her heart right now, not when Sana’s eyes give her comfort and alleviates her troubles.

“Dahyunie, does anyone else know aside from me?“

“Chaeyoung and Tzuyu. Couldn’t hide anything from those two, and besides, we share a room. They had to put up with countless nights of screaming and crying in my sleep,“ the Korean spoke gently with a chuckle.

“You told them everything?“ Sana asked, her girlfriend simply nodded her head.

“They know that I lost my brother and I saw how it happened, though yours is in detail,“ Dahyun smiled apologetically, scratching at her forehead. “Sorry, did you rather not know the way you do?“

“Stop the crazy talk, alright? You know that I want to know everything about you; every piece and every inch. Don’t forget that,“ Sana said approaching Dahyun. “Do you still want to talk about it? Or just anything else you want to tell me?“

“No,“ Dahyun shook her head.

Sana smirked, and the way she did screams mischief. “Good.“

Dahyun’s jaw dropped the exact moment Sana let go of the blanket covering her body. Dahyun quickly looked at Sana’s face and closed her eyes. “Babe, you can put some clothes on now.”

“Open your eyes,“ Sana instructed, her voice became raspy in a span of seconds.

However, the Korean doesn’t want to acknowledge it. “No. Put on some clothes first.“

“Babe? Open your eyes, come on.“ Sana repeated with annoyance. She wondered how they are able to create quick shifts in the mood, but honestly, she doesn’t mind at all. It’s one of her favorite things in their relationship.

“Nope,“ Sana rolled her eyes at her girlfriend.

Dahyun heard Sana’s footsteps coming close before she felt her girlfriend on the bed, making her gulp. Not a moment later, she felt the Japanese straddling her lap.

“Look at me,“ Sana instructed once more but the Korean continued to act like she wasn’t hearing anything.

“Please?“ There is it. There’s the plea. The beacon Dahyun doesn’t know how to resist, driving her to open her eyes slowly, careful to only focus them on the dancer’s face and not anywhere else even when her lap feels warm, making her own body heat up.

“Why won’t you look at me? It’s not like you haven’t seen everything last night,“ Sana teased and Dahyun groaned.

“I haven’t seen them in the morning light... Sana, the sun is out!“ Dahyun replied almost frantically.

“And? It’s still the same one you saw under the moonlight,“ Sana said sweetly but the Korean is determined to avoid what her girlfriend is suggesting.

“Are you hungry?“ Dahyun suddenly asked in an attempt to change the subject, Sana frowned but immediately caught on.

“I am.“

Dahyun smiled widely at this, looking at Sana but much to the dancer’s dismay, the rapper is looking but only straight at her eyes. “I’ll cook for you again. What do you want to eat?“

Dahyun started to get up but Sana pushed her back down by the chest with one hand, giving the rapper her sweetest smirk. “You.“

“Sana, aren’t you tired?“ Dahyun tried again and Sana’s growing irritated. _Did it suck that much last night?_

“No,“ Sana shook her head, this time, her face in a frown. “And Dahyunie, would you just look at me? Why are you so shy?“

“I- I don’t know,“ Dahyun stammered and averted her gaze from the Japanese once more.

Sana sighed; she used her thumb and forefinger to tilt her girlfriend’s by the chin so the Korean could look at her again. “Truth?“

“I just see you as this uh... untainted person and I feel like I’m taking advantage of that? Does that makes sense?“

“How could you take advantage of something that I clearly wanted to happen?“ Sana pointed out. “I’ve been all over you for days but you just kept on stopping me. Imagine if you haven’t, babe. If someone is being tainted here, that’s clearly not me.“

“But Sana...“ Dahyun wanted to try reasoning again but it immediately fell on deaf ears when the Japanese leaned forwards for a kiss.

“Shush, do you want me?“ Sana whispered against her lips.

“I do. Of course, I do,“ Dahyun admitted.

“Do you want this?“ Sana’s voice is low and deep, gradually making the Korean lose her grip.

“Are you sure?“

“Baby, it already happened last night. You said we have tomorrow and it’s already _the_ tomorrow,“ Sana started to place wet kisses on Dahyun’s neck, the rapper just closed her eyes to enjoy the sensation that is enveloping her body.

“But...“ Dahyun’s words hitched back on her throat when the Japanese started grinding herself on her lap.

Dahyun felt Sana taking both her hands, positioning it on her waist as the Japanese continued with her movements.

Sana looked up to lock eyes with the Korean, the sight of her girlfriend’s dilated pupils turned her on more than she would like to admit. It only took her one look for her resolves to die down.

The longer Dahyun stared, the more she remembers the feel of Sana’s skin against her own, the heat radiating off from Sana’s body, and the way Sana shuddered last night under her. When Dahyun heard Sana letting out soft moans from pleasuring herself, that’s when the Korean’s own desires took over her body as well.

“I’m literally feeling myself right now, babe. If you say no one more time then we’re really going to stop,“ Sana said this in a way that made the Korean feel intoxicated. Dahyun knew that Sana would stop if she asks her too, but her girlfriend’s right — she wants this, they both do. “So I’m asking again, baby... do you want this?“

“Yes...“ Dahyun’s voice came out breathless.

“Good, then let me because it’s my turn,“ Sana whispered in Dahyun’s ear, the Korean would put all her money in betting that her girlfriend’s voice would make anyone go crazy. But unfortunately for them and fortunately for her, she’s the only receiving end of this seductive Sana.

Everything happened fast. Next thing Dahyun knew is that her girlfriend already took her clothes off. Sana wasted no time and started placing wet kisses along Dahyun’s body, when the Japanese started sucking on Dahyun’s breasts the Korean couldn’t help the loud moan that escaped her lips. Remind her again why she was opposed to this.

“Sana!“ Dahyun yelped in surprise when the Japanese inserted one finger inside her without warning.

Sana leveled their heads together; the Japanese smirked, claiming her lips, not even giving her a chance to breathe. The moment Sana added another finger, Dahyun swore she was about to run out of air.

Dahyun couldn’t think, she couldn’t process anything because all she could feel are Sana’s two fingers sliding in and out of her in rapid succession. The sound of her wet core turning her on more, making her wetter, leaving her on the mercy of her girlfriend.

It didn’t take long until she felt herself building up a release but Sana slowed down her movements. Dahyun groaned and held Sana’s wrist urging her to go faster but the Japanese shook her head. “You really made me work for this, you won’t even look at me earlier.“

Sana moved her fingers agonizingly slow and the Korean just wants to scream in frustration. Still unable to think straight, the only thing she could do was moan when the Japanese curled her fingers inside her. “Do you want this?”

Sana’s question made Dahyun go crazy with need. “I do. I do want you, just please.“

“What’s that, babe?“ Sana smirked, slowing down her movements more. “I can’t hear,“

“Sana, please...“ Dahyun whined, rolling her hips to maintain the friction.

“Please what?“ Sana raised an eyebrow, ceasing her movements completely, Dahyun groaning in frustration and desire. “Say it.“

“Make love to me,“ Dahyun whispered and something immediately snapped inside the Japanese.

Sana fastened her movements, curling her fingers inside, thrusting deeper, hitting all the right spots. Sana felt Dahyun’s walls tightening around her fingers and it didn’t take long until Dahyun started screaming her name. “Sana!“

Dahyun’s body jerked upwards, making the Japanese smirk in satisfaction. However, she still isn’t done. After slowing down her movements to let the rapper calm down, she started kissing Dahyun on the lips once more before her mouth traveled to suck on her neck, her other hand grabbing Dahyun’s breast as the other started moving inside of the Korean again.

“Babe, wait a minute. Sana... Sana... I don’t think...“ the Korean’s words were cut off by her own sound when she loudly moaned in pleasure.

Dahyun didn’t know it’s possible to feel like this until now, she’s almost sure her girlfriend is about to kill her when she felt another wave of her climax coming.

“Sana... Sana... Babe!“ Dahyun called repeatedly and as if on cue, her body started to convulse under the Japanese until she saw black and felt as if her back would break from the sudden juts of her body.

Sana slowed down her movements again, this time, coming to a stop. Dahyun held her wrist shakily. Sana kissed the Korean on the lips and forehead, feeling the rapper’s sweat.

“Are you still okay?“ Sana asked teasingly with a hint of concern. Dahyun felt her cheeks warming up at the insinuation.

“I’m going to get you back for that,“ Dahyun replied playfully.

“Less talk more do.“ Sana hovered on top of her, positioning one knee in between Dahyun’s center.

“What if I refuse?“ Dahyun smirked, her plan was to frustrate her girlfriend first but the Japanese had other objectives in mind, it seems.

“Then I’d do myself on you,“ Sana’s voice was so seductive and hot, Dahyun’s breathing got ragged by the sound of it and by next action the Japanese did.

Sana lowered herself and started grinding her center on Dahyun’s lap. Dahyun watched helplessly as Sana threw her head back in ecstasy while moaning in pleasure. Dahyun had no idea how wet Sana was until she looked down to see tge glistening skin of her thigh.

Dahyun didn’t know much about this side of her girlfriend and she would be a really gigantic hypocrite if she says she doesn’t fancy it. For a moment, she thought of how long Sana had been doing this and how many people she’d been with, but unlike before, it doesn’t upset her anymore because she knows and she feels that the Japanese in front of her belongs to her and her alone.

However, Dahyun made a mental note to ask her later because much like Sana, she wanted to know every inch of the Japanese as well. But that would have to wait for later, not right now when Sana’s struggling to find something to hold onto as she whimpered on top of her.

Dahyun sat up, Sana immediately encircling her arms around the Korean’s shoulders for support. Dahyun held her girlfriend’s waist and started to place several wet kisses on the Japanese’s neck going to her collarbones.

Dahyun’s mouth traveled to Sana’s erected nipples and began sucking on it, that’s when the Japanese groaned louder and moved much faster.

“You’re doing good, baby.“ Dahyun rasped, in which her girlfriend can only reply with a moan, the Japanese buried her head on the crook of the Korean’s neck as she went even faster.

“Babe... I’m... really... close...“ Sana is getting out of breath, Dahyun could feel sweat on her body as well.

“Babe...“ Sana pleaded and Dahyun understood. Dahyun pushed Sana’s shoulders slightly to level their bodies together.

“Look at me,“ the Korean ordered. Sana stared at Dahyun’s eyes, never looking away, when she felt the Korean putting pressure on her nub. Dahyun’s thumb circled her nerves rapidly, sending her over the edge as she spasms all over the rapper’s lap.

Sana’s body twitched and Dahyun held her all throughout. The Korean held Sana’s face in both her hands as she parted her bangs to place a kiss on her girlfriend’s forehead.

“Are you still okay?“ Dahyun asked with a tender laugh, mimicking Sana’s question earlier.

Sana nodded even though she felt like passing out, she was spent from moving too much. “I am.“

Dahyun kissed her lips and whispered, “Good,“ Sana could feel the Korean smirking before Dahyun adjusted her position with the Japanese still on her lap. Dahyun brought them higher up the bed, just enough so Sana can reach for the headboard.

“Kneel,“ Dahyun ordered in a voice that Sana hasn’t heard yet. It was commanding but also sultry and so Sana knew she was in for another ride. As the Japanese did what she was told, her eyes rounded when her girlfriend lied down and used her two hands to stretch her legs apart enough for them to accommodate the Korean under her. The sight of the Korean’s face in between her thighs made her core pool with desire.

Dahyun stared at the Japanese who is biting her lower lip, staring at her eyes as well. However, it doesn’t change the fact that the girl she was looking at is none other than Minatozaki Sana. No matter Dahyun’s desire and needs for the Japanese, she would always make sure that her girlfriend is comfortable with it.

“Is this okay?“ Dahyun asked sweetly making Sana’s heart burst with affection. Even when they’re in the middle of something as intimate as this, her girlfriend never fails to make her feel how much she’s worth.

See, this is one of the things that made her fall in love with the rapper; the way she takes care of her and puts her feelings and opinions on account. It establishes the fact that Dahyun respects her and places her well being in consideration especially after the incident.

She remembered the Korean’s hesitation to sleep with her and the countless apologies her girlfriend tells her every chance she got after what occurred in the company and even until now whenever she gets reminded of it.

For this reason alone out of the countless others, Sana falls more and more in love with her girlfriend every single day. She falls deeper and deeper that sometimes, even she, herself, gets scared of her own feelings.

“It’s okay,“ Sana smiled tenderly.

“If you feel uncomfortable?“

“I’ll tell you, don’t worry.“

Dahyun nodded her head before she started massaging Sana’s inner thighs while kissing them at the same time. Dahyun let Sana enjoy the unhurried sensation but when the Korean felt the Japanese relax, she instantly latched her warm mouth on Sana’s wet core, making the Japanese jump in surprise but the Korean kept her steady.

Dahyun’s tongue was inside Sana doing wonders the latter didn’t know existed. Sana looked at Dahyun’s darkened eyes that are staring directly at her own under her.

Sana can’t help the loud moans that escaped her lips with every flick of Dahyun’s tongue that for a while she wondered if it would damage her vocals, but the thought ended as quickly as it appeared when Dahyun sucked slowly on her clit creating a rhythm the Japanese started on dancing with.

Still sensitive from her first orgasm, Sana fell forwards when she felt the pleasure the rapper is giving her, the soft foam of the headboard catching the impact. Now she understands why the Korean had moved them earlier.

Every flick of Dahyun’s tongue, every suction on her clit and every penetration brought her closer to her peak faster than she expected. Sana struggled not to suffocate the Korean with her thighs because of her uncontrollable desire to ground herself deeper.

Sana held Dahyun’s head in one hand, her fingers entangling with her girlfriend’s dark brown hair, the other propped up against the headboard as she watched the Korean eat her out. It didn’t take long for Sana to reach her climax, more intense than the first. “Dahyunie!“

Dahyun sat up behind the Japanese and caught her as she fell limply against her body before laying them down carefully on bed. Dahyun then again, gave Sana a kiss, the Japanese tasting herself on the Korean’s mouth. Sana used Dahyun’s chest as a pillow, too spent to even say anything.

“You look really beautiful, you know? You are really beautiful. The most perfect girl in the world, my world.“ Dahyun quietly hummed, stroking Sana’s scalp. She really found a loving in doing that.

The couple remained in their position, silence enveloping them as they both allowed themselves to rest and their breathing to even.

“Babe?“ Sana called after a while. Dahyun looked at her girlfriend who is tracing random shapes and lines on her torso before looking up. “You wanted this right? I didn’t force you?“

Dahyun furrowed her brows and kissed Sana’s forehead tenderly. “Of course, I did.“

Sana hummed. “You don’t regret it?“

“Baby, look at me in the eyes. It’s your turn to look at me now,“ Dahyun instructed softly. “It was perfect. How can I regret something this... beautiful? How can I regret someone like you?“

Her girlfriend’s sincerity seemed to ease her worries. “Thank you. For a while I thought you just gave in because I wanted to and because I’ve been too persuasive.“

“I wanted to be with you too. I was only adamant because I don’t want to cross boundaries and the earlier reason as well. I respect you, do you know that? But babe, don’t ever think for one second that I don’t want to be with you. In any way or in any form because I do.“

Sana smiled upon the confession. It’s not the exact words she was longing to hear but as long as they stay like this, as long as she can keep Dahyun like this, the I love you can wait because nothing is as important as having to hold her girlfriend close.

“Three over two,“ Sana said all of a sudden.

“What?“

“Three over two - you got me off three times, I only did you two,“ Dahyun laughed loudly at this, clutching her stomach in humor while the Japanese pouted.

“You’re really keeping score?“

“I can’t help it. I want you to feel the things you make me feel.“

“Trust me, babe. You do. Everything and more,“ Dahyun chuckled. “And you don’t have to keep score. I have a feeling we’d be doing this a lot.“

“Yeah?“

“Uh huh, I had no idea how insatiable you are,“ Dahyun nodded, the question from earlier arising inside her head. “Sana can I ask you something?“

Sana hinted hesitation on Dahyun’s voice, she has a feeling they are about to have a conversation that would either turn pleasant or unpleasant. “Anything.“

“Have you been this intimate with others?“ Dahyun asked openly, not bothering to beat around the bush.

Sana gawked at her girlfriend. “Baby, if you’re asking this because you’re thinking that I am having sex with someone else behind your back, then stop because it’s not funny anymore.“

Dahyun’s mouth fell open at Sana’s sudden outburst. “What are you talking about? It’s literally not about that, babe. And don’t call what we did as sex, because it’s more than that.“

“I’m just scared of you thinking that way. It’s just that... the thought of me kissing other people almost took you away from me, what more would happen if you think I’m sleeping with someone else?“ Sana pointed out as Dahyun’s gaze softens.

“I’m sorry, I was really insecure about us back then, it’s over because now...“ Dahyun leaned in to place a soft kiss on Sana cheek. “I know that I would always have you and there is no one else, just me.“

“I’m glad you feel that way.“ Sana smiled, contentment written all over her face. “But wait, you don’t call what we just did as sex?“

“No.“

“Then what do you call it?“

“Love... making?“ Dahyun’s bashful tone made the Japanese laugh and the Korean chuckle, realizing how much of a dork she is.

Despite the hearty laughters, there’s a slightly gloomy thought hidden and lingering in the back of Sana’s head.

_Is it still called love making if she doesn’t love me?_

But that’s okay, Sana supposed. Because Dahyun is now secured in their relationship so that means just a little more, just a bit stronger than this, before she can finally say what her heart had been screaming for so long.

“You’re far too important to me to just have sex with you. I can have a lot of sex with a lot of people but you’re not just anyone and it’s not just sex with you.“

“My girlfriend is so sweet after orgasm, maybe I should make you reach your climax often?“ Sana teased and Dahyun huffed, clearly unimpressed. “I’m just kidding, baby. It’s not just sex with you too.“

“And with the others?“ Dahyun asked, throwing back the initial subject.

“What if I tell you that I have slept with a lot of people before you?“ Sana questioned. “Be honest.“

“Then it doesn’t matter. Your choices before me are not really a concern because they happened in the past; you’re with me now. So what of it, right? Plus, it will actually answer the real question.“

Sana raised her brows, “Which is?“

“Why you’re assertive in bed,“ Dahyun chuckled again upon seeing her girlfriend’s amusement with her statement. “Because it means you’re used to doing this kind of thing.“

“That’s what you really wanted to know?“ Dahyun nodded. “Then no, because I’ve never been with anyone else than you.“

Sana watched as Dahyun’s face paled. “I-I’m your first?“

“Yes.“

“Minatozaki Sana, why didn’t you tell me all of this... before we... before I... Sana! Are you hurt? Does it hurt? Am I rough? Does it feel uncomfortable anywhere? Sana stop laughing, I am serious!“ Dahyun miserably watched Sana’s cackling form before the Japanese placed soundly kisses all over her face.

“You. are. adorable. you. know?“ Sana kissed her after every word, trying to appease her concerns but the Korean just pouted.

After everything... after all those... if she knew, she would have taken it slower, she would have been more gentle.

“How did you not think to say this to me first?“ Dahyun sighed, she’s not upset because her girlfriend kept it, she’s worried she might have hurt her.

“Baby, thank you for the really heart-warming concern, but I’m perfectly fine.“ A soft peck is placed on her cheek. “Also, you didn’t ask, babe.“

“Are you sure you’re fine?“

“I am, I promise.“

“I didn’t hurt you?“ Sana smiled, tracing her girlfriend’s lips.

“I can’t imagine a more perfect first. You were the most perfect, babe.“

“Was it okay?“

“Were you not listening?“ Sana’s mood is infectious and Dahyun couldn’t help but laugh along her girlfriend. “It was perfect. How about me, though? Was I good?”

A smirk appeared on the Korean’s face. “Very.“

After a few more questions about her girlfriend’s condition, her answers seemed to pacify the Korean as she threw an arm around the Japanese, cuddling with her.

“If you have never done this before, then why are you so confident in bed? I’m really curious.“

“Am I really?“

“You are.“

“First and foremost, is that a compliment?“

“Yes and no. Because it doesn’t really matter, being with you is good enough.“ It’s Dahyun’s turn to smile at her girlfriend.

“Honestly, I have no idea. I just go for what I want and say it, I guess?“ Sana tried to explain, but even she doesn’t know why she is so bold around Dahyun. “And maybe because I’m also really comfortable being around you.“

“Well, I can see that.“ Dahyun smirked.

“What’s that supposed to mean, Dahyunah?“

Dahyun grinned with the name; it has been a while since Sana had called her that. “Rooftop; the day you asked me if you can kiss me.“

“Oh,“ It was all that Sana managed to say, her face in a deep shade of red, she tried to hide her blush from the Korean but failed.

“Why are you blushing? What was the real reason why you wanted to kiss me back then, Sana?“ Dahyun asked with amusement. “It’s your turn to say the truth and come clean. Did you already like me back then?“

Sana’s face almost fell with her girlfriend’s choice of words. _Like_ — to say that the word is an understatement would be an understatement. It made unpleasant emotions surface and so she decided not to dwell on it and ruin the mood. “You’ve been interrogating me since earlier, babe. And to answer your question, yes and the real reason was because I have been wanting to kiss you for a long time back then.“

“Wait, really?“ Dahyun sounded unbelieving. “Since when?“

“A year after debut.“ Sana answered truthfully, running a hand on her girlfriend’s arm.

“What? That long?“ Was she numb or was she just dense to not notice?

“Yes. I’ve always had a crush on you since the first time I laid eyes on you. I told you I always watch you, remember? I thought it would go away, but every day it just grows deeper and deeper until one day I realized it wasn’t just a stupid crush anymore... I’ve began liking you.“

“Wow,“ Dahyun shook her head with a chuckle before giving the Japanese another soft kiss on the forehead. “I was so stupid, I didn’t notice. I’m really glad you asked.“

“Your turn, so why did you say yes when I asked?“ Sana squinted her eyes.

“Honestly, I have no idea too. Something inside me just clicked and pulled me closer to you. Almost like a magnet? I have always been attracted to you, but I never really treated that as something serious. Now that I think about it, I’m also really glad I kissed you. Because now I have you.“

“And you always will,“ Sana’s voice is really soft, thinking of how far they’ve already come. Just a little more, she thought.

“I always will.“ Dahyun smiled, believing every word. “Momo unnie said you had a boyfriend but have you ever had a girlfriend before me?“

“No, Dahyunie. Aside from kissing, you’re my first everything.“

 _You are my first love too, I hope you hear me,_ the Japanese thought solemnly.

“I’m glad. Do you want to shower, though? The sweat is sticky.“ Dahyun asked, moving her eyebrows up and down teasingly.

“Together? Next time don’t ask and just carry me straight to the bathroom.“ And the Korean did, she did carry her girlfriend as they laughingly made their way to shower.

Dahyun realizing that she wouldn’t trade this for anything. Sana, on the other hand, would trade everything for this.

Shower is not the only thing they did as they both screamed each other’s names again and again.

—

“Babe, I forgot my phone!“ Dahyun said in frantic as they were about to get out of the house.

The couple had been too... preoccupied... to remember they still have jobs and responsibilities to attend to until they got out from the shower to find multiple texts and miscalls on both their phones from all the members.

They got dressed lightning fast and Dahyun even almost hit her head when she slipped.

“I’ll get it! I’ll get it! Just start the car! Dahyunie, I’ll borrow a hoodie too, alright?“ Sana ran upstairs as Dahyun ran to the garage.

The fact that her girlfriend managed to build a house and buy a car at the same time when they just earn the same amount still amazes the Japanese. It’s another thing to add to her growing list of what to love about the Korean.

_She’s full of surprises._

Sana instantly searched for her girlfriend’s phone; she saw it on top of the bedside table exactly how Dahyun had left it earlier. She quickly grabbed the device before she made her way to her girlfriend’s wardrobe and pulled out a random hoodie she can find.

However, it wasn’t just the clothing the Japanese had gotten, she seemed to have pulled at a box as well when she did.

Sana hissed when its contents fell and scattered on the floor, the Japanese quickly gathered all of it and was about to put it inside the box when it caught her attention.

Sana froze.

Sana doesn’t want to pry, but it’s too late because she already read one that made everything she knows crumble inside her head. Her heart cannot stop beating fast as her eyes scanned the entirety of the paper in her hand, and that’s when she realized that they were all letters with a similar handwriting.

 

>   
>  _dahyun,_
> 
> _i know you’d do well, my love. i’d be cheering for you, blending in the crowd. look for me, okay? because i’d be there. after the performance, i promise to cook you ramen and give you a lot of kisses to your heart’s content. know that i am simply so proud of what you achieved and i believe you can do more and be more in no time. i promise to be here through it all. i love you, my korean. i love you for always._
> 
> _love, j._

 

>   
>  _dahyun,_
> 
> _you’re starting to gain a lot of fangirls and fanboys, my love. but i know your heart only belongs to me so they can only hope. come by my hotel room tonight and let me make love to you. because i love you. i do._
> 
> _yours, j._

 

>   
>  _dahyun,_
> 
> _my love, happy two years to us! i wish i can put into words how much you mean to me because you are more than what i can call my world. i know we are both too young but i know that it will still be you and i when we grow older, so for now just hold onto me and don't leave because i would never do that to you. i love you beyond words, my korean. happy anniversary!_
> 
> _always, j._

 

  
Weakly searching for the date, the Japanese released a shaky breath she didn’t even know she was holding when she saw that they are all dated from three to two years ago. There are more letters, but she didn’t read them anymore, she couldn’t.

Sana does not know what to do or what to feel. All she knows is that her heart is suddenly gripped with fear.

Who is this person who wrote the letters? Who is this person to her Dahyun?

Sana jumped when she heard a horn from outside. Grabbing the borrowed hoodie, she quickly placed the letters back inside the box before she shoved the item back inside the wardrobe.

Sana made her way to the car in a flimsy state, she opened the passenger door and when she took in the appearance of her girlfriend, she wanted to break. It was such a selfish thing to be jealous of the person who said those three words to her girlfriend.

Sana wanted to be upset with Dahyun because she didn’t bother to tell her about this, but after everything the Korean revealed, this should be nothing compared to those.

Only it isn’t.

To her, it isn’t when another had been someone she wanted to be for the Korean. Sana wanted to ask but she was too afraid of what the answer would be or what reaction her girlfriend would give.

Instead of asking, she leaned and struggled to wrap her arms around Dahyun. She doesn’t want to go to work anymore, she just wants to stay here and maybe it would keep things from going wrong because right now it suddenly feels like it will. It’s scary how they were having a really great and lovely time together but something as unnerving as this happened.

Dahyun was surprised but allowed her girlfriend to snuggle up close. “Hey, is something wrong, babe?“

Sana buried her face deeper on Dahyun’s neck, her heart feeling really heavy. “Tell me you’re not going to leave me.“ Hearing her girlfriend’s request, the Korean started growing worried.

“I won’t leave. Please stop the overthinking, babe. I can’t ever leave you.“ Urging the Japanese to look at her, Dahyun placed a hand on Sana’s neck and gave her girlfriend the most assuring kiss she can. “Now, can you tell me what happened and why you are suddenly like this? I’d rather that the group kill us for being late than not resolve this if we have an issue.“

“Do you want to tell me something?“ Sana tried, she really wanted to just straight up tell Dahyun about the letters she saw, but a feel in her guts is stopping her.

“None,“ the Korean answered tentatively. “Babe, I don’t understand, what’s happening?“

“Nothing. It’s nothing, don’t worry.“ Once again, Sana is back on tiptoes.

“Are you sure?“

“I am, yes.“

Despite this, the Korean can still feel a shift in the atmosphere. Dahyun sighed and leaned in to place another kiss on her girlfriend’s forehead, her lips lingering there for a while. “You’re the only one, princess. I won’t leave. This pretty little head of yours shouldn’t be thinking of such madness.“

Maybe what Sana just needs to do is trust Dahyun a little more, and maybe, she has got to stop being scared. But with what she just found out, she couldn’t understand herself anymore. Her girlfriend is full of surprises, but she didn’t expect it like this. One thing is for sure, she wants to find out who _’j’_ is.

Dahyun started driving to the company and her girlfriend kept quiet the whole time so when the stoplight turned red, she tried to initiate a conversation. “Babe, can I have my phone?“

Sana fished her girlfriend’s phone inside her Gucci bag silently, when it suddenly chimed disturbing the quiet. It’s kind of funny how she’s turning to be the insecure girlfriend between them, but with good reason because the text message that just came in is proof of that.

_unknown: can we talk?_

_unknown: i know this is all sudden, but we need to talk._

Sana frowned at looked at her girlfriend’s face.

Dahyun didn’t show any emotion but inside, the Korean wonders if it’s who she thinks it is, she is in denial but she worries if the person she saw at the party is really back.

The phone sounded again.

_unknown: please? is this still your number?_

_unknown: call me._

_unknown: no, wait, i’ll call you._

Dahyun is well aware that her girlfriend is reading everything, the Korean tried to gauge her reaction but just like her, the Japanese’s face is void of emotions as they both waited for the call. A few seconds more before the phone rang and Dahyun gripped the steering wheel tightly, her palms turning milk white, as they both stared at the phone.

Dahyun isn’t used to the chilling tone in Sana’s voice, it reminded her of their relationship when they were still in a bad place. “Won’t you answer that?“

_But we’re in a good place now._

Dahyun then made a decision and allowed her girlfriend to have the leverage. “You answer it,“ Because if it really is Somi, then her girlfriend is entitled to know that.

It’s over, Dahyun and Somi, but something about that story screams delicate and fragile. Perhaps that would be the reason why the Korean doesn’t want to tell the Japanese about her ex.

Without another word, the Japanese brought the phone to her ear. “Hello?“ Sana’s words resembles her face; stoic.

Dahyun watched Sana who remained unmoving before she placed the phone down. “Who was it?“ the Korean asked straight up.

“No one spoke on the other line, they ended the call.“ Sana explained handing the phone to the Korean.

“Maybe they got the wrong number?“ Dahyun took the device and there was a split second wherein she thought of throwing it on the backseat, but placed it on top of the dashboard instead, away from the two of them.

Sana averted her gaze from her girlfriend to the window. “Maybe,“ Dahyun took Sana’s hand guiltily, even though she has no idea why she feels that way.

Dahyun tried to intertwine their fingers together but Sana removed her hand and places it on top of her lap. Dahyun stared at her girlfriend with a saddened look in her eyes. How can their world make such fluctuations so easily? She was about to try and take her hand again, and maybe to apologize too, but horns of the other cars behind them made her snap only to see the light already turned green.

It was the slowest trip to the company Dahyun has ever had in her life; it was also a painful one because when she parked the car, her girlfriend immediately opened her part of the door to go out not bothering to wait for her.

Dahyun hurriedly turned the engine off and followed her girlfriend in silence, the moment the Korean reached the the Japanese’s side, she once more tried to intertwine their fingers together and this time, Sana didn’t pull away but she didn’t make a move to hold onto her either.

The elevator ride and the walk on the hallway was the longest and most quiet, she was almost glad to reach the dance room, where everyone was waiting, she was so ready to hear the countless lectures, she would take anything to fill in the silence, but that too stopped in mid-way when they felt the air surrounding the couple.

Everyone saw the way Sana removed her hand from the Korean when they reached the room. Everyone saw the way Dahyun followed the Japanese’s movements with a deep sigh.

Practice continued like nothing happened, both Dahyun and Sana turning professional in a snap as the group let their being late pass without another word.

—

Dahyun doesn’t like the silence. Dahyun doesn’t like the gap. Dahyun doesn’t like when Sana pulls away too soon whenever she embraces her. Dahyun doesn’t like when Sana leans away when she tries to kiss her. Dahyun doesn’t like when Sana doesn’t look at her. Dahyun doesn’t like the guilt she’s feeling.

On the night the Korean woke up feeling like absolute shit, she made up her mind to wake the Japanese up to drag her and to finally just talk to her. But on that same night, Sana was also awake, trying to find something to eat inside the fridge. Or maybe just something to occupy her mind for a while.

Seeing her girlfriend’s figure, Dahyun instantly went over and embraced Sana from behind, the Japanese froze from the sudden touch but relaxed when she realized it was the Korean.

Dahyun just held Sana and relished in the feeling of being close to her girlfriend again and was thankful that the Japanese didn’t shrug her away.

“Stop avoiding me. Babe, please stop,“ Dahyun pleaded, pulling them towards the counter so she can rest their weight on the marble. However, Sana remained silent so Dahyun tightened her arms around the Japanese. “Talk to me. What’s wrong?“

“I don’t know,“ Sana sighed. “What do you think?“

“Babe, is this about those texts? I really don’t know who that is, I swear to you,“ Dahyun let go of her hold on the Japanese, spinning her girlfriend so she can take a look at her before she took her girlfriend’s hands to place it above her shoulders as she positioned her own on the dancer’s waist.

“It’s not that I don’t believe you, it’s just that...“ Sana trailed, taking her hands off from Dahyun’s shoulder, and that little gesture made something inside the Korean feel like breaking but she’s firm on holding onto the Japanese.

“Hmm?“

“I feel like you’re hiding something from me.“ Sana admitted, mentally asking herself if it’s the right thing.

“But I’m not?“ Dahyun sounded unsure of her own answer and that slowly infuriated the Japanese.

“It’s as if you’ve seen a ghost when those messages came, what’s worse is that you’re trying to hide it. But surprise, babe. I saw through it and it hurt me.“ Dahyun’s heart broke from the confession.

Dahyun hates the fact that her girlfriend feels this way, she doesn’t want Sana to ever feel like this, but she just isn’t ready to talk about her and Somi.

Her ex-girlfriend suddenly making a reappearance in her life is simply unimaginable. Of course there is nothing wrong with that, there isn’t. But the thing is — she’s simply not ready. Her life is finally doing good, almost in everything, she wouldn’t want to jeopardize it.

She’s tired of constantly dealing with unexpected conflicts, that’s why she’s opening up more and more to her girlfriend slowly because she doesn’t want her past troubles to hit them both in the face, she wants to avoid them as much as she can. She doesn’t want to talk about Somi because it feels like a story too treacherous to bring up; the things that might arise, too unpredictable for her to risk.

”I asked you multiple times if there’s something you want to tell me and you said there’s none,“ Sana continued after their little stare off.

Dahyun just wants to fix them; she just wants this fight to end as soon as possible. ”Babe, where are we going with this?“

Sana pushed off Dahyun’s arms that have been holding her by the waist. “Am I starting to ask you for too much?“

Dahyun sighed as she watched Sana take a step back away from her. She hated it. “No, it’s not that.“

Sana’s voice grew louder. “Then tell me why I feel like this!“

“Like what?“ Dahyun answered with the same volume.

The couple stared at each other, both of them realizing that this is their first big fight since being together and Dahyun thought that no one would want to back down, until Sana answered her with a pained expression that made her feel even more guilty.

“Like there is someone out there you would choose over me,“ Sana crossed her arms together, her voice quieting at her statement, as if she’s afraid that saying it out loud will make it true.

“Where is this coming from?“ Dahyun asked softly, feeling like this fight is bigger than she anticipated when she tried to reach for her girlfriend’s arm but the Japanese avoided her touch.

“I read the letters,“ Dahyun turned rigid the moment those words were said. Staring at the Japanese, she had no idea Sana knew this much, now she understands why her girlfriend is so upset. “See? I mention it and you freeze. Who is that, your ex?“

There’s no point in denying. “Yes.“

A flash of pain and anger flashed on her girlfriend’s face, the Japanese sounding really determined judging on how she talks to the Korean. “Who?“

“Sana, it’s not important,“ Dahyun shook her head as she once again tried to reach for her girlfriend who avoided her again.

It sounded so firm coming out of Sana’s mouth. “Is that person a she or a he?“

“Sana...“ the Korean feels tired, she just wants to sleep, she doesn’t want to deal with this. But she horribly misses her girlfriend and she wants to fix them, not fight.

“Dahyun, just this once, I am asking you to tell me so this voice inside my head can stop screaming that someone is going to take you away from me!“ Sana practically yelled at her.

It broke her heart more upon realizing that if they are now fighting this much already, what more if everything gets laid out in front of them? What could happen if Somi is back?

“I promise you, no one will,“ Dahyun doesn’t know if she believes this, but right now it’s what she feels and that’s what she will hold onto.

“Then tell me because it’s tearing me apart.“ Sana stated weakly, her voice croaking and the way she said it ripped at Dahyun’s heart.

It’s so difficult for her to talk about Somi to the expense of hurting her own girlfriend, she doesn’t want to hurt Sana, but she doesn’t want to hurt herself either by going back to the past.

The story about her brother, that’s different, but this? She doesn’t know how to open those wounds without inviting the pain back inside. She wants to talk about it when she’s ready, when she knows she wouldn’t compare Sana and Somi because the Japanese doesn’t deserve that.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry you feel that way. But I promise you, I’m yours. I’m all yours.“

Dahyun is not used to hearing insecurities in mix with her girlfriend’s words. “She’s already an ex right?“

“She is. Please believe me because she’s nothing more than that now.“ True she couldn’t give Sana the truth, but she can show her loyalty and faithfulness, and pray to God that it would be enough to calm the angry waves they’re surfing on.

“Then why didn’t you ever talk about her?“ Sana asked but she heard her voice clearly, and it isn’t as stiff.

“How could I talk about somebody else when I’m with you?“ It’s the truth. She hasn’t thought of Somi ever since they started being together, only now that the possibility of the Canadian-Korean coming back is she being an issue.

Feeling the atmosphere lighten, the Korean started to smile. “You mean that?“ Her girlfriend asked.

“Babe, have I ever lied to you?“ Dahyun asked sweetly, determined to finish this argument, Sana shook her head. “See? So are we alright? Because I miss you and I really hate fighting with you. I hate sleeping at night knowing we’re not okay.“

Dahyun reached for Sana once more and this time, the Japanese relented, uncrossing her arms and allowing for the Korean to pull her closer. “I hate feeling like this too.“

“So we’re okay?“

“We are,“ Sana answered yet Dahyun hinted reluctance.

“But?“

Sighing, the Japanese admitted to her troubles. “I just feel like... I can’t help but feel... jealous over your ex.“

“Why?“

“Because you shared something special,“ Sana’s bitter smile after those words sounds defeated and it caused Dahyun to frown.

“And we do too. Don’t, even for a second, think that someone out there is better than you for me,“ Dahyun leaned close.

“Nobody compares, to your forehead that I would like to kiss forever,“ Dahyun gave Sana a peck to the mentioned body part. “To your warm eyes that soothes me during hard time,“ Dahyun stared. “To your trademark of a pointy nose,“ Dahyun chuckled, tracing Sana’s nose ridge lightly. “And to those beautiful lips I only want to see smiling,“ Dahyun gave Sana one of the most gentlest of kisses there is. “There is no one else, Miss Minatozaki. It’s just you, and only you, remember?“

Finally, a smile appeared on her girlfriend’s face making Dahyun’s heart flutter in happiness. “So we’re okay? No more fighting?“

Sana nodded. “I’m yours too, you know. I just wanted to tell you that.“

“I know, now come here because I missed you,“ Dahyun pulled Sana closer. “I missed you so, so, so much. Let me make it up to you.“

Sana understood, and she doesn’t oppose. After this weird fight, she just wanted to be as close to her girlfriend as much as she could be. There’s one problem, though. “But where?“

Dahyun smirked and started kissing her slowly. “Just stay still and be quiet.“

It ended up with Sana holding tightly on the kitchen counter and Dahyun placing a hand over her girlfriend’s mouth to muffle her moans. Sana was being loud; she has to do something to avoid waking up the others who will surely kill them if they knew.

“Babe, be quiet or I’m not going to finish this,“ Dahyun whispered seductively under Sana whose fingers are entangled with her hair, pulling her closer to continue what she was doing.

Then the unthinkable happened.

“Sana unnie?“ Sana jumped, however her girlfriend just continued on sucking her bundle of nerves. It took everything in Sana not to moan or scream Dahyun’s name that she almost cried.

“Chaengie,“ Sana dragged the name impossibly low and clearly struggling. “What are... you doing up... so late?“

“I heard screaming,“ Sana’s face reddened even more, feeling Dahyun smirking against her core, her tongue flicking in a lot of heavenly ways. “Are you and dubu still fighting?“

“We’re... okay... don’t, uh... worry.“ Sana sounded like she was about to cry and she is, but for a different reason.

Dahyun kept on doing inhuman things with her tongue that the Japanese felt like passing out. But Chaeyoung didn’t get this as the main rapper contemplated if she should go over where her unnie is and comfort her.

“Are you sure, unnie? Is Dahyun giving you a hard time?“

Sana meant to say no, but she said a different response because her mind is in a different scenario. “Yes,“ the Japanese replied with a cracked voice.

“Unnie... I’m sorry, do you want me to talk to dubu?“ Chaeyoung offered, sympathetic towards her friend.

“No,“ Sana’s voice cracked once more, feeling herself getting close.

It was more than a struggle to hold it in, it’s torture, believe her when she says it’s nearly impossible. “Are you sick, unnie? Your face is really, really red.“

Chaeyoung was about to go over and touch a palm on Sana’s forehead but got startled instead when her unnie almost screamed frantically at her.

“No!“ Sana has her hand in front of Chaeyoung to seemingly keep the main rapper away at a distance. “I-I mean it’s, o-okay.“

Chaeyoung frowned but nodded her head much to Sana’s relief. “Okay, unnie. I’m going back to bed. Will you be okay?“

“I-I will.“ Sana replied breathlessly as she watched Chaeyoung go back inside their room.

The second she confirmed she and her girlfriend are alone again, the Japanese put her own hand over her mouth as she allowed herself a mind blowing orgasm she doesn’t know how she managed to hold in for so long.

Dahyun licked Sana clean, fixing up her girlfriend’s clothing after. She stood up and placed her head on her girlfriend’s shoulder, swaying them together slowly. “How’s that?“

“Embarrassing,“ Sana admitted with a worn out chuckle. “You’re so naughty, baby.“

“Really, daddy?“ Dahyun answered teasingly.

“Dahyunie!“ Sana slapped her girlfriend lightly yet laughing with her as well, the hollows in their hearts are once more filled and overflowing.

Until another voice was heard speaking from the corner. “Sana unnie, where’s Da-“

“Hi, Chae.“ Dahyun smiled.

“Where’s my phone? You were playing with it before I fell asleep.“

Dahyun reached for her back pocket and handed it over to Chaeyoung who squinted her eyes. “When did you get here and where were you?“

“Uh... bathroom?“ Dahyun sounded unsure. It only took her best friend a few seconds to notice the couple’s red faces and the Japanese’s inability to look at her to realize the entirety of what’s going on.

“Oh, God! Jesus Christ, Kim Dahyun!“

“Shhhh, Chaeng, don’t be too loud, you’re going to wake up the others!“ Dahyun tried to quiet the startled rapper.

“Really? The kitchen? Dubu, we eat in here!“ Chaeyoung complained.

“I know, but there’s no other place!“

“You didn’t even deny it? And no other place? There’s the sofa! And why the hell am I even suggesting that!“ If Chaeyoung isn’t cute, Dahyun would be terrified of her best friend.

Dahyun went over to where Chaeyoung is standing, when she put an arm around her best friend, she almost sighed in relief when the main rapper didn’t move away. “I’m sorry, but please don’t tell the unnies, they’d kill us. I’d do anything you want, just don’t tell the unnies. I wouldn’t live through the embarrassment.“

“Do it somewhere else, next time.“ Chaeyoung understands, she’s her best friend after all, of course she would understand. But still, she believes in limits.

“On our bed then?“ Dahyun teased and Chaeyoung scoffed.

“I swear I’ll choke you in your sleep.“

“I’m just kidding, Chae.“ Dahyun leaned in to kiss Chaeyoung on the cheek in which the younger Korean disgustedly leaned away with a grimace, wiping her face with her shirt.

“Kim Dahyun, don’t you even dare!“ Chaeyoung hissed. “I have no idea what that mouth has been eating lately!“

Sana, who was watching the whole interaction, laughed loudly causing both rappers to look at her. “Sana unnie, you’re not off the hook, either.“

“Sorry,“ Sana pouted and moved over to where the two Koreans are standing, she and her girlfriend sandwiched the younger member before she swiftly gave her girlfriend’s best friend a peck on the face. Chaeyoung whined and wiped her cheek with the back of her hand. “Don’t worry, I haven’t eaten anything... yet.“

“Unnie!“ Sana and Dahyun laughed at an uncomfortable Chaeyoung and embraced the main rapper in their middle.

“Love you, Chae!“ The couple announced in chorus.

“Love you too, indecent couple.“

Everything was back to normal. Everything was good. For a while.

—

After Sana and Dahyun’s fight, the Korean will now always remind the Japanese that she’s the only person she wants, the efforts and sweet words Sana receives made her trust her girlfriend more, if she’s being honest.

Maybe that’s what she needed, the constant reassurance until she believes it one hundred and one percent, and to trust her enough to tell her she loves her. Because she does - God, she really does, so much that sometimes it hurts her head just thinking about it, too much that the thought of losing Dahyun is enough to make her heart feel like it will suffer an attack.

Sana doesn’t want to lose Dahyun, she would give everything just to keep her.

Dahyun being secretive about her ex-girlfriend hurt her a lot, but the pain lessens each day with every promise the Korean says. However, it doesn’t change the fact that she still wants to know who the girl is, yet there’s no other choice but to wait for the truth to come.

No one told her that waiting could sometimes be torture; Sana never knew how horrifying the unknown could be until Dahyun. Sometimes she finds herself making up scenarios in her head of Dahyun’s ex coming back and a lot of dramas after that. Every time she does, she stuffs them with the thought of Dahyun’s commitment with her and their relationship.

She never knew how difficult it is to be at war with something that doesn’t even exist. She’s thankful her parents raised her well and grew up as an optimist or else she doesn’t know how the hell she would handle this. It’s even more difficult because of the continuous unyielding resolve of her girlfriend to not talk about that part of her past. She doesn’t want to get the Korean to talk about it anymore anyway, despite her initial demand. Because the more the Korean denies her the information, the more her trust issues eats away at her sanity.

She wants to talk about this to her two best friends but it feels mortifying to talk about your insecurities that seem baseless especially when your significant other does nothing but to try and make you feel like the most important person in the world. She doesn’t want to sound petty, this is her first real relationship and she doesn’t wants to be juvenile about it.

But she really needs to talk about it to someone, and to someone who would understand. So when she accompanied Tzuyu and Chaeyoung to shop a few groceries for themselves and the others, she couldn’t keep her mouth shut anymore even though she knows that it will reach the Korean afterwards.

“Chae, you and Tzuyu knew about Dahyun’s brother right?“ Sana asked out of the blue as they were both waiting for the Taiwanese to pay for the products inside a cafe just across the supermarket.

Chaeyoung felt alarmed by the sudden question because it’s something too frail and delicate for her and Tzuyu to talk about because they were both there whenever Dahyun experienced her episodes at night, they both saw and heard the screams and cries of their best friend, but the person asking is Sana, her friend and Dahyun’s girlfriend, so Chaeyoung remained composed. “Yes, unnie. Why, is it bothering her again? The dreams?“

“No, she’s fine. I just wanted to thank you,“ Sana smiled. She wanted to tell Chaeyoung this for a while now.

“For what?“

“Being there for Dahyunie. You’ve known her the longest, Chae. You know a lot of her secrets and I sometimes wish I was part of that too.“ Sana smiled again but this time, Chaeyoung knew that it was a sad one.

“It’s what best friends do, unnie. Like you, Momo unnie and Mina unnie. And you and Dubu have the future together for a lot more memories too,“ Chaeyoung encouraged but she knows that there is something more hidden in the statement.

“I know, I just wish I know her like you do.“

“What do you mean by that, unnie? Is dubu keeping something from you?“ Chaeyoung asked. How she wishes for Tzuyu to get out of that store and be with her right now because she doesn’t really know what kind of support she could give her unnie.

“Yes,“ Sana didn’t waste time by denying it. “And I have a feeling you and Tzu knows a great deal about it.“

“Do you want to tell me what it’s about? Maybe... I could help?“ The main rapper offered. She prides herself for being one of the smartest member in the group, one of the most perceptive person after Tzuyu and Mina. But the truth is, she’s equally as clueless when it comes to talking about the matters of the heart and if she’s being honest, she has a hard time being in touch with her feelings as well.

Sana seemed to think about this at first but after releasing a deep breath, Chaeyoung knew she’s about to relent. “It’s about her ex-girlfriend, Chae.“

Sana watched as Chaeyoung stiffened slightly in her seat and tried to recover by blinking a few times. _Oops_ , Chaeyoung thought. The subject immediately raising sirens in her head, knowing full well that every word she might say will be taken on account. How she wishes Tzuyu finishes paying for their groceries.

“Wow, really. Is that girl a God? I mention her to Dahyun and she freezes. I mention her to you and you do the same thing. Will Tzuyu get caught off guard when I mention the girl to her too?“ Sana bitterly laughed, sadness radiating off of her.

Chaeyoung’s beyond sympathetic for Sana, she is concerned. Just like with Dahyun’s struggles about her brother, she was also there when Somi left her best friend. It wasn’t anything as extreme, there’s no deeper context under the break-up. But she knew how much it broke Dahyun, she knew how much it changed the Korean, and she knew how much control Somi has had on her best friend.

“Unnie...“ Chaeyoung sighed as she placed a hand on top of Sana’s hand.

“Your best friend doesn’t want to talk about her, and if I’m being completely honest with you now, Chae? It’s making me crazy. And it’s actually hurting me. But we talked and she said there’s nothing to it anymore and the likes of it, but still, it doesn’t feel right when your girlfriend blatantly keeps something away from you. Especially when that something clearly affects you and feels like it would affect your relationship too,“ Sana explained with the same sorrow in her voice as earlier.

“You want me to tell you who it is?“ Chaeyoung asked.

She really wanted to give her unnie a peace of mind but she doesn’t want to betray her best friend. She really hates it when she’s being placed in the middle. She really hates the complications that come from the problems of your two friends who are in a relationship. She doesn’t want to be placed in that kind of position again — when Somi and Dahyun broke up, she almost lost her mind. She was so torn in between being a good best friend to Dahyun and doing the duty of hating the ex or being a best friend to Somi and doing the duty of understanding her horrible choices. How long is the freaking line in that grocery store? She needs her Chou Tzuyu.

She thought she was about to make a choice again, it actually surprised her when the Japanese answered with a soft, “No.“

Chaeyoung didn’t bother to hide her relief, and it was enough for Sana to know that her girlfriend’s best friend cares of her as much as she watched how the main rapper took a huge sip on her tea.

“Actually, it’s a yes but no. I want to ask you so bad and I want you to tell me, Chae... but no because I respect Dahyun’s decision of not being ready to tell me and have respect for your friendship with my girlfriend. I’m not like that,“ Sana shook her head. “I’m not going to put you in a compromising position. Don’t worry, I can wait. I can wait until Dahyunie is ready and just knowing that you wanted to help is enough for me. Thank you, baby cub.“

As Sana pinched her cheek, she looked at the Japanese’s woeful eyes yet cheerful smile. It really is affecting her this much, but she’s still trying her very best. _My very stupid tofu of a best friend found a keeper._ Chaeyoung thought.

“Sana unnie?“ Chaeyoung called. Maybe she can’t say anything about that issue, but she can say some words that could make her unnie feel better. “Dubu never smiled this much until you; ever. You make her really happy, that much I know. I’m rooting for you.“

Chaeyoung gave the Japanese a comforting hug, and Sana just smiled, Tzuyu arrived shortly after.

—

“Where have you been?“ Chaeyoung asked a goofy Dahyun strutting inside their room before lying down in the middle of her and Tzuyu.

“Bathroom,“ Her best friend answered, checking her phone.

“For more than an hour?“ Chaeyoung asked again pointedly. “What the hell would you do inside the bathroom for that long? Worship God?“

Dahyun rolled her eyes but smirked after. “Would you rather I spend more than an hour in the kitchen?“

“Oh my good Lord, Dahyun!“ Chaeyoung slapped the lead rapper on the forehead, Dahyun wincing in pain.

“What’s with the kitchen?“ Tzuyu asked with a frown.

Dahyun’s eyes widened, just because she likes to tease Chaeyoung about it, doesn’t mean she isn’t ashamed for getting caught. “Nothing.“

“I’ll tell you later,“ Chaeyoung smirked at Dahyun.

“Chaeng, you swore!“ Dahyun groaned in embarrassment.

“It’s what you get for being immoral.“

“Wait, I get it. Really, the kitchen? Really, dubu?“ Tzuyu asked incredulously, mortifying the lead rapper.

“Please don’t tell the other unnies, Tzu. Please? Pretty please?“ Dahyun pushed both her palms together to make a praying gesture.

“I’ll try, you know I can’t lie,“ the Taiwanese teased. “I think you’re starting to forget to read your bible.“

Tzuyu and Chaeyoung both laughed at a shamefaced Dahyun, the latter just scoffing, reaching for Chaeyoung’s phone on the bed just beside the the main rapper.

“Hey, why don’t you use your own phone for gaming? You can download the app, you know.“ Chaeyoung complained, watching as Dahyun opened a firing game her best friend downloaded on her phone.

“I need space,“ the lead rapper replied distractedly.

“For what?“

“Porn,“ Dahyun declared followed by a booming laugh after at the disgusted sounds her best friends made. “I’m just kidding. I just like your phone better, that’s all.“

“We literally have the same phone, evil person.“

“So when the phone breaks, I’m not the one who would need to replace it.“ Dahyun replied with a grin and it took Chaeyoung her everything not to kick her best friend in the face.

“I hope Jesus doesn’t accept you in heaven,“ Chaeyoung said with annoyance.

“Jesus loves me, unlike you.“

“Oh, excuse me, but I do. And I care for you or else I wouldn’t stay up this late to wait for you to finish your... activities.“

Dahyun barely registered Chaeyoung’s words, too distracted with her game so the latter snatched her phone away and placed it somewhere out of reach despite the lead rapper’s protests.

“Why did you wait for me, though?“ Dahyun asked, finally focusing her attention on her best friend.

“After talking to Tzuyu about it, we decided to tell you.“

With a frown, Dahyun asked, “Tell me what?“

“Sana unnie talked to Chaengie about Somi.“ Tzuyu’s tone is too serious that it added to the uneasiness Dahyun suddenly felt.

“Oh. Well what did- what did she, uh- tell you? What did you tell her?“ Dahyun asked directing her attention to Chaeyoung, her playful mood completely changing with the mention of her ex.

“Nothing. Because she respected your decision to not tell her. But she did admit feeling hurt because you’re keeping it a secret. So I’m asking you; what the hell are you doing?“ Chaeyoung turned serious in a snap and Dahyun has no other choice but to speak up, these two are the ones who knew full well about what happened years ago, there’s no harm in finally saying her reasons.

“I just feel really uncomfortable talking about Somi to Sana,“ Dahyun confessed with a sigh.

“But why? If you managed you tell Sana unnie about your brother, then why can’t you speak about Somi?“ Tzuyu asked.

“Because I’m scared that bringing up the past might affect our relationship.“

“But keeping it a secret does too, dubu. And it’s not rhetorical anymore because it really does, I’ve never seen Sana unnie like how I did when she was talking about you and Somi,“ Chaeyoung said.

“Chaengie told me that she looked really sad despite her obvious efforts to be okay with it.“ Tzuyu added with the same seriousness.

Dahyun watched as her two best friends look at each other. “Dubu, you know we’ll never judge you so please be honest with us. Do you still love Somi?“ Chaeyoung fired the gun.

Dahyun was taken aback. She hasn’t given this question a thought, and now that it’s here, she’s struggling to find an answer.

“I- I don’t- I don’t know,“ Dahyun stuttered. “Fuck! I’m supposed to say no, Chaeng! I’m supposed to answer no!“

Chaeyoung and Tzuyu looked at each other because of Dahyun’s cursing, both of them having the knowledge that their best friend only ever say such words when she’s really agitated.

“I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to talk about her. Chae, Tzu... I have a girlfriend. I have Sana. Your Sana unnie. Both of you see her everyday, she’s breathtaking, she’s kind, she’s sweet, she’s everything and more... I don’t want to talk about Somi if someone as perfect as her exists in my life.“ Dahyun explained but the look in her eyes tells the other two something else.

Talking to Sana about Somi is one thing, her girlfriend has no idea about what happened with them before; she can easily shrug it off and not think of her ex. But talking to Tzuyu and Chaeyoung about it is a completely different story, her best friends knew everything about their relationship and with them she’s more vulnerable, more exposed and with them she could be more... truthful.

“But you have to, most importantly with her. Dubu, you’re hurting her.“ Tzuyu said, placing a hand on Dahyun’s shoulder. “If you still love Somi, then she needs to know that, don’t you think?“

“I don’t- I don’t think- I think I don’t love Somi anymore,“ Dahyun struggled to formulate her words that heightened Tzuyu and Chaeyoung’s concerns even more. “But I think I’m still hurt with what happened with us. I think don’t love her anymore. I’m just not comfortable in going back there.“

“You just need closure, then?“ Tzuyu asked.

“I think, yes. I think. You saw me, you both did, you both knew. I almost gave Somi everything and she cheated on me. She is my first love and she broke me. Forgive me if I can’t tell Sana that I don’t want to talk to her about Somi because I’m afraid that talking about my ex-girlfriend will make me realize that I’m still not over what happened or worse, that I’m still not over her. I don’t want to hurt Sana. Please, understand that I don’t.“

It’s not the reason as to _why_ Dahyun felt the need to justify herself that made her best friends uneasy, it was _how_ she said all these things. It’s as if she’s convincing herself that a fact is wrong when everyone knows and everyone tells her the truth. Dahyun is bending her reasons, that’s the concerning part.

“But I really don’t want to talk about Somi because talking about her brings back so much painful memories and I don’t need those memories to haunt me when I’m with Sana. I want to create new ones with her; I don’t want to be scared she’ll do the same thing Somi did to me whenever I’m with her. I don’t want to be scared of history repeating. I don’t want to be scared when I’m with Sana. She deserves someone sure of her and I still need time. I still need time to be sure.“ Dahyun finished, stuttering and catching her breath with every word.

In the end, Sana’s premonition was right after all; her girlfriend is still not ready. How Dahyun talked about Somi broke Chaeyoung and Tzuyu’s heart a lot, not just for their best friend but also for their unnie. It sounded more like Dahyun’s trying to convince them and also herself than actually explaining about what she feels.

They can’t blame her, though. They don’t. They were there when Dahyun was too broken to get up in the morning to go to work, when Dahyun was too broken to eat her meals, when Dahyun was too broken to exist.

They couldn’t explain how much pain and heartache Dahyun had went through because of Somi but they saw how miserable Dahyun’s life had become.

Dahyun loved Somi so much, Chaeyoung and Tzuyu can testify to that. Somi was their best friend, too. It was the four of them together. Somi was fun to be with — outgoing, confident, free spirited and beautiful, much like Sana. Somi’s personality contradicted Dahyun’s but in some weird and magical way, it gave Dahyun what she needed; _color_.

Somi gave Dahyun’s dull and woeful life a taste of adventure and thrill.

Somi made Dahyun happy.

It was with Somi that Dahyun practiced her dancing a lot, it was with Somi that Dahyun found a loving for racing and cars, it was with Somi that Dahyun learned how to love again.

Somi taught Dahyun how to live and feel alive, when she went away, it’s as if Dahyun ceased to exist with her. Somi fixed Dahyun, but it was Somi who broke her again.

They understood Dahyun’s pain and they were there when Dahyun had chosen to give up her career if it meant getting back with Somi. They understood how Dahyun managed to fly from Korea to Canada — as if riding a bus, despite their schedules — just to try and persuade Somi. They understood how much Dahyun loved Somi so they couldn’t possibly blame their best friend for being conflicted.

“It’s okay, dubu. We understand. Just breathe.“ Chaeyoung rubbed Dahyun’s back, consoling her best friend.

There was a moment of silence, the room filled with deep breaths when Dahyun shocked the other two with her question, “Do you think I should break-up with Sana?“

“NO!“ Chaeyoung and Tzuyu almost yelled in chorus.

“Dahyun, we aren’t talking to you to make you break up with your girlfriend. We are saying all this because we want to knock some sense inside your head and get you to fix your relationship,“ Tzuyu stated, even she was stunned.

“I won’t break up with her, guys. Are you both crazy? She’s too important for me to lose. But you both are my best friends and I trust your judgments, I really want to know what you think, because what if I’m doing nothing but hurt her?“ Chaeyoung and Tzuyu sighed when they heard the words leave Dahyun’s mouth.

“You shouldn’t. I can list about a thousand reasons why shouldn’t but it’s mostly because it’s obvious you both care about each other deeply. Somi was our best friend too, but I hope she doesn’t ruin this for you,“ Chaeyoung sighed, how she wishes that nothing bad comes out of this.

“You’re talking about her as if she’s here,“ Dahyun pointed out.

 _If the thought of her affects you this much, what would her actual presence do to you?_ Chaeyoung thought but kept her mouth shut. Her best friend is already too confused as it is. It doesn’t make her worries diminish — her concern extends to both Dahyun and Sana.

“You’re right, she’s not. I just hope you sort out your mind.“

After a few more buts and ifs, scenarios and talk about the past, the conversation ended and Dahyun feels so confused than ever. She knows she doesn’t love Somi, that’s what she feels and feelings don’t lie, but with her mind? That would be another story.

But she will be okay. She and Sana will be okay. She needs to believe in that.

That night she couldn’t sleep. All she did was convince herself that everything is alright that nothing will go wrong. She only got to sleep when she decided to crawl into Sana’s bed, her girlfriend’s warmth easing her troubles.

She was hoping for things to get better, but the next morning, things got a lot worse.

—

Sana and Dahyun had been walking hand in hand inside the new JYPE building, exploring the new structure. They were talking about random things as they admire the new facilities and surroundings in their workplace while waiting for the other members; they were called in for a meeting regarding a special project.

“Babe? I want to adopt or buy a shiba inu.“ Sana told her girlfriend, playing with the Korean’s fingers in her hand.

“No.“ Dahyun gave Sana a tight lipped smile that had the Japanese pouting.

“But babe, shiba inu breeds are really good,“ Sana persuaded.

This is just Sana’s personality, she doesn’t give up easily. Dahyun knows that well, the thought making her smile, but her decision still unwavering.

“Nope. Besides, where would we even put them? And why am I talking using a plural personal pronoun?“ Dahyun stated, talking more to herself in the last part.

Sana smiled charmingly at her girlfriend, the Korean preparing herself for the Japanese’s antics in getting her swayed. “Our house; imagine having shiba inus running all around our house.“

Dahyun looked at Sana who seemed to not have caught her choice of words. “Our house, huh? I don’t remember giving you the house,“ Dahyun teased.

Sana pouted, “Your house, then.“

There was silence after that, the quick shift in the mood becoming palpable for Dahyun, she was only teasing her. “Babe, it’s a joke. What’s mine is yours. I’m mine and I’m yours.“

Sana gave off a sly smile. “What’s mine is mine. You’re mine.“

The couple laughed at each other, barely keeping up with themselves. “But we still won’t have a shiba, babe.“

Sana groaned, no matter how much she loves her girlfriend; it’s really hard to make the Korean change her mind. “Dahyunie, they’re really great breeds.“

“Still a no. Do you have any idea how complex our schedules are? We won’t be able to take proper care of them. Plus, I don’t want them to litter inside the house.“ Dahyun spoke like a mom, much to Sana’s amusement.

“Fact check, they’re like cats. They like cleaning themselves and avoid dirty places.“

“No. And besides, you barely clean, babe, I have a feeling you would leave all responsibility to me,“ Dahyun stuck her tongue out. “They’re also not very friendly. They have an attitude and have the tendency to be difficult.“

“Yes, like you,“ Sana pointed out, this time, it was her turn to stick her tongue out at Dahyun.

“Oh, really? If that’s the case then, we’re really not getting a shiba inu. You decreased your 0% chance to a negative.“

The Japanese gave the Korean a playful wink. “I’m just joking, babe... kind of. But shiba inu dogs are very loyal and alert. Don’t you want to go home to a house knowing there’s a little someone over waiting for you? Not only that, they can guard the house, too.“ Sana gave Dahyun the pros, when the rapper appeared as if she’s thinking about it, the dancer had hopes she was about to change her mind.

“Nope.“ Dahyun laughed and looked at her girlfriend who is clearly staring to get annoyed indicated by the frown on her face, the Korean put an arm over the Japanese’s shoulder and kissed her cheek soundly. “Why do you want a shiba so bad anyway? I mean you have me, I’m your baby.“

“I was talking to my cousin last night and she sent me a picture of her shiba inu, she has a really nice experience with the breed and I just suddenly want to raise one with you. But it seems like you really don’t want to, I won’t force the thought anymore.“

Dahyun knew that it was a trap, it’s Sana’s way of guilting her but she still can’t resist. Not when Sana looks like a lost little kid who just had her candy taken away from her. A lot of times, Dahyun admired and is proud to have someone as adorable as the Japanese, but sometimes that blessing is also a curse.

“Fine.“ Dahyun sighed, watching as her girlfriend’s smile grow exponentially. “But if I agree to have a shiba inu, you promise me that you would take care of it, okay? Not just me, but the both of us.“

Dahyun knew it was ploy, but she would lose over it again and again if it meant seeing her girlfriend this happy. “Really?“

”Yes, babe, really.“ Dahyun sighed but this time in happiness as well when Sana embraced her sides while giving her cheek countless of kisses. “But I want to see your cousin’s shiba inu for myself first, okay? You know I’m kind of scared of dogs.“

“But my cousin’s in Japan. Do you want to go to Japan with me when I visit?“ Sana asked, formulating a new plan in mind. Dahyun nodded her head in affirmation. “Good. So you can meet my parents, too.“

“Babe, I already met your parents, though.“

“No, I mean, I’m going to introduce you as my girlfriend.“ Dahyun and Sana made an abrupt stop, just before turning on the corner of the hallway.

“Me? You want to introduce me?“ Dahyun pointed at herself.

“Yes, you. What’s wrong with you? You’re perfect.“

“Isn’t it... weird? You know... us? I mean, for your parents?“ Sana understood.

“Oh, if you’re worried that my parents won’t accept our relationship then don’t because they do. I know they do because I already told them about us and they support it fully. I just want to formally introduce you. Don’t worry your pretty, little mind.“ Sana informed, leaning her girlfriend against the wall before placing a heartfelt kiss on her lips.

“When did you tell them?“

“The day we told the others.“ Sana laughed loudly when her girlfriend looked at her unbelievingly, but the Japanese stole a quick kiss to make up for that. “Sorry, baby. I genuinely forgot to tell you.“

Dahyun smiled and squeezed her girlfriend’s nose between her fingers, the contentment her heart felt feels freeing. “I feel like you’re definitely getting a shiba and in no time, I feel like I’ll be taking care of two shibas, the dog and you. But still, only if I really see how manageable the dog is. Okay, babe?“

Dahyun went behind Sana to embrace her as they walked in that position, the Korean’s attention solely focused on the Japanese. Sana nodded her head, “That’s only fair.“

“If we ended up not getting a shiba for some reason because I’m being a wuss, I’m sorry, okay? Can’t help my fears sometimes. Don’t worry, I could be your shiba. I can wait for you at night, sit on your lap, guard you while you sleep and you know... run around the house, chasing you and eventually...“ Dahyun trailed, inching her mouth closer to Sana’s ears to whisper. “Just be your girlfriend and make love to you.“

“I guess that would be a really good alternative,“ Sana agreed. “But we’re still getting a shiba.“

Sana angled her face in various ways, copying the viral poses of the shiba inu, the couple are laughing at their silly ways before it was cut off by a familiar voice.

“Uh, dubu?“ Dahyun barely noticed Chaeyoung and Tzuyu.

Their feet took them to the conference room and they didn’t even notice, too wrapped up in their own world. “Oh, dude. Is the meeting about to start?“ Dahyun asked.

“Yes, and uh, actually... there someone here who wanted to see you.“

Dahyun frowned as she watched Chaeyoung pull Tzuyu away, her height concealing the person behind her. It only took a split second after Dahyun’s eyes darted towards the person when she unthinkingly untangled herself from Sana, her white face becoming pale.

“Hi, tofu.“ Somi greeted, extending a hand over Dahyun.

Sana frowned as she watched her girlfriend stare at the Canadian-Korean, unmoving in her spot.

“Hi,“ Dahyun said weakly.

In a flash, Somi was enveloping Dahyun in a hug, the lead rapper too stunned to react.

“It’s been a while, tofu.“

Her english nickname brought back so much memories inside Dahyun’s head, she doesn’t know why but the way it feels to be inside Somi’s arms is still familiar and warm she couldn’t help but hug her ex-girlfriend back.

Sana watched the whole interaction with a scowl, she doesn’t know why, but she hated the length of Somi and her girlfriend’s embrace. It seemed like they wouldn’t even break off the contact if Tzuyu didn’t get their attention.

“Somi-ya, Sana unnie is here too,“ Tzuyu said behind the I.O.I artist. Tzuyu was good in hiding her emotions but Chaeyoung always see through it, she saw how uncomfortable the Taiwanese is.

Somi broke off the hug and looked at Sana whose frowning face, relaxed. “Hi,“ Somi greeted, extending her hand as well for the Japanese.

However, despite Sana’s kind smile, she actually has this seething animal inside her she couldn’t explain. So instead of shaking Somi’s, her own hand moved on its own over Dahyun’s hand and pulled the Korean to stand beside her. Sana tried to intertwine her and Dahyun’s fingers but it was forming a fist, and much more to this, it was ice cold.

Sana wanted to glower because of the sudden anger that rose to her chest. However, she doesn’t know how she maintained a smile as she turned her attention towards Somi.

“Hi,“ Sana replied simply. Her voice was sweet because she’s Minatozaki Sana, but her eyes say something else as she and Somi got engaged in a staring contest.

Chaeyoung and Tzuyu were both frozen in their spot, looking alternately at Somi and Sana, while Dahyun seemed to have zoned out.

The awkward stare was only cut off when JYP himself walked towards the room.

“We’re all here,“ JYP announced. Behind him are the other TWICE members and some of the other I.O.I members. “We can start the meeting then.“

As they were about to enter the room, Dahyun excused herself to go to the restroom. Dahyun walked passed Sana in a hurry worsening the Japanese’s already foul mood as she let her girlfriend go on her own.

They went inside the room and the meeting was about to start when Jihyo spoke, “Dahyunie and Somi-ya still isn’t here, we should wait for them.“

Sana’s mind was preoccupied to even notice that her girlfriend still hasn’t came back. The way Dahyun acted so weirdly didn’t escape her, and the unexpected jealousy that swallowed her whole being bothered her to such extent that she couldn’t focus.

Then it dawned on her... _could it be?_

Sana stood up in an instant, catching the attention of everyone in the room. “Satang?“ Momo’s voice called for her but it seemed too faraway, her mind barely registered the sound.

“I’ll just go to the restroom quickly.“ After announcing this distractedly, she stormed out of the room, not giving anyone a chance to put an interjection.

Momo and Mina exchanged confused glances. Nayeon, Jeongyeon and Jihyo are just as clueless. But Chaeyoung and Tzuyu were both so worried they wanted to run outside to follow their Sana unnie and they would have if they aren’t just worried in making a scene.

Sana made her way quickly over to the restroom just on the end of this hallway with both her mind and her heart thumping heavily.

Please, let her be wrong about this.

She trusts Dahyun.

Please, just let her be wrong about this.

And she is wrong.

Wrong for thinking that she would be wrong.

Perhaps, wrong for trusting her girlfriend as her whole world collapsed before her eyes. Her heart breaking into a tiny, million pieces as she watched her girlfriend’s lips on someone else.

Lightning came back. It’s Jeon So-mi.


	13. Chapter 13

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN – 13**

_Class was fun._

_Dahyun made a new friend, Son Chaeyoung, they were supposed to eat lunch together but the other girl had to study for a test. So here she is, alone in the playground, just like how she wants it, just like how she had always been._

_In silence._

_With only the blowing of the wind, rustling of leaves and faint sounds of laughter and conversations from the other students can be heard._

_Dahyun likes to have her own world._

_Quiet places allow her to think, being by herself gives her a sense of peace she doesn’t have when she comes back to their house only to be reminded of the countless shortcomings and mistakes she made. Only to make her feel like she isn’t supposed to be alive — to make her feel like dying._

_But she made a friend today. That’s a personal accomplishment. Meeting Chaeyoung makes her glad. She actually made a friend today._

_“Why are you here?“ A small voice snapped her out of her thoughts. She looked at her side and saw a much younger girl, and yet taller than her, looking at her as if she knows her. Dahyun watched as the nameless human, walk towards her to settle on the next spot on the swing she was sitting on. “Hello?“_

_“What are you doing here?“ She finally acknowledged. Maybe she sounded rude because the nameless girl huffed; she is cute, though. It’s just that, no one really goes here; it surprised her to see someone else after spending quite some time here alone._

_Dahyun and the nameless girl stared at each other. “The other students here are mean; they tease me a lot because I’m not pure Korean. But I’m going to show them... one day they would see me on TV and look up to me.“_

_The nameless girl said this with so much determination and conviction, Dahyun admired her for that. “Why are you here? Aren’t you afraid I’ll bully you, too?“_

_“No,“ the nameless girl said with a gentle voice that touched Dahyun’s heart. Who is this girl?_

_“Why is that?“ Dahyun asked the nameless girl who averted her gaze, as if shying away from what she’s about to say._

_“Because you look sad,“ the nameless girl admitted before slowly looking back at her with a somber expression, but smiled later on. “And because you look too beautiful for that. Outside and inside.“_

_Dahyun smiled. Of all the people she had met, only this nameless girl read her on the first look. This nameless girl with Western features made her feel understood in a span of minutes. After a long time, this nameless girl had given her a sense of comfort without words exchanged. She wants her new friend Chaeyoung to meet this nameless girl._

_“Can we be friends?“ It’s the nameless girl’s turn to ask only for Dahyun to answer with a soft nod. “You’re my first Korean friend! What should I call you? Unnie? No, wait... it needs to be something else. What do your friends call you? You’re so white... are you a pure Korean?“_

_Dahyun laughed genuinely for what felt like the first time in a long time, too endeared by the way this nameless girl sprouted questions and statements incessantly even though she had only agreed to be her friend seconds ago. Dahyun isn’t much of a talker but she couldn’t help but answer, “You can call me anything you want. Some calls me dubu because of my complexion. And yes, I am a pure Korean.“_

_“What’s a dubu?“ The cluelessness of the nameless girl reinforced the fact that she came from another country._

_“Bean curd.“_

_“Oh, tofu!“ The nameless girl exclaimed in understanding. “I’ll call you tofu from now on then. Now that I know what to call you, what’s your real name?“_

_“Kim Dahyun,“ the nameless girl smiled at this, for some reason Dahyun can’t look away. “And you? What’s your name?“_

_“Somi. I am Jeon Somi.“_

_Dahyun watched as her new friend started moving the swing while telling her random stories about random subjects. Some doesn’t make sense at all, but Dahyun still listened, entranced with every word, every laugh and every smile of the nameless girl that is not really nameless anymore. She listened until they both heard the bell ring. As they got up to part ways, they knew they would meet again._

_The silence was filled. And it felt lovely._

“It’s been a while, tofu.“ Everything came back in flashes, the light is suddenly too blinding, the people surrounding her too suffocating. And when she felt those arms she hasn’t held for a long while, her brain malfunctioned, her body paralyzed, yet it also felt so familiar it became easy to move without proper thought.

She lifted both arms to reciprocate the gesture but as soon as she did, her whole body froze. This is wrong. It was an abrupt change, her heart doesn’t recognize this person anymore but at the same time it does. When she felt the heat and movement of another body, it felt like all movements and rationality stopped working completely. She’s blacking out.

Dahyun barely registered what was happening around her, every emotion and reaction inside her body crashing down one by one. She couldn’t think. She needs to breathe. She needs to get out of here. “Excuse... excuse me, I need to... uh, p-pee.“

_Kim Dahyun watched Jeon Somi grow from the kid she met at the playground to a beautiful, young lady. Kim Dahyun watched whenever Jeon Somi practiced her dancing, she watched how Jeon Somi perfected the steps and how Jeon Somi turns sexy in every movement. When Jeon Somi held her hand out for her, Kim Dahyun accepted without a word._

_Kim Dahyun saw how the once bullied Jeon Somi became their university’s princess, the queen bee, the person everyone admired, but despite all these, Jeon Somi never changed. Jeon Somi remained kind and sweet and friendly and lively._

_Kim Dahyun noticed the enthusiasm and excitement in Jeon Somi’s eyes when they watched their first street race together that lead Kim Dahyun to learn how to drive, and after some time race, because Kim Dahyun always wanted to see that expression on Jeon Somi’s face and eventually Kim Dahyun found a liking for it herself. More so when Jeon Somi looked so proud every time she wins, even if she doesn’t, Jeon Somi never stopped looking at her the same._

_Kim Dahyun witnessed how Jeon Somi brings sunshine to everybody’s life — when Jeon Somi accompanied their best friend Son Chaeyoung to her weekend arts class because Son Chaeyoung isn’t fond of new people, when Jeon Somi taught their other foreign best friend Chou Tzuyu the English and Korean languages to help her pass the exams, when Jeon Somi understood their lack of interest for parties so Jeon Somi arranged sleepovers with movies and foods instead for the four of them._

_Kim Dahyun always sees Jeon Somi. Kim Dahyun always hears Jeon Somi. Kim Dahyun started feeling Jeon Somi. Kim Dahyun knew that Jeon Somi’s smile is making her weaker and weaker until Kim Dahyun has no other choice but to succumb to the inevitable fall. Until Kim Dahyun did._

_Kim Dahyun never stopped looking at Jeon Somi ever since. Kim Dahyun had no idea how a once nameless girl managed to carve a permanent marking in her lifeless heart that says the name Jeon Somi._

_“Tofu, stop avoiding me. I’m not going away until you tell me what’s wrong.“ Jeon Somi laughed as she chased Kim Dahyun who seemed to have gone bonkers. Jeon Somi’s laughter is really loud, but the way Kim Dahyun’s heart is beating cannot compare. “Do you like me or something?“_

_How can Jeon Somi be so carefree when she’s clearly in distress? Kim Dahyun sat on the swing at the playground where they first met, it’s funny how their feet lead them here. But what’s not funny is how her face turned really hot with the question. “Let’s drop this conversation, please?“_

_“Nope,“ Jeon Somi walked in front of her. She’s looking up at Jeon Somi as Jeon Somi looks down. “Tofu, what if I tell you that it’s me who likes you and that it’s killing me that you’re avoiding me?“_

_Kim Dahyun didn’t expect that. “Somi-ya, we can’t.“_

_“We can. I am right, am I? You like me?“ Kim Dahyun looked down. “Admit it, what’s there to lose?“_

_“Us.“ Kim Dahyun felt two hands lifting her face up until she sees Jeon Somi._

_“But we could be a lot more if we try. You won’t lose me. Because I never want to lose you.“ It’s getting harder to ignore her feelings, and Jeon Somi is making it impossible._

_“But what if we do?“ Jeon Somi moved her thumbs on her cheeks, it warmed her._

_“Would we? No one knows, tofu. What I do know is that I’m willing to risk it for you. So jump, tofu. Jump because I’m already falling,“ Kim Dahyun looked at Jeon Somi. She did nothing but look. She felt that she would always be looking._

_“I already did.“ Jeon Somi bent forwards. Kim Dahyun finally tasted Jeon Somi’s lips and it tastes like heaven, it tastes like a sweet release, it tastes like happiness. Since then, Kim Dahyun never stopped falling._

_Silence was nowhere to be found._

Dahyun looked at her face in the mirror as she tried to calm herself down. She suddenly got reminded of everything and her feelings are all over the place. She doesn’t know what to feel. She doesn’t know what to do. She doesn’t know what to react.

What was that? Why is her ex here?

Dahyun splashed cold water on her face, she’s not wearing make up today, thank God. She splashed cold water over and over, again and again until her face felt like death, and it still wasn’t enough to tame the raging fire inside her head. It’s not enough to stop the voices of the countless memories from coming back.

“Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop it!“ Dahyun said to herself, clutching at her skull. All the best things came back, but the worst ones did too. She doesn’t want to remember it anymore, but everything is coming back and she simply couldn’t stop something beyond her control.

_“What are you doing here, aren’t you supposed to be at rehearsals?“ Jeon Somi asked brokenly. People crying is a normal scenario at airports, passers didn’t really gave them much of a thought._

_“Don’t go. Please, don’t go. What do you want? I’ll do whatever you want, just please...“ Kim Dahyun went to hug Jeon Somi, but the girl stepped back. The pain Kim Dahyun is feeling is insurmountable, she can’t lose Jeon Somi. She wouldn’t know how to go on if she loses Jeon Somi._

_“I need to go. You go back to your group, there’s still Chaeyoung and Tzuyu and the rest... let me go.“_

_“No! Is this about my career? Is this about not spending as much time? Then I’ll quit, I’ll quit. We can go to college together like the plan we made if we were normal people. We can graduate, find normal jobs, be normal people. Then we would get married, that’s the plan. We would still get married. Love, don’t give up now. It’s just trials, don’t give up on this, don’t give up on me.“ Kim Dahyun cried; she has no idea how she managed to say all this as she cried. She tried reaching for Jeon Somi and even when their skins touched, Jeon Somi felt long gone. She hated how painful it felt, she doesn’t know how she was still able to stand with this so much pain._

_“It’s not that. Dahyun, I’m tired.“ Jeon Somi admitted, the way she said this broke Kim Dahyun more._

_“Dahyun? Love, what happened to tofu? Call me tofu. I need to hear you say tofu then we can go home. I won’t go to work today, we can go home, I’ll cook. I’ve been practicing your favorite dish. You always cook for me, I’ll cook for you this time.“ Kim Dahyun couldn’t help the desperation that dripped with her every word. She needs Jeon Somi to tell her she’s only joking, that she didn’t actually want to go through with the break-up, that what she just wanted from the start is her. Because Kim Dahyun would give her all, Kim Dahyun would give her everything until she’s empty, if Jeon Somi would just ask._

_“You need to stop this. Dahyun, I am tired of you. Can’t you see? It’s not just about your damn career, it’s about you! You need to stop relying on me because I can’t always hold onto you! I have a life too! I can’t make my world revolve around you. I can’t take care of you anymore because I’m not... I’m not the family you’ve lost.“ Jeon Somi cried and looked down, ashamed of the truth. Every word is a painful stab, every word killed parts of Kim Dahyun. The only remaining thing that continues to exist is the part that sees Jeon Somi._

_“I don’t care... what do you want? Space? I’ll give you space; I’ll give you a break. But not this, I can’t give you this. Love... please, don’t do this to me.“ Kim Dahyun’s words hurt Jeon Somi too, but it can’t be helped as Jeon Somi gave the final blow._

_“There’s someone else, Dahyun. I fell in love with someone else. Someone who gives me room to breathe, someone who knows what I need, someone who isn’t too much to handle. Dahyun, you’re simply too much.“ Jeon Somi thought that it would shake Kim Dahyun, but Kim Dahyun unexpectedly held on tighter._

_Jeon Somi wants to stay, but if she does, it will be for the wrong reasons. Jeon Somi wanted to break-up with Kim Dahyun for quite a while, but Jeon Somi didn’t have courage because Jeon Somi is afraid that this would send Kim Dahyun to the edge._

_But Jeon Somi needs to breathe. Jeon Somi needs to go._

_Kim Dahyun smiled. Instead of her reaction scaring Jeon Somi, it made Jeon Somi pity Kim Dahyun even more. Jeon Somi tried to stay, not because of love but because of pity. “Then be with her while you’re with me. She can fill up what I lack; she can give you what I can’t but stay here with me. I can handle sharing you with someone else if you just stay here with me. Love, I love you. I love you, don’t go. Please, don’t.“_

_Jeon Somi’s heart broke for Kim Dahyun, even when this horrible thing is happening, Jeon Somi still cares so Jeon Somi placed both hands on Kim Dahyun’s shoulder and began shaking Kim Dahyun. Hard. “Dahyun, wake up! Wake up and listen to yourself! Listen to how deranged you sound! I don’t love you anymore, I stopped loving you long ago but you were too blind to see that! I’m not your saviour, I can’t save you anymore!“_

_“I’m sorry you felt that way, but I didn’t ask you to. I am not expecting that you would. I didn’t mean to make you feel like you have to. But don’t leave, love. I’ll be better; I promise I’ll be better. Let’s just talk about this, come on. Let’s go home, love.“ Kim Dahyun’s voice croaked, Kim Dahyun tried taking Jeon Somi’s luggage but Jeon Somi is firm in her decision as she pushed Kim Dahyun’s hand away from her things._

_When the intercom sounded for Jeon Somi’s departure, Kim Dahyun couldn’t do anything anymore but to look at Jeon Somi when she began to walk away. “I’m sorry, Dahyun. But my decision is final. I don’t want to be with you anymore.“_

_Kim Dahyun watched as Jeon Somi slowly faded out of her view. Kim Dahyun remained frozen in her spot, too weak to move, too weak to walk away from where Jeon Somi left her last. Kim Dahyun stayed until the dusk turned to dawn, hoping that Jeon Somi would reappear to return to her arms. But Jeon Somi never did. Son Chaeyoung and Chou Tzuyu both came and practically dragged her back home. But Kim Dahyun’s home remains to be Jeon Somi. Kim Dahyun has no idea how she managed to get by day by day after that, she smiles, she breathes, she eats, she functions, she interacts, she laughs, she jokes, she performs but her brain doesn’t register any of it._

_Because in reality she sees nothing. She feels nothing. She hears nothing._

_It was the most deafening silence. One of the emptiest void she has ever felt._  
  
Dahyun stared at herself in the mirror, she wanted to lash out and punch the damn thing. And she would have if this kind of situation happened before Sana.

“Sana...“ Dahyun had continually been fucking up, she doesn’t want to widen the damage, she needs to find Sana and explain. Her fears came true, Somi is actually here, now she needed to tell Sana everything. Dahyun was about to run out to find her girlfriend when the door opened to reveal the subject of this seeming nightmare she’s in.

“Tofu...“ Somi called softly, locking the door behind her. Dahyun frowned, if the nickname felt familiar and warm a while ago, it definitely feels irritating now that she remembers all of it again.

“Hey... Excuse me, uhm, but I need to go.“ Dahyun tried to get past Somi who is blocking the door, but her ex-girlfriend held her arm to stop her.

“We need to talk,“ Somi sighed, releasing her grip when Dahyun stopped on her tracks.

“It can wait, I need to talk to Sana first.“ Dahyun would be proud of herself for not being a stuttering mess, but right now she really needs to go be with her girlfriend.

“Sana?“ The disbelief in Somi’s voice confused Dahyun, it elicited something inside the rapper — her anger, her sorrow, her confusion, it all got triggered — and more so with the next question as she finally faced Jeon Somi. “Is she more important than me?“

“And what if she is? What is it you?“ Dahyun challenged. “Somi, _you_ left _me_.“

The emphasis on Dahyun’s words made Somi falter. “You have no idea how long I have spent asking where I went wrong. Every day I kept on asking myself the same questions. Am I not enough? Am I unworthy? Am I too boring? But I can’t seem to find any answer to that because the only thing that I ever did was love you, Somi. I didn’t do anything wrong and yet I blamed myself every day for you leaving.“

“Have you forgotten how desperately I chased you? I spent hours on your front door hoping you would face me, but you never did. I spent countless of days wondering when you’re going to come back, but you didn’t. Somi, I’m finally doing good. Why do you have to come back now?“ Dahyun asked her ex-girlfriend with a sorrowful frustration.

Memories tugged at the rapper’s heart. It felt like a band-aid ripped open to show still healing wound. In Somi’s point of view, just because she’s the person who left, doesn’t mean she didn’t get hurt too. But she truly understands. She couldn’t possibly dictate the extent of pain she had caused, if this is how it’s supposed to be, so be it.

She wanted to right her wrongs; she just wanted to start over. It’s time that she admits everything. “We were in a confusing situation back then, tofu. I was in a confusing and complicated situation. We were supposed to debut together, us four, but I got left behind. It was my dream, and I’m the one who didn’t get it. Then your schedule started becoming tight, it felt like I’m losing grip.“

Dahyun can’t believe what she’s hearing; the rapper lifted a hand to signal her ex-girlfriend to stop talking. “So you left? That was your solution instead of trying to fix us? You left and looked for someone else because you were jealous of my career? Somi, I asked you multiple times if it’s about that and you said no. I was ready to throw everything away for you if you just told me what you felt and yet you chose to walk away!“

“Don’t you think I know that? Do you not think how badly I wanted to pull you out from all this to just be with me and make you quit? But I didn’t want to make you choose! I didn’t want to take your job away from you because I saw that it made you happy.“ Somi’s sincerity wanted to make Dahyun pull at her hair.

She wanted an easy life, yet the world has a different set of vocabularies laid out for her.

Easy is often not found on the list.

“What I did was because of me and my damn insecurities, Dahyun!“ They’re yelling at each other words that are a few years late, a few years’ worth of heartache, it’s long overdue but right now it feels like they’re back to day one. “I left not just because of you but also because of me. I was selfish and only thought of myself. Tofu, we were only kids! We didn’t know what we were doing.“

“But I did. I knew exactly what I was doing. I knew that I love you so fucking much that I was so ready to give you the fucking world even if it costs me mine!“ Dahyun screamed back. Nothing and no one to hold her back, no filters and masks. Just the plain damn truth.

“Well, guess what? I am not you! I had no idea what I was doing. I was a freaking kid who made horrible choices, a kid that didn’t possess an ounce of responsibility in her body — then you’re just... you suddenly have everything in front of you.“ Every word that comes out of Somi’s mouth sends Dahyun in a curve. Instead of clearing her head, this whole conversation is messing with her even more.

“Plans that we made together are turning into reality much faster than expected. And they’re all becoming yours, that was the problem. I felt like a stranger. I felt like an audience. Do you have any idea how small it feels to watch the person you love have everything but not be part of it anymore?“

“You were part of it. All these things and hard work, they’re for you. I only ever wanted to give you everything, because it’s you who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Then you left... like it was all nothing,“ Dahyun admitted. She would have laughed at this whole situation if she wasn’t too tired.

“I know. But it felt like you’re too far away from me. I’m not going to justify my decisions, tofu. I’m just hoping that you’d listen and see things from my side. I was so stupid for breaking up with you.“ After years of wanting and longing for answers, Dahyun is finally hearing them.

_But why does it have to happen now?_

In hindsight, pushing aside all other variables, Dahyun understands where Somi is coming from. But it doesn’t erase the fact that she tried her hardest not to make her ex-girlfriend feel like she’s left behind.

Even she had a hard time coping up with her new lifestyle, she admits that, but she really tried. All she ever did was try her hardest for Somi, from the very beginning it was all for Somi, but it was simply not enough. Perhaps they were really just kids.

But she knows her feelings. She knows how she felt. She knows it was real.

All of it is.

Dahyun calmed herself down before speaking again with a much relaxed tone, “You felt pressured. Everything became too much for you. Starting from dealing with my past, then came my career, and eventually me. All of it was too much for you to handle, is that it?“ Somi nodded.

“Then I met Eunbin. She made me let loose again, she made me forget. It wasn’t hard to love Eunbin. It was so easy to fall for her and I eventually did. With your absence and my insecurities, nothing stopped me,“ Somi admitted.

All the questions she used to ask, each and every one without any answer — not a yes, not a no — now is all here.

It’s all here.

Dahyun thought this is where it ends with their confrontation; she doesn’t want to continue either. She now already knows everything but one. The only thing that’s left is something that she doesn’t want to stick around to find out.

However, this world truly loves playing games; that she proved to be true. There was a time wherein she would have killed herself just to get some answers, but it’s as if they’re taken away from her. Now that she actually just wants to put it all to rest, it is given to her on a silver platter.

The already difficult game of puzzle that is Dahyun’s life just gained more missing pieces she doesn’t know how to find, let alone fill.

“But there was only one problem.“ Somi’s next confession made a sudden halt in her world as she questioned the things she thought she knew. “Eunbin isn’t you.“

“It was good for a while, but every passing day it’s getting more apparent that I made the wrong choice of leaving you.“ There was a pause, Somi smiling sadly at her. All she can do is listen. “I broke up with Eunbin, tofu. We didn’t last long because my heart still searched for you. My heart only knows you.“

“When I broke up with Eunbin, I wanted to go back here and beg for you but I was ashamed of what I did. I’m not courageous; I’m more scared of your rejection. Why would you choose me again when I clearly broke you, right?“ Dahyun just looked, she looked then she began to see traces of their past.

This person right here was the love of her life, but it’s also the same person who passed up the chance for the both of them.

“Tofu, I know that. I can’t explain how much I regret leaving you, and I still do... but I’m here now, tofu. I’m back and I still love you. This time, I’m ready to fight for you.“ Dahyun feels weak, but with the next question asked, she might as well be better off dead. Because she’s not ready to face yet another hard brick of something she needs to sort through. Everything is thrown at her at once and they’re all piling up. “Do you still love me?“

It’s like her heart wanted burst out from various reactions her ex-girlfriend managed to extract from her that are now clouding her judgements. Somi still makes her feel things, that she admits, but to what extent?

Another thing is how she came to understand Somi’s choices if she didn’t before, now she does. Maybe she should have remained angry because now that there is a sense of clarity as to why her ex-girlfriend did what she did, it made things a lot more difficult for her.

She’s doing good, for fuck’s sakes. Now here she is.

As Somi started to walk towards Dahyun, the Korean started to step back. Her brain trying to process every information and emotion. “Somi, we can’t go back to how we used to be. I don’t know my own feelings; we can’t just go back to where we left everything. A lot of things changed already.“

“But not what I feel for you. And I know what you feel for me is still there too.“ Somi is dangerously close to her. “You want to find out if I’m right? Then kiss me.“

Somi started leaning much more closer, Dahyun leaned away but she felt her back hit the tiled wall that stopped her in place. “No... I can’t.“

Dahyun could feel Somi’s breath on her lips, her ex-girlfriend looking straight to her eyes. She still recognizes those eyes. “You can. After all these years... I still know how to read your language. I still understand the message your body makes with every movement... and right now, it says that it wants me. You want me.“

Their lips are only inches apart, but Dahyun can’t move. Maybe she doesn’t want to. “I don—“

Dahyun didn’t finish as she felt the stranger but familiar pair of lips against hers. “You do,“ Somi breathes as her lips started to move over Dahyun’s.

See this is what she doesn’t want to find out, she doesn’t want to find out that after all this time, Jeon Somi still has a hold on her. She doesn’t want to find out that in reality, she’s still in love with her ex-girlfriend. They say that first love never dies but she doesn’t want to find out if it’s true.

And yet here she is, unable to move away from her ex-girlfriend’s kisses. Yes, she doesn’t reciprocate but she doesn’t make a move to stop it either, maybe she’s just confused or really, really surprised.

There’s only one thing she knows, one thing she’s sure of. This is wrong. She has a girlfriend, and right now she’s the most revolting, loathsome, human alive for being capable of doing this. Sana deserves more, Sana deserves better than this, Sana deserves the truth. She knows all the things the Japanese should have, all things, no less and no more, yet she just keeps on messing up.

There are forces that exist in this universe that works in inexplicable ways Dahyun couldn’t begin to decipher, because when Dahyun held Somi’s face to push her away, that’s when a sharp voice sounded. It belonged to the person she never wanted to hurt but for some reason, couldn’t stop doing just that.

“Dahyun.“ Sana called in the most painful tone possible as a tear escaped the rapper’s eye.

—

“Seiten no heki-reki.“ It is a Japanese proverb Sana’s mom used to tell her when she was younger.

Sana is smart even as a child, she had always been curious and eager to learn new things every day. She used to ask the most random questions — now, she says the most random statements — at the most random times such as: why is the sky blue, why do leaves move with the wind, why does it turn dark at night, why are there bright twinkles in the sky, why do flowers bloom. Questions that came from the most random observations, mostly from nature.

Just like any other person alive, Sana started to grow up, although she didn’t stop asking, the questions started to become more extensive and momentous. Simple becoming complex — why are there poor people and rich ones, what drives someone to do something bad, why do unfortunate things happen, when did our life truly start, where do people go when they die.

Sana’s mom often smiles whenever she asks things like this and answers her with similar words providing almost the same thoughts. “Our world is only a part of something much greater. I’m afraid that I don’t have an answer to all your questions. There may be something beyond us that extends from anything physical, there may only be emptiness that once we end, we end. But life is a roller coaster, a carousel; it has ups and downs, highs and lows, and it never stops spinning as long as we live.“

It’s something a mere child couldn’t comprehend fully, her mom laughs at her confusion and adores her innocence. “Mommy, I don’t understand.“

Her mother would just stroke her hair at this and whispers. “Seiten no heki-reki. Whatever happens, just remain as a good person. Hardships will come, but never lose hope and always be good. Listen to your heart and guard your soul, they will guide you to wherever you’re supposed to be and they will lift you when you fall. Remember to always smile because life is good. Unpredictable but still good.“

Little Sana would frown at this. “I still don’t understand. But I love you, mommy!“ She then would give her mom a kiss, her mom would give her one too and tell her she loves her and would laugh together before they continue their nightly routine of reading bedtime stories.

Until Sana falls asleep.

It was all too deep for a child to grasp but as she grew up, she began to understand the meaning of those words; she began to see why her mother told her those things as early as she did. Because when you grow up, you stop seeing things as impeccable as you once did and you start losing sight of your surroundings.

Her mom was protecting her by raising her right, raising her as someone with buoyancy, confidence and optimism. Her mother was readying her because her mom knew the world. Her mom was saving her light.

_Seiten no heki-reki. Thunderclap from a clear sky. A bolt from the blue. A complete surprise._

Life is a surprise she can handle. But love? Love is much more extreme than shocks and dazes. And nothing could ever prepare her for the way this lightning has struck.

It burns.

Sana is in pain. It felt so excruciating it’s as if she’s cut open and is slowly bleeding to death. Right now everything felt hot, like all things are burning and she sees nothing but red. Sana is furious, mostly with the world, but not with Dahyun.

Never with the person she loves so much it hurts.

“Dahyun.“ It sounded poisonous, the way it dripped out of Sana’s mouth, it really is. Seeing her girlfriend cupping someone else’s face with their lips locked together formed thick, black clouds inside Sana’s head.

They say that everyone has an animal inside of them — one that comes out when everything seems threatening and dangerous, the side that follows its instincts rather than rationalize the scenario. In this moment, the Japanese couldn’t hold hers back.

Sana walked towards Dahyun and Somi before she found herself pulling her girlfriend’s ex by the collar of her blouse. Granted, Jeon Somi is a lot taller than her, but the difference is barely noticeable when they’re looking at each other eye to eye.

“Sana, stop...“ Dahyun’s voice made Sana’s heart constrict, causing her to tighten her hand around Somi’s collar more.

She’s a fool. A stupid fucking fool.

“Let go of me. What are you doing?“ Somi sounded breathless and it took Sana her all to stop herself from doing something out of anger.

She’s aching. Everywhere.

“Babe, please...“ Dahyun touched Sana by the arm that’s holding her ex-girlfriend, almost making the Korean flinch from how heated the temperature of her girlfriend’s skin is. “Baby, please... please, let’s just go.“

Even now, the Korean’s voice still managed to make her weak. And it drove her mad.

Sana shoved Dahyun’s ex-girlfriend on the wall before letting go only to lift a finger and point at the girl with menace. “Stay the fuck away from my fucking girlfriend, Somi.“

Sana gripped at Dahyun’s wrist, she was fuming but her hold is controlled, she still couldn’t risk hurting her girlfriend. She pulled the Korean out of the restroom, leaving a dumbfounded Somi inside.

Once outside, Dahyun immediately wanted to explain. But Sana wasn’t having any of it as the Japanese continued to walk rapidly, dragging the Korean behind her. “Babe?“

“Don’t you dare even speak, Dahyun.“ Sana’s voice is cold and filled with so much emotion.

“But,“ the rapper tried again but Sana cut her off one more time. No longer able to control herself, she spun Dahyun around to face her.

“Dahyun, I said don’t speak!“ Sana’s voice boomed all over the hallway, only now has she realized that her girlfriend is trembling. “I can’t hear your voice right now.“

Sana watched Dahyun stare at her eyes; she knew instantly that her girlfriend was sorry; she understood the context of the rapper’s expression.

But it hurt too much.

And when her gaze fell on the Korean’s lips, the sight made her yell in anger and pain as the images continued to torture her once again.

Sana held Dahyun by the jaw, titling the rapper’s head up, with a shaking gentleness that wanted to make the Korean vanish. Sana’s other hand fished for something inside her pocket to reveal a handkerchief that she placed inside Dahyun’s open palm.

“Wipe that lipstick off your lips while you’re at it,“ the Japanese demanded.

Sana turned her back on her girlfriend and walked away.

—

Sana walked inside the conference room with a flushed face, all attention was on her but the Japanese didn’t care, the instant she came into view, all seven members from TWICE instantly knew something happened from when their two members went missing for a few minutes.

It may look like a blush for some, but they know Sana well enough to see behind it. Having no idea what transpired, they all choose to ignore it for the time being. But that is until Sana walked to where the two other Japanese is sitting and asked to sit in their middle, abandoning the chair she was sitting at earlier, the chair that is beside a vacant one she saved for her Korean girlfriend.

“Satang? What’s wrong?“ It was Mina who asked when Momo transferred to another seat to give her spot to her best friend who is now between her and the ballerina.

Mina’s voice is calming, it always had been, it’s causing Sana’s anger to die down but being angry is what she needs right now or else she will break down in front of all these people. That’s what being an artist means sometimes; acting like your life is not on fire and you didn’t get your heart stepped on by the person you love the most for the sake of the show.

 _Professionalism_. Sana smirked, shaking her head lightly. “Nothing,“ she said but Mina and Momo knew it was far from the truth.

Not a second after that, Dahyun came into view, the first thing the Japanese noticed was Tzuyu and Chaeyoung looking worriedly at their best friend, next is her handkerchief on the Korean’s hand that has a blotch of lipstick stain.

Sana smiled bitterly to herself.

_She didn’t even bother to fold it so I wouldn’t see; I guess my feelings are unimportant after all._

Tears are forming in her eyes but she willed herself to hold them in, until Dahyun made her way to where she was sitting. “Babe, can we please talk?“ the Korean’s voice is pleading but the Japanese couldn’t help but think that too is a lie.

Sana didn’t answer and stared at nowhere in particular, her face displaying she’s in pain, Dahyun then turned to Momo who is looking at the two of them with nothing but worry. “Momo unnie, can we please change seats?“

Momo doesn’t know how to act or what to say, how can she if she doesn’t know the full version of what’s going on. All she knows is that her best friend looks like she’s about to kill someone and her close friend as if she would lose everything in her life.

“Please, unnie... I- I need to sit here.“ There was shakiness on Dahyun’s voice, it didn’t go unnoticed by Momo, but the glistening of Sana’s eyes didn’t escape her attention as well.

Momo looked at the person who, in her eyes, has all the answers to all questions. Apparently, Mina was watching and listening to everything too, and it’s like the ballerina understood the context of the situation.

“Dubu?“ Mina called. “You can take my seat.“

Even when Mina stood up, the Japanese didn’t bother to stop her best friend because in hindsight, Sana needs Dahyun close to her. Closer than ever because her heart can’t stop breaking and in some twisted way, only her girlfriend, who caused all the agony, could be the only person to take it away.

Perhaps, Mina knew that. And another thing that Mina knows is that she needs them right now, the ballerina can provide the comfort while the main dancer provides the protection. It had always been that way. They’re willing to make up for the things their best friend needs as of the moment.

“Don’t leave her side, Moguri,“ Sana heard the ballerina whispering to Momo in their native language as she passed by to vacate the seat Sana abandoned earlier.

The moment Dahyun sat on Mina’s spot, she immediately brought her chair closer to Sana’s. Dahyun then held Sana’s hand under the table even when they’re closed to a fist. Anything to make her girlfriend feel the truth that she wouldn’t do that intentionally, that she wouldn't hurt her like that. But it’s not just Sana’s hand that is closed, her mind and her heart as well.

“Babe, let me explain. Talk to me, please?“ Dahyun went to nuzzle Sana’s cheek, not caring about the eyes observing their movements, not caring of all these people possibly finding out about their relationship.

But the Japanese turned away from her, “I said not a word. I told you to shut up. For once, do something that wouldn’t hurt me.“

Sana felt Dahyun’s hold weaken, then she felt her girlfriend’s hand drop. She knows it was what she said yet she still hoped the Korean would fight for her more. But again, she reminded herself she’s the one who fell in love, the extent of her feelings and Dahyun’s don’t measure up with each other.

_You don’t even love me, yet here I am, already loving you more._

It was a bitter thought that turned acrimonious when Jeon Somi came in the room the exact moment JYP came back.

“I’m sorry, girls, the phone call was important,“ the man explained. Sana didn’t hear any of it; her focus was on the Canadian-Korean whose eyes are feasting on her girlfriend.

Sana willed herself to look at the Korean and what she saw broke her heart for a different reason. Dahyun has her head down, the Korean using her handkerchief to wipe at her face. Even until now, she couldn’t bear to see her girlfriend cry. She is angry, hell, she is furious and ballistic, but she wanted to be the one to wipe those tears away. But JYP spoke again, and everything is forgotten as the animal regains control over her body.

“Somi, you’re back. Where have you been?“ JYP asked.

“Restroom,“ Somi replied. “I’m sorry if I took a while.“

“Oh, were you with Dahyun?“ JYP is unaware of the looks he was getting from Tzuyu and Chaeyoung. He didn’t notice the discomfort in Somi’s eyes and the way Dahyun stiffened in her seat. But mostly, he was oblivious to the rage of the Japanese across the room.

Before anyone could answer the question, the Japanese chimed in, making the people flinch from the lack of emotion in her voice. “Can we start the meeting?“

“Dubu is here too, JYP-nim,“ Momo seconded her best friend; she doesn’t need a manual to know when someone is avoiding a topic. She’s a pretty clueless person, but not with her best friends, she knows the twist and turns of their guts.

“Very well then. Let’s start.“

JYP sat on his rightful seat and Somi sat beside Mina, the meeting started and everyone was just listening intently until Park Jinyoung once again said something that disturbed the temporary peace in the strife.

“With the success of your comeback, I’m offering all of you to be their trainer. Think of this as a new girl group in our company that will somehow be your protégé.“ Everyone seemed to perk up by this information but definitely not Sana, she wanted to move away from the group as far as possible but the world is conspiring against her in this. “Of course, you will all still be with the professionals and experts, but you’ll be working as one with them.“

“Jihyo, Jeongyeon and Nayeon will be in charge of the vocals. Momo, Mina and Sana will lead the choreography. Tzuyu, Chaeyoung and Dahyun, who really surprised me with her musical skills, would take responsibility of music production. What do you say, TWICE?“ Park Jinyoung asked smilingly, expecting all to accept without second thoughts.

“What if we decline?“ Sana spoke before anyone else can; surprising everyone, the Sana they’re all looking at now seems to be a lot different from the Sana they all knew.

“If I may ask, why would you turn away this offer? It’s a huge opportunity I’m giving all of you, Sana.“ Despite the confusion, Park Jinyoung’s voice is gentle, someone who genuinely wants to understand.

“What if we are exhausted by our responsibilities alone and taking more would just disrupt our schedules?“ In reality, this isn’t Sana’s reason, but she’s trying her best to rationalize what would appear irrational to JYP.

“I would give you a well-deserved break, then. A vacation, perhaps?“ JYP and Sana are looking eye to eye, the favor is all rolling on their side, but a part of the Japanese couldn’t bring herself to say yes. Park Jinyoung felt like there’s something more going on in the conversation and so the man spoke his mind. “Sana, a reminder that you’re not the only person in your group; you can’t make a decision for all of you, if you have a problem with this, you need to discuss it with everyone.“

He’s right and Sana knows that, she felt selfish and cornered, but most of all, alone in her decisions. She’s compromising opportunities for everyone because of what? Because her heart is breaking and she couldn’t breathe? That’s not a good enough reason; she knows it and she felt egotistical.

But all these disappeared when Momo butted in the conversation. “With all due respect, sir, but if Satang doesn’t want to do it, I won’t do it too. I know for a fact that Mitang won’t do it as well.“ Across the room, Mina smiled proudly at her best friend, giving the main dancer a wink.

“We’re a group, sir. If one of us doesn’t feel comfortable in doing a certain project, that would apply to all of us. We’re effective as TWICE because we would never put a member in jeopardy, that’s our foundation, sir. We’re not only friends here, but we’re also a family.“ Speaking proudly and smiling warmly at everyone around the huge desk, the leader in Jihyo came out, touching everyone’s heart but most importantly Sana’s. “We thank you for that, we thank you for giving us a family, and we’re going to protect this by protecting each other.“

All attention turned to Nayeon who spoke before a hand quickly covered her mouth. “Uhm, but, hmpf!“

“Nabongs says she agrees. As for me, I’m the mother of these kids, sir. What’s best for everyone is what’s best for myself.“ Jeongyeon smirked, placing Nayeon’s head on her shoulders before whispering something to their oldest member. “Be quiet now, Nayeonie... you can scream all you want at me later. Just not now, alright?“

Letting go of Nayeon, the lead vocalist pouted but agreed to everyone else.

“I see. I feel like a proud father to my favorite children.“ Park Jinyoung laughed, the group’s unadulterated loyalty making him a prideful man. “I guess that would end our meeting, then? You all agreed to decline the proposal?“

JYP was about to stand up from his seat, collecting the contracts, but a voice made him stay, and the very person he least expected to stop him. “Sir, I was just asking for rhetorical questions. But let’s hear what Dahyunie has to say about this.“

Dahyun looked up for the first time to look at her girlfriend, her name didn’t sound right coming out of her mouth, it sounded lifeless and broken, and she was once again reminded about what happened in the restroom. Not that she forgot, but she’s been spacing out the whole time, she doesn’t even know what’s happening but that doesn’t mean she didn’t hear everything.

“Come on, Dahyunie. Do you want us to do this project? Decide for us.“ Sana stared, and the Korean is sure she’s going to hurt her girlfriend more with what she’s about to say. But as what JYP said, this is a huge opportunity, and if they’re going to get a vacation after, then that is a chance she’s not willing to pass up. Everyone needs to breathe, not just her and Sana.

“I’ll take the offer. We’ll take it, sir.“ Dahyun bowed and Sana felt like she lost.

“Dubu?“ Chaeyoung and Tzuyu said at the same time.

“It’s a huge opportunity for all of us. I think it’s best if we take it, don’t you think?“ Dahyun spoke with her head low.

“We’re okay with any decision, dubu,“ Mina affirmed, her voice calm and collected. Her voice is what everyone needed to hear. But the ballerina turned to look across the room to the person she knows isn’t taking it well.

Sana chuckled but even that fake laugh dripped with fury. “If Dahyun says yes, then it’s a yes. We do what our rapper wants to.“

Every member of TWICE sighed, they all felt sirens in their atmosphere since the couple came back, now those sirens are getting nearer and nearer. Good thing no one outside their group noticed the situation, the couple, most of all, doesn’t need unnecessary attention.

The girls signed their contracts; Jihyo asked if they can use the conference room for a while. Gladly, JYP gave them a go. Kyulkyung bowed to everyone when she and her members stood up. “We’re all looking forward in working with all of you.“ TWICE bowed and everyone went out but not before Sana saw the way Somi was looking at her girlfriend the whole time.

“Jihyo, I’ll email your schedules later,“ JYP smiled. “Girls, thank you. For being the way all of you are, I mean it when I said you all are my favorites. It makes me happy I was able to put together people like you.“

Everyone thanked and bowed at Park Jinyoung before he went out. It was a good distraction for a while, now that they’re all alone, it’s time to face the reality again.

“Let’s talk, Sana,“ Dahyun didn’t bother to beat around the bush.

“I don’t want to talk to you, what’s so hard to understand about that?“ Sana shouted with anger, the seven girls in the room silently watching the couple, feeling the heaviness of the fight.

“No, we’re going to talk about this now,“ Dahyun spoke with a shaky breath. “I don’t want to go on for days with you avoiding me again, Sana. We need to talk. Let’s not prolong this any longer. Please, babe, be reasonable.“

“Reasonable?” Sana laughed. “That’s rich coming from you. Fine, you want to talk? Let’s talk.“

“Not here,“ Dahyun looked at Tzuyu exchanging a silent message to tell the others to let them go for now, when the Taiwanese nodded her head, that’s how the Korean found herself driving her and the Japanese to the house - the same house where they shared a special night together.

They moment they stepped foot inside the house, it felt like a make or break for their relationship. Dahyun’s heart couldn’t stop beating rapidly. It’s the opposite of Sana’s; the Japanese couldn’t feel a single thing but anger and her heart breaking.

“Babe, about what you saw...“ Dahyun started but got surprised when her girlfriend sealed her in a deep kiss.

“I changed my mind.“ Sana breathed out heavily, pinning the Korean against the wall. “I don’t want to talk anymore.“

“Babe...“ Dahyun tried to stop the Japanese but Sana wasn’t hearing any of it.

“What? Do you want Somi to be here with you?“ Sana growled, clutching tightly on Dahyun’s oversized shirt, the Korean can feel the anger radiating from her girlfriend’s hold. “Don’t tell me you slept with Somi too.“

“Babe, I didn’t. Please...“ That’s all Dahyun can do, plead. Plead for a chance to explain. “I didn’t.“

Sana clutched her shirt harder, the Korean heard it ripping. Her girlfriend brought their faces closer and spoke to her full of spite. “You know that I read those fucking letters, Dahyun.“

Sana rarely curse, she never curse, even those times the Japanese is under a lot of pressure and stress, never once did Dahyun hear her curse. But ever since their relationship, she’s heard her girlfriend cursing those times they get into a fight.

Her sweet and good hearted Sana that she keeps on turning into someone she isn’t. Sana is the sun and she’s nothing but a black hole that kept on swallowing her light.

“But that was before, they all happened before you.“ Dahyun’s voice is the softest it can be, perhaps the weakest it has ever been. She hasn’t got an energy left to fight; she just wants to fix this mess she created once again.

“Exactly!“ Sana yelled at her face, making her close eyes as she felt her girlfriend releasing her shirt, the emphasis and anguish in her girlfriend’s voice with her next words tortured the Korean. “Before me, Dahyun! Before me!“

Dahyun is not even guilty anymore; she’s just in pain for putting her girlfriend in pain. “Baby, please. I swear it’s not what you think.“ Sana is a few feet away from her when she tried to reach for the Japanese.

It surprised and hurt Dahyun when Sana pulled at her arm only to push her on the couch, her back colliding sharply with the furniture. Dahyun winced more because of the aching in her heart rather than the feeling on her skin. “All of you should belong to me now. Just me.“ If only she could take all of Sana’s pain, she would. Her girlfriend never will deserve someone like her.

_I’m neither the moon nor beautiful._

“I’m not cheating on you.“ Dahyun stated brokenly, unable to look at Sana who crawled on top of her lap, angrily taking her blouse off. Buttons popping, scattering all around the floor but the Japanese didn’t care, her eyes says so.

Dahyun leaned over, touching her forehead on Sana’s bare shoulder, tears threatening to spill out when she felt her girlfriend aggressively tugging at her shirt and so she leaned back, closed her eyes and allowed her girlfriend to take her shirt off. “Then shut up! Shut the fuck up.“ Dahyun couldn’t look at Sana even when the Japanese kissed her angrily, biting at her lower lip until she tasted blood.

_Okay, babe. I will shut up if that’s what you need._

Sana rained harsh kisses on her neck as she leaned her head to give the Japanese more access. A lone tear escaped her eye but she was quick to wipe it away before her girlfriend notices.

_You can do what you want, babe. If it’s what you need to forget how badly I fucked up. You can do what you want._

Sana bit Dahyun’s neck; the Korean lifted the Japanese up and carried her to the bedroom. It was so far from their first and those that came after, this time it was filled with violent scratches and sloppy kisses almost as if the Japanese wanted to erase every trace of Somi in her body.

Sana grounded herself on Dahyun’s body with need, all throughout, the Korean closed her eyes and let the Japanese do what she wanted. It almost made Dahyun hate herself more, if that’s even possible, when her body reacted to Sana’s touches. However, the physical pleasure wouldn’t compare to the emotional distress she’s experiencing.

Dahyun is sure her girlfriend left bruises on her skin by the harsh sucking and biting the Japanese gave on different parts of her body, claiming every inch as her own, but the Korean never once said anything, she just stayed in silence even if it hurts.

But when it came to it, her girlfriend still proved herself as the angel she knew. Sana handled her with care and gentleness, she came at her peak and broken tears spilled out, that she was quick in wiping away again.

It’s in the middle of the day when the room got filled with loud gasps and moans, both of them taking their turn again and again until the bright illumination turned dim and they were simply too spent to go for another.

Sana was tracing random shapes on Dahyun’s white skin, her head on her girlfriend’s arm, admiring the softness of the body beside her, the Korean stroking her hair gently, as both tried calming their minds together with their breathing.

The fact that they have to talk is still on the table but they silently granted themselves a few more moments of make believe that their relationship isn’t on the verge of crumbling with one wrong step.

Sana knows this, the Japanese just wanted to stay in silence if it meant saving their relationship but she knows it doesn’t work that way, Dahyun knows this as well and so the Korean gathered the courage and energy she has left to initiate the long awaited conversation. “Babe?“

“I’m sorry for hurting you.“ It was the first sentence that came out of Sana’s mouth and she genuinely sounded regretful of her actions. It once again reminded Dahyun of how selfless the Japanese is.

“It’s okay, you didn’t.“ Of course, it did hurt, but it would never compare to the pain she inflicted on her girlfriend. Dahyun expected the Japanese to discard her after what she did, the fact that Sana wanted to be with her made everything else hurt less.

Sana hummed in reply, the Japanese bringing a hand over Dahyun’s face, caressing her cheek gently. “Hmm.“

Dahyun wanted to cherish this moment, but the longer she prolong the problem, the more it will confuse the both of them. “Are you ready to hear me out?“ the Korean asked weakly, bringing her own hand to enclose Sana’s palm on her face.

“I am.“

“Can I start?“ Dahyun struggled to find Sana’s eyes, if the Japanese refused to look at her, then she wouldn’t push the conversation. She wanted her to mean it.

But her girlfriend did meet her eyes, the moment two pair of brown orbs caught each other, the Korean saw stars. Only they weren’t as bright as they used to. “Yeah.“

Ripping the band aid without further delay, the Korean started with the truth. “Somi is my first everything. First kiss. First love. First time. First heartbreak.“

“But I thought that was all there is to it,“ Insecurities are laced in Sana’s voice and Dahyun wanted nothing more but to ask her girlfriend for a little more faith in their relationship but that’s impossible. After what she did, what she wanted to happen is nothing more but wishful thinking.

“It is all there is to it. I don’t know how to apologize to you because I keep on finding myself inside another mistake, but I am. I’m so sorry for hurting you.“

“It hurts so much,“ Sana whispered, closing her eyes, her voice getting weaker. “Seeing you with her.“

“That’s why I would understand if you ever decide to break up with me.“ Dahyun felt Sana turned rigid, and in a snap, her girlfriend looked at her as if she committed another error in their relationship.

“No. Stop suggesting a break up every time, Dahyun. I don’t want that.“ Sana’s voice sounded angry and the Korean was once again reminded on the person the Japanese is becoming because she kept on messing up.

“I’m just thinking about your sake. It’s painful being with me and I’m painfully aware of that.“ Dahyun brought her own hand to trace Sana’s eyes with her thumb carefully before it trailed to her girlfriend’s forehead, hoping to soothe the Japanese with the gentle touches. “Because you wouldn’t be close to tears right now if it weren’t. You wouldn’t feel enraged by the world if it weren’t.“

If they keep this up, the Japanese is sure she would start breaking down, but now is not the time even if all she feels is merely the pain of being betrayed by the person she loves the most.

Sana then, chose to stir the topic to what they’re supposed to be talking about in the first place. “How did you two break up?“

Dahyun sighed before she started on with the story. “Months after we debuted, I felt her changing. She doesn’t text me as much as she used to, doesn’t visit me during our free time, frequently cancels dates on me, her kisses aren’t the same too. I think a part of me already knew she was cheating on me.“

“She cheated on you?“ Sana’s voice gave off disbelief; the Japanese now has another reason to be angry of Somi.

Her girlfriend kissing her is on the top of the list, but cheating on her girlfriend is simply unimaginable. It took her back to the time the Korean was so insecure with her, almost making her crack a smile by its irony and the turnabout of the situation.

“Yes. I knew but I turned a blind eye. I was hoping if we never talk about it, if I don’t bring it up, it will just go away, that she would eventually come back to me. But every day it’s getting more apparent there’s someone else.“ Dahyun stopped talking for a minute, weighing if she should say the next words or keep her mouth shut, but keeping information from her girlfriend is what brought them here, she wanted to let Sana know everything now until she still has her. “Still, I ignored it because I love her.“

“You really did, didn’t you?“ Sana asked without any trace of bitterness, and in some twisted way the Korean wishes for the Japanese to stop smiling. Dahyun doesn’t want to answer, she felt like she was being given up on. “It’s okay to tell the truth.“

“Yes, to an extent, so much.“ Dahyun smiled sadly. “She was the first person I learned how to open up to; she made a shift in my world, and it was a shift that I needed. I didn’t ever want to let go of that. Somi was everything in my life then she broke up with me.“

“That time you went missing for three days,“ Sana pointed out.

Dahyun nodded, continuing with her story. “I chased her to the airport, then. I tried to stop her and take her back but she still left. I didn’t sleep that day; I was just sitting at the airport, waiting for her. I didn’t even notice the time. I didn’t even know I was there for a day if it weren’t for Chae and Tzu coming for me.“

“The next two days?“

“Chaeyoung and Tzuyu dragged me home, you were all at rehearsals. Instead of resting and joining all of you after, I booked a flight to follow her to Canada. First thing I did was look for her.“

It is the second time today the Korean’s talking about this and for some reason, it didn’t make anything easier. More so, talking about all these with her girlfriend felt heavier than saying them in front of her ex-girlfriend.

“Somi told me there was someone else before she left, problem is, I didn’t believe her. I didn’t want to believe her. But then I saw her with her lover that day... she looked so happy. I didn’t want to take that away from her even though it hurt too much because I couldn’t let her go. I couldn’t bring myself to approach them because her smile was so big. I fell in love with that smile.“

In her own selfish way of loving Dahyun, for a moment she wanted to be Jeon Somi.

She no longer wanted to be called Minatozaki Sana, she wanted to hear her name and the word love in one statement coming from Kim Dahyun. She wanted to experience being talked about by her girlfriend with undeniable fondness in her eyes.

But she’s not Somi - Dahyun is not in love with her.

“But I still wanted to talk to her again so I waited. I sat in front of her door for another day although she never faced me. I figured I should go back to Korea when all of you kept flooding my phone with messages.“

Her girlfriend being this in love with her ex, the realization made the Japanese feel like she wouldn’t measure up. What she feels is not just heartache, not just anger, not just jealousy. Sana feels inadequate and she just wants the pain to stop. But in a cruel way that is demanded by her emotions, she needs to hear what her girlfriend has to say. Because being kept in the dark proved to kill her more than being exposed to the truth.

“That was the reason why you never smiled again after you came back, those days before we drew on Jeongyeon’s face.“

Ignorance is no longer bliss when the cosmos suddenly looks like something out of a nightmare.

“I still hoped for her even then. I went back to Canada as often as I can but when Chaeyoung literally threatened to chain me down when I started fainting in rehearsals due to exhaustion and sleep deprivation, that’s when I knew I had to stop.“ Dahyun paused for a few seconds to breathe in and out. “She left, she’s gone. I had to accept it, I know that, but it didn’t hurt any less. Questions filled every part of my brain, while my heart only felt pain and longing.”

Sometime during the story, it felt like she isn’t listening to her girlfriend anymore. It felt like the Korean belonged to someone else and the Japanese is being greedy for not wanting to return her borrowed happiness. But the Korean is never merely her happiness.

Dahyun is Sana’s everything.

“This was your first time seeing her again after that?“

Countless questions hammered the Japanese by the head, but she found herself asking the most basic and the most obvious. It is the simplest she could say, the question with an answer that would hurt less, the safest that would not break her, it’s what came out of her mouth.

Sana wants to have the courage to ask about what really matters the most, but she’s tongue tied. How can she ask the person she loves, the same person who she just saw kissing someone else, if she loves her? What would she do if her answer is no?

“It is and when I did, everything else came back. I felt really confused and I have no idea what to do. It’s like someone suddenly hit me in the face with a block. I couldn’t think properly but you were on my mind. You are always on my mind.“

The information pained her even more, upon realizing that the thought of her wasn’t enough to make her girlfriend walk away from Somi.

Dahyun’s voice is filled with regret. But no amount of remorse can ease Sana’s heart that is filled with pain as she decided to be truthful, to set her anger aside for the time being and to let her guards down. The moment she did, she instantly felt powerless, she felt stripped out of all things she prided herself of having, everything she was proud of being able to do because she is Dahyun’s girlfriend.

Because now she just feels like Minatozaki Sana, a Japanese that makes up a girl group in Korea, someone who is hopelessly drowning in her love for Kim Dahyun and she’s running out of breath.

“I felt like I lost you in a snap.“ Sana’s voice came out croaked and there is nothing more in the world the Korean feels but the weight of how badly she fucked up.

“You still have me.“ Dahyun almost begged for her the Japanese to hear her out but she didn’t, she feels ashamed of herself for asking for more chances yet wasting it all the time. “I’m really sorry.“

“All I know is that I only avoided telling you about Somi as much as I can because I already have you, babe.“ Even the endearment hurts. “I didn’t want to talk about someone else when I have you. I didn’t want to mix her up in our relationship. I didn’t want her to complicate us.“

“But you had to!“ Sana sounded tired, the shakiness in her voice apparent with every word. “Then maybe we could have prevented this.“

“You’re right. It was big a mistake and I see that now. But I really didn't want to go back there anymore.“

Sana whispered a question she doesn’t really want to hear the answer to. “Did you kiss her?“

“No, babe. I didn’t. I would never do that to you.“ But even when Dahyun had said this, the agony inside Sana’s eyes never disappeared, her statement did nothing to appease the Japanese.

“But you didn’t move away either.“ A statement without a trace of doubt because Sana knows. It sounded like she already knows but even if she didn’t, the Korean would never lie, that’s the last thing she would do.

Dahyun nuzzled her girlfriend’s cheek, she just wants to hide away, she doesn’t want to face the world. “I’m sorry. I was just confused with everything. It’s not an excuse. It’s not a reason either but it’s what I felt. I’m sorry, Sana.“ When they said the truth is painful, she didn’t know it’s supposed to mean torture.

Yes, she did experience a very terrible and traumatic heart break because of Somi, but this, this is more excruciating than that and it tormented her more upon hearing her girlfriend's next words.

“It hurts so much. I still can’t bring myself to process what I saw. Every time I try to...“ Sana stopped, not being able to continue what she’s about to say as if it pains her to go on. “Dahyun why did you do it?“

“I was about to push her away when you came in. Believe me, please.“

Believe me. Please. Those words are starting to value less and less and hurt more and more to hear.

Courage, she filled herself with a lot, she has no idea where she found the strength to but she just needs to determine what’s real.

“Do you still love her?“

“No...“ the Japanese watch her girlfriend swallow. “I don’t know.“

Sana just needs to know where to stand.

“And me? What about me?“ Her voice is silent, the room felt heavy with only her own heart beat she’s hearing, hoping that it is in sync with Dahyun’s.

“I...“ Sana held her breath. _Please tell me you love me too, babe. We’ll forget this... just love me too_. Closing her eyes, the Korean spoke in a hushed tone, stilling both of their worlds. “I think I need more time.“

Sana’s face fell together with her heart. Dahyun is disheartened by her own answer. Sana is feeling a lot more, feeling more pain than she expected to and is ready for. But the Japanese couldn’t possibly control her girlfriend.

If that’s how Dahyun feels then she has no other choice but to accept it, she couldn’t fight it and she couldn’t change it because that’s her girlfriend’s truth. Even if she can, she won’t — as much as it breaks her in countless pieces to know that the love of her life loves someone else entirely.

Sana turned away from her girlfriend, placing an arm to cover her eyes. The Japanese willed herself to stop her emotions, she suddenly just feels numb. Perhaps, it is what she wanted; to be numb. Sana needs to be numb, even for a short while, she needs to not feel.

_Don’t cry. No crying. Not now._

“I don’t know how to fix this, babe.“ Dahyun whispered when Sana rolled to her side and started to get up on bed; the Japanese collected her things and started to put her clothes on in a lifeless manner with the Korean just watching until the silence is too much to bear. “Help me fix this... please.“

It may not look like it, but this is the one thing in her life that she wants to save even when she fucks it up a lot. Dahyun wants to fix her and Sana, she doesn’t want to lose the most important person in her life. It made her deliberately hit her head with the heel of her palms because she’s in pain too — she’s hurting too because she couldn't stop causing pain to everyone.

Dahyun looked at her girlfriend again, the moment Sana put on her last piece of clothing, her girlfriend’s own truth came out. “I don’t know how to fix us too.“

Sana gave up.

—

Sana heard Dahyun calling her weakly as she made her way out of the door, the moment she felt the wind hit her skin, she was immediately enveloped by the cold but she barely minded the feeling because she feels numb all over.

Walking like a dead person back to the dorm, she wanted to kick everything she sees, she wanted to scream at everyone, she wanted to cry out loud but she didn’t do any of that. Instead, when she reached what she considers as her second home, she smiled warmly at everyone who stopped with what they were doing to watch with worry.

Momo can barely form her words as she watched her best friend from where is standing by the living room. “Satang... are you...“ No one is speaking, they are all just looking at her with different emotions in their eyes, but there's one Sana recognized; sympathy.

_My girlfriend kissed someone else._

_My girlfriend is in love with someone else._

_But at least she’s still my girlfriend._

Sana is smiling really wide; her teeth are showing, even almost laughing as she scanned the people’s faces inside the room. “I’m okay, if that’s what you’re going to ask.“ But her eyes are not recognizable, her eyes are dimmed and it doesn’t belong to her.

Momo knows this because right now, she doesn’t see the person who stuck by her side ever since they met, she doesn’t see her best friend.

Sana’s smile started to disappear slowly when the ballerina offered a hand for her to take, but she doesn’t want to accept any form of comfort. “Can you come here, Sana?“ Mina’s soft voice is stripping her out of her armor but she doesn’t want to be naked anymore.

Sana was about to shake her head and go straight to her room when the aching in her heart almost crushed her upon hearing a voice directly behind her. “Babe...“ It was meek; the Japanese released a shaky breath and ignored the Korean.

Sana smiled again with a fabricated cheerfulness in her voice when she tried to change the subject and ignore her girlfriend. “Minari, what’s for dinner?“

“Babe, let’s talk... talk to me... please look at me.“ Dahyun pleaded brokenly but she acted deaf to every word yet pool of emotions started to flow out but she held her tears.

_No. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry._

Sana chastised herself and looked straight at her best friends who she saw walking towards her. “Momoring, what’s for dinner?“ Sana laughingly asked.

“You are who matters to me.“ There is a gasp, and it belonged to the Korean because she couldn’t breathe anymore, one breath and it’s over.

Momo smiled, the kind that made her feel shielded from all things that hurt. Mina’s eyes felt like home, the kind that made her feel safe. “What’s for dinner?“ Sana asked weakly when her best friends are standing directly in front her.

Mina and Momo answering her in chorus as the first tear fell. “Tteokbokki.“ The laugh that she was supposed to let out became a sob the instant she felt the arms of her best friends around her.

Sana lost all power she tried to maintain and felt everything all at once, she sobbed and wailed on Mina’s shoulder, all the while clutching and holding onto Momo to keep herself steady. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough to keep her grounded when her knees gave up, making her sit on the floor involuntarily still wrapped up in her best friends’ soothing embrace.

“I’m sorry...“ the Korean sobbed behind her.

Dahyun was about to reach for her girlfriend when Chaeyoung held her arm, she turned around to look at her own best friends for a silent permission but the moment Tzuyu began shaking her head, she lost all strength and sat on the floor, a few feet away from the person she hurt the most, watching her girlfriend breaking down with her very own eyes.

“I’m sorry.“ Dahyun whispered as Sana’s cries filled the room. “I’m sorry.“

She watched Nayeon and Jeongyeon joining Momo and Mina in comforting Sana while Jihyo went to the kitchen to get her girlfriend a glass of water. Chaeyoung never left her side as she silently watched Tzuyu making her way inside the Japanese’s room to fix her bed.

Everything is crashing down in front of her and it didn’t take long until it became unbearable, until it became insufferable to see. Even with a clouded sight, she found herself standing up and running out of the door, she didn’t stop even when she heard voices calling back for her. She ran with tears and before she could process what was happening, she found herself back to the place where it all started.

Dahyun’s at the cliff.


	14. Chapter 14

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN – AN AFTERMATH**

Dahyun is not drunk. She is just very, very crocked that she kept on swaying as she walked in circles with the fifth bottle of Soju in her hand, all sense already impaired but she still wouldn’t stop downing her liquor. “I am... a pretty fucked... up person!“ Dahyun exclaimed in between hiccups, wobbling towards the edge of the cliff.

Dahyun shouted, letting out the void inside her heart to the dark and vast abyss. “This is all... your fucking... fault!“ the Korean looked straight up the sky with an angered visage.

“When you died... when you died... they died... with you... I... me, your stupid... fucking sister... died with you!“ Dahyun is seething, she is furious at herself. But she’s drunk and broken. Her intoxication allowed her to be selfish and direct her anger to someone else. “You are so... fucking selfish... for fucking dying!“

Dahyun took another huge gulp of the alcohol in her hand; she doesn’t care if she’s losing balance, if her whole body is numb, if she can’t think straight. She is not scared even when she’s at the edge of the cliff and one wrong step would send her toppling to the bottom; not when all she can see and hear in her hazy state is her girlfriend’s broken cries and her girlfriend’s excruciated expressions.

“You are selfish... for leaving me... selfish for... being selfless... selfish for... making everyone... love you... you are selfish... for not... taking me... with you... Jeongho...“ Dahyun’s voice weakened.

Dahyun breathed and even when everything is spinning, she can see the stars shining all over the dark sky. _It must feel nice to be one of those stars,_ the Korean thought. “I want... to be... with the... stars, they... are beautiful... unlike me... maybe I will... be beautiful... too if I... become a star... maybe I... will stop hurting... Sana... if only I... am a star...“ She laughingly said in hiccups but there is a frightening truthfulness that dripped with her broken words.

Dahyun wants to be a star, she wants to float to the sky, she doesn’t want gravity to affect her, she wants to shine. And so she took one step closer to the edge of the cliff with all those in mind. But deep down, somewhere that is pitch black and frozen, she knows she just wants to stop being the black hole in everyone’s life, to stop sucking out all the happiness and energy of the people she loves, she wants to stop feeling like this, she wants the pain to go away.

Dahyun tilted her head up to take one last look at the sky, the stars are glowing now — they are inviting her to be with them. The wind blew really hard and her body felt cool despite the heat caused by the alcohol... she felt relaxed... she felt like jumping.

She did.

She would have.

But the moment she was about to let go of her body and allow herself to fall, she heard a voice of an angel, and it made her snap back in consciousness. _Babe, please stay. You said you wouldn’t leave me, right?_ Dahyun knows it is only in her imagination but it’s too real to ignore, she heard it clearly, she’s heard Sana.

Dahyun’s eyes widened when she realized what she was doing and immediately took a step back. Her breathing is ragged and heavy, she couldn’t focus on anything and before she knew it, she found herself screaming — at no one exactly, at herself, at her brother who died — she screamed and threw the bottle of soju at no particular direction until she heard it break.

And that felt good. Hearing the glass shattering feels relieving, like she’s able to let loose of all the pent up and hidden rage inside her body. It was making her delirious, ready to cause havoc when she reached for another bottle and threw it at her car, crashing at the hood.

There’s chaos in every corner of her mind, she wants to destroy her car until it looks like the inside of her head but she’s too drunk to do anything more than throw bottles. Dahyun kept on throwing even though she couldn’t see anything anymore because tears started blurring her sight and her inebriated state isn’t helping at all.

She was about to throw another when a different voice called her attention. “Hey, you stop that! You’re ruining your car, tofu!“ It wasn’t long until she felt her ex-girlfriend taking the bottle from her hands and honestly, she’s just too tired to struggle.

“You shouldn’t trash your valued things when you’re upset only to regret it once you calm down. Haven’t I told you that?“ Dahyun felt Somi’s hands on her face, inclining it side to side. She could not properly see where her ex-girlfriend is looking but she’s somehow sure she’s looking at her. “You’re pretty hammered.“

“Why are... you here... Somi?“

“I was trying to find you.“

“Why would... you want to... find... me?“

“Because...“

Somi’s next words were unheard by the Korean as Dahyun’s lids become heavier, she’s extremely tired from everything that happened today.

“What... did you... say?“ Dahyun asked again, hiccuping and yawning.

Somi sighed. “Rest first, tofu. I’ll tell you then.“

“Okay...“ Dahyun said, her speech is more slurry than earlier, she wants to sleep.

“Where are your keys?“ Somi asked and Dahyun was about to reach for it when she felt her ex-girlfriend’s hand already feeling the inside of her jean pockets, she then felt an arm around her waist and another holding her other arm that is slinging on Somi’s shoulder to keep her steady as they walk towards her car. “Don’t worry, I got it.“

“Take me... home...“ Dahyun whispered, hearing her car alarm and the passenger door open.

Somi guided Dahyun to sit shotgun as she fixed the seatbelt of her terribly wasted ex-girlfriend. “Where to?“ She asked, she doesn’t know if dropping the Korean to her dorm in this state would be such a good idea right now.

Somi was about to call Chaeyoung or Tzuyu to let them know about Dahyun when the Korean answered her. “Wherever you... want... Somi-ya.“ Somi can’t help but smile at this because maybe this is a sign that it’s not too late for everything, that it isn’t too late to give the both of them another try, a second chance.

Dahyun then closed her eyes and rested her body inside the car completely as Somi made the decision to take care of her ex-girlfriend for the night, she assumed the Korean needs a break. After all, she’s willing to be with her until they clear out everything. Until she can have Dahyun back in her arms again.

Somi stared at the Korean’s sleeping form; she lifted a hand to tuck her ex-girlfriend’s loose strands of hair behind her ear. As soon as Dahyun’s beautiful face came into view, Somi can’t help but place a kiss on the rapper’s forehead. “I really missed you, love,“ Somi smiled bitterly and exhaled deeply when Dahyun only squirmed and murmured incoherent sounds in her spot.

Somi stole one last kiss and took one last glance before she closed Dahyun’s door and walked to the driver’s side. Dahyun is only half asleep, but she’s too drunk to be aware of anything that’s happening, the only thing she knows is that she’s telling Somi where she wants to go.

“ _Take me home..._ to Sana... _wherever..._ Sana is... _you..._ go there I... _want..._ you to take me there... _Somi-ya..._ “ Dahyun kept on mumbling before she fell asleep entirely.

—

A painful throbbing of her head and an empty beating of her heart, that’s what Dahyun felt without even opening her eyes. Squinting to adjust to the bright lights, the Korean jerked upwards when she took in the unfamiliarity of the place as her hands instantly went to her body to feel for her clothes. Realizing that she is in fact still clothed but they weren’t hers added to the pounding of her head.

Where the hell is she?

Jumping in shock when she heard another voice, the Korean whimpered as a hearty laughter filled the room. “Medicine is on the table. You’re in my condo. Figured I shouldn’t bring you to your dorm in the state you were in last night. You don’t remember?“ Her ex-girlfriend already answered for her even before she could ask.

Taking a look around, she did recognize the familiarity of the place, but the furniture, the carpet, the walls, almost everything is different. It really is a long time since she and Somi happened, but it was a thought that was cut short when remembered her current appearance. “Somi... don’t tell me you changed my clothes?“ Dahyun asked tentatively, a blush creeping on her face.

Somi smiled shyly and apologetically at the same time, laughing mildly at her horrified expression. “I did. It’s not like I haven’t seen... you.“

Dahyun groaned in embarrassment, feeling her hangover double, she had trouble constructing her sentence. “Somi... why... you shouldn’t have... you know.“

Somi had seen everything, that’s a fact. They’ve been intimate on countless occasions, another fact. But she still has a girlfriend, she and Sana may be in a bad place right now but they never broke up, that is also a fact. And it’s the fact that matters the most. Just being in a close proximity with her ex-girlfriend already feels like a mistake and knowing that she has seen her naked? It feels unforgivable.

“Somi, you shouldn’t have changed my clothes... it’s not... appropriate.“ Dahyun sighed, tightening her clutch on the pillow in her middle.

“What did you want me to do? Let you sleep on the floor?“ Somi made a face and the Korean almost smiled, her ex-girlfriend still has that sassy appearance when she says something the foreigner finds irrational. “Tofu, I couldn’t let you sleep on my bed smelling like vomit because you threw up on your clothes when we got here and I had to clean, not just the place, but also you.“

Dahyun stared at her ex-girlfriend standing and leaning on the side of the bedroom door with her arms crossed. Taking in the appearance of Somi, it reminded her of her ex-girlfriend’s similarity with Jeongyeon — they are both ready to kill anyone who would litter the house.

It was how the Korean started being more responsible with her belongings, it was how she learned the necessity of cleaning, it was all because of the fights they used to have whenever she’s being untidy which would always result to her apologizing and promising to improve herself in being more organized.

 _Some things never change,_ Dahyun realized but when Somi sighed, she felt the result of years of them being apart and noticed the new found maturity of her ex-girlfriend when she apologized. “But you’re right, I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry for that. For what it’s worth, I didn’t look.“ Somi is the same person yet different at the same time, just like herself, her ex-girlfriend also grew up.

Dahyun smiled lightly, she was glad and maybe it isn’t so bad; maybe. “Didn’t look, huh? As if that’s possible? How could you put new clothes on me if you didn’t look?“ 

“Duh? Of course I did look, but not at the parts I shouldn’t look at. That’s possible, tofu.“ Somi’s smirk made Dahyun raise her eyebrows. “You became whiter, by the way.“

“As if you’re not white yourself, _Dounik_.“ Using the name she used to tease her ex-girlfriend a lot with when they were still kids, Somi feigned offense. The nickname Dahyun made up came from Somi’s birth name Ennik and Douma.

It’s not a bad name but for some reason, Somi never found a liking when she hears it, saying it sounds weird to combine her name together, makes it seem like she’s shipping Somi to Somi.

“Go back to your tree, _leucocephalus_.“ Somi laughed when Dahyun fake gasped.

“Rude.“

“You know, tofu, no matter how talented you are as a rapper, I know you would never perfect  pronouncing the scientific name of your spirit animal in English.“

“Have a little respect for your sunbaenim, Miss Canada. Are you forgetting I was the one who taught you most of your Korean?“

“Fine, but I only give up mostly because you look really horrific right now, so go drink the medicine.“ Somi chuckled watching Dahyun take the pill, when the Korean was done, she spoke again, initiating a more serious conversation than their light banter. “Some things never change, does it?“

“Yeah.“ Dahyun answered in a light tone.

“But some things... a lot of things did.“ Somi pointed out with what looked like a tender smile apparent on her face.

The Korean nodded and when it felt like it wasn’t enough, she also used her words to confirm the new reality. “Yes they did, Somi.“

“So...“

“So...“

There was an awkward silence, Dahyun had expected it but it still felt uncomfortable when her ex-girlfriend dropped the bomb. “Sana, huh?“ Dahyun sighed and used her fingers to massage her temple, the throbbing of her head felt amplified in an instant.

“Somi, what do you want me to say? Do I have to explain myself to you?“ Dahyun frowned and Somi immediately began shaking her head.

“No, tofu, I’m not asking for an explanation. I don’t deserve one. I’m not entitled to one because you were right; I’m the one who messed up. But I... just want to fix our relationship, if that’s okay?“ Somi began walking to her until her ex-girlfriend reached the bed and sat beside her. “If it’s okay with you, I want us to be friends again. Especially right now, I mean, we’ll be working with each other soon and I’m expecting an awkward air because of... you know. I apologize for that too. I didn’t know. But still, I’m sorry for overstepping a border. I shouldn’t have.“

The sincerity in Somi’s voice is undeniable, her words are true and Dahyun is confident with it because her ex-girlfriend was looking at her eyes all throughout, she wanted to trust herself and her judgement when she saw pure honesty in Somi’s eyes. Maybe it isn’t so bad, after all. Maybe this is what she needs. Maybe this would help her be sure.

Maybe by fixing the relationship she has had in the past, maybe she would be able to mend the one in her present.

“All I’m saying is, I want my best friend back. I know there are things we couldn’t change, but tofu, can we just start again?“ Somi put a hand atop Dahyun’s that is resting on the bed. “Be my best friend again? I won’t try anything you don’t want.“

The moment Somi dropped the teasing; Dahyun started smiling genuinely and nodded her head. She saw how her ex-girlfriend’s face lit up before she got enveloped in a hug. Dahyun reciprocated the embrace, pulling away after some time.

“I still have a headache, drama queen. You’re too obvious in missing me a lot.“ Dahyun grinned, pinching Somi’s cheeks just like how she used to always do in the past. If there is one thing she’s certain didn’t change, it is the comfort that comes in being Jeon Somi’s friend. Her ex-girlfriend whined and slapped her hands away; Dahyun chuckled when she saw Somi’s red cheeks. “Anyway, where did you put my clothes?“

“I burned them,“ Somi rolled her eyes and Dahyun just pinched her cheeks again making the Canadian-Korean drop the attitude as she yelped in pain, holding the Korean’s hands on her face. “Ouch! That’s enough, that’s enough, that’s enough, they’re still wet, tofu!“

Dahyun let go of Somi with a chuckle. “How am I supposed to get out of here if I have no clothes, Miss Canada?“

“Years apart made you an airhead, tofu. I noticed that. Of course you can borrow my clothes.“ Somi stated as she rolled her eyes playfully once more before smilingly getting up from the bed. “Use anything you want, have breakfast in the kitchen and use the bathroom because you reek, then scoot away. I need to go. We still have some more meetings with JYP, just lock the door when you’re done. Don’t leave any mess in here or I will kick your ungrateful ass when I see you at work.“

Somi started to make her out of the door. “I have a nice ass, by the way.“ Dahyun called.

“I know. I’ve seen it last night!“ Somi replied laughingly as Dahyun’s eyes widened.

“You liar! You said you didn’t look!“ Dahyun screamed.

“Maybe I peeked a little! Bye, tofu! And good morning too!“ Dahyun heard the condo’s door close. She knows her ex-girlfriend or now best friend, she has to work on that, is only joking. Somi has always been playful, she’s simply glad they have cleared the air.

But that decision made her feel like she’s being unfaithful to her still girlfriend, she fears the moment Sana realizes she’s with Somi, though only as friends, the Japanese would finally leave her. Her girlfriend has every right to do so but if she’s being honest and if she would just allow herself a little selfishness to admit it, she doesn’t want Sana to.

But everything feels impossible right now and she wanted to be prepared if her girlfriend does. For now, she wants to do the right thing and that includes forgiving and letting go of her past and accepting that part as something that now belongs to her present.

With a heavy heart, she sighed and stood up when she realized she’s truly alone, all by herself to deal with the thoughts of her girlfriend that is flooding her brain. She doesn’t know what’s in store or what is left in their relationship, she has no idea anymore.

Dahyun took a look at herself on the mirror inside Somi’s room, her eyes are bloodshot and sore, she remembered all the tears she had cried the night before she got really wasted and forgot everything that happened.

Scanning Somi’s wardrobe, she pulled out a simple ripped jeans and an oversized hoodie, she also pulled out a cap. After finding a spare towel, she went to the bathroom to clean herself, to reduce her intoxication and to help her relax. After using the shower, she didn’t bother to eat because anything she takes in, she just wants to throw up. It must be because of the alcohol intake but she knows a big part of it is because of her girlfriend.

Dahyun has no idea how to fix her and Sana and the hole it created in her heart and the agony it made her feel is too much to bear. Before she can start crying herself to exhaustion, Dahyun went out of Somi’s place. Not knowing how the hell she would face the Japanese for the day.

—

Turns out being with the person you hurt is so much easier when her best friends does everything in their power to capture her attention or guide her anywhere that is away from you.

So much easier but relatively even harder.

Momo and Mina made sure Sana is busy with whatever they come up with. Dahyun can only stare from afar as her own two best friends try to make it distracting for her too. As a result, there became an invisible barrier between the Japan Line and the School Meal Club while 3MIX can only watch their friends form a kind of alliance. They won’t be the ones to pick sides because the moment they do, they know everything will only get messier.

It’s not like Momo, Mina, Chaeyoung and Tzuyu carries a bad air for each other, the four does not even have anything against Sana or Dahyun, but they feel like the couple needs them now more than ever hence the constant avoidance from one another. The night before had proven the complexities of having a couple within the group.

Apparently, this has also been the subject of Jihyo, Nayeon and Jeongyeon’s thoughts, and unlike the others, they actually talk about this with each other. The timing is also impeccable, they were all huddled up at the kitchen when Dahyun went there to get herself a bottle of water but stopped in her tracks upon hearing three voices engaged in a quiet conversation.

Dahyun would have walked away, but then she heard her name and being rather isolated lately, her curiosity won.

“This is why SaiDa dating concerned me.“ It was Nayeon.

“What the? That’s evil, grandma.“ Jeongyeon sounded surprised before Dahyun heard a yelp. “What is the smack for?“

“Being stupid.“ Dahyun can almost see Nayeon rolling her eyes. “I support them and I love them just as much as the both of you do. But ever since, I was afraid of the conflicts their relationship would bring to the group.“

“Doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be happy, though. They should not compromise their happiness for the sake of the group, they are allowed to be selfish and think of themselves.“ Jeongyeon sounded serious and sympathetic as if she can relate.

“You’re right, Jeong. But Nayeon has a point. We all love Sana and Dahyun but it’s really scary what their relationship could do. It terrified me even more when I saw how broken Sana was that night, for God’s sakes, she broke down in front of all of us and Dahyun ran away.“ Jihyo is the one speaking now.

“As the leader, I’m used to fixing our group conflicts but for the first time that night, I felt like I couldn’t do anything to make it better.“ There was a pause as Dahyun’s heart started pounding heavily. “I don’t have their heart and I can only respect their decisions and that’s what scares me the most. It scares me because we are their family here and we would always be. We are the ones who have to lean on each other during tough times. But what happens if we need to be with them separately?“

“Look at them, they’re already in threes. Now take a look at us looking so clueless and having no idea which of who we would comfort first. I guess what I’m saying is that we’re all unconsciously creating a rift. Not that we can blame the penguin and the peach just like we can’t blame the tiger and the yoda.“ It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary when their leader leaves them speechless, but this time it struck and it will definitely leave a gigantic mark, one that would never be forgotten. “We all love them both so much and we all love them both the same way, it’s impossible choose sides but we can’t just pull them back together either.“

Silence was all Dahyun could hear, she too is taking in Jihyo’s words, until Jeongyeon spoke in a hushed tone. “What happens if they don’t fix this?“

“We simply support them.“ Jihyo answered with what Dahyun heard was a sigh.

It was Nayeon’s turn to question their leader meekly. “How would we do that?“

“By giving them whatever they would need.“ Everyone kept quiet after Jihyo’s answer; it was like they were all letting their current situation sink in.

Dahyun loves her three unnies immensely and they’re right, she and Sana had been affecting the group even though they don’t mean to. Quietly backing out of the kitchen, the Korean went back to her room.

Dahyun is done seeing the distance among her friends. She couldn’t look when Mina and Chaeyoung stares at each other from different corners, engaged in a silent conversation. She doesn’t like seeing Tzuyu getting embarrassed around Momo when she wanted help with their steps. Most of all, she hates it when she hears or sees her girlfriend cry, it chokes her up and holds her by the neck making her unable to breathe.

Dahyun has no idea what’s more painful; not being able to alleviate Sana’s distress or being the reason why her girlfriend is in such anguish. These and the fact that she couldn’t talk to the Japanese. Communication might solve a lot of problems but right now, they need space more than ever and the Korean knows that.

One afternoon when everyone else was out and only her and Jihyo is left at the house, she couldn’t help but surprise their leader with a warm embrace. “Jihyo unnie!“ Dahyun called.

Jihyo chuckled after calming down from her initial shock. “Dubu, what is it?“

“Thank you for being the best leader.“ Dahyun confessed sweetly but Jihyo knows there’s something more as she raised her brows.

“Okay, what do you want?“

Dahyun let go of their leader so Jihyo can take a proper look at her. “I’m sorry for hurting all of you when I hurt Sana.“

Jihyo frowned. “Dahyun, you don’t need to apologize for that to us.“

“I feel like I do, though.“ Dahyun smiled apologetically, voicing out the premise of her guilt. “I know things aren’t as comfortable as they used to be with everyone because of me.“

“We can manage, we can adjust, don’t think about it, we understand.“

“That’s the thing, you don’t have to.“ Dahyun let out a deep sigh. “It’s my problem and I don’t mean to drag everyone else.“

“What are you saying?“

“I’m saying I need your help.“

“In what?“

“Keeping me updated.“ Dahyun chuckled lightly while her heart felt heavy with her decision. “Message me every day about the group schedule and mine. I promise I’ll be there.”

“What?“ Jihyo sounded really worried and it almost made Dahyun laugh, she’s not really leaving them, she will just distance herself for a while. ”Where are you going?“

“Not far from here. Thinking about everything that happened, we’re kind of been placed in a mess and what we need right now is space. I need room for myself for now, and more than that, I need to let Sana breathe. It hurts seeing her hurt.“ Dahyun’s confession broke Jihyo’s heart. “Can you support me with that, unnie?“

If this is what their rapper thinks is for the best, then Jihyo wouldn’t be the one to get in the way of it. “Only if you promise me you’ll be okay.“

But she will not be.

Dahyun is not about to lie to herself. She will never be okay, not when her girlfriend is hurting. Her pain would only stop and lessen when Sana is happy again.

Dahyun sighed and looked intently at their leader before smiling weakly. “Only if you promise me you’ll try your best to cheer my girlfriend up too.“ Jihyo saw it in her eyes; all the things the rapper doesn’t speak of, they are all conveyed by her eyes.

If Park Jihyo is sure of one thing, it is this: Kim Dahyun loves Minatozaki Sana. But the question is why she hasn’t heard the Korean say the three words to the Japanese when everyone knows their feelings are there. It’s strong and it’s about to hit them both in the face because of how oblivious they are with each another.

But they need to be the ones to figure it out on their own for themselves. Jihyo hates how messy relationships could be and she just found herself nodding her head gently while smiling at Dahyun. “Of course.“

“Thank you, unnie.“

Dahyun immediately packed her things and left. Once inside her house, she can’t help but feel more alone. Her property feels the emptiest and the darkest without her sun shining light at every corner and room.

Walls she stares at are the same ones that heard Sana’s infectious laughter. Floor she walks on is the same one the Japanese had ran over countless of times whenever she surprises her with a warm embrace. Bed she sleeps on is the same one she shared with her girlfriend who made everything else feel like home.

Anger is the only thing Dahyun can feel, when she looked at herself in the mirror, all she can see is a monster. Her image is too much to bear, she couldn’t stomach to see herself anymore. Dahyun brought her fist up and was about to strike the object, she was about to strike her reflection with all the strength she has when she heard her girlfriend’s voice again.

_No more punching, Dahyunie. You promised me. Put your hand away now, please? Babe, we talked about this._

Dahyun stopped and sighed as she tried her best to calm herself down. For once, she doesn’t want to disappoint Sana. Just this time, she doesn’t want to hurt Sana. Even when the person she’s pertaining to is only in her illusions because she already harmed the real one, she will try to prove herself again even in little ways, she doesn’t want to break her promises anymore.

Yet it’s still there — the anger.

That’s the problem because she needs to let it out in some way or else it will start consuming her. Dahyun started pacing around her room, looking for ways to take her mind off of her emotions, trying to think of a distraction when she opened her cabinets to find for something... anything to busy herself with before she starts losing control and like an answered prayer, she saw her old journal, one of the many she owns, lying beneath all her sweaters and hoodies.

Dahyun took the notebook and admired its tattered covering. It has been a while since she used her journal. Writing had always been one of her few healthy coping mechanisms and she figured she needs it back more importantly right now, she looked for a pen and after finding everything she needs, the Korean immediately sat down and began to write, not minding if what she’s saying doesn’t make sense.

She just needs to let it out and to later on, hopefully, sort them out.

—

If there is one thing that could describe Minatozaki Sana that can encompass how heartbroken she is, it’s to call her lifeless. Sana knows she needs some time away, she needs time alone, but even with herself, she couldn’t function well.

It has been a few days since her girlfriend moved out of the dorm and for some reason, this made her more enraged. How can Dahyun make those decisions as easy as she does? She never broke up with her, damn it. She didn’t because she doesn’t want to lose her, she needs space but she still needs Dahyun with her.

Knowing how easy it is for Dahyun to stay away from her made the sadness she’s feeling quadruple. She’s very exhausted from all her emotions, they don’t seem to have an end. But with Dahyun she can never be tired or turn away from the Korean. It’s unfair. But loving Dahyun comes with a price, she’s beginning to prove this more and more with every day that passes by.

Sana can only cry as if it will make everything better, as if it would bring the Korean back to her, as if her girlfriend would finally take pity and finally love her.

Would she really want that? For Dahyun to love her because she’s being pathetic? She doesn’t but she needs to feel something - anything to prove that Dahyun is not incapable of loving her. Here she is, continuously holding on to someone who seemed to have let go completely.

Because there was a knock.

Sana is positioned adjacent to the front door by the living room. She’s always here when they’re at the dorm so when Dahyun decides to come back home, she would be the first one to see her if she just crane her neck. This and the fact that the sofa is right in front of the television, she has been burying herself up with a pile of unwatched dramas like a broken teenager lately.

Chaeyoung passed by her to open the door, she deliberately decreased the volume to listen if it is indeed Dahyun. But then her heart sank and her temper rose exponentially when the voice belonged to someone who caused her and her girlfriend’s temporary separation.

Sana doesn’t want to blame Somi and during the few days she took to calm herself down, she even wanted to apologize for how she acted. It isn’t her fault if Dahyun still loves her. But every time she tries to let go of her anger, she would always catch herself thinking of the way Somi’s lips moved against Dahyun’s. Her emotions are the ones to speak for her reasons and so she can’t help but think about the foreigner’s role in their drift.

“Somi-ya, what are you doing here?“ Chaeyoung’s voice got more quiet and Sana can’t help but think the main rapper’s trying to hide Somi’s presence that is asking for Dahyun from her.

“Is tofu here, Chaeyoung-ah?“ Sana smiled sarcastically at the nickname but continued to listen.

“Uh, no.“

“Anyway, I just came here to return these, she forgot them at my condo.“

Sana is slowly getting eaten up by the green eyed monster but she kept on listening nonetheless.

“Your condo?“ Chaeyoung voiced out Sana’s question for her.

“Yeah, she spent the night.“

“Oh?“ Chaeyoung sounded surprised while Sana feels more than that, the Japanese wanted to storm to the door and yell at Somi to get out before she does more than hold her by the collar but the Japanese is glued to her spot.

“She didn’t have time to pick it up, I guess. I know how much she loves it.“

“Yeah, it’s her favorite. You remember?“

“How could I forget? This was our gift to her.“

“Yeah, we bought it at a thrift shop because we all don’t have money back then.“ Chaeyoung’s gentle chuckle sounded euphoric by the memory and Sana wanted to hate it, but she can’t, she just can’t because no matter how painful it is, loathing something is against her nature.

“I have to go, Chaeng.“

“Oh, okay.“

“Can you maybe, uh, tell tofu to return my call?“

“Somi-ya...“ Chaeyoung sighed and Sana hopes she says no. “I’ll see. We’re actually in a... situation... right now.“

Chaeyoung’s vague answers seemed to have given Somi a clue. “Alright, thank you, Chaeng. Let’s see other sometime.“ Sana heard the main rapper say her good bye before she heard the door close.

Sana remained unmoving at her spot, eyes trained to the drama she doesn’t even understand now when Chaeyoung passed by her again, a little faster than she should have. “What are those?“ the Japanese can’t help herself but let her consciousness of what occurred by that door be known.

Chaeyoung stopped by her tracks and turned around slowly to face her unnie. “Dahyun’s... things.“ Sana didn’t say anything and Chaeyoung knew it was a bad sign.

The Silent Sana they all knew before is reappearing and Chaeyoung is stuck, she doesn’t want to lie but she also doesn’t want to put gasoline on the fire. But in the end, the main rapper decided she has had enough with the informations being withheld. “It’s her clothes, unnie.“

If her best friend is being a complete idiot about their situation then she wouldn’t be that friend who would cover it up, she doesn’t want to see unspoken confessions pile up over her best friend and her unnie — the couple deserves some truth in their relationship.

“Could you put it in my room instead, baby cub?“ Chaeyoung could only nod her head even though she doesn’t understand Sana’s request before she proceeded with her walking, leaving the Japanese alone with her thoughts.

If the Korean doesn’t love her then so be it.

_My condo._

Dahyun didn’t confirm her feelings for Somi neither.

_She spent the night._

That means there’s still time for her and the rapper.

_Tell tofu to return my call._

She’s not giving up now.

_It’s her clothes._

She will not just hand _her girlfriend_ to Jeon Somi.

That realization is what led Sana inside Dahyun’s house, the Japanese didn’t bother to knock, she has a key and she can let herself in anyway. It’s her house too, Dahyun said so and she prides herself in having something Somi doesn’t.

No one knew where Dahyun is, no one knows the Korean owns a house but the Japanese. Sana immediately knew where the rapper would be staying and so she didn’t bother the Korean because she knew her girlfriend would be safe and she knew where she would find her when her absence gets too much.

But what she didn’t know is the fact that Dahyun spent a night in Somi’s apartment and that is the game changer.

Sana made her way upstairs, her girlfriend is nowhere to be seen but she’s heard the shower running. Sana made her way to the Korean’s room first to drop the bag she was carrying before she silently went to Dahyun’s bathroom all the while taking her clothes off one by one, stripping herself naked.

Sana opened bathroom door and there she was greeted by Dahyun’s bare body turned away from her. She had always admired the Korean’s flawless body, it isn’t too toned — just the right amount of cute and sexy, add that to the fact that her milk white skin turned into such a turn on for the Japanese.

Before, she doesn’t think of Dahyun the way that she does now, but after all things that transpired between them, she couldn’t bring herself to bring back the innocence of their relationship. Not when they had spent countless times being intimate, the thought of Dahyun being with Somi in the same way ignited Sana’s envious and possessive side.

Sana opened the glass door that encloses Dahyun’s shower soundlessly, the moment she did, she immediately wrapped an arm around the Korean’s torso and another around her middle. “Dahyunie,“ the Japanese husked.

Dahyun relaxed instantly upon recognizing her girlfriend’s voice but she couldn’t stop the continuous loud beating of her heart for another reason than mere surprise. “S-sana?“ the Korean stuttered, she couldn’t believe her angel is here.

Dahyun was about to turn around but the Japanese wouldn’t let her move, she then let out a gasp when she felt her girlfriend palming her breast gently while her other hand started caressing her sides and her abdomen. Sana’s body is heated and the water isn’t cold anymore.

“I missed you,“ the Japanese whispered against the shell of her ear.

Sana’s warm breath added to the immediate pooling in between her legs. _Damn it; resist your urge for your girlfriend sometimes, you shit!_ Dahyun internally berated herself.

“I-I missed... you too,” the Korean almost didn’t get to say this when the Japanese started playing with her nipples, rolling the hardened nub between the gaps of her fingers.

Dahyun then felt her girlfriend sweeping her hair over one side to reveal her nape before she felt teeth softly grazing her shoulder along with a warm mouth giving wet kisses.

“Why did you leave?“ Sana asked and Dahyun’s about to tell her she didn’t and that she’s simply allowing her some time to think when the Japanese took the Korean’s hand to position it against wall, propping her girlfriend before bending her over.

It was so sudden, the next she knew is she’s screaming Sana’s name inside the shower room but it didn’t end there when her girlfriend pulled her out and brought her to bed as she experienced multiple mind blowing orgasms.

In between the loud moans and body jerking, Dahyun found herself under Sana, her girlfriend’s thigh against her center driving her into another set of convulsion but then the Japanese stopped with her movements while the Korean bucked her hips to reach her climax.

Sana wasn’t having any of it though when she lifted herself from the rapper. “Babe...“ Dahyun moaned in need unaware of her girlfriend’s empty stare.

“Is she better than me?“ Sana asked, lowering herself again, rolling her hips slowly, torturing her girlfriend.

“What?“ Dahyun is breathless, she couldn’t think straight not when her body is on fire. “Baby, please go faster...“

“Do you want to come?“ Sana added more pressure but slowed down her movements more, she isn’t the type to dirty talk and she usually cringe at the idea but she’s in a different mood at the moment and she finds pleasure in the way Dahyun throws her head back in ecstasy. “Answer me first.“

“Yes... baby, please. I need you.“ _I need you_ , it’s music to Sana’s ears but she’s not done yet.

“Then answer me first,“ Sana fastened her movements and Dahyun felt herself building up her release. “Is she better than me?“

“Baby, don’t stop, don’t stop... I’m close.“ But Sana slowed down again as Dahyun felt all air leaving her body, her frustration is through the roof now.

“Not yet.“ Sana took Dahyun’s wrists and pinned them on the bed. “You’re not coming until I say so. Understand?“

“Y-yes... baby, please, please.“ Dahyun’s answer seemed to satisfy Sana when the Japanese slowly rolled herself again on top of the Korean.

“Is she better than me?“ Sana increased her speed.

“Who?“ Dahyun half moaned, half answered her.

“Jeon Somi.“ As soon as the name left Sana’s lips, she bucked her hips faster against Dahyun’s. Feeling her girlfriend nearing her edge, she slowed her movements down. “You’re not allowed to get off unless you answer me. Is Jeon Somi better than me?“

Sana lowered herself and placed wet kisses along Dahyun’s neck, trailing down to her chest, until her tongue started sucking and licking her breasts alternately all the while rolling her hips, not taking mercy on her girlfriend who seemed to be losing her mind. “Is she better than me in bed?“

“No,“ Dahyun’s voice came in squeaky while her head is thrown back, but even so, it’s the truth. Somi may be her first, but Sana is the only first that matters now and in the middle of this desire-fueled confrontation, her heart beats achingly inside her chest by the questions.

“Does she make you come harder than I do?“ Sana increased her speed again and Dahyun badly wanted to reach her high as she kept on answering her girlfriend’s questions.

“No, no, babe...“

“Do you scream her name louder than how you scream mine?“

“No! Babe!“ Dahyun screamed when Sana went faster and harder. “Sana!“

“Were you with her the other night?“

“Yes!“

“Did you spend the night in her apartment?“

“I’m close!“

“Answer me.“

“I did!“

Sana’s speed is so much faster now that she can feel Dahyun’s bed moving along with every thrust of her hips, she doesn’t know if she’s doing this because she wants to pleasure her girlfriend or because she’s trying to prove a point, but nevertheless she knows that the Korean is almost there and so she decided to take pity and make her reach her climax but not before asking one last question.

If this happened before, she wouldn’t have the courage to ask Dahyun about it, but now she seems to have taken exhaustion from all the unfaithfulness. It might not hurt as much as it used to, but it does not mean it kills her any less.

“Did you sleep with her?“

“Baby, no!“ Dahyun moaned.

Sana smirked to herself as she watched her girlfriend’s eyes roll to the back of her head while calling her name when she allowed her to reach another extreme orgasm.

“Good to know,“ the Japanese whispered, getting herself off of the Korean.

Dahyun closed her eyes as she tried to catch her breath and calm herself down, when she opened them again; she was greeted by her girlfriend already fully clothed.

“Where are you going?“ the Korean frowned yet her voice remained gentle and soothing despite her body’s exhaustion, she hopes the Japanese would stay a little longer even if it’s against the reason why she chooses to move out for a while but she misses her Sana so much she’s going to drive herself insane. “Won’t you stay for a while?“

Sana looked straight at her eyes, and that’s when she noticed her girlfriend holding a bundle of clothing in her hands. “Dorm; I only came here to give you these, they’re fresh from your ex-girlfriend’s condo,“ Sana casted her clothes on the foot of the bed but it feels like it was her heart that had been thrown away.

Dahyun can only breathe deeply, she hasn’t got any energy left in her body to explain herself even though she wanted to but more than that, she wanted her girlfriend to stay but it was too late because Sana already has her back on her and left the room.


End file.
